NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS---"WE TOLD YOO SO!"

Posted '1:27pm bells' Friday 19th May 2017

THE TURNBULL GROOND, WHITBY

9 days ago 'The Geordie Times' released details of wor forst U23s frriendlies of the season at Whitby!
nufc.com haz just posted that TODAY!---more than a week after us! ("HA! HA!--we were forst!---this time!")
Worsels, Celtic, AZ Aalkmaar and of course the hosts Whitby Toon, will play in a 4 team tournament at The Turnbull Groond at the end of July!
We play Celtic at '7:45 bells on Thorsday 27th July and eetha Whitby or AZ Aalmaar on Saturday 29th July with that ko time dependin' on wethaa we win or lose on Thorsday ('1:30 bells' ko for losers---'5:30 bells' ko for winners)
Tickets for each game are:£10 for big kids', £6 for zimmerframeites and £3 for sprogs!

Rumours have it that wor forst team will be sailin' off to Ireland in pre season, az well az friendlies in Ing-er-land and at SJP!
(Europe haz aalso been mentioned by wor secret agent, namely 'Secret Pigeon'!)

'SECRET PIGEON' AT WOR GAME v PRESTON!

"REMEMBER!!!  REEED THE GEORDIE TIMES FORST FOR AALL THE LATEST PRE SEASON FRIENDLY UPDATES!!"

"SORVES THEM REET FOR TAKIN' 'WOR EYES OOT'!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 18th May 2017

TOON FANS IN TOP TIER
EMPTY SEATS IN BOTTOM TIER!
(Photo 'nicked' off nufc.com!)

"HILLSBOROUGH HILLBILLIES HORROR!

'uddersfield beat 'The Hillsborough Hillbillies' last neet in a dramatic penalty shoot-out and will progress to the Play Off Final at Wembley at the end of the month v 'The Biscuitmen of Readin'!

I cannit say I am sorry to see Wednesday faall at the penultimate hurdle az they charged us a ridiculous £42 to get in this antiquated pre-historic groond in April---the highest we had to 'cough up' for an away ticket durin' the season!
(The Premyaa Leegue maximum iz £30!)

They anly gave us the upper tier of The Leppings Lane End az well, (3,200) but were unable to sell the extorshinate £42 tickets to their own fans, who were housed in the lower tier, when they could easily have sold them to us! (see top photo)
(Capacity of Hillsborough 39,000---attendance 28,883!)
We actually got 1,500 less tickets than Leeedz got for their Yorkshire derby! --and Leeedz fans were charged less az well!
 
It haz been estimated that promotion via the play offs will earn a mind bogglin' £170,000,000 to the winnners and £300,000,000 if they manage to avoid relegation!!!

"SORVES THEM REET--IF YOO ASK US!"

THE TOON U23s 1 THE JELLIED EELS MOB U23s 2 ***DIVISION 2 PLAY OFF FINAL

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 17th May 2017



 NUFC U23s TAKE A FREE KICK @ THE GALLOWGATE END
PIC FROM WOR PAPARAZZI REPORTER 'DAVE FROM YORK'
WHO WOZ IN THE MIDDLE OF THE EAST STAND

 
The Toon's 'second string' failed in their bid to win promotion to the 'top flight' of the reorve leegue when they lost 2-1 to 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham last neet at SJP!

A Smith corner in the 19th minute foond the heed of Cameron who nodded it of to Heardman and he scrambled the baall ower the goal line to give us a 1-0 lead, az 'Rafa' and hix staff looked on from The Milburn Stand'!

However, West Ham's Martinez had othaa ideas and he scored twice after this just before and after the half time interval to give the "eest Landaners" the victory and promotion to the forst division of the resorve leegue!

Attendance: 1,824 includin' a handful of the 'Jellied Eels Mob' diehards in the corner of The East Stand!

"WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF FUN!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 16th May 2017

"WE'VE GOT 2 NEW SIGNINGS AZ WELL!!
IZ THAT 'SUPERMAC' ON THE FAR LEFT AND 'BEARDO' ON THE FAR RIGHT?"

"AALL REET MEE OLD CHINA!"

A new sponsors name will adorn wor strips next season az 'wonga' have been consigned to the dustbin!
'FUN88', who are a Far East gamblin' company will sponsor us for the next 3 seasons!
The new strip will have RED numbers on the back for the forst time since the 1980's and 'FUN88' will be in light bluey/green on the front---strips gan on sale on June 15th next month!

Meeenwhile!---wor U23 side are in a play off final at SJP tooneet when we face 'The Jellied eels Mob' of West Ham!
It's a 'one off' game and the winners win promotion to Premyaa Leegue 2--Division 1 (the 'top flight of the resorve leegues!)

KO iz at '7 bells' and the East Stand will be open ---FREE to season ticket holders and members and £3 for 'big kids' and £1 for sprogs and zimmerframeites who arnt!

"THERE'LL BE A WELCOME IN THE HILLSIDES!"

Posted '10:30am bells' Munday 15th May 2017

Swanzee's 2-0 win at The SOS on Saturday coupled with Hull's 4-0 defeat at Palace yesterday, meeenz that we will have a *700 mile (plus) 'continental' trek to Sooth Wales and back again next season!--az Hull gan doon and Swanzee stay up! (*707.2 miles to be exact!)
Cedric the Swan will no doubt greet us with open 'wings' when we arrive!

The Championship play offs both ended 'aall square' so we are ne wiser az to where we will be heedin' to come next seasons fixtures.
We would prefer 'uddersfield to come up az we foond a canny club there----and it isn't far on the train!

Sheff Wed would be next on wor 'list', az again, it isn't tooo far away!
Fulim iz wor 3rd choice az London iz anly 3 hours away by 'Inter City'
The one we divvint want iz 'The Biscuitmen of Readin' az this meenz 2 trains a tube ride and a bus ride from Readin' station to their groond which iz 4 miles away from the train station!
(Yoo CAN get a train direct to Readin' BUT it teks ages to get there via a 'Cross Country train'!)

Az the Championship play off final isn't till the end of the month, we will have 2 weeks to wait to find oot!

Not includin' the above scenario we will have at least NINE train trips to King's Cross (KX, London) next season!
(Sporz, Chelski, 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham, Wotfaad, The Arse, Fat Sam's Palace, Bournemoooth (via KX), (ne where near) Brighton (via KX) and Sooothampton (via KX)
And if eetha Fulim or Readin' join 'the elite leegue' it will be TEN!---more than half wor 19 away games!

We could in fact travel to nearly AALL wor uttha away games by train via Cross Country etc---apart from Stoke which iz a bustard of a place to get te!---even by road! (Fixture 'times' could effect aall this of course!)

COPY 'CATS'

Posted '11:35am bells' Munday 15th May 2017

So we just had to copy the mackems and fly a plane ower their groond celebratin their relegation, az they did to us last season.

Sorry!-- but it doesn't work when somebody else haz done it forst---and to put a banner sayin' "United by cancer--divided by leagues" iz cringeworthy in wor opinion!

It cost the mackems £1,000 last season to fly the plane ower wor groond and we can anly assume it cost 'us' the same on Saturday.
That money would have been better spent givin' it DIRECT to a cancer fund and NOT to the company who flew the plane!

"IT'S EMBARRESSIN'!"

"18 LIVE GAMES?---YOUR HAVIN' A LAFF!"

Posted 10:42am bells Sunday 14th May 2017

SKY telly haz takin' the number of televised games today to new heights!--for they are showin' an incredible total of EIGHTEEN LIVE GAMES from 'high noon bells' til 11:00pm bells' tooneet!

Divvint beleeeve me?----then just look at this!

1 'High noon bells' : Palace v Hull (Sky Sports 1 HD)
2 'High noon bells' : 'uddersfield v Sheff Wed (Sky Sports 2)
3 '1:30pm bells' : Feyenoord v Hercales (Sky Sports 2-red button)
4 '1:30pm bells' : Willem 11 v Ajax (Sky Sports 2-red button)
5 '2:15pm bells' : West Ham v Liverpool (Sky Sports 1 HD)
6 '3:00pm bells' : Alaves v Celta Vigo (Sky Sports 2 HD)
7 '4:30pm bells' : Sporz v Man U (Sky Sports 1 HD)
8 '6:30pm bells' : Blackpool v Luton (Sky Sports 2)
9 '6:30pm bells' : Carlisle v Exeter (Sky Sports 2-red button)
10 '7:00pm bells' : Bilbao v Leganes (Sky Sports 3-red button)
11 '7:00pm bells' : Eiber v Gijon (Sky Sports 3-red button)
12 '7:00pm bells' : Real Madrid v Sevilla (Sky Sports 3 HD)
13 '7:00pm bells' : Sociadad v Malaga (Sky Sports 3-red button)
14 '7:00pm bells' : Villarreal v Deportivo (Sky Sports 3-red button)
15 '7:00pm bells' : Las Palmas v Barcelona (Sky Sports 5 HD)
16 '7:00pm bells':Betis v Atletico Madrid (Sky Sports 3-red button)
17 '9:00pm bells' : Portland v Atlanta (Sky Sports 2 HD)
18 '11:00pm bells' :New York Red Bulls v LA Galaxy (Sky Sports 2 HD) 

ABSOLUTLEEEE INCREDABLE!!!
"Hope your lass likes futbaall?"

"YOO POOR DELUDED SOUL!"

Posted '3:15pm bells' Saturday 13th May 2017

"ARE THEY PEOPLES HOUSES?"
(Ramshackle pigeon duckets somewhere near The SOS!)

We divvint normally mention the SMBs too often in this blog but 'Miseryguts Moyes' haz come oot with TWO ridiculous statements ower the last couple of days!

Forstly he claims that because the mackems will be the biggest team in The EFL next season, they will attract aall the best players for that leegue!
Divvint be so daft!!!---az soon az any players see the surroundings near The Stadium of "Sshhhh! (yee naa wot!) they will run a mile to get away from the place!

pENNYWELL, sUND'LIND
(The 'scenic route' to The SOS!)

Secondly he claims that 'if' he had been in charge last season, there iz "No way!" that Jermaine Defoe would have had a clause written into hiz contract that 'if' (when!) the mackems were relegated then he could gan 'on a free'!

It's dead simple yoo stupid get!---Defoe WOULDN'T have signed in the forst place, if that clause WASN'T written in to hiz contract!!!!
"Yoo poor deluded soul!"



DAVID MOYES SHOWS A POTENTIAL NEW SIGNING AROUND
A TYPICAL pENNYWELL PENTHOUSE!
"IT'S NOT EXACTLY LIKE THE PENTHOUSE YOU'VE BEEN LIVING IN---
BUT THIS IS sUND'LIND!"

"THANK GOD WE'RE NOT IN THE PLAY OFFS!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 12th May 2017

"Champions of the Championship!"

The Championship play offs start this weekend and we can relax, knowin' that we wont be involved and can watch the games withoot tearin' wor hair oot by the roots!

'uddersfield play 'The Hillsborough Hillbillies' at home on Saturday in a Yorkshire derby and 'The Biscuitmen of Readin' gan to Fulim on Sunday, with the 2nd legs next Tuesday and Wednesday
("ER!"---got it the wrang way roond---Readin' iz Saturday and 'uddersfield iz Sunday!)

And my preferred winners?  'UDDERSFIELD!---az their fans created a brilliant atmosphere when we went there and we foond a canny club az well!----It's not far on the train eethaa!

Meeenwhile the nutters of Millwaall play Bradfaad in the Leegue 1 play off final for a place in The Championship!

Hope Millwaall win and that the SMBs 'enjoy' (not!) their visit to 'The Den of Iniquity' next season!!!! 

NUFC MAD SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS!---UPDATE---GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 10th May 2017
Updated Friday 12th May

WHITBY

The season iz hardly ower and aalready we have some pre season fixtures to bring yoo from wor club insider, namely 'Secret Pigeon'!
(pictured at wor home game v Preston)

On Thorsday 27th July and Saturday 29th July, wor under 23s side will play in a tournament in WHITBY, north Yorkshire!



There's a brilliant fish shop called 'The Magpie' in the toon  and yoo can bet your bottom dollar that that's where aa'll be heedin' for the pre match 'nose bag' before gannin' 'on the hoy'!

REMEMBER!---yoo hord this news forst in 'The Geordie Times' and ne where else!

PS: A'v been to Whitby's groond once before, many, many, moons ago, to see Whitby play 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston in the Northern Leegue

Dunston won an amazin' game 7-6 in torrential rain and after the match aa heeded for the clubhoose!
A Whitby committee man said it woz a fair result at 6-6!!!?

I pointed oot that the final score woz infact 7-6 NOT 6-6 and that he must have missed one of Dunston's goals!  ---He woz devastated!!!!

PPS: Have just hord off 'The Silver Fox' that The Magpie fish shop haz been 'gutted' ! (NO the fish havvent been 'gutted', the shop haz been gutted by 'fire' and iz shut indefinitely!)  (divvint worry--there's plenty more in this fishin' port!)