Friday, 31 August 2018

THE BLUE MOONIES v THE TOON *** TOMORROW EVENIN'!

Posted '12:40pm bells' Friday 31st August 2018

We gan into the month of September withoot a win in August and face current champs Man City for wor 5th live telly game in a row so far this season!
'The Blue Moonies' are unbeaten of course and wor tactics will be to park an artic across the penalty box with Rondon a lone striker up front!

Not many people give us any hope of even scorin' a goal, but dafter things have happened!

The plan tomorrow iz to get a train to Durham,  cadge a lift off 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' (who lives near there), find a few bars and get completely comotosed before the game, in trepidation of what's aboot to happen at '5:30pm bells in east Manchester!

More to follow later, plus match report and pix to follow on Sunday!
(Dependin' on the result!)

Thursday, 30 August 2018

THE FRIAR TUCK MOB 3 THE TOON 1 *** LEEGUE CUP 2nd ROOND 2018-2019

Posted '1:50pm bells' Thorsday 30th August 2018

"LEEGUE CUP DISASTER DAYS!---CONTINUED!--- UNABAITED!"

The competition we just 'love to hate' proved once again that we are nee match for lower leegue opposition!

Havin lost to Forest last season az well at the same roond we will have at least 4 blank midweeks to twiddle wor thumbs until Xmas!

My 'hate affair' in this competition gans back ower 43 years when we were knocked oot by Chester in 1975 at their old Sealand Road groond--- and ever since it haz been disaster after disaster in this competition! (We DID get to the final next season--but lost of course!---since 1976 we havvent got past Xmas in the competition!)

Wor day started off at '2 pm bells' when 'Big Al' (not the sheet metal workers son!) picked me up in hiz jam jar, alang with 'International Russcue' and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' and off we set to Nottingham!

'Big Al' had a brainwave and said it would be easier to gan to a park and ride just of the M1 and get a tram into the city centre az Nottingham iz notorious for traffic jams!

So we heeded for a place called Pheonix Park and caught the tram which of course avoids roads and haz a traffic free run into Nottingham!

The tram stopped aboot 10 minutes doon the line and we got off to get a connectin' tram to wor destination!
WRANG!---we asked an inspector where to get the next tram from and he uttered the dreaded words!
"There's a replacement BUS SERVICE as they are workin' on the line further down!", he telt us!

Ne mention that there woz a replacement bus service half way doon the line!

After jumpin off the tram and onto a double decker bus, we then had to jump off again to catch anothaa tram!
The tram-bus-tram eventually arrived at wor destination and we then had a 15 minute waalk to a boozer near Forest's groond on the banks of the River Trent!
BREWHOOSE & KITCHEN BOOZER

We anly had an hours drinkin time before the match because of this fiasco and stopped there til it woz time to gan and 'face wor punishment' in the away section of the groond! (nee time for a 'pub crawl'!)

And 'punishment it waz' az 'The Friar Tuck Mob' took the lead in the forst minute through former Toon player Daryl Murphy, az wor shambles of a team, which included several new boys, couldn't 'gel' or get to grips with the game and disaster loomed!

We just couldn't get oot of 1st gear and aall looked lost, but we had an ace up wor sleeves!
Salomon Rondon then came on in the 82nd minute for the ineffective Joselu and 2 mins into stoppage time he hit hit a raspin' shot across the box and the baall hit the far corner of the net, with their keeper well beaten. This sent the 3,000 strong Toon Army in The Bridgford End into raptures behind that goal!---a penalty shootout woz now on the cards!
WRANG AGAIN!---Of course this IZ NUFC and we shot worsels in the foot az Forest went up to the far Trent End and scored a 2nd goal straight away!

Perez woz then punched in the face by the Forest keeper in the box, (a definite penalty!) but the ref waved 'play on' and the home side went back up the pitch and scored again in the 97th minute to send us and the team to the exit gates!

We had the same hassle gettin' back to wor car (tram-replacement bus-tram) and eventually got onto the motorway one and a qwaataa hours after the match had finished!

Of course the M1 motorway woz closed forthaa up near Sheffield for roadworks (it HAD to be!) and we had to divort through  Sherwood Forest on the A614 to get onto the A1 (nee sign of Friar Tuck or Robin Hood though!)

We got back at just after 2am bells---anothaa 'Disaster Day' in more ways than one, to add to the (very!) lang list!

Team line up: Darlow, Sterry, Schar, Fernandez(Perez 69), Clark, Atsu, Ki, Langstaff, Kenedy, Muto (Murphy 77), Joselu (Rondon 82)

Attendance: 13,942 (3,000 thoroughleee p*ssed off Toon fans!)

*PS: Since the competition started 58 years ago in 1960, we have anly got past the 5th roond ONCE!---exitin' the Leegue Cup before Xmas on every occasion apart from 1976 when we reached the final!---a truly shockin' record!



Tuesday, 28 August 2018

THE FRIAR TUCK MOB v THE TOON *** LEEGUE CUP 2ND ROOND!

Posted '3:50pm bells' Tuesday 28th August 2018

"WHY DON'T THEY JUST TOSS A COIN!?"

Tomorrow neet we heed for Sherwood Forest country where we are takin on Nottm Forest at The City Groond in the Leegue (Caraboa) Cup at '7:45 bells for wor 4th live telly game of the season so far! (Oot of 4!)

We fully expect that both teams will field serverly weakened sides to avoid injuries to key players!
Forest, because they are gannin for promotion from The Championship---And NUFC because we dont want to end up back there, come next May!

Big Al (not the the sheet metal workers son!) said that they, "May as well toss a coin!" to see who gans through to the next roond, az neethaa of us have any chance of winnin it once 'the big guns' enter at the 3rd roond stage!

Better still, why dont they play the 1st and 2nd roonds pre season instead of meaningless friendlies against the likes of St Patricks Athletic or Ausburg!?

NUFC have been allocated 4,000 tickets, but we fully expect that anly half that number will travel doon!

A full Geordie Times match and pub crawl report will appear here sometime on Thorsday!

Updated '10:00pm bells', Tuesday

The farce of The Leegue Cup woz laid bare when it woz reveeeled that ower 160 changes were made to Tuesday's 21 ties line ups from the weekend leegue fixtures, includin' Joey Barton's Fleetwood, who made ELEVEN changes from Saturday.  They lost 4-0 at Lestaa!

Perhaps they should rename it, 'The Reserves Leegue Cup'!😨

WHERE IN TOON? **** ANSWER!

Posted '11:00am bells' Tuesday 28th August 2018
"WHERE AM I?"

Did you get the answer to wor pub quiz yesterday?

We asked you where this pub woz in Toon!

We got NEE correct answers?
The top prize woz that yoo would have the privaledge of buyin aall my ale at the next Toon home game!

And the answer iz!

I am puzzled az to why neebody got the reet answer!?

Monday, 27 August 2018

THE TOON 1 CHELSKI OAPs 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Munday 27th August 2018
THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

"NO TRIUMPH IN DEFENCE!"

Three new debutants were in the startin' line up with six changes to the team that drew at Cardiff last week! (namely: Schar, Ki, Fernandez) 
Rafa set wor stall oot from the start by playin' 5 at the back to try and contain Chelski's attackin' force!
It nearly worked, but a Yedlin own goal just 3 mins from time at The Leazes End sealed wor fate and 'The Chelski Pensioners' (their nickname in the 1960s!) ran oot desorved winners!

Rondon played up front on hiz own and didn't get the service he desorved. Missin' were Lascelles and Shelvey through injury (we were telt?) 

Somehow we contained them for 76 minutes but a dubious penalty given against debutant Schar woz put away by Hazard at The Leazes End, and aall looked lost!

Sub Joselu (who had come on for Rondon) had othaa ideas and heeded home at the near post just 7 mins later to send the crowd wild!
THE TOON ATTACK 'THE GALLOWGATE END' DURIN' THE 2nd HALF


However!---there woz a cruel twist in this tale az within 4 minutes of Joselu's goal, Yedlin put through hiz own goal and aall woz lost!

Do we reeely have to play like this at home by defensive meenz to try and get a result?
Chelski had 81% possession  to wor 19%!

The failure to sign some proven players iz comin' home to roost now and the club's motto: 'Fortiter defendit triumphans' (triumph in defence!) didn't work this time!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Fernandez, Clark, Schar (Muto 79), Dummett, Ritchie, Diame, Ki, Murphy (Perez 73), Rondon (Joselu 62)

Attendance: 51, 791 (3,263 Chelski fans)

*PS: Forest are next in the Leegue Cup on Wednesday followed by an eazy away trip to!------Man City!!!!😨

Where in Toon?:
We ended up in this 'liquid lubrication location' after the match!
But where iz it?


Aall will be reveeeled tomorrow!
Theres a massive prize if u e mail me the correct answer!
U will have the priviledge of buyin' aall my ale at the next Toon home game! (v The Arse!)






Sunday, 26 August 2018

THE TOON v THE CHELSKI OAPs *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '12:35 pm bells' Friday 24th August 2018
THE MILBURN STAND FROM BARRACK ROAD
(NOTE THE SIZE OF THE RED DOUBLE DECKER BUS IN COMPARISON)

Wor 2nd home game of the season teks place on Sunday afternooon when Chelski visit St. James' Park in a '4 bells' kick off for live telly (again!)

Amazingleee, we have been unbeaten against 'The Pensioners' (their old nickname in the 1960s) in the last 5 home games---and we won the last one 3-0 in the final home game of last season!
Wor visitors have sold their entire allocation of 3,000 plus tickets, but there are still tickets available for the home sections!

Yedlin iz expected to retorn to the fold, but we have nee idea if new boys, Rondon, Muto, Yueng, Fernandez and Schar will feature in this game, or if Joselu and Perez will start up front!?

Kenedy cant play coz Chelski are hiz parent club and Lejeune of course iz still absent because of a lang torm  injury!

With just one solitary point from wor forst 2 games, we reeely need to get sommik oot of this one az Man City are wor next Premyaa Leegue opponents in 'The City of Manchester Stadium' (its original name!) on Saturday week! (anothaa live telly game!)

With nee Toon game tomorrow, 'The Geordie Times' iz gettin its 'fix' at Federation Park, Dunston where 'The Bad Blue Boys' (Dunston) are takin on Pontefract Pit Yakkers (Pontefract Colliers) from Yorkshire, in an FA Cup preliminary tie at '3:00 bells'

Updated Sunday mornin':
A match report on the Dunston game iz below and the NUFC repory will appear here in due course!

BAD BLUE BOYS 4 PONTEFRACT PIT YAAKERS 2 *** FA CUP PRELIMINARY ROOND

Posted '9:55am bells' Sunday 26th August 2018

Fitzpatrick penalty at
 'The Tea Hut End'
to make it 2-2 to 
'The Bad Blue Boys'
(In 'blue'!)

A thrillin' game in from of 240 odd fans at Federation Park saw Dunston beat Pontefract Colliers in this FA Cup tie, with 2 goals from Fitzpatrick and 1 a piece from Heslop and Nellis!

A 'see saw game' saw both sides in front at various stages, but it woz 'The Bad Blue Boys' who eventually came oot on top with 2 goals near the end of the game to put them 3-2 up after losin 2-1
The final nail in 'The Pit Yaakers' coffin woz hammered in deep into stoppage time when Nellis made it 4-2 to the home side and progress to the 2nd prelimanary roond!

Thats 2 roonds off the forst roond proper on the (very lang!) road to Wembley!

PS: This woz Dunston's 2nd win in the FA Cup this season, havin' seen off Hebburn 3-2 in the extra preliminary roond orlier this month!

Thursday, 23 August 2018

FORST VISIT TO CARDIFF CITY STADIUM, ARCHIVE REPORT

 Posted '4:25pm bells' Thorsday 23rd August 2018
Cardiff City Stadium az it looked in 2009
(Since expanded)

I have eventually 'dug up' the match report from mee forst ever visit to Cardiff's new stadium 9 years ago!
I woz gannih publish it last week to coincide with wor game at Cardiff last Saturday, but couldn't find the report!
Better late than never! 

272 cardiff city stadium, cardiff



(GROUND NUMBER 272)

Date of First Visit: 13th SEPTEMBER 2009

CARDIFF CITY STADIUM, CARDIFF, WALES



CARDIFF CITY  0

NEWCASTLE UNITED  1 (Colloccini)



CHAMPIONSHIP

Attendance: 25,630 (record) (includin’ 2,000 Toon fans)



“TUNNEL VISION!”


It was impossible to get the train doon on the day of the game and mek the kick off as it was a 2 bells Sunday start for the telly (surprize---surprizzzze!) so we opted to fly instead on the Saturday mornin’ and aa arrived at Toon airport in plenty of time for a few ‘gargels’ in the airport bars.

The friendly barmaid asked where aa was heedin’ for and aa telt hor aa was flyin’ to Bristol.



‘The Caped Crusader’ then made his entrance and aa asked him wot time the flight to Bristol was.  He looked at me with incredulity(wot ever that meens?) and then replied “Wih not flyin’ to Bristol---wih flyin’ to Cardiff and then back from Bristol coz that’s the anly way we can de it!” (az yi can probably guess----aa did’nt book the flights!)



After a couple of more gargles, ‘Big Al’, (not! the sheet metal workers son!) ‘Sarnie Steve’, ‘Jimmy the Gaffer’, Russ’ and ‘Mal from Durham’ torned up and it time to catch wor flight to the Welsh capital.

Wor digs were in Bristol so on arrival at Cardiff Airport it was off on a bus to central Cardiff and then a train to ‘yee naa where’ via the Severn tunnel (the bus jorney took an hour which was actually langer than the flight!)







“MANCHESTER U’re JOKIN’!”



Some of the ‘very sad groundhoppers’ amongst us decided to get off the train at Newport to take in a game and add to their ‘non Newcastle groundhoppin’ records’,while the rest of us heeded for Bristol to dump wor bags at the hotel and gan ‘on the hoy’! (aa refuse to gan to any new groond unless The Toon or mee local club Dunston Fed are playin’!)

After much street wanderin’ we eventually foond a boozer and settled doon for a few ‘liquids’ as Spurs were playin’ Man U in the teatime game on Sky.



The bar was canny full as the match kicked off and within a few minutes Spurs scored to a muffled cheer from a handful of the punters. However!!!---when Man U equalised a huge ‘gloryhuntin’ roar enveloped the pub and for a moment aa thought aa was in central Manchester and not central Bristol!!!---it was unreal!---is it any wonder that Bristol Rovers and City have such poor support for the size of the place (Bristol is aboot twice the size of Newcastle) when the locals jump on the Manchester gravy train! (ne wonder they’re hated so much!)

Anyway!—the Mancs won 3-1 (much to the delight of the Bristolians!) and we ended up dein a ‘toby’ aroond the rest of the bars for the neet time session after joinin’ up again with the ‘hoppers’ who had visited Newport Coonty’s groond.



Next day was match day of course and after a rather large ‘help yersel buffet breakfast’ in the hotel (well TWO actually!---as aa was feelin’ a bit peckish!) it was back to the station roond the corner from the hotel to catch the orly train back to Cardiff via the Severn tunnel again.



Cardiff fans of course do have a reputation and we did’nt naa wot to expect when we arrived there so it was a pleasent surprise to find that there was ne hassle as we heeded for the forst waaterin’ hole not far from the station. (another reason was that there were a canny few radgy Toon fans knockin’ aboot and locals mustn’t have ‘fancied it’!)

A few gargles later and it was time to hail a black cab and heed for the stadium which was a fair hike away. (a twenty minute waalk!)



The spankin’new groond was within hocklin’ distance of their aad ‘shabby’ Ninian Park groond which was just ‘ower the road’ across a tree lined park. The aad groond was yet to be bulldozed and was still standin’, albeit with a few windows smashed and tiles missin’ from the main stand roof  (soon to be torned into a hoosin’ estate we were telt)



The stadium predictably was the same sort of design as many of the new’ins, although to be fair it did have plenty of room inside the concourses and the ‘tool-sheds’ were big enough to accommodate the ‘Toon Army weak bladder brigade’, unlike some of the other nettys where you are crammed in like sardines and end up ‘havin’ an impromptu  ‘slash’ on someones ‘skeets’ who is standin’ next to you!. 



The Toon had a followin’ of 2,000 in the ‘alleged’ selloot crowd, but!--- there were plenty of empty seats in the main stand opposite us as the game kicked off? which brought the predictable ‘empty seats’ chants from wor lot



The Toon started off at a roarin’ pace and this paid off in the 18th minute when lone striker er! ‘The Lone Ranger’ heeded a cross back across the goal to Ryan Taylor who then lobbed the baall to Coloccini who in torn heeded an unstoppable effort past the ootstreched Marshall in the Cardiff goal to give us the lead. It was the Argentineans forst goal in 43 starts and did’nt he celebrate!---(and so did we of course!)



This was the way it stayed till half time and in the second period the home side tried in vain to hit back but we battled away and held on to take the 3 points. That was 5 wins on the bounce and 5 clean sheets as well, which was a new club record. (well done lads!)

The anly sour point was the sendin’ off of Alan Smith deep into injury time for a second bookable offence, but it was a happy Toon Army who left at the end of the game.



We then made wor way back to the station to catch the train back to Bristol (again!)  and heed through wor ‘fave tunnel’ for the thord and last time.



After a few ‘liquid lubrications’ in the city centre it was time to heed for Bristol Airport  to catch the flight back yem at ‘nine bells’

A Toon fan caalled ‘Scud’ who was on the same flight as us, telt us that the Cardiff fans  could’nt believe that the Toon fans had waalked aboot in their black n white tops, as ne away fans dared de that for fear of bein’ ambushed. ‘Scuds’ answer was short and straight to the point---“We’re Geordies mannn!”, he replied to the bemused Welshman!



Footnote:

Aa later foond oot that the reason the main stand had unsold seats was because Cardiff were chargin’ £ 65 to sit in them!





©Fink (the mad-sad grundhpper!)






















"A PAT ON THE BACK---OR!---A KICK UP THE ARSENAL!"

Posted '2:35pm bells' Thorsday 23rd August 2018
Lets hope its a TARANTULA!

So, 'arse licker' 'The Poison Dwarf' (aka) 'Denis the Menace' haz said that wor beloved owner 'The Fat Controller' deserves "a pat on the back" for hiz runnin' of wor club.
TWO relegations since 2009 and yet anothaa relegation battle looms in the comin season due to hiz scrouge mentality!
So just how wor absent owner deserve 'a pat' iz beyond us!

More like "A KICK UP THE ARSENAL!" if yoo ask us!

ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST