SELF INFLICKED WOUNDS!

Posted '12:55pm bells' Saturday 19th May 2018

THE BACK PAGE OF TODAY'S 'RONNY-GILL'!

A MESSAGE TO WOR ABSENT OWNER!

If ever there woz a reason to tie Rafa to the managers chair St James' Park, then its the fact that if we divvint, we could end up back in The Championship!

In desperation, wor 'beloved'? owner ploughed £15 million of hiz own money (az a loan!) to ensure promotion at the forst attempt!

Had he given that £15 million when we were in The Premyaa Leegue the last time, we might have avoided the dreaded 'drop' and catastrophic <(we naa aall the big words!) 'drop' of income in the 2nd flight!

Instead, we had to get by with inferior managers and get players on 'the cheap' or on loan---and this ultimately cost us in the end! (In more ways than one!)

These were self inflicted wounds by wor owner and the frightenin' news  iz, that if we HADN'T won promotion at the forst attempt, we could have ended up in receivership or worse! (Just look what's happened doon the road!)

Pleeze! Pleeze! divvint make the same misstakes again and give Rafa the funds he needs to move wor great club forward!

Anything else iz unfinkable!

A STAGGERIN' £90,900,000 LOSS FOR BEIN' RELEGATED!

Posted '4:10pm bells' Friday 18th May 2018

The MD's office, SJP

If ever there woz a reason for keepin' Rafa Benitez az manager, it iz the fact that wor relegation in 2016 to The Championship put us ower £90 MILLION QUID in debt, it haz been reported!

The staggerin' difference between The Premyaa Leegue 'gravy train' and The Championship 'lumpy gravy boat', haz been reveeeled by wor MD, known az 'Penfold' to Toon fans!

This woz due to high wages, vastly reduced TV revenue and prize money and turnower woz doon from £125.8 million to £85.7 million!

This woz despite average gates of 51,108 az well!

50,000 fans who regulary gan, plus anotha million or so who watch from afar, KNOW that its imperative that we keep Rafa, or else it will 'aall unravel' yet again and we will end up with some 'toss-pot' in charge like Joke Kinnear!(God forbid!)

Wor beloved owner, known 'affectionately'? az 'The Fat Controller' to Toon fans!, seems to be the anly one who can't see the consequences, should we gan doon again!

One piece of good news iz that West Ham are seemingly after Pellegrini instead of Rafa az their forst choice for new manager now, to replace 'Misery Guts Moyes'!

Lets hope so for aall wor sakes!

"Are yoo readin' this 'Fat Controller'!?"

'JELLIED EELS MOB' AFTER RAFA!

Posted '1:11pm bells' Thorsday 17th May 2018

"THE OWNERS OFFICE, SOMEWHERE

WITHIN THE BOWELS OF ST. JAMES' PARK!"

News that 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham are tryin to 'tap up' Rafa to be their new manager after sackin 'Misery Guts Moyes', haz finally reached 'The Geordie Times'! (1 day late via carrier pigeon!)

3 weeks of negotiations between the NUFC hierarchy and Rafa aboot funds available are STILL on gannin?

How the hell it takes 3 weeks to say: "Yes you can have the funds!" OR! "No you cant!", iz beyond us!

We shall surely find oot by the end of this month, no doubt, one way or the other!

NUFC are playin a game of 'Russian roulette' (again!) with Rafa!

We await the outcome with trepidation!😨

"NO GO FOR JONJO!---OR JAMAAL!"

Posted '3:00pm bells' Wednesday 16th May 2018

"RUSHAA WHERE ARE YOU!?"

Az expected Jonjo Shelvey and Jamaal Lascelles have been snubbed by Gareth Southgate for Ing-er-land's World Cup 23 man squad for Rushaa!

Selfishly, Ing-er-land's loss iz actually a plus point for 'The Toon' az they cannit get injured watchin it on the telly! (Can they?)

Southgate iz yet anothaa failed manager, havin' been sacked by 'The Smoggies' from Middlesbrough not so lang ago!
He got them relegated in 2008, and finally jettisoned by them in 2009, after a run of just 1 win in 18 in The Championship!
--And so therefore he iz perfectly qualified for the Ing-er-land job and to bore us to death, with hiz negative futbaall tactics!  "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"😴

We will fail miserably again anyway, so mebeez its a blessin in disguise that they won't be gannin!

FAT SAM THE UGLY MAN CARRIES THE CAN!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Wednesday 16th May 2018

Formaa Toon and SMB manager 'Fat Sam the Ugly Man' haz been sacked yet again, this time by Evaatin aftaa just 7 months in charge!
Hiz borin' sterile futbaall would send anybody to sleep!
"ZZZZzzzz!!!!"

He will of course get anothaa bumper payoot, said to be in region of £6 million quid this time!

Not bad for a failed manager who haz won "F*** aall" at the numerous clubs he haz managed! (The nearest he haz come to a major trophy iz a Leegue Cup final DEFEAT to 'The Smoggies', when he woz manager at Bolton!) 

And contrary to populat belief he HAZ been relegated az a manager ---with Notts Coonty in 1997!

He iz laughin' aall the way to the bank yet again!
Who's next? we ask worsels!

WELL!  Its just been annoonced that 'Misery Guts Moyes' who failed miserably at the SMBs haz been sacked by West Ham, again, after just 7 months in charge!

Aalso, its reported that alang with 'Fat Sam', anothaa one of wor failed managers haz LANDED a job at QPR---Namely <'The Wally with the Brolly'!


The managerial merry-go-round just gans on and on!---and on!😨

PREMYAA LEEGUE RICH LIST & TELLY GAMES!

Posted '1:53pm bells' Tuesday 15th May 2018

The prize money for Premyaa Leegue clubs haz been announced.
The totals include final position and TV money earned last season.
NUFC were live on 'the box' 18 times!

Despite winnin the Premyaa Leegue by a record margin, Man City are behind Man U az more of their games were televised!
The Toon finished 10th but because we had more TV games than Bornley (7) and Lestaa (12) we are in 8th position in 'the rich list'!

PREMYAA LEEGUE LIVE TELLY GAMES 2017-2018  
£1.3 million for each televised game!

=1 Man U  28 live games shown
=1 L/pool  28
=1 The Arse  28
=4 Man C  26
=4 Chelski  26
6 Sporz  25
7 Evaatin  19
8 NUFC  18
=9 WHU  17
=9 H/field  17
11 Soton  16
12 Brightin  13
=13 Lestaa  12
=13 Palace  12 
=13 Stoke  12
16 B/moooth  11
=17 Wotfaad  10
=17 Swanzee  10
19 WBA  9
20 Bornley  7 

THE RICH LIST 2017-2018

1 Man U £153,612,000
2 Man C £153,230,000
3 L/pool £149,737,000
4 Sporz £148,069,000
5 The Arse £145,279,525
6 Chelski £145,279,321
7 Evaatin £131,020,000
8 NUFC £125,860,000
9 Bornley £122,343,000
10 Lestaa £120,738,000
11 WHU £118,711,000
12 Palace £116,762,000
13 B/moooth £113,589
14 Brightin £109,996
15 Soton £109,575,000
16 Wotfaad £108,429,000
17 H/field £104,453,000
18 Stoke £100,872,000
19 Swanzee £100,477,000
20 WBA £96,490,000

In complete contrast clubs in The Championship aall get an equal share of their prize money (ie: Champions Wolves get the same az bottom club sund'lind)
Thats £4,300,000 each!
So Wolves actually get £92,000,000 less than WBA who finished bottom of The Premyaa Leegue!
Championship clubs get £100,000 for each televised game!

The SMBs prize money next season in Leegue 1 will be!---£732,000!
Leegue 1 clubs get £30,000 for each televised game!

THAT'S a difference of £1,270,000 between a televised Premier Leegue game and a televised Leegue 1 game!😨

THE TOON 3 CHELSKI 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Munday 15th May 2018 and will be updated periodically! <(we naa aall the big words!)

THE BANNER SAYS: 'WHERE THERE IS UNITY---THERE IS ALWAYS VICTORY!'

"RAFA BENITEZ---WE WANT YOO TO STAY!"

A tremendous performance from the 'black n whites' gave us the 3 points against the 2017 champions of 'Ing-er-land' in a thouroughly enjoyable afternooon in the sun!

The 3-0 scoreline meenz that we finish the season at 'the right end' of the table in 10th place!

It woz obvious 'from the off' that this woz to be 'wor day' az we pounded the Leazes goal with numerous shots, az the Chelski keeper Courtios complained to hiz defence that he woz havin a torrid time az he tried to stem the tide!

The forst goal came in the 23rd minute when Murphy challenged Courtios and he punched the baall into the air and Dwight Gayle said "Thank you very much!" az he heeded it into an empty net to send the shirt sleeved crowd into raptures!

Jonjo Shelvey then sent in a pile driver of a shot which Courtios did well to save and we went in deservedly 1-0 up at the break!

Again, in the 2nd half we came oot 'with aall guns blazin' and the main moment of the half came when Chelski's 'scorpian kicker' Giroud fired an unauthodox shot with hiz heel, which Dubravka tipped ower the bar to prevent the equaliser!  An absolutlee brilliant save!

Moments later the baall woz at the Gallowgate End of the pitch where Shelvey shot through a group of players and Perez managed to divert the baall slightly and past the hapless Chelski keeper! 2-0!

Just 4 minutes later in the 63rd minute a Lejeune cross foond Perez who woz virtually on the goal line and he flicked it in to complete 'the icing on the cake'!

Fans sang Rafa's name in unison! "RAFA BENITEZ,WE WANT YOO TO STAY!"
A great end to the season and the anly question left--IZ!--will Rafa stay?
Only one person can answer that question, by givin' him the funds to compete at the highest level!
And indeed, wor beloved owner haz made the follow statement, which iz front page news in today's 'Ronny-Gill'!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Lejuene, Dummett, Ritchie (Hayden 72), Diame (Haidara 87), Shelvey, Murphy, Perez, Gayle (Joselu 48)

Attendance: 52,252 (3,200 fed up "Landaners!")
*

After the match we heeded for various 'liquid lubrication locations' where we celebrated wor 'Top 10' finish and watched the Leegue 1 play off game between Shrewsbury and Charlton. Shrewsbury won and are in the final where they will play eetha Scunthorpe or Rotherham for a place in the leegue ABOVE sund'lind!  😀😁😂😃😄😅😆

                             ☺😊😀😁😂😃😄😅

THE BAD BLUE BOYS OF DUNSTON 1 THE BISHOPS OF AUCKLAND 0 *** NORTHERN LEEGUE CUP FINAL

Posted '9:45am bells' Sunday 13th May 2018

"BAD BLUE BOYS BASH THE BISHOPS!"

With ne Toon game til today, we heeded for the delights of Consett high up in the moontains of Coonty Durham where Dunston were playin Bishop Auckland in the final of The Northern Leegue Cup!

The great thing aboot non leegue at this level iz that yoo get the chance to teavel on the team bus with the team at the back with their 'ghetto blasters' and the fans and commitee men at the front!
Half an hour after leevin Dunston and we were at the Belle Vue groond, but unfortunatly there were that many cars cloggin up the entry to the groond that the driver woz forced to park up on the main road az there wiz ne room for a large bus to pass!

Anyway! Off we got and the Dunston players heeded for the dressin rooms while the fans heeded for the packed clubhoose!

Anothaa game woz takin place on the plastic pitch, where the Northern Leegue 2nd Division Cup final woz takin place before wors! (The 1st Division final)
Chester-Le-Street won that one 2-0 by beatin Ryton and Crawcrook to lift the cup!

There woz a Leegue 1 play off game on the telly between Scunthorpe and Rotherham for a place in the leegue ABOVE sund'lind! ☺😊😀😁😂

After several 'liquid lubrications' it woz time to heed for the pitchside, but the forst half woz a bit scrappy and the teams came off 0-0 at the break!

The Bad Blue Boys (who were wearin red az Bishops aalso play in blue) came oot with aall guns blazin in the 2nd period, but it still remained goalless, despite both sides missin easy chances and it looked az though it would gan to extra time and penalties!

PENALTY SAVE!

However!  Dunston had othaa ideas and just after Bishops had missed an easy chance with the goal gapin' the baall woz played upfield and it eventually foond Dunston captain Dale Burrell, who unleashed an unstoppable shot to the left of keeper Young to put The Bad Blue Boys in front with just 14 minutes left on the clock!

Just a minute later Dunston had the chance to double their lead when they were awarded a penalty!
Fitzpatrick took it but Young dived to hiz right and saved it!

It mattered not though, az Dale's goal proved to be the winner and they lifted the cup in front of their ecstatic fans (includin me!) and celebratory drinks were consumed in the clubhoose after the game!

The cup 'sat' in the front seat of the bus on the jorney back to Dunston and 'little old me' had the 'honour' of carryin it back into the Dunston clubhoose! (It weighed a ton!)

HAPPY DAYS!😊

Attendance: not known, but 500 or so iz wor guess!

*

THE TOON v CHELSKI *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 12th May 2018

 THE PANORAMIC VIEW FROM THE MILBURN STAND

LOOKIN' TOWARDS THE NORTH SEA, 8 MILES AWAY!

On Sunday we play wor last game of the season which iz at home to Chelski!

The target iz a top 10 finish, but wor recent upsurge haz went 'off the rails' with 4 defeats on the bounce after 4 wins on the bounce!

A win would guarantee 10th place, but anything else and we will surely drop doon the table, az there are 4 clubs on 41 points--but NUFC have the best goal difference of them aall!

Chelski on the othaa hand are chasin' a Champions Leegue place, but its oot of their hands if Liverpool win to claim the 4th slot!

This will be wor 41st competitive game of the season, which equals the lowest total we have had since the 38 game Premier Leegue came into force!

That's 38 plus 2 in the FA Cup and 1 in the Leegue Cup! (We anly played 41 games 2 seasons ago az well!)

The BIG question on everybody's lips---iz!---WILL Rafa stay OR WILL he gan!----It aall depends on one person of course, who hardy attends any games at aall theeze days!

We await with baited breath for the outcome of the talks---we will surely find oot before the month ends!

Lets hope (and pray!) that it's a good outcome!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here on Munday!

Meeenwhile!  Az we have yet anothaa free Saturday, we are off to sunny Consett where The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston are takin on The Bishops of Auckland in The Northern Leegue Cup final at 3 bells!

V

A match report on that game to follow later!😨

SPORZ 1 THE TOON 0 ***PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '9:40am bells' Thorsday 10th May 2018 on the train back from London!

THE TOON (in blue) ATTACK 'THE TOON END' (1st half)

"WEMBLEY WOE CONTINUES!"

For the 7th time in a row NUFC lost at Wembley! A run stretchin' back 44 years to 1974!
Indeed, yoo have to gan back 63 years for the last time we won there!---The FA Cup in 1955!

We played much better than the last 2 away games, but the Wembley curse continued unabaited, az a Harry Kane goal in the 50th minute woz enough to win the game for the north London side!

Jonjo Shelvey hit the  post from a dead baall kick in the forst half, but this woz az close az we got to scorin'!

DUBRAVKA PREPARES TO TAKE A GOAL KICK (1st half)

Both Gayle and Perez up front, were inefective and they fluffed their lines on numerous occasions!
And sub Murphy had a great chance near the end, but blazed hiz effort ower the bar!
In contrast wor goalie Dubravka made several good saves to keep the score doon, in a game we shud have grabbed at least a draw!

After winnin 4 games in a row we have now lost 4 in a row, so its just az well that we've got the points on board to claim safety!

'Geordie Times' fact file: With a capacity of 90,000, Wembley iz the biggest groond we have played on for a LEEGUE game! (35,077 empty seats for this game!)
This woz wor 57th Premyaa Leegue groond we have played on---and 'The Geordie Times' haz been to aall 57 of them!

I am writin this on the train back from King's Cross, but the toss pot of a train driver iz joltin the train from side to side and makin it very difficult to write!

More to follow when aa get yem at dinnaatime!

Updated from 'high noon bells' onwards!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Lejeune, Dummett, Ritchie, Diame, Shelvey, Kenedy (Murphy 71), Perez, Gayle (Joselu 76)

Attendance: 54,923 (3,132 Toon fans)
I would estimate that no more than 5 or 6 Toon fans present last neet, would have ever seen us win at Wembley (ie: yoo would need to be at least 70 years old to witness wor last victory!)---and I would estimate that at least half of wor away followin', were watchin' NUFC at Wembley for the forst time ever! (Its 18 years since we last played there, before yesterday!)

PS: Personally, I have witnessed the 7 defeats!
Am I a jinx?😨

The pre and post match 'gargels' took place in various parts of London! "Lets gan on 'the hoy'--in May--and enjoy!"