TEN THOOOSAND TO ONE!

Posted '4:00pm bells' Thorsday 27th December 2018

One of wor number, who shall remain nameless, caalled 'Marzzy' had a bet that NUFC would beat The Liverbirds 3-0 yesterday, with Lascelles scorin' wor forst goal!
The odds he got were 10,000 to 1 for hiz £2 wager and he would have won £20,000 if it had happened!

Mental Health England have been informed of hiz whereaboots!😨

THE LIVERBIRDS 4 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '11:11am bells' Thorsday 27th December 2018

THE TOON ATTACK THE ANFIELD ROAD END (1st half)

"X' CERTIFICATE @ XMAS!"

WE travelled doon to Morseyside in trepidation of might wot happen---and of course it DID!

Joselu, who woz preferred to Rondon up front, had an easy chance to put us in the lead in front of wor own fans in the 8th minute---BUT! (az yi'd expect!) he heeded into the groond from a Matt Ritchie cross, when it woz easier to score and wor chance to get anything woz gone!
The Liverbirds were attackin' The Kop End and they made the breakthrough just 2 minutes after Joselu's miss when a wayward heeder from Lascelles foond Lovren and he said "thank you very much" az he rifled a shot into the top corner of the net, givin' Dubravka in the Toon goal 'ne chance'!

Matt Richie then went close in the 24th minute, but hiz effort whistled ower the crossbar and that woz the anly othaa chance we had in the forst period!
Despite bombardin' wor goal the home side were unable to increase their lead az we held on til half time!

ACTION AT A 'FOGGY' KOP END (2nd half)

The 2nd half didn't start off well and within 2 minutes The Liverbirds had a penalty when Salah went doon 'like a pack of cards' in the box when Dummett put hiz hand on hiz shoulder and the ref pointed straight to the spot to give a very dubious penalty indeed!
Salah himself took it and hit the baall into the goal with Dubravka unable to get hiz hands to it!

It woz 'game over' at this point az The Liverbirds went for 'the jugular'---2 more goals were forthcomin' from Shaqiri in the 79th minute with a 'tap in' and Fabhino completed wor misery with a heeded goal from a corner 5 mins from the death! 

A very predictable result in the end, with NUFC fightin' not to concede more goals to forthaa dent wor goal difference!
A 4-0 beatin' meant that we actually stayed in 15th place in the table, but with more tough games comin' up, it doesn't look very good from wor perspective! 

More worryingly, Rafa said after the match that there were "NO" new players in the pipeline in the transfor window---and asked if he woz worried, he replied "YES"!

A very hard winter lies aheed!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Fernandez, Lascelles, Dummett, Ritchie (Murphy 81), Diame, Hayden, Kenedy (Langstaff 73), Muto, Joselu

Attendance: 53, 318 (3,000 Toon fans)

*PS: In the 69th minute The Liverbirds brought on their 44 million poond substitute, Fabinho, who cost them twice az much az we have paid for the entire Toon team and subs!

*Footnote: In the 10th minute there woz a rendition of: "Halleluah John Tudor!" from the Toon faithful for wor former number 10 who haz alzihmers disease.
Unfortunately Liverpool scored in the 10th minute which didn't help!
It woz recontinued a few mins later!

The usual (and predictable!) "Feed the Scousers, let them know its Christmas!" song woz sung, alang with the ancient "You nicked my stereo!" jibe----Give it a rest lads and lasses!---'stereos' went oot 40 years ago in the 1970's and that 'Band Aid' Xmas song iz from the 1980's! 

Pub watch!

THE ELM TREE IZ AN EVERTIN BAR!

  

THE LIVERBIRDS v THE TOON *** BOXIN' DAY

🎄Posted '7:17pm bells' Xmas Day 2018🎄

WE heed for Anfeeeld tomorrow afternoon and 'yours truely' haz got the 'short straw'---az its my torn to drive, az there are ne trains runnin'!

A tougher game in the entire futbaall leegue would be hard to find, against a rampant Liverbirds team who are undefeated in the Premyaa Leegue so far this season and who sit 4 points clear at the top!
In complete contrast we are on 'a downer' followin' wor bore draw v bottom side Fulim at the weekend, where neethaa side had ONE shot on target durin' the whole game!
The bookies have us at 22/1 to win and 2/13 to lose!

WE sit 5 points clear of the drop zone in 15th place, but with tough games at Wotfaad and Chelski away to follow-and a home game v a resurgent Moan U in between, it iz highly likely that we will be much nearer the relegation places by the time we face Cardiff in mid January!

NUFC haven't won at Anfeeeld this century and are very unlikely to do so tomorrow, az Rafa will no doubt try and 'park the team bus' in front of wor goal! (if anly he could!)
This---I'm afraid iz the situation we have been in for quite some time against the top sides---and it wont change until wor scrooge like 'absent owner' eventually sells the club!

The Geordie Times will of course have a full match report and pix from the game which will be published on Thorsday---sometime!

Hope yoo have had a very merry Xmas and lets hope (and pray!) that we have a happier new year az well!

THE TOON 0 THE COTTAGE PIE GUYS OF FULIM 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '11:05am bells' Sunday 23rd December 2018

"THE WORLD IZ WATCHIN'!"  (AND BEYOND!)

"IZ THAT THE PLANET SATURN ABOVE THE EAST STAND?"

Anothaa 'must win game' that we didn't, in what woz an aaful performance against the Premyaa Leegue's bottom club, who hadn't won away aall season and who hadn't kept one clean sheet!

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

The forst half woz terrible with misplaced passes and hardly any action in front of goal to keep the 51,000 plus crowd awake, the day after 'Black Eye Friday' when many were feelin' the effects of the demon drink from the night before! "ZZZZzzzz!!!!" (MOTD showed TWO minutes of the 1st half 'action'!)

The 2nd half wasn't much better az we huffed and puffed az the crowd got restless!
Grandson Jamie woz so bored I lent him mee mobile to take some great pix! (below!)

"WHO SAYS THE PITCH HAZ A SLIGHT SLOPE?"

The 'highlight' of the game woz from a distant planet in the sky above The East Stand, which looked remarkably like Saturn with a ring around the middle (see top pic)---so we DO have fans from outer space!

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!--WHEY AYE MAAN!"

"I USED MY SATURN NAV TO GET HERE!"

A penalty claim, when sub Kenedy woz pulled back in the box woz'nt given and then 'The Cottage Pie Guys' (They play at Craven COTTAGE!) had 3 great chances to win it, but former Toon player 'Mitro' woz denied on 2 occasions, the last when Lascelles made a great tackle on him to deny wor former man!

2nd HALF ACTION AT THE GALLOWGATE END

The game woz last on MOTD ----not suprizingleee!
Aalso, the fact that we have won just 2, drawn 1 and lost 7 of wor forst 10 home games, iz the WORST in wor entire leegue history, stretchin back to the 19th century!😦

Toon team: Dubravka, Manquillo (Yedlin 81), Schar, Lascelles, Dummett, Ritchie, Atsu (Kenedy 72), Ki, Diame, Perez, Rondon

Attendance: 51,237 (1,000 Cottage Pie Guys') (Plus some aliens from Saturn!)


*WOT THE LOCAL PAPERS SAY!

AND MORE WORRYINGLY

FROM SKY SPORTS NEWS!😨

THE TOON v THE COTTAGE PIES OF FULIM *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '9:08pm bells' *'Black Eye Friday' 21st December 2018

ST. JAMES' PARK FROM THE TOP OF THE HAYMARKET CAR PARK

(Pic by The Silver Fox---see hiz page)

"CAPITAL GAINS?"

Tomorrow we face yet anothaa London club at St. James' Park and after 4 defeats to Sporz, The Arse, Chelski and West Ham it iz time to end the 'hoodoo' and get wor forst home victory ower a 'capital city side' this season.

Reeely there shud be 'ne problem' az Fulim are rock bottom of the table havin' anly taken ONE solitary point on their travels this season!
BUT Mitro will be playin' and we aall naa wot he can de----lets hope he cannit de it tomorrow afternooon!

Yedlin iz available for us after suspension and Fernandez iz fit again to play---however Shelvey, Clark and sub goalie Darlow are aall still carryin injuries and are ruled oot

With just 2 home wins oot of 9 and 7 defeats, it iz vital to get the 3 points which would take us 10 points clear of *'The Cottage Pies', especially az we face 'The Liverbirds' at Anfield on Boxin' Day and then Wotfaad away 3 days later!
*The Cottage Pies--an explanation: Fulim play at Craven COTTAGE---get it?

Az per usual a full and compreeehensive match report will appear in The Geordie Times sometime on Sunday!

*We say 'Black Eye Friday' az this iz the day that The Toon gets swamped with Xmas 'do's on the last Friday before Xmas and invariably drunken fights break oot in the packed bars and clubs!--with 'black eyes' the predictable outcome! 


SMB SELLOOT!

In othaa news, aall 2,800 away tickets have been sold for wor RESORVES/U21s Checkatrade Trophy game v sund'lind's forst team at 'The SOS' (Stadium Of "Sshhh!-yee naa wot!") on Tuesday January 8th, despite the mackems tryin to put us off gannin by chargin a ridiculous £15 for tickets (5 times az much az the charged in the last roond!)
This woz NEVAA gannin to put us off and predicably aall available tickets have been snapped up, just days after gannin on sale----to see wor RESORVES divvint forget!!!

Under competition rules NUFC are entitled to 10% of the 48,000 capacity, which iz "er!"---4,800 seats---so we have requested 2,000 more tickets!---It aall depends on wot numbers that The Northumbria Dibble force can cope with!

"IT WOZ 50 YEARS AGO TODAY! (Part 4)

Posted '1:17pm bells' 'Black Eye' Friday 21st December 2018

50 years ago today aa paid mee 2nd ever visit to 'the smoke' (London) to watch The Toon, when we played QPR at Loftus Road--- or Rangers Stadium az it iz officially known!
This woz mee 4th and last new groond of 1968, havin' visited Anfield, Highbury and Molinuex in the previous 3 months.
Joker Park in 1967 and of course St. James' Park before that in 1964 made it 6 groonds in total watchin' NUFC

The 1968-1969 season woz the forst season aa travelled away on a more regular basis, and bein' a fresh faced schoolboy at the time, every trip woz an adventure! (It's more like a 'chore' sometimes now!) 

An archive match report on that game at QPR iz printed below!
(Groond number 006)

SMB BUSES

Posted '1:37pm bells' Thorsday 20th December 2018

The last time we went there on the bus---300 yards from the SOS

"Are those peoples hooses!"

NUFC are puttin' buses on for wor resorve/U21s game at 'The SOS' against the mackems forst team on Tuesday January 8th, in The Checkatrade Trophy

The cost iz £7 (to match ticket holders only) and they depart from Barrack Road @ '5:30 bells' for the '7:45 bells' kick off!

NUFC have been allocated 2,800 tickets and 40 loyalty points are now needed to get your hands on 1 (ie: that's 40 away games attended)

SPORZ NEW STADIUM UPDATE!

Posted '4:20pm bells' Wedinzday 19th December 2018

                        'GEORDIE TIMES NEWSFLASH!'

"MORE MUNDAY MISERY!"

Posted '1:33pm bells' Tuesday 18th December 2018

                         THE AWAY STORY SO FAR!

THE SKY'S THE LIMIT!---"THE INJUSTICE OF IT AALL!"

(AND THERE'S ANOTHAA ONE TO ADD TO THAT!)

The telly fixtures for February are belatedly oot!

And yet again 2 of wor away games have been changed to daft day and kick off times, while wor 2 home games remain the same!

Sporz away at eethaa Wembley or their new stadium haz been changed to a '12:30 bells' kick off for 'SKY' telly on Saturday 2nd Feb, (meeenin aa must take the Friday nightshift off work and must catch a train @ '5 am bells'!) while we must travel to Wolves for yet anothaa 'SKY' Munday neet away game on 11th Feb @ '8:00 bells'!---The most by far of any Premyaa Leegue club! (See chart)

To date we have played just ONE home game on a Munday neet, while the Wolves game will be wor THORTEENTH (13th) AWAY!

Of course this meenz that we will have yet anothaa blank weekend and will have to take the Munday off work for the 13th time!

Wor 2 home games v 'uddersfeeeld on Sat 23rd Feb ('3:00bells') and Bornley on Wed 27th Feb (7:45 bells') will remain the same with ne live telly!

SMB TICKETS NOW ON SALE!

Posted '1:43pm bells' Munday 17th December 2018

The Geordie Times can tell yoo!---wor loyal reeeders!---that tickets for wor resorve U21s away game at the SOS v sund'lind's forst team in The Checkatrade Trophy are on sale NOW!

50 loyalty points are required and they went on sale at '1:00pm bells' today
NUFC were allocated 2,800 tickets @ £15/£5 (sprogs) and the game will take place @ '7:45 bells' Tuesday 8th  January!

The SMBs excuse for puttin' their 'Checkatrade' prices up from £3 to £15 iz because of policin' costs of a reputed £500,000! (wot!--HALF A MILLION for an NUFC RESORVE game!) ie: WE are payin' for 'The Northumbria Dibble Force' to police the match! 

REMEMBER!--yoo read this news forst in The Geordie Times!---and ne where else!