Monday, 27 August 2018

THE TOON 1 CHELSKI OAPs 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Munday 27th August 2018
THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

"NO TRIUMPH IN DEFENCE!"

Three new debutants were in the startin' line up with six changes to the team that drew at Cardiff last week! (namely: Schar, Ki, Fernandez) 
Rafa set wor stall oot from the start by playin' 5 at the back to try and contain Chelski's attackin' force!
It nearly worked, but a Yedlin own goal just 3 mins from time at The Leazes End sealed wor fate and 'The Chelski Pensioners' (their nickname in the 1960s!) ran oot desorved winners!

Rondon played up front on hiz own and didn't get the service he desorved. Missin' were Lascelles and Shelvey through injury (we were telt?) 

Somehow we contained them for 76 minutes but a dubious penalty given against debutant Schar woz put away by Hazard at The Leazes End, and aall looked lost!

Sub Joselu (who had come on for Rondon) had othaa ideas and heeded home at the near post just 7 mins later to send the crowd wild!
THE TOON ATTACK 'THE GALLOWGATE END' DURIN' THE 2nd HALF


However!---there woz a cruel twist in this tale az within 4 minutes of Joselu's goal, Yedlin put through hiz own goal and aall woz lost!

Do we reeely have to play like this at home by defensive meenz to try and get a result?
Chelski had 81% possession  to wor 19%!

The failure to sign some proven players iz comin' home to roost now and the club's motto: 'Fortiter defendit triumphans' (triumph in defence!) didn't work this time!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Fernandez, Clark, Schar (Muto 79), Dummett, Ritchie, Diame, Ki, Murphy (Perez 73), Rondon (Joselu 62)

Attendance: 51, 791 (3,263 Chelski fans)

*PS: Forest are next in the Leegue Cup on Wednesday followed by an eazy away trip to!------Man City!!!!😨

Where in Toon?:
We ended up in this 'liquid lubrication location' after the match!
But where iz it?


Aall will be reveeeled tomorrow!
Theres a massive prize if u e mail me the correct answer!
U will have the priviledge of buyin' aall my ale at the next Toon home game! (v The Arse!)






Sunday, 26 August 2018

THE TOON v THE CHELSKI OAPs *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '12:35 pm bells' Friday 24th August 2018
THE MILBURN STAND FROM BARRACK ROAD
(NOTE THE SIZE OF THE RED DOUBLE DECKER BUS IN COMPARISON)

Wor 2nd home game of the season teks place on Sunday afternooon when Chelski visit St. James' Park in a '4 bells' kick off for live telly (again!)

Amazingleee, we have been unbeaten against 'The Pensioners' (their old nickname in the 1960s) in the last 5 home games---and we won the last one 3-0 in the final home game of last season!
Wor visitors have sold their entire allocation of 3,000 plus tickets, but there are still tickets available for the home sections!

Yedlin iz expected to retorn to the fold, but we have nee idea if new boys, Rondon, Muto, Yueng, Fernandez and Schar will feature in this game, or if Joselu and Perez will start up front!?

Kenedy cant play coz Chelski are hiz parent club and Lejeune of course iz still absent because of a lang torm  injury!

With just one solitary point from wor forst 2 games, we reeely need to get sommik oot of this one az Man City are wor next Premyaa Leegue opponents in 'The City of Manchester Stadium' (its original name!) on Saturday week! (anothaa live telly game!)

With nee Toon game tomorrow, 'The Geordie Times' iz gettin its 'fix' at Federation Park, Dunston where 'The Bad Blue Boys' (Dunston) are takin on Pontefract Pit Yakkers (Pontefract Colliers) from Yorkshire, in an FA Cup preliminary tie at '3:00 bells'

Updated Sunday mornin':
A match report on the Dunston game iz below and the NUFC repory will appear here in due course!

BAD BLUE BOYS 4 PONTEFRACT PIT YAAKERS 2 *** FA CUP PRELIMINARY ROOND

Posted '9:55am bells' Sunday 26th August 2018

Fitzpatrick penalty at
 'The Tea Hut End'
to make it 2-2 to 
'The Bad Blue Boys'
(In 'blue'!)

A thrillin' game in from of 240 odd fans at Federation Park saw Dunston beat Pontefract Colliers in this FA Cup tie, with 2 goals from Fitzpatrick and 1 a piece from Heslop and Nellis!

A 'see saw game' saw both sides in front at various stages, but it woz 'The Bad Blue Boys' who eventually came oot on top with 2 goals near the end of the game to put them 3-2 up after losin 2-1
The final nail in 'The Pit Yaakers' coffin woz hammered in deep into stoppage time when Nellis made it 4-2 to the home side and progress to the 2nd prelimanary roond!

Thats 2 roonds off the forst roond proper on the (very lang!) road to Wembley!

PS: This woz Dunston's 2nd win in the FA Cup this season, havin' seen off Hebburn 3-2 in the extra preliminary roond orlier this month!

Thursday, 23 August 2018

FORST VISIT TO CARDIFF CITY STADIUM, ARCHIVE REPORT

 Posted '4:25pm bells' Thorsday 23rd August 2018
Cardiff City Stadium az it looked in 2009
(Since expanded)

I have eventually 'dug up' the match report from mee forst ever visit to Cardiff's new stadium 9 years ago!
I woz gannih publish it last week to coincide with wor game at Cardiff last Saturday, but couldn't find the report!
Better late than never! 

272 cardiff city stadium, cardiff



(GROUND NUMBER 272)

Date of First Visit: 13th SEPTEMBER 2009

CARDIFF CITY STADIUM, CARDIFF, WALES



CARDIFF CITY  0

NEWCASTLE UNITED  1 (Colloccini)



CHAMPIONSHIP

Attendance: 25,630 (record) (includin’ 2,000 Toon fans)



“TUNNEL VISION!”


It was impossible to get the train doon on the day of the game and mek the kick off as it was a 2 bells Sunday start for the telly (surprize---surprizzzze!) so we opted to fly instead on the Saturday mornin’ and aa arrived at Toon airport in plenty of time for a few ‘gargels’ in the airport bars.

The friendly barmaid asked where aa was heedin’ for and aa telt hor aa was flyin’ to Bristol.



‘The Caped Crusader’ then made his entrance and aa asked him wot time the flight to Bristol was.  He looked at me with incredulity(wot ever that meens?) and then replied “Wih not flyin’ to Bristol---wih flyin’ to Cardiff and then back from Bristol coz that’s the anly way we can de it!” (az yi can probably guess----aa did’nt book the flights!)



After a couple of more gargles, ‘Big Al’, (not! the sheet metal workers son!) ‘Sarnie Steve’, ‘Jimmy the Gaffer’, Russ’ and ‘Mal from Durham’ torned up and it time to catch wor flight to the Welsh capital.

Wor digs were in Bristol so on arrival at Cardiff Airport it was off on a bus to central Cardiff and then a train to ‘yee naa where’ via the Severn tunnel (the bus jorney took an hour which was actually langer than the flight!)







“MANCHESTER U’re JOKIN’!”



Some of the ‘very sad groundhoppers’ amongst us decided to get off the train at Newport to take in a game and add to their ‘non Newcastle groundhoppin’ records’,while the rest of us heeded for Bristol to dump wor bags at the hotel and gan ‘on the hoy’! (aa refuse to gan to any new groond unless The Toon or mee local club Dunston Fed are playin’!)

After much street wanderin’ we eventually foond a boozer and settled doon for a few ‘liquids’ as Spurs were playin’ Man U in the teatime game on Sky.



The bar was canny full as the match kicked off and within a few minutes Spurs scored to a muffled cheer from a handful of the punters. However!!!---when Man U equalised a huge ‘gloryhuntin’ roar enveloped the pub and for a moment aa thought aa was in central Manchester and not central Bristol!!!---it was unreal!---is it any wonder that Bristol Rovers and City have such poor support for the size of the place (Bristol is aboot twice the size of Newcastle) when the locals jump on the Manchester gravy train! (ne wonder they’re hated so much!)

Anyway!—the Mancs won 3-1 (much to the delight of the Bristolians!) and we ended up dein a ‘toby’ aroond the rest of the bars for the neet time session after joinin’ up again with the ‘hoppers’ who had visited Newport Coonty’s groond.



Next day was match day of course and after a rather large ‘help yersel buffet breakfast’ in the hotel (well TWO actually!---as aa was feelin’ a bit peckish!) it was back to the station roond the corner from the hotel to catch the orly train back to Cardiff via the Severn tunnel again.



Cardiff fans of course do have a reputation and we did’nt naa wot to expect when we arrived there so it was a pleasent surprise to find that there was ne hassle as we heeded for the forst waaterin’ hole not far from the station. (another reason was that there were a canny few radgy Toon fans knockin’ aboot and locals mustn’t have ‘fancied it’!)

A few gargles later and it was time to hail a black cab and heed for the stadium which was a fair hike away. (a twenty minute waalk!)



The spankin’new groond was within hocklin’ distance of their aad ‘shabby’ Ninian Park groond which was just ‘ower the road’ across a tree lined park. The aad groond was yet to be bulldozed and was still standin’, albeit with a few windows smashed and tiles missin’ from the main stand roof  (soon to be torned into a hoosin’ estate we were telt)



The stadium predictably was the same sort of design as many of the new’ins, although to be fair it did have plenty of room inside the concourses and the ‘tool-sheds’ were big enough to accommodate the ‘Toon Army weak bladder brigade’, unlike some of the other nettys where you are crammed in like sardines and end up ‘havin’ an impromptu  ‘slash’ on someones ‘skeets’ who is standin’ next to you!. 



The Toon had a followin’ of 2,000 in the ‘alleged’ selloot crowd, but!--- there were plenty of empty seats in the main stand opposite us as the game kicked off? which brought the predictable ‘empty seats’ chants from wor lot



The Toon started off at a roarin’ pace and this paid off in the 18th minute when lone striker er! ‘The Lone Ranger’ heeded a cross back across the goal to Ryan Taylor who then lobbed the baall to Coloccini who in torn heeded an unstoppable effort past the ootstreched Marshall in the Cardiff goal to give us the lead. It was the Argentineans forst goal in 43 starts and did’nt he celebrate!---(and so did we of course!)



This was the way it stayed till half time and in the second period the home side tried in vain to hit back but we battled away and held on to take the 3 points. That was 5 wins on the bounce and 5 clean sheets as well, which was a new club record. (well done lads!)

The anly sour point was the sendin’ off of Alan Smith deep into injury time for a second bookable offence, but it was a happy Toon Army who left at the end of the game.



We then made wor way back to the station to catch the train back to Bristol (again!)  and heed through wor ‘fave tunnel’ for the thord and last time.



After a few ‘liquid lubrications’ in the city centre it was time to heed for Bristol Airport  to catch the flight back yem at ‘nine bells’

A Toon fan caalled ‘Scud’ who was on the same flight as us, telt us that the Cardiff fans  could’nt believe that the Toon fans had waalked aboot in their black n white tops, as ne away fans dared de that for fear of bein’ ambushed. ‘Scuds’ answer was short and straight to the point---“We’re Geordies mannn!”, he replied to the bemused Welshman!



Footnote:

Aa later foond oot that the reason the main stand had unsold seats was because Cardiff were chargin’ £ 65 to sit in them!





©Fink (the mad-sad grundhpper!)






















"A PAT ON THE BACK---OR!---A KICK UP THE ARSENAL!"

Posted '2:35pm bells' Thorsday 23rd August 2018
Lets hope its a TARANTULA!

So, 'arse licker' 'The Poison Dwarf' (aka) 'Denis the Menace' haz said that wor beloved owner 'The Fat Controller' deserves "a pat on the back" for hiz runnin' of wor club.
TWO relegations since 2009 and yet anothaa relegation battle looms in the comin season due to hiz scrouge mentality!
So just how wor absent owner deserve 'a pat' iz beyond us!

More like "A KICK UP THE ARSENAL!" if yoo ask us!

Wednesday, 22 August 2018

THE FOLLY OF THE WALLY WITH THE BROLLY!

Posted '2:36pm bells' Wednesday 22nd August 2018

I see that one of wor former 'duck egg' managers who woz appointed by 'The Fat Controller', haz created a new 97 year record at hiz current club QPR by losin' the forst 4 games!

After their crunchin' 7-1 defeat to WBA on Saturday the players were told by 'The Wally with the Brolly' to "get their fingers out!" and get a result against Bristol City last neet!
They DID and anly lost 3-0 this time at Loftus Road, which meeenz its QPRs worst start to a leegue season since 1921 when they joined the leegue!

Divvint 'fink' he will last much langer in THAT job!---do yoo!    

Tuesday, 21 August 2018

POSSIBLE NEW GROOND FOR THE NUFC GROUNDHOPPERS!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Tuesday 21st August 2018
RODNEY PARADE, NEWPORT COONTY AFC

Havin' spent the Friday night in Newport before wor game at Cardiff last Saturday, we might be gannin back there sooner than expected az NUFC U23s have been drawn against eethaa NEWPORT COONTY or Notts Coonty in the Premyaa Leegue Cup draw!
The above teams must play each othaa on Wednesday 29th August for the chance to play us home and away---(The same day that wor 1st team are away to Forest in the Leegue Cup)

And yoo can bet your 'bottom dollar' that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be rootin' for Newport, az we have never been to their groond before (whereaz we HAVE been to Notts Coonty's groond on several occasions!)

NUFC U23s must aalso play Sooothampton and Leeedz in the 'Group 'H' draw---where of course we have been te many times before az well!

Monday, 20 August 2018

TOON U23s v SMBs U23s **** TOONEET @ SJP!

Posted '1:15pm bells' Munday 20th August 2018
Updated '9:30pm bells'
LOOKIN' TOWARDS THE EAST STAND FROM LEAZES PARK ROAD

A rare Tyne/wear home derby takes place tooneet when wor U23s play their U23s in a Leegue encoontaa at 'The Cathedral on the Hill'!

The East Stand will be open and season ticket holders get in for nowt!
Kick off iz at '7:00 bells' and a smaall crowd iz anticipated!
It's £3 for big kids and £1 for sprogs etc. who don't have season tickets

Full time score will appear here after '9:00pm bells'!


Updated '9:30pm bells'

"WHEY AYE-EEE FIVE 'O'!"

TOON U23s 5 (FIVE!)   SMBs U23s 0

Some joyous news after Saturdays debacle in sooth Wales!
Wor U23s slaughtered the mackems 5-0 at St James' Park tooneet in front of 3,338 delighted fans!

Goals from Bailey, Roberts, Soreneson and a brace from Charman sealed a great victory ower those minnows from Leegue 1!

"HOWAY THE LADS!"😊

Sunday, 19 August 2018

THE TAFFY NOSES 0 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '10:45am bells' Sunday 19th August 2018
(Will be updated throughoot the day)
The definin' moment of the game!
Kenedy's weak penalty iz easily saved!



"COME IN NUMBER 9!"  

The biggest mystery in this trueleeee shockin' performance in sooth Wales, woz the absence of new signings Solomon Rondon and Fabian Schar?

We reeely divvint naa wot to say, but I would put this in mee top 10 of worst performances from  a Toon team since I started supportin them way back in the 'swingin sixties'!

The startin line up with Joselu and Perez up front woz mystifyin to the 2,000 fans in the away end, az it doesn't work?


Passes gannin astray from both teams and inactivity anywhere near the goals woz absolute torture to watch and Kenedy in particular didnt seem to make any through passes in the entire game!

The referee Pawson had az poor game az well with nearly every challenge gannin against us! (Perhaps he shud change hiz name to POORson!)

Hayden woz sent of at the mid point of the 2nd half ,for a crunchin tackle on a Cardiff player, which made it even more difficult for us!

And then salvation!---or so we thought!--- when a penalty woz awarded to us in the 6th minute of stoppage time for a hand baall in the box!

Kenedy, who'd had a dreadful game az mentioned, grabbed the baall from Shelvey and then hit a weak shot to the left of their keeper, who saved easily to send The Taffys wild and The Geordies into dispair!

There's one thing for certain---Cardiff , (who never had one shot on target that we can remember?) were terrible az well and WILL be relegated!
So where does that leave us with anly 2 matches played?

With games against Chelski, the 2 manc clubs, and 'The Arse' comin up, "There may be trouble ahead!"


On the train back yem
we bumped into a very
famous person!





Toon team: Dubravka, Manquillo (Hayden 46), Lascelles, Clark, Dummett, Ritchie(Murphy 70), Shelvey, Diame, Kenedy, Perez (Muto 65), Joselu

Attendance: 30,720 (Anly 2,000 Toon fans!)
The empty blue and white seats are in the away section!---
We couldn't sell aall wor tickets!
Disillusion haz set in aalready! 


PS: The most amazin thing aboot wor pre season travels to Barrow, Ireland, Cornwall, Portugal and wor 1st competitive away game in Wales, iz the fact that we have never needed to wear a coat, az it haz hardly rained at aall! (It did rain durin yesterday's match, but had stopped before the end!)
Shirt sleeves every one---so far!

Away pub crawl pix
9 'liquid lubrication locations' visited in total!


Manchester---between trains!

Manchester

Newport---owerneet stay

Newport


Newport

Newport

Cardiff

Cardiff

Cardiff

Cardiff


Cardiff (post match)



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