PAUL TULLY RIP

Posted Tuesday 7th November 2017

Very sad news reaches us that former NUFC programme editor Paul Tully has died

He offered me the chance to do the 'fan page' in the NUFC match programme for the 2005-2006 season--an offer I couldn't refuse!  It woz caalled 'fink the fan' and of course, Paul edited it! (It woz written in 'Geordie slang', just like this blog!)
I was even invited to do 2 pages in Alan Shearers testimonial programme where I was given 2 pages! (Jimmy Nail got 1 page!)

Paul loved NUFC and non league futbaall and was a regular at many Northern Leegue grounds and I last saw him at a Dunston game a couple of years ago!

Hiz knowledge of futbaall and NUFC in particular woz 'encyclopedic' and he woz a 'member' of 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers club' havin visited more than 100 grounds to watch The Toon!
Mike Amos, the former Northern Leegue chairman says in hiz blog that Paul had visited hiz 121st groond by 2003, when he visited Shildon to watch wor resorves play Bishop Auckland and Paul told Mike that: "IT WOZ ALMOST LIKE AN OLYMPIC SPORT!" 'collectin' new groonds watchin' The Toon--az others shared that particular passion az well! (ie: quite a few of 'US'!)
He woz aalso a member of 'The 92 Club', havin visited every leegue groond in the country watchin various matches!




A very friendly guy who will be sadly missed by all who knew him, from the famous like Alan Shearer and Jimmy Nail to the 'non famous' like me!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)

RIP PAUL

Paul's funeral will be held at The West Road Crematorium in Newcastle on Tuesday 21st November at 12:30 

U23s IN ACTION TOONEET AND FRIDAY

Posted '1:15pm bells' Tuesday 7th November 2017
Updated 'high noon bells' Wednesday

DE JONG (edge of box in grey) SCORES FROM A FREE KICK

 @ OLDHAM IN 2014 (We lost 2-1!)

Wor U23s are in action twice this week with trips ower the Pennines to Boundary Park, (tooneet) and Prenton Park, Tranmere (v The Liverbirds U23s on Friday)

Az we've said in the past, if we've been to a groond before, then we will give it 'a miss' for resorve/junior games, so 'yours trueleee' wont be there and will be 'at graft' instead!

The forst game iz in The Checkatrade Trophy group stage 'D' and the game on Friday iz in The Premyaa Leegue International Cup!

Prenton Park, the home of Tranmere Rovers woz mee 100th groond to watch The Toon way back in 1991 and Oldham's Boundary Park (groond 53) haz been visited on numerous occasions! (The last one a pre season friendly in 2014)

Wednesday update
A'm afraid tih tell yiz this, but wor U23s were hammered 4-1 at Old'im last neet, makin it TEN conceded in the last 2 games! (6-0 at Villa last week)
We were 1-0 doon after 13 mins (Byrne), 2-0 doon after 61 mins (Doyle), and 3-0 doon, with anothaa effort from Byrne just a minute later!
The home side went into a 4-0 lead by the 70th minute through Doyle and wor anly consolation woz a heeded goal by Aarons 10 minutes later to make it 4-1---
The crowd woz 1,107 which included around aboot 50 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers, who were given free pies to eat! (do they not 'fink' we are fat enough!)
We  now exit The Checkatrade Trophy in 2nd bottom place!


Mee forst ever visit to Boundary Park woz 38 years ago and a'v 'dug up' the archive match report from that game in 1979
It's a 'CLASSIC'!
(see below)

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!) 

053 boundary park oldham

(GROUND NUMBER 53)
Date of First Visit: 31st MARCH 1979
BOUNDARY PARK, OLDHAM


OLDHAM ATHLETIC  1
NEWCASTLE UNITED  3 (Nattrass, Shoulder, Withe)


OLD) DIVISION TWO
ATTENDANCE 6,329 (1,500 Toon fans)





"FRESH FISH!"-----"CAUGHT IN THE OCEAN THIS MORNING!"

The 'Traf' bar next tih the 'Get Carter' car park in Gatesheed toon centre were runnin' a luxury mini bus tih this one, and we were telt that the bar would be open at 'seven bells' for an orly mornin' 'appitizer'!.




"Just knock on the window tih gerr'in!", we were telt, and (sure enough!) by the time we arrived there, there were quite a few 'bodies' in the bar!.
Sometime later the 'bus' torned up, but the anly trouble was, az wih hurried oot the bar tih claim the 'best seats', there were in fact 'nee seats' in the back tih sit on!.




The 'luxury bus' (az yeev nee doubt guessed by nuw!) was in fact a aad battered transit van! and ah did'nt fancy sittin' on a wheel arch aall the way doon tih Lancashire!.
"Divvint worry!", one of the lads said, "Aall just 'nick' a few stools oot the bar for wih tih sit on!", and that's what he did!.




The driver was a lad caalled Davy who a'd neva met before and he waz a reet rough lookin' bastard with a shaven heed, who looked like he'd just escaped from 'Durham' (jail!).
He had a large horn (er!---the kind yih blow in tee---NOT! the other kind!) which (of course!) he proceded tih blow in tee!




This waz followed by him shoutin' "FRESH FISH---CAUGHT IN THE OCEAN THIS MORNING!", at the top of hiz voice! (mimickin' the aad 'Laurel and Hardy' film of the 1930's where 'Stan' blew a huntin' horn to attract attention az they tried to sell fish!)
He looked totally 'off the map' and the bar manager waz not a 'happy bunny' az this waz (afta aall!) a 'lock in' and Gatesheed 'cop shop' waz just up the road!



It waz 'time tih gan' and mee worst fears aboot him were conformed az ah plonked mee 'arsenal' doon on one of the 'said' bar stools behind the drivers seat.
He reached into his 'sky rocket' and pulled oot a large syringe and procceded to inject himsel in the arm just before wih set off!.




F***** HELL!, ah thought, he's on F*****" HEROIN!---and---he's drivin' US! tih the F*****' match!.
Az yih can imagine?, the drive doon waz a bit 'hairy' tih say the least, and everytime he negotiated a roondaboot (at breakneck speed!) aall the stools the lads were sittin' on went flyin' tih the other side of the van, alang with the cans of 'gargel' and anythin' else that was'nt bolted doon!.




Tih try and stop this happenin' ah had an 'ingenious plan'!---aa anchored mee 'plates of meat' tih the floor by pushin' doon on it az hard az ah could, but unfortunatally on a couple of occasions it didn't work and ah went 'arse ower tit' in the process!.




There were of course nee bogs on the 'bus' so one of wor number, namley, *'Double Swahili' tried tih get a slash in an empty beer can, tekin' 'careful aim' az he did so!.
Some 'wise-crack' telt Davy tih 'hoy the anchors on' and az he did Kev went flyin' towards the back doors, spillin' the waam contents aall ower hiz troozaz! (He waz NOT! amused!) (Er!---but WE! were!)







"HERE COMES THE MUFFIN MAN!"

When wih arrived in Oldham sometime later, a bit battered and bruised in the 'battered' bus! (but miraculously still in one piece!) wih 'hit' the forst booza wih came tee on Ashton Old Road and settled doon for the duration.
The bar looked the 'spit' of the 'Rovers' in 'Cryforthenation Street', (Er!---they're aalways f***** cryin' on it!) and fittingly it was a reet f*****' hovel, but there was nee sign of Ena 'Hairnet' Sharpless or hor sidekick Albert Twatlock (divvint forget---this was back in 1979!)
Anyway!--the 'Arthurs' were cheap, so like a loppy dog, that's where wih 'parked' worsels till just before kick off!.




After aboot half an hour a gadgie waalked through the door with a tray full of what looked like smaall scones and 'stottie cakes'?.
The manageress on seein' him shooted tih one of the barmaids, "HERE'S THE MUFFIN MAN!".




The whole bar just borst oot laughin', much to the puzzlement of the bar staff (and of course the 'Muffin man'!) az the phrase obviously meens sommik completely different in Oldham than what it does in Geordieland!.
(If there are any young Geordie 'sprogs' readin' this---just ask yih faatha what the 'facts of life' are and 'MUFFIN' will come intih the conversation somewhere!)




After he'd delivered his wares the 'Muff Diver'--er! sorry!---'Muffin Man' departed to a huge cheer from the Toon Travellers az he trundled off doon the road in his breed van!. (And to this day aall bet he still has'nt got a clue what was gannin on!)




Afta a few more gargels it was 'time tih gan' and so wih drank up and piled back intih the van for the short drive tih the groond as that horn got another 'airin'!. "Fresh fi**!"
Oldham's claim tih fame iz that they have the highest groond in England (or so mee book of 'futbaall facts' tellz iz?) and the windswept terraces behind wor goal conformed this az a cold chill blew doon from the pennines which lurked menacingly in the distant haze beyond!.




The open terrace was concreted at the front and 'grass banked' at the rear which blended in porfectly with the moss covered hills 'yonder'! (Very scenic!)
Not so 'scenic' was the ancient 'Lookers Stand' on the touchline which looked ready tih collapse at any moment, shud a sudden gust of wind hit it!




The Toon had a followin' of aboot a thoosand and a half, (plus the horn!) which made up a qwaata of the gate and within a minute of the start they were rewarded with a goal when Irving Nattrass lobbed in from close range, givin' the home keeper 'nee chance'!.
However!---the joy was short lived when Oldam equalised mid-way through the half afta wor defence was split in two.




It remained ones a piece til the break and afta a quick 'gypsies' in the 'tool-shed' tih get rid of the excess 'Pennine Bitter', (which was nee better than a 'trench' cut intih the hill-side!) it was back tih the action in the second half!.




The wind picked up after the restart and luckily it was in wor favour and we laid seige tih their goal, but it was'nt til half way through the half that we regained wor lead when Alan Shoulder was unceremoniously hacked doon in the box by Keegan (naa---not THAT one!) and he duly convorted the resultin' spot kick.




Bang on time and with the wind nuw a pennine gale, Peter Withe hit a fierce 'wind assisted' left footer intih the roof of the net afta fine work from Mick 'Zico' Martin who sent in a cross from the right. (3-1 tih the Toon!)




The 'Lookers Stand' (amazingly!) was still standin' at the final whistle, (just!) despite the batterin' from the elements which threatened tih tear it's roof off!, and wih heeded back ower the pennines homeward bound!, but not before Davy had another 'fix' before settin' off!.----Help!




Sometime later we arrived back at the 'Traf' (STILL! in one piece ah may add!) for some 'celebratary ales'!.
Aa mentioned tih one the lads that it was a miracle that Davy hadn't crashed the van az he was 'az high az a kite'!




"NO! NO! yih daft f****r", he's a DIABETIC!,---he's not on HEROIN!, he's on INSULIN!".
(Cue---BRIGHT RED FACE!) (Cue---EXIT from BAR!)
(BYE BYE 'FINK'!)




Footnote:
Aa later telt Davy mee story and asked him if it was aalreet tih include this 'piece'  and he readily agreed! (cheers mate!)

*'Double Swahili'---an explanation. He's so caalled coz when he's had a few liquids he slurs his words and soonds like he's taalkin' in 'Swahili' az nebody can understand him!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)


*For 'Geordie Glossary of Terms' go to 'popular posts'  in right hand side bar >>>>>>>>>>>>>

REALITY CHECK!

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 6th November 2017

We at 'The Geordie Times' are realists and Saturdays shock defeat to the 2nd bottom side, and Everton's 3-2 win ower Wotfaad yesterday, meenz that we are now just FIVE points above the drop zone in 11th place, with some very hard games comin up in the next 2 months!

Ooot of the so called 'big six' (Man C, Moan U, Chelski, The Liverbirds, Sporz and The Arse) we have played just TWO game against them oot of the TWELVE to be played, (at home to Sporz and The Liverbirds ) which meeenz that we still have 10 left til the end of the season!

Realistically, we wont win ANY of these away games and can anly hope that we can get salvage sommik at St James' Park when we play them here?

The January transfor window now looks 'a must' to get a proven striker(s) into wor squad, or else we are in for a lang hard season! 

THE TOON 0 BOURNEMOOOTH 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '11 19am bells' Sunday 5th November 2017

A MINUTES SILENCE WOZ OBSORVED BEFORE THE KICK OFF

IN MEMORY OF THE GLORIOUS DEAD

2 and a half years ago we put in a horror show v Bournemoooth and lost in front of a capacity crowd---and it woz a case of 'de ja vu' az we lost the game in the 92nd minute after an aaful 2nd half performance in which wor visitors missed a sitter, hit the post and had countless corners at The Leazes End

1st HALF ACTION AZ WE ATTACK THE LEAZES END

The forst half woz a bit better for us az we went for 'the jugular' from 'the off' but couldnt find the net az we were well on top with efforts from Richie, Gayle and Atsu

The 2nd half as mentioned woz a complete shambles az we lost wor shape (and the game!) to drop into the bottom half of the table! (We were 6th 2 weeks ago and now sit 11th after 2 defeats in a row!)

WE ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END (2nd half)

A visit to 'The Theatre of Muppets' in a fortneets time iz next up on 'the list' az we look downwards instead of upwards in wor quest for survival in the top flight!

Before and after the match we 'Went on a bender for November'
in defiance of the 'Dry January' and 'Go sober in October' brigade!
(See article below!)

Toon team: Elliot, Lascelles (Clark 55), Yedlin, Lejeune, Manquillo, Richie, Hayden , Shelvey, Atsu (Murphy 83), Gayle, Joselu (Perez 68)

Attendance: 52,237 (1,300 happy travellers from the sooth coast)
*

THE TOON v BOURNEMOOOTH *** TODAY @ '3 BELLS'

Updated '11 00am bells' Saturday 4th November 2017

ST JAMES' PARK from LEAZES PARK

After Munday neet's shambolic display away to Bornley, we face Bouremoooth at SJP hopin to extend wor home record to 4 undefeated games.

What we need iz 3 points to move us up a couple of places and ease any fears of us getting dragged into the bottom half of the table (we currently sit 9th)

Just like the last time we played them, there will be a capacity crowd to witness it with wor visitors takin up 1,600 tickets in 'level 7'---What we divvint want iz the same result!---a 3-1 defeat which saw 'The Wally with the Brolly' finally getting hiz marchin orders az we heeded 'full pelt' towards the relegation cliff edge!

He quoted after the match: "I cant see any positives, but we have to stick together!" (REEELY?)
'John "I'm the best manager in the world!" Carver' then took the reigns 'to finish the job' and it woz he who finally steered us ower the cliff edge! 

Amazingleee, SIX of wor team who played in that 'horror show' match 20 months ago, are still on wor books!---namely: Elliot, Lascelles, Dummett, Shelvey, Colback and Perez!

Merino still haz a dodgy back and will miss oot, az will Colback who iz still recoverin' from an old injury!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here az per usual with pub photos from wor "Lets gan on a bender!" campaign!

(see next artile below!)

Footnote:

The telly fixtures for January 2018 have just been released (a week late!) and wor anly fixture change iz The Blue Moonies of Mancland which kicks off at 5 30 bells on the origional date--aall the rest stay the same!

Sat 30th December 3 bells  (Ne where near) Brighton--home
Mon 1st January 3 bells  'The P*ss Potters' of Stoke--away
Sat 6th January  FA Cup 3rd roond ?
Sat 13th January 3 bells  Swanzee---home
Saturday 20th January 5 30 bells (BT) The Blue Moonies of Mancland--away
Wednesday 31st January 7 45 bells  The Bornley Hillbillies---home 

LETS GAN ON A 'BENDER' IN NOVEMBER AND DECEMBER!

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Wednesday 1st November 2017---Updated 'high noon bells' Thorsday

This boozer in Tottenham 

only served 'light ales'!

THE WATERLOO ON WESTGATE ROAD

NOW DEMOLISHED!!!!

Just one of the many Toon pubs lost forever!!!

The Geordie Times iz sick to death of aall these campaigns to stop us havin a 'gargel' or 10!

We have "Dry January" and now someone else haz started a
"Go sober in October!"
Its ridiculous!  Its NOT against the law to drink alcohol ---iz it?
(What next? "Go dry in July!"?)

What the hell iz wrang with havin a few gallons and a bit 'crack' before and after a match----or indeed, anytime yoo like!

The number of pubs and clubs that are closin because of people 'givin up'---or drinkin in the hoose iz frightnin!

Many years ago we used to drink in The Waterloo on the corner of Westgate Road and Bath Lane before and after home games, but to wor devistation this woz just one of the many boozers that have been raised to the groond in The Toon in recent years!
News reaches us from wor 'north west sauce' that one of wor fave 'away' haunts, The Retro in central Manchester iz now boarded up like so many others!

THE RETRO BAR, MANCHESTER

NOW BOARDED UP!!!

Some previous 'away' haunts have been torned into flower shops, Costa Coffees and even a mosque near Crystal Palace's groond  (now The Thornton Heath Islamic Centre!) and some have been set on fire and bornt to the groond! (Tottenham riots!)

THIS USED TO BE A PUB CAALLED 'THE VICTORY'!

See roof carving!
Kings Head nr Arsenal
Now a Costa Coffee shop!

WE USED TO DRINK IN THIS PUB PRE MATCH

ON TOTTENHAM HIGH ROAD!

NOT ANY MORE!

Its time to 'fight back' and The Geordie Times iz startin a
"LETS GAN ON A BENDER IN NOVEMBER AND DECEMBER!"
We are not sayin that yoo shud drink yoursel stupid, but havin a few 'liquid lubrications' iz part of 57the British way of life!

We dont want to hear of anymore 'home' or 'away' pubs bein closed for lack of punters, so get yoursel 'oot on the hoy' and help save wor 'drinkin dens'

Every pub and club we visit in these next 2 months will be chronicled and listed below, startin with wor home game v Bournemoooth on Saturday!

"Remember remember to gan on a 'bender'!"


FOOTNOTE:
A few years ago, on wor way to Palace, one of the lads said that there woz a great little pub tucked away in the side street and so we heeded there
On the way I joked that it had probably been torned into a mosque!
Az we rounded a corner, there woz the pub with Thornton Heath Islamic Centre, written where the pub sign used to be!
"Are yoo psychic?" one of them asked me! (Not exactleee a 'mosque', but I woz close anyway!)

On a visit to Arsenal aboot 3 years ago aa heeded for a boozer on Holloway Road which a'd visited previously---but aa couldnt find it?
Where iz it, aa thought--- and then aa 'tumbled'
Aa looked up and above a Costa Coffee shop there woz a name etched into the ornate stone work
'KINGS HEAD' it said and the mystery woz solved!

Durin' the Tottenham riots aa switched on mee telly to see one of the pubs we normally drink in, bein' borned to the groond!

"The BUSTARDS!"--I said to wor lass "That's one of the pubs we drink in, on wor way to Sporz!"
"Not any more!", she replied!!!

WE TOLD YOO SO ON SATURDAY!

Posted 11 00 pm bells Tuesday 31st October @ Woodall sorvices truck park M1

News reaches us that after guidin the SMBs to a joint English record of not winnin for 19 home games in a row, that 'Larry' Grayson haz been peddled just 16minutes after they drew with Bolton to equal the record!

We told yoo on Saturday in The Geordie Times that he woz seen in The Tudor Rose in Dunston and woz 'a dead man walkin'!

Its unbeleeevable that they have sacked such a brilliant manager who oversaw NO home wins under hiz tenure!
The anly blot on hiz CV in the 15 leegue games he woz in charge woz a solitary away win at Norwich!

More news from
The Stadium of Ssshhh!!! (Ye naa wot!)

THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 31st October 2017

 THE TOON ATTACK THE 'FISHWICK END' WHERE WE WERE HOUSED (1st half)

(View from row 'P')

"TELL ME WHY?---I DONT LIKE MUNDAYS!"

Anothaa away game against one of the 'so caalled' lesser teams and anothaa 1-0 defeat, when we shud have got sommik oot of the game!
Palace goal here Merino woz missin' with a back injury and with ne punch up front we couldn't break doon the Bornley defence az sideways pass after sideways pass left us in 'no mans land' in midfield for most of the game!

ACTION AT THE FAR END (2nd half)

One goal would decide this game we thought and it came from the home side in the 75th minute when a missteak by Perez near the centre circle resulted in a shot which woz parried by Elliot in The Toon goal, aanly for the rebound to fall nicely to the feet of Hendric who woz 2 yards oot and he hit a shot into the roof of the net, which your great-granny could have scored!

1-0 to 'The Hillbillies' az we desperatleee tried to get the equaliser and late on Hayden and Manquillo went very close to findin' the net but instead fooond the advertisin' hoardings behind the far goal and the game woz lost! (the 14th time in a row that we have failed to win an away game played on a Munday!)

A 'wake up caall' if ever there woz one az we slid 3 places doon the table to 9th after this and the othaa weekend results!

Up til now we haven't played ANY of the 'so caalled' 'big six' away from home, but will do in the next couple of months!

9th place might soond OK, but with tough games against Moan U, Chelski and 'The Arse' to play away soon, we NEED the 3 points against Bornemoooth at SJP next Saturday, for certain!

Toon team: Elliot, Manquillo, Lejeune,Yedlin, Diame (Gayle 83), Shelvey, Richie (Murphy 79), Atsu, Perez (Hayden 76), Joselu

Attendance: 21,031 (2,500 Toon fans facin' a 'reality check'!)

WE REMEMBER THE WAR HEROS BEFORE KICK OFF

THE PRE MATCH 'GARGELS' TOOK PLACE HERE

IN BORNLEY TOON CENTRE 

* 

THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES v THE TOON *** TOONEET!

Posted '10:22am bells' Munday 30th October 2017

"WE DONT LIKE MUNDAYS!"

At the bequest of SKY telly we are on wor travels across the Pennines tooneet to see The Toon play Bornley high up in the hills at Turf Moor, their home since the 19th century!
It's sure to be freeeezin' up there, so if yoo are gannin, be sure to wrap up in some warm clothes!
                     ⇊

Aall games in this leegue are tough and it wont be 'easy peasy' come the '8 bells' kick off time!

Not suprizingly we have sold wor full allocation of 2,500 tickets in this 20,000 capacity venue.

We hardly ever play well away on a Munday and this will be wor FOURTEENTH attempt at winnin an away game on the forst day of the week! (Wor last Munday away win woz at Bolton 2-0 SIX years ago!)

We are currently 8th in the table after the weekends results and shud we draw we will move up to 7th place and a win would propel us up to 6th position!

Would we be happy with a draw?---well the answer iz YES! az any points gained away from home are good ones!

We are settin off this afternoon at '2 30 bells' and after pick ups at various places we shud arrive at wor destination by '5 30 bells'

A full Geordie Times match report and pix will appear here sometime on Tuesday---watch this space az per usual!