THE CRYSTAL BAALLS v THE TOON *** SUNDAY

Posted '1:40pm bells' Friday 2nd February 2018 
Updated Saturday onwards

We heed for London yet again on Sunday (we nevaa seem to be away from the place!) where we play a rejuvenated Palace side that were bottom of the leegue when we played them in October---and we were ninth---but now they are above us 4 later!

We beat them 1-0 with a Merino goal in the last few minutes and little did we believe that 4 months later we still haven't won anothaa home game since then!

A debut for loanee striker Islam Slimani iz expected but we don't know if loanee goalie Martin Dubravka will play?

Victory would propel us up the table---but defeat could see us in the bottom 3 if it happens!

WOR CRY!i
Rafa haz commented on the transfors--or lack of them in ' the window'
"I dont want to create a war!--I dont need that!"----ie: He isnt a happy bunny thats for sure!  (And neethaa are we!)

More on aall this later!

THE BAD BLUE BOYS 2 SMB RESORVES 0 *** DC CUP QWAATAA FINAL

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Friday 2nd February 2018

We are very pleeezed to report that the 'Dunston Bad Blue Boys' beat the mackem resorve side in the DC Cup orlier this week in the Tyne wear derby at Federation Park, Dunston and progress to the semi final stage!

Both Dunston's goals were scored in the forst half by Fitzpatrick from a rebound and a Heslop shot, in front of a 165 crowd, which included hardly any SMB supporters!

They'd obviously hord aboot the reputation of 'The Bad Blue Boys' and had opted to stay in their wearside hovels instead!

Well done Dunston!   Anothaa defeat for Chris the Coleman!

THE TOON 1 THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '1:20pm bells' Munday 1st February 2018

"Justice woz NOT done!"

The sequence of events were az follows!

17th minute: After bein on top for the forst period of the forst half, new boy Kenedy hit a powerful 20yard shot which hit the post at The Gallowgate End!
Atsu woz at hand to hit the rebound into the net, but instead hit it straight at Pope Nicholas (Nicholas Pope!) in the Bornley goal!
A great chance wasted!

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END (1st half)

34th minute: 'President' Kenedy who woz havin a great debut iz pulled doon on the edge of the box and the ref points straight to the spot!
To everyones dismay Joselu, who woz havin an indifferent game stepped up to take it, but hit a weak effort to the right of Pope who palmed it away for a corner!
Anothaa great chance wasted!

ACTION AT THE LEAZES END (2nd half)

65th minute: We were on the front foot again in the 2nd period and a great corner swung in by Kenedy from the Leazes/East Stand corner foond Lascelles who sent a powerful heeder into the back of the net to open the scorin' for 'us'!

75th minute: Joselu had a great chance to seal the points when he woz put through by Murphy, but hiz shot went agonisingly past the far post, when it looked easier to score!!!
YET anothaa great chance wasted!!!

And then 'the killer' goal!
85th minute: The ref gave a corner after Darlow palmed the baall away
The corner foond a Bornley player but hiz effort went ower the bar az Darlow stretched to save it---He MISSED it but the ref  claimed that Darlow HAD touched the baall ower the bar, but he clearly HADNT!

The resultin' 2nd corner foond the heed of Bornley's Vokes and he sent hiz effort goalwards---Darlow palmed the baall twice but woz unable to stop it gannin into the back of the net!
It woz agony!---a corner that wasn't had brung wor visitors back from the brink of defeat!
(I watched the highlights of the game 'later on' and whoever edited it had shown the forst corner---and then the goal!----but like aa say, it woz the disputed 2nd corner that resulted in the goal that WASNT shown for some reason! (BBC bias again?)


Just how we didnt win this game easily iz a mystery to us all!
In a game dominated by NUFC we just couldn't finish them off and had to settle for a point instead, to extend wor winless home games to EIGHT in the Premyaa Leegue!
Both Kenedy and Diame had outstandin' games and hopefully this and wor new 'loanee signings' will help hold us in good stead for the 13 remainin games!

The draw took us up to 14th place in the table---but don't be fooled az we are anly ONE point off the bottom 3!---it's THAT tight! 

ITS A BIT BLURRED, BUT THIS IZ A MESSAGE

TO WOR OWNER FROM THE GALLOWGATE FAITHFUL!

Toon team: Darlow, Yedlin, Lascelles, Clark, Dummett, Merino, Diame,  Perez (Gayle 85), Kenedy (Richie 72), Atsu (Murphy 64), Joselu

Attendance: 50,174 (including 1,800 Bornley Hillbillies!)

*We say 'Hillbillies' az Bornley (Burnley) sits high up in the hills of the Pennines in deepest Lancashire!

*The "Lets gan on the bevvy in Janu-ery!" drinkers campaign came to an end on the last day of the month and now we are into---wait for it!----"Lets gan on the bevvy in FEBU-ERY!"


The last day of the 'Janu-ery' campaign in The Leazes End Club and The Bodega

  

THE TOON v BORNLEY *** TOONEET!

Posted '1:22pm bells' Wednesday 31st January 2018

                                                         

THE 'RONNY-GILL' MAKES A

DESPERATE APPEAL TO

WOR 'SCROUGE' OWNER!

We gan into tooneets game knowin' that anything but a win will be a disaster and that if we don't win we will probably be in the bottom 3 by the time the transfor window closes @ '11:00 bells'! (IF othaa results at the bottom gan against us!)

Havin not won at home since October, this will not be an easy game against 'high flyin' Bornley and tensions will be 'on a high' from The Toon faithful!

Any perminant signings now look 'dead in the waataa' and anly 'loaneez' from 'the bottom of the barrel' look possible in the next few hours!

(see letter below this article!)

We will of course bring yoo a full match report tomorrow and we can anly hope that it isn't a 'doom and gloom' one!

Az per usual---watch this space!


THE LAST SURVIVOR IZ GONE--
BUT NOT FORGOTTEN! 

VIC KEEBLE FA CUP WINNER 1955 (CIRCLED)

THE LAST SURVIVOR!

News haz just reached us that 1955 FA Cup winner Vic Keeble haz sadly died at the age of 83
Vic woz the last survivor of the 3 NUFC FA Cup winnin' teams of the 1950s (1951, 1952 &1955) and so woz the last player left alive to win a domestic trophy for us 63 years ago! (We last won the Leegue in 1927!)

RIP VIC! 

YI COULDN'T MAKE IT UP!!!😨

Posted 11 22pm bells Woodall truck park M1 Tuesday 30th January 2018 
Updated Wednesday 

ME 'FINX' THAT HAZ THIS LETTER BEEN LEAKED 2 DAY EARLY BY SOME CLUB 'MOLE'?

And wot 'fine teams' have we defeated this season?

LOST to Sporz---LOST to Man U---Lost to Man C (twice)---

LOST to Chelski (twice, once in the cup)---LOST to The Arse---DREW with The Liverbirds!

THAT'S ONE point from a possible TWENTY ONE against the so caalled 'fine teams'! (and of course, yet anothaa FA Cup exit before the end of January!)

Ne mention that we havvint won at home for ower 3 months, like!?

"ANOTHER FINE MESS!" *** (EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY)

Posted '1:04pm bells' Tuesday 30th January 2018

 ONE DAY to gan before the transfor window closes!

PS: By horrible coincidence, it haz just been reported on Sky Sports that Man City have  signed Aymeric Laporte for £57,000,000!!!

STURRIDGE DOES A U TURN!

Posted 11 00pm bells Woodall truck park M1 Munday 29th January 2018

News that Daniel Sturridge haz opted to join WBA instead of NUFC iz a kick in the teeth for aall Toon fans!

We 'fink' that West Brom offered to pay hiz £100,000 wages per week---and we of course didnt!
Aalso the deal to sign Jorgensen from Feyenoord haz fell through coz we didnt want to pay any more than €17,000,000 for him!

With just 2 days of the transfor window left we feel that we wont make any progress whatsoever if The Fat Controller doesnt listen to Rafa---and relegation iz now a very real possibility yet again!

He will NEVER LEARN---WILL HE!

CHELSKI OAPs 3 THE TOON 0 *** FA CUP 4th ROOND

Posted '12:22pm bells' Munday 29th January 2018

"A TOTALLY EXPECTED RESULT!"

A year to the day since we lost 3-0 away to Oxfaad in the FA Cup, we got exactly the same score az then!

I divvint 'fink' there woz one Toon fan in the crowd who thought that we would win and so it proved az we were unable to break doon Chelski's defence with wor powder puff attack.

Dwight Gayle, for example opted to pass rather than shoot when the score woz 0-0 az we attacked The Shed End where the 2,400 Toon fans were housed (we were allocated 3,000 tickets, but couldn't sell oot!)

Then!---on the half hour mark the home side took the lead when an unmarked Batshuayi <(hope av spelt that reet?) had the easiest task on sidefootin the baall into wor net to give Chelski the lead!

Again we had chances to equalise, but we just don't have the quality players to de it---hence, it iz VITAL that we sign somebody who CAN score goals before the transfor window shuts, or else we fear the worst!

It woz 2-0 just before the break when 'Bat Man' <(its easier to sppell!) scored again when he hit a shot ,which deflected off Lascelles and looped ower Darlow for a very lucky goal!

In the 2nd period we hardly got into their half, but Shelvey did have a decent effort saved!

The ineffective Gayle then came off for Joselu in the 64th minute, but he woz ne better!

And then the 'killer goal' in the 72nd minute, when Alonso sent in a free kick from the edge of the box to beat Darlow and seal the win!

They had more chances to increase the score, but Darlow woz in fine form and stopped at least 2 more goals

The biggest cheer of the day from The Toon contingent, woz when a fan slid doon a metal barrier towards the exit, az we applauded loudly!---He did this twice before bein restrained by an over zelious steward!---and THAT WOZ IT!--- az the ref blew for full time to see 'US' slide doon the exit pole and oot of the competition before the end of January, for the ELEVENTH year runnin'!!!!

'Chelski OAPs', an explanation: We caall them this az their owner iz Russian and 'OAPs' (Old Aged Pensioners) comes from the fact that their nickname back in the 1960's woz 'The Pensioners' after 'The Chelsea Pensioner war veterans! (below)

Toon team: Darlow, Clark, |Lascelles, Mbemba, Manquillo (Murphy 78), Hayden (Atsu 83), Shelvey, Haidera, Saivet, Gayle (Joselu 64), Richie

Attendance: 41,049 (Just 2,600 Toon fans with 400 empty seats in wor end!)

* For "Lets gan on the bevvy in Janu-ery!" pub crawl pix AND more match pix see next article doon!

"LETS GAN ON THE BEVVY IN JANU-ERY@ CHELSKI!"

Posted from '10 00am bells onwards Sunday 28th January 2018

The day before @ Dover some of the lads went groundhoppin'!

The night before aroond the King's Cross area!

Gettin rat arsed on rats p*ss

In The Water Rats!

I bought a pint of 'Bee sting'

cider here and woz STUNG

 for £5 50 !

Next day!

Az it woz an orly kick off at Chelski ('1 30 bells') we plonked worsels doon in The Shakespeare near Holborn tube station----and then Stamford Bridge for expected 'punishment!

I woz reet aboot the 'punishment'!

NUFC lost 3  0 and are oot of the FA Cup for the 11th year runnin before the end of January!

Match report tomorrow

Pix of match and the 'drownin of the sorrows' soon when a get on the train back later this evenin'!

Chelski's lion mascot signs 

autographs?

(I didnt realize that lions 

cud read and write!)

Where are seats

7 to 14, like!???

A Toon fans slides doon the

 banister rail and got the biggest 

cheer of the afternoon!

The "drownin of the sorrows"

post match took place here

at King's Cross!

FRANKIE 'FINGERS' RIP!

Posted '4 44pm bells' on the train to King's Cross Saturday 27th January 2018

It iz with great sadness that we hear that Toon fan 'Frankie Fingers' haz passed away!
Frankie hadnt been to a Toon game for a while but there are some great stories aboot him!
(He had massive fingers-- hence hiz name!)

He came from Winlaton and hiz claim to fame iz that one day he woz 'mortal' and jumped off the bar coontaa in The Highlander pub and swung off the chandelier in the middle of the ceiling, like The 3 Musketeers did in the film!

Unfortunatly the ceiling gave way under hiz weight and he and the chandelier came crashin to the bar floor, complete with the plaster off the ceiling!
He woz barred for life!

On anothaa occasion at an away game he went into a Catholic club where a statue of Jesus bein crusifide on the cross woz in the entrance and caused uproar when he said!
"Wots up with him?   Did he not pay hiz subs, like!?"
And YES he WOZ a Catholic!

RIP FRANKIE 'FINGERS'