"IT'S GOOD NEWS WEEK!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 11th May 2017

On Tuesday 'Budgie the Helicopter' (pictured above!) whisked 'Rafa the Gaffa' and  'Penfold' (wor beloved MD) away from wor trainin' groond to a meetin' with 'The Fat Controller' in deepest Derbyshire, aboot funds for next season in the Premyaa Leegue!

We honestly didn't naa just wot the outcome would be---BUT!---'good news' haz come from the meetin' and Rafa WILL STAY!

At last 'the penny haz dropped' and 'yes men' managers like 'I Beg Your Pardew' and 'The Wally With The Brolly' who 'blow hot air' and fools like Joke Kinnear are consigned to the dustbin (where are they now?) 


Wor 'beloved owner' haz said that Rafa can have every single penny orned by the club to strengthen the team for next season.

Thankfully this hasn't dragged on for month's and wor manager can now de some recruitin' (and sellin') in the transfor market

We arnt daft and know it wont be easy, but consolidation in the top flight iz aall that matters---for now!

Hopefully we can challenge for one of the 'cups' and not put weakened teams oot in theeeze competitions!

The Champions Leegue iz anothaa matter and iz 'oot of wor thinkin' ---for the time bein' at least!---who knows aboot the future though, with a gaffa of Rafa's standin'!!!

Much more (undoubtedly) to follow on aall this in the next few days and weeks!

"THE JOYOUS NEWS JUST GANZ ON AND ON!"

Posted '1:01pmbells' Tuesday 9th May 2017

Followin' on from Sunday's fantastic celebrations on becomin' 'Champions of the Championship', wor U23 side have reached the Premier Leegue 2 play off final by beatin' Fulim's equivalent 2-0 at SJP last neet in from of a 437 crowd, includin' 'Rafa the Gaffa'!
(Scorers, Jamie Holmes and Stu Findlay)

We now meet 'The Jellied Eels Mob U23s' (West Ham!) in the 'one off' final, which will be played at SJP on a date to be decided!

The winners gan into The Premier League forst division! (top flight!)

TWO promotions in the same season back to 'the top flight'???
Lets hope so!!!

In othaa joyous news, 'The Smoggies' were relegated at Chelski last neet and will join their mackem brethren in 'the abyss' of The Championship next season (enjoy your 25 weekday games boys and girls!)---(the number NUFC have played this season!)

At one time I had nowt against 'The Smog Monsters' but when they cheered on Man U when they pipped us to The Premyaa Leegue title in 1996---aall that changed!

It's certainly been a very happy last 3 weeks if yoo are a Toon fan!---that's for sure!!!!

THE TOON 3 BARNSLEEE 0 *** EFL 2016-2017

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 8th May 2017

TAKIN' LOYALTIES TO NEW EXTREMES!
A TOON FAN BRINGS A FRAMED PHOTO OF RAFA TO THE GAME 
(TAKEN FROM HIZ LIVING ROOM WAALL!!!!)

"AGAINST AALL THE ODDS!"

Where the hell do aa start????
The day started off in Bar Loco in Leazes Park Road where broon ale woz on the menu at '10:30 am bells'!
It woz then 'onward to The Leazes End Club ower the road where aa met up mee grandson Jamie aged 7 who woz with hiz mam Julie!
The 'high noon bells' kick off meant that we didn't have much time and a 'shovelled' a pint of John Smiths doon mee 'Gregory' (Gregory Peck=neck!) before heedin' for the tornstiles!

Jamie haz a season ticket beside me and haz been to EVERY home game this season!---(Aalso in attendance waz anothaa grandson, Zac aged 6, who woz with hiz daddy Craig!)

The sequence of events that followed are recorded in a 'time line'

'High noon bells': The game kicks off with the knowledge that if Brighton win at Villa then NUFC will finish in the runners up spot!

23rd minute: Perez opens the scorin' at The Leazes End when he back fips the baall into the net! 1-0!
(The Villa v Brighton game iz still scoreless which meenz we are top 'az it stood')

ACTION AZ WE ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL

59th minute: Chancel Mbemba puts us '2 up' when he fires in at The Gallowgate End to virtually seal the win az Barnslee were very poor! (still 0-0 at Villa!)

64th minute: The celebratory mood changes in an instant to one of abject depression, az the 2,700 Barnslee fans let us know, in no uncertain terms that Brighton have scored a penalty---and worse than that, Villa have had a player sent off az well! (Brighton are now top 'az it stood')
The gleeful Barnslee fans are in full voice az they sing: "Your gonna win f*** all!" ---ZERO marks oot of 10 for them! (Pleeeze tell me, wot have we done against them to be so spiteful?--does EVERYBODY reeely hate us?)


THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE GOAL


90th minute: Substitute Dwight Gayle puts us '3 up' to muted cheers! from the capacity crowd az Brighton looked certain to win the title!
I tell Jamie that "It doesn't matter!" az we are still gannin up!

91st minute: EUPHORIA!!! News filters through on the many mobile 'telling bones' aroond us--- THAT!---VILLA HAVE EQUALISED!!!!! the exact time that Gayle had scored wor thord goal!!!-- The roar of the crowd at that definin' moment in time woz DEAFENIN!!!! az disbelief and unbridled joy enveloped us!!!

93rd minute: Wor game haz finished BUT they are still playin' at Villa Park az the players stand in the middle of the pitch--hoping against hope that Villa can hang on!----
97th minute:--with 7 minutes stoppage time bein' played at Villa Park the ref at that game finally blows hiz whistle to end the game and give us the title!!!

Ecstatic scenes then envelope the stadium az the players dive in a heep, az aa hold Jamie aloft in The Milburn Stand!
One fan in front of us haz brought a large framed photo of Rafa which he took from hiz living room waall!!! and holds it aloft az the crowd cheer wildly!---BRILLIANT!
(How the hell did he get THAT past security?)

A few minutes later we receive the trophy az the Barnslee end skulks away very quickly (may they get stuck in a massive traffic jam on the 'A1' motorway, on their way back to their south Yorkshire sh**holes!)

3 weeks ago aftaa wor disastrous 3-1 defeat at Ipswich we were 7 points behind Brighton with just 3 games to gan---aall they had to de woz win ONE of those games and they would be champions!
They lost the forst 2 and drew at Villa az we WON wor last 3--- against aall the odds!---Special thanx to Jack Grealish, who scored the Villa goal that gave us the title! (yoo are on my 'Xmas card list' for sure!)

Toon team: Elliot, Yedlin, Hayden (Haidera 13), Mbemba, Dummett, Atsu, Shelvey (Diame 72), Colback, Gouffran, Perez (Gayle 80), Mitrovic

Attendance: 52, 276 (2,700 very sad  Barnslee fans!)
*


THESE 'LUCKY BLACK N WHITE STRIPED TRAINERS'
HAVE BEEN WORN BY FINK
TO EVERY ONE OF WOR 53 LEEGUE AND CUP GAMES THIS SEASON!
THE SOLES ARE COMPLETLEE 'NACKERED' AND WORN OOT
AFTER AALL THE TRAVELLIN' (AND WAALKIN!)
AND ARE READY FOR 'RETIREMENT'!
(THERE'LL BE NEW TRAINERS WORN FOR NEXT SEASONS 
PREMYAA LEEGUE FIXTURES FOR CERTAIN!)



THE TOON v BARNSLEEE *** 'HIGH NOON BELLS' TOMORROW!

Posted '1:15pm bells' Saturday 6th May 2017

"I HAVE A 10 YEAR PLAN!"

The final curtain comes doon at SJP tomorrow at 'high noon bells', when we play Barnsleee in wor final and hopefully LAST EVER game in the EFL!
Wor visitors have sold aall of their 2,700 allocation of tickets in a match that haz been 'selt oot' for weeks! 

Just been watchin' 'Rafa the Gaffa' on 'Futbaall Focus' and he said that he could be here for TEN years--under the right conditions! (Are yoo readin' this Mike?)

Will the 'Hazbeenz & Villans' de us a favour tomorrow and beat (ne where near) Brighton?
Aall of  their manager 'Broken Nose Bruce's family live in 'The Toon' and they will aall be hopin' that hiz side can de 'the business'?

We of course must beat Barnslee to start with --or even a draw would de if Brighton lose, to claim the title (on goal difference!)

I've got nowt better to de than listen to the sports programmes on the radio az aa drive mee truck back and forwards to Redditch in deepest Worcestershire. They had a poll on 'Talk Sport' last neet which said 51% of Toon fans wanted us to win the title and 49% weren't bothered--az lang az we won automatic promotion!

Az for little old ME?--I want the title---BUT! promotion iz aall that reeely matters and I will just have to 'live with it' if Chris Hughton's team win The Championship!
(They are in the 'drivin seat' this time---not me!)

We shall sooon find ooot! (fingers & toes crossed!)

"AND WHEN WE WIN THE CHAMPIONSHIP"???

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 4th May 2017


BUT WILL WE BE 'TOP' ON SUNDAY?

Not lang to gan nuw until the very last game of this 'marathon' season!---and to be honest aa could 'de with a complete rest' from the relentless 'grind'  of travellin'--especially the lang distance away games which have nearly aall fell on a week day!

Fulim away (a Frriday), Qpr away (a Wednesday), Brighton away (a Tuesday), Norwich away (a Tuesday), Readin' away (a Tuesday or a Wednesday--cant remember now!), Ipswich away (a Munday), Cardiff away (a Friday)---and that's just to mention the ones that are a roond trip of between 550-700 miles!
Of course in between these games av had to drive a truck 430 miles to Redditch and back to Tyneside--and it HAZZENT been easy---believe yoo me!

Thank god we are back in the 'BIG time' where there will be EIGHT less mid week games!

Wor final game of this 'marathon' teks place on Sunday when Barnsleee are the visitors to SJP, which iz a total sell-oot (suprize-suprize!) and iz wor 53rd competitive game (includin' the 'cups')

Amazingly-aftaa lookin' like we had 'blown the title' at Ipswich, we now find worsels just ONE solitary point behind leeeders (ne where near) Brighton, who must travel to Villa Park on Sunday needin' a win to win the title!
A BIG favour iz needed off a BIG man, namely 'Broken Nose Bruce', whose Hazbeenz & Villans side line up against them!
Of course we still have to beat Barnsleee to have any chance, but dafter things have happened and the pressure iz on THEM (for a change!) (even a draw would de us--IF Brighton lost!--az we have a much better goal difference!)

ie: If we get a better result than Brighton then 'we' win the title---anythin' else and its theirs!

More to follow on aall this in the next few days (and neets!)    

THE TAFFY NOSES 0 THE TOON 2 *** EFL 2016-2017 (EFL stands for English Football League---pleeze tell me which country CARDIFF iz in?)

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 30th April 2017

'GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE!
ATSU FREE KICK GOAL (Atsu next to ref)
View from row BB

"ANOTHAA PERFECT DAY!"

Followin' on from the 'Perfect Day' results of last weekend, we were hopin' (against hope!) that aall the results would gan wor way again---and they DID!

Yet again aa had to catch a train with just ower 3 hours kip after de'in me usual 430 mile 'night truck run' to Redditch and back from the Thorsday afternoon til '2:30 am bells' on the Friday mornin'

Aa got to kip aboot '3 bells' and got up again at '6:30 bells', az aa HAD to catch the train(s) to sooth Wales which left 'The Central' 2 hours later!
With hardly any 'shut eye' aa felt like a'd been 'dragged backwards through a hedge 37 times!' az aa boarded the 'Cross Country' train to Bormingham and then onward on anothaa train to Cardiff (via wor 'digs' in Newport, where we dumped wor owerneet bags!)

We heeded straight for wor 'fave haunt' roond these parts, namely, 'The Canton Rugby Club' which iz a 10 min waalk from the away tornstiles, where several 'tonsil ticklers' were 'downed' before heedin' for the groond!

Ower 4,000 Toon fans were here and they were in very good voice az the game kicked off, singin' the tune to The Beatles 'Yellow Submarine': "sund'lind's goin' down! and Newcasil's goin' up!", throughoot the game! (givin' 2 arm DOWNward motion when sund'lind is mentioned and 2 arm UPWARD motions when Newcasil iz mentioned!) (revenge iz sweet aftaa they celebrated wor relegation barely 11 month's ago!)

The 1st half woz a bit 'iffy' and the anly highlight woz a shot from Atsu which their keeper saved---the anly shot on target that aa can remember from 'us' in this half!

1st HALF ACTION AZ WE ATTACK THE FAR END

The 2nd half woz different though az we attacked the end in which we were housed and the breakthrough came in the 55th minute when Atsu woz brought doon on the edge of the box!
He took the kick himself, sendin' the Cardiff goalie the wrang way az the baall flew into the left hand corner of the goal, from where we were--and send the 4,000 faithful into ecstasy! (see top photo!)

The 2nd and 'killer goal' came 10 mins later when Hayden woz given a 'free run' and he hammered the baall from 20 yards oot, into the right hand corner of the goal from us, with the Cardiff keeper rooted to the spot!
That's the way it stayed, which meant that we had closed the gap on Brighton to ONE solitary point and put 'the pressure' on them to win the title in front of their own fans the next day!

We are in the NUFC record books az well ,az we beat the 13 away wins under 'Special K' with wor 14th away win of the season!

THE PLAYERS CELEBRATE WITH RAFA (black suit)
AT THE END OF THE GAME AZ
THE TOON FANS CLAP AND SHOUT WILDLY!

After the game we heeded back to wor hotel in Newport where celebratory drinks were consumed in the nearby boozers, before heedin 'for the sack' to get some much needed 'shut-eye'!---"ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!" 

The next day woz spent on a train back to London and then onward to The Toon from King's Cross, where the mobile 'telling bones' were 'on the ready' to see if the SMB's would be finally relegated if they got a worse result than Hull!
They DID! (they lost 1-0--Hull drew 0-0) and we joyously celebrated in carriage 'D' of the train!

More good news woz comin' through when we eventually got back to The Toon when we foond oot that Brighton had LOST 1-0 at home to 'The Big Bristols', meanin' that the fight for the title would gan to the last day of the season next Sunday----Anothaa 'perfect day' to follow on from the week before!!! (scroll doon to the bottom of the page to see that report!)

Toon team: Elliot, Yedlin, Mbemba, Clark, Dummett, Atsu, Hayden, Diame, Colback (Shelvey 73), Perez (Sterry 90), Murphy (Mitrovic 66)

Attendance: 23,153 (4,262 very happy Toon fans!) 
Cardiff's highest crowd of the season!

BEST CROWD OF THE SEASON--
BUT STILL THOOSANDS OF EMPTY SEATS!

*  The pre and post match 'gargels' took place here!




THE 'WELLY', BORMINGHAM (IN BETWEEN TRAINS)

POTTERS BAR, NEWPORT
(STAB PROOF VEST RECOMMENDED!)

INSIDE 'THE LINTON', NEWPORT

THE QUEENS, NEWPORT

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!

ON THE WAY TO CARDIFF!
"ZZZZzzzz!!!!"

ON THE WAY BACK FROM CARDIFF!
"ZZZZzzzz!!!!"





 



"WOT GANS AROOND---COMES AROOND!"

Posted 'just after 'high noon bells' Sunday 30th April 2017

Barely 11 months ago the mackems celebrated at 'The Stadium of SHHH! "yee naa wot"---az they secured their top flight status az we were relegated--They even flew a plane ower SJP in wor last game with a banner celebratin' wor demise and hung a banner off the Tyne Bridge which said 'DOWN YOU GO!'

We reeeely DO HOPE that the mackem who organised the plane and banner and the fans who contributed to the costs of £1,000 for it to fly it ower wor groond, were at yesterday's game!
The question iz!---will they fly a plane ower wor groond in wor last game THIS SEASON celebratin' THEIR relegation and WOR promotion???


THE END GAME!


THE BOURNEMOOTH GOAL WHICH SANK THE mackems!

SMB FANS 'CELEBRATE' THEIR RELEGATION!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ALAN SHEARER TRIES HARD TO HIDE HIZ DELIGHT

ON 'MATCH OF THE DAY'!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE TAFFY NOSES v THE TOON *** TOONEET!

Updated '6:57am bells' Friday 28th April 2017

Tooneet @ '7:45 bells' we play wor final away game of the season, gannin for a record 14th away win!
We can relax now, (apart from 'yee naa wot' involvin' Penfold and the tax man!) (see below!) az promotion iz guaranteed and we can close the gap on Brighton at the top to just ONE point, shud we win!?

Not sure wot the followin' will be, but the 6,000 tickets we have been allocated look likely NOT to sell oot!
(Not for a Friday neet away game in sooth Wales that iz live on the box and promotion iz settled!)

Anyway! we must forget aboot wot happened on Wednesday and concentrate on wot happens on Friday neet and hopefully aall will torn oot well! (but I have my doubts!)

A full match 'Geordie Times' match/boozer report will appear here sometime ower the weekend!

Update again on Saturday neet:
Just got back from sooth Wales this afternoon (via London!) 
MATCH REPORT ON ANOTHAA EXCELLENT WEEKEND, WILL APPEAR HERE BY 'HIGH NOON BELLS' TOMORROW!
As per usual---watch this space!

'PENFOLDGATE' *** WEEK 1 !!!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 27th April 2017

SOMEWHERE IN GOSFORTH!
"ANYTHING YOU SAY WILL BE TAKEN DOWN IN EVIDENCE!"
 

News reaches us that wor beloved MD known lovingly az 'Penfold' to Toon fans, woz unceremoniously dragged oot of hiz bed (metaphorically speakin'!) at '6 bells' yesterday mornin' at hiz luxury 'pad' in Gosforth on the north side of Toon by HMRC officers and remanded in custard!
("Er!"--for 'custard' read 'custardy!")

He woz then 'Grilled' for 12 hours aboot tax avoidance schemes for French players (so we are told) and woz released from custard at '6 bells' last neet!

Apparentleee  wor beloved owner, known az 'The Fat Controller' to Toon fans, knew absolutleee nothin' aboot this and anly foond oot from 'chief scout' 'Fatty Man' Graham Carr ( the daddy of TV 'Funny Man' Alan Carr!) late last neet!

We don't want to be scaremongers BUT this definatly ISN'T the end of THIS story, which could well drag on til next season with points deductions and transfor embargos mentioned!

I even got a text message from Toon fan 'The Silver Fox' sayin' that we could even de a 'Glasgow Rangers' (ie: be relegated to the bottom tier of the Futbaall Leegue!)

Yi just CANNIT make it up with NUFC!--promoted on Munday!---dragged through the mud (yet again!) on Wednesday!  

"ROCHDALE!--ROCHDALE!---HERE WE COME!"

PENFOLD IN A PICKLE!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 26th April 2017

"YOUR NICKED BONNY LAD!"

Stunnin' news haz reached 'The Geordie Times' that wor beloved managin' director known affectionately az 'Penfold' to Toon fans, haz been ARRESTED on suspicion of income tax fraud and national insurance fraud by HMRC!
The raids took place at wor heed offices and in France at '6:30 bells' this mornin' for a fraud said to be in the region of  FIVE MILLION quid! (17 or so French players have been signed by us in the last few years!)

WATCH THE NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL NEWS TO FIND OOT MORE!

PS: Just wot we didn't need after securin' promotion back to the top flight on Munday! ---- "EH!!!"