THE WHITLEY BAYWATCHERS 2 DUNSTON BAD BLUE BOYS 1 *** NORTHERN LEAGUE

Posted '10:10am bells' Sunday 19th February 2017

'THE BAD BLUE BOYS' (in RED!) MISS A PENALTY!
ATTENDANCE 347 (PLUS A LITTLE WHITE DOGGY!)

With ne Toon game til Munday neet it woz decided to get wor Saturday 'fix' at Northern Leegue Whitley Bay, where they were playin' wor fave non leegue side, 'The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston'!
A bus and Metro ride later and we were in Monkseaton station where a new 'micro bar' iz situated caalled 'The Left Luggage Room', which (beleeeve it or not!) woz the old 'left luggage room' at the station!
'We', bein' 'me', 'The Silver Fox', hiz better half 'Babs' and 'Grumpy Stumpy', who woz on the SCRUMPY! 

A pint of 'Aussie Pale' at 7% woz on the menu for me and it went doon quite niceleee---thank yoo very much!

"TUT!--TUT!--BAALDY NUT!"

It woz then 'onward' to 'The Phoenix Tap' where a pint of 'down market' 'John Smith's' woz consumed, before heedin' for 'The Seahorse Pub' just up the road where the groond woz!

The pub iz actually inside the groond and yoo have to gan through the tornstiles to get to it!
Old Toon fan 'Keith the Flag' woz there with fower mates who had travelled up from Bath in Somerset for the Toon's game against 'The Hazbeenz & Villans'----the anly trouble woz!!!!-----they'd booked their hotel and train travel for the Saturday and Sunday, but the game woz moved to the Munday neet for live telly and they couldn't change their arrangements!---and so Whitley v Dunston it woz for them, before heedin' back to Bath the next day and MISSIN' the Toon v Villa game!

Anyway!--it woz soon time to heed for the terraces and a canny crowd which I predicted woz between 300-400 were assembled---quite a few of them from Dunston az well!


DUNSTON ATTACK 'THE TWENTY TREES END' (1st half)

It didn't take the home side lang to tek the lead when Robertson scored after just 3 minutes!---That's the way it stayed til half time when 'on the referees whistle' we made a 'mad dash' for 'The Seahorse bar'!
FIVE minutes after the restart we came back oot to find that 'The Bad Blue Boys' (who were playin' in RED!) had equalised from the penalty spot when we were still in the bar! (they could have waited for us--the b*stards!)

"HAIR WE GO!--HAIR WE GO!--HAIR WE GO!"

Dunston were gettin' on top after this and got anothaa penalty at the mid point of the half---aa got mee camera phone oot to tek a picture, but they MISSED this time!? (we shud have stayed in the club and they might have scored it!?)

And then at 'the death' and deep into injury time, 'heartbreak' az 'The Baywatchers' scrambled the baall into the net when Anderson bundled it ower the line to win the game for them!

It woz then a bus ride back to the Toon where we heeded for 'The Newcastle Arms' for somemore 'liquid lubrication' to drown wor sorrows!

"WE WOZ THERE!"

MATCH TICKET (ACTUAL SIZE!)
 

CANARY CUSTARD'S REPORT *** NOW WITH PIX!

Posted '12:30pm bells' Friday 17th February 2017

The completed 'Norwich story' iz finally online --includin' pix!

(3 days late!---but this IZ 'The Geordie Times'!)
(Wot did yoo expect???)

058 carrow road norwich (revisited 2017)

Ground number 058 (revisited 2017)

Date of this Visit: 14^th February 2017

Carrow Road, Norwich

 

Norwich City 2

Newcastle United 2 (Perez, Lascelles)

 

EFL Championship

Attendance: 26,841 (ower 1,800 Toon fans)

 

“HOPELESSLY DEVOTED TO YOU!”

 

"GOAL!"---PEREZ SCORES AFTER 23 SECONDS!"
(View from crap £35 seat in row 2 next to the corner flag!)

Followin’ on from wor trip to Wolves the previous Saturday (see Wolves match report below) it woz a case of da va ju az aa had the same situation of 4 days before (lang  truck jorney—followed by little sleep –followed by lang train jorney to match!)

 

Mal the Inglish Skool Teechaa <(hiz spellin’ not mine!) had taken ‘devotion to duty’ to new extremes, for Mal had driven hiz car doon to Norwich on the Friday neet before the Wolves game, checked into a Travel Lodge near Norwich’s groond and caught a train the next mornin’ to Peterborough and then onward to Wolves from there!

And the reason he did this (az we wornt playin’ Norwich til the followin’ Tuesday) WOZ---he couldn’t leave lessons at the skool where he works on the day of Norwich game til 3:30 bells—not enough time to drive to Norfolk for the 7:45 bells’ kick off az it would have probably took him 5 hours to drive there through heavy traffic on the A1 the narrow windin’ Norfolk roads!

Hiz plan woz to catch a train to Peterborough and then to Norwich from there, (which would take considerably less time) and make the kick off with time to spare!

And then drive back through the neet az he had to be back at skool orly the next mornin’ (ne trains back of course after the match, that neet) (hence the car jorney back!)

Total madness if yoo ask me---BUT ‘duty caalled’

 

 

I, on the othaa hand, had to gan to graft on the day after the game and the train times back the next day meant aa wouldn’t get back til mid Wednesday afternoon---tooo late for mee shift!

SO!---my plan woz slightly different---get train(s) to Norwich and ‘cadge’ a lift back in Mal’s car

BUT!—the anly problem woz that Mal lives in Darlo---a lang way from my Tyneside abode!

Mal said he would put me up in hiz spare room at hiz hoose and give me a lift to Darlo station the next morning’ to catch an orly train back to the Toon---and so (az yi de that’s wot aa decided to de!)

(I HOPE YOO ARE FOLLOWIN’ AALL THIS?)

 



ANYWAY!—After anothaa night truck run to Redditch on Munday neet, aa managed to grab 4 hours kip from 3:30am to 7:30 bells’ before draggin’ meesel oot mee ‘scratch pit’and heed for ‘The Central’ once again and then onward to Norwich via Peterborough---

1st 'LIQUID LUBRICATION STOP'--BETWEEN TRAINS AT PETERBOROUGH!

 

                                                                                     

THE TRAIN JORNEY BETWEEN PETERBOROUGH AND NORWICH
"IZ THAT THE STADIUM OF SHITE?"

We arrived 4 hours before kick off and heeded for wor fave haunts doon here (The Woolpack, Murderers Arms etc!) before heedin’ for the match!

THE WOOLPACK



A SIGN INSIDE THE WOOLPACK!



 

 

MURDERERS ARMS

Thankfully Mal had ‘made it’  with 50 minutes to spare and we made a dream start when Perez fired home with just 23 SECONDS!

TOON FANS CELEBRATE PEREZ'Z GOAL!
(SORRY ABOOT THE BLURRED PICTURE!
I'D HAD A 'CANNY FEW' BEFORE THE MATCH!) 

But the ‘dream soon torned into a ‘nighmare’ when in the 12^th minute Lascelles slipped and let in Jarome who centred for Murphy, who had the easy task of sliddin’ the baall into wor net to level the scores.

Just 5 minutes later Darlow made a comple hash of a clearance and sliced the baall straight to Jarome who had the simple task of puttin’ the baall into the net az he celebrated BEFORE the baall had crossed the goal line! (2-1 to them HT)

We had several chances to equalise but Lascelles made up for hiz orlier missteak by vollyin’ a shot into the roof of the net with just 9 minutes left on the clock!

SHELVEY CORNER (2nd half)

Perez then missed a great chance to win the game, which ended aall square! (a point iz better than nowt!)

 

After the match it woz back to Mal’s car which had now been there 5 days! And we heeded back up the A47 and A1, arrivin’ at Mal’s abode at ‘2 bells’ in the mornin’!

A few hours kip later “ZZZZzzzz!!!!” and it woz off to Darlo Station to catch the 7:45 bells’ train to ‘The Central’

A couple of more hours kip at yem and then it woz ‘back to the grind’ and the 430 miles roond trip to deepest Worcestershire yet again!
(I woz divorted, 444 miles roond trip!)

 

The things yi de to follow The Toon!

 

"WE WOZ THERE!"

Aaltogether now: (To the tune of “Hopelessly Devoted To You” by Olivia Newton John:

“When Perez gets to the ball!—you can bet your bottom dollar!

It will end up in the goal!---and the Geordie Fans will holler!

From my heart to my soul!

We’re hopelessly devoted to yooo oo-oo-oo-oooooo!”


 

THE CANARY CUSTARDS 2 THE TOON 2 *** EFL 2016-2017

Posted '1:05pm bells' Wednesday 15th February 2017

PEREZ GOAL AFTER 23 SECONDS!
(The crap £35! view from row 2 next to the corner flag!)

Pleeeze be patient with us!----Just got back from Norwich and aa haven't got time to de the full match report on the game until tomorrow, (or the story of just how we got there and back!) az a'v got to gan to graft soon!
It's quite a lang story and will tek sometime to de, so here iz a brief report below!

Match timeline:
23 SECONDS!: Perez puts us into the lead when he sidefoots home from a Colback pass---a dream start for us, but then the 'nightmare' soon began!

TOON FANS CELEBRATE PEREZ'Z GOAL
(SORRY ABOOT THE BLURRED PICTURE!)

12th minute: Lascelles slips and lets in Jarome, who centres for Murphy, who haz the easy task of sliddin' the baall into the back of wor net! (1-1)
17th minute: Goalie Karl Darlow slices a clearance and Jerome haz the simple task of puttin' the baall into an empty net az he celebrated BEFORE he put the baall ower the goal line (2-1 to THEM!) (HT 2-1)

81st minute: We missed several chances to equalise but Lascelles made up for hiz orlier missteak by vollyin' in a shot from inside the box!
We had several chances durin' the game--and after Lascelles's goal, to win it, but just couldn't put the baall into the Custards net!
 (2-2 final score)

Toon team: Darlow, Lascelles, Yedlin, Clark, Dummett, Ritchie (Atsu 70), Shelvey, Colback (Diame 54), Gouffran, Perez, Mitrovic, Gayle 76)

Attendance: 26,841 (ower 1,800 Toon fans)

*The complete story of how we got there and back will be published sometime tomorrow, az mentioned above! ---
"AZ PER USUAL---WATCH THIS SPACE!"

CANARY CUSTARD CREAMS v THE TOON *** TOONEET!

Posted 9:00 am bells' Valentines Day 14th February 2017

"In a hurry to catch train to Peterboro and then Norwich!
Match report will be online whenaa get time later this week!"

"Must dash!"

WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEEZ 0 THE TOON 1 *** EFL 2016-2017

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 13th February 2017

THE TOON (in white) ATTACK THE SOUTH BANK GOAL (1st half)

Forst off aall, apologeeez for not puttin' the Wolves match report online until today---this iz because aa didn't get back til yesterday afternoon and needed some much needed 'liquid lubrication' in 'The Leazes End Club', 'The Strawberry' and 'The 3 Bulls Knackers'!--so by the time aa staggered yem, aa wasn't capable!

Diary of the weekend:

After mee normal 430 mile truck run to Redditch in deepest Worcestershire (and back!) on the Friday neet trunk from Gatesheed, aa crawled into 'mee pit' at '3 am bells' for a fower hour kip before gettin' up again to catch the '9:35 bells' train to Bormingham New Street from 'The Central'

On arrival at 'dinaatime bells' we heeded for 'The Welly', just up the hill from New Street station before catchin' the train to Wolves (a 20 minute jorney from there!)

LIBRARY PICTURES!

However!--news reached us via wor 'telling bones' that the bars in Wolves toon centre wornt lettin' Toon fans in, but some of the lads had managed to 'sneak' into a boozer near the train station withoot bein' 'detected'!---Put on a foreign accent they said and they might let yoo in!

We decided that this 'wasn't on' and to stay in 'The Welly' til an hour before kick off and then catch the train for the '5:30 bells' start! (When Wolves came to the Toon they were able to drink anywhere with their club colours on!---so why cant WE when we gan to their place???)

Anyway!---on arrival at Wolves station we made straight for the tornstiles a 15 minute waalk away and were in, in good time for the kick off!

A STEAM TRAIN GANS THROUGH WOLVES STATION! (HONEST!)
('THE TORNADO' ACCORDIN' TO ONE OF WOR 'TRAIN SPOTTERS'!)

Yet again we 'huffed and puffed' (just like the above steam train!)wor way through a terrible forst half, where we couldn't seem to put 2 passes together withoot loosin' the baall----which spent most of it's time in the air, az a game of 'ping pong' developed between the teams---(Wolves were just az bad az us!)

The unlikely breakthrough came bang on half time when Mitrovic scrambled the baall into the back of the net at 'The South Bank End'  to send the 4,000 plus Geordies into raptures!
1-0 to 'us' at the break!

(One of the supervisors at the Redditch depot where aa gan te, iz a Bormingham fan and he telt me that Wolves were known for some reason az  'The Dingles' (a derogatory term, apparently?) and they both hated each othaa!  
Wolves had anly given them 1,900 tickets for their forthcomin' derby game at Molineux, he said! (yet they gave 'us' 4,200!?)

The 2nd half woz just az dire az the forst, but somehow once again we managed to 'shut up shop' and secure the 3 precious points to gan back to the top above Brytin, who had leapfrogged us again orlier that afternoon with a 4-1 win v Borton Wanderers!
(Wor ELEVENTH away win of the season!)

2nd HALF ACTION AT THE NORTH BANK END

THE BOOZER NEAR WOLVES STATION!
(THE GREAT WESTERN)

After the match we DID manage to get into the boozer near the station withoot havin' to put a 'dodgy accent on' before heedin' back to Brum and an owerneet hotel stay! (Because of the late kick off, the train times were that close, that we might have missed the train from York and been stranded there!---so we decided to not to 'chance it' and stay doon!

HAPPY TOON FANS INSIDE 'THE GREAT WESTERN'!

Next day it woz back to the Toon for a few boozer stops! (see top of page!) 

Footnote:
After anothaa Redditch night trunk tooneet, a'm off to Norwich for wor next game on the '10:35bells' train in the mornin'----it's 'non stop'---isn't it just!

Toon team: Darlow, Yedlin, Clark, Lascelles, Dummett, Richie (Murphy 82), Shelvey, Colback, Gouffran, Diame (Perez 88), Mitrivic (Atsu 46)

"WE WOZ THERE!"

Attendance: 24,876 (4,200 Toon fans) The crowd woz 7,000 below capacity--a poor show from the home fans, who had anly 20,000 in the groond! (Makes yoo wonder just how many of them will torn up for the derby v Brum?)

WOLVES MAIN STAND (SPOT THE EMPTY GOLD SEATS!)

THE POST MATCH 'GARGELS' TOOK PLACE HERE!

THE STATION BAR (BORMINGHAM)

*

WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ v THE TOON *** TOMORROW EVENIN'!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 10th February 2017

Tomorrow 'The mad-sad groundhoppers' face an owerneet stay in Bormingham az the late kick off ('5:30 bells' for the telly!) meenz that catchin' connectin' trains back woz difficult, to say the least (6 minutes between trains, so, if the forst one woz late, then we would be stranded!)
We decided not to 'chance it', so an owerneet stay it iz!

We sold wor entire 4,200 allocation of tickets for the game, which iz a near sell-oot!
Dwight Gayle looks doubtful to retorn from (wot seemz like) a lang injury, but Atsu iz back from African Cup duty.

It's nearly 49 years since aa forst set foot in Molineux az a 14 year old skoool kid and tomorrow aa'll be usin' mee 'Senior train pass' to get there! <(now where DID aa leeeve mee zimmer frame!?)
How time flies!

An archive match report from that game aall them years ago iz printed below! (ground number 005) (The tale of the 'pork pie'!)

NORTH SHEEELDZ v THE TOON RESORVES *** TOONEET!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 9th February 2017

Followin' on from a 1-0 victory at Kiddermintster (v WBA U23s) orlier this week (a groond we'd visited previousleee!) wor resorves are off to North Tyneside tooneet to play North Sheeelz in the semis of The Northumberland Senior Cup!
It's a '7:30 bells' kick off and a large crowd iz expected--so get there orly if your gannin'!

PS: "Aye!--'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' been here before az well!"

Update Friday

The game went doon to a penalty shoot out and guess wot!---The Toon lost 10-9 on spot kicks after the game went to extra time in front of a 636 crowd!
(PS: thought there would have been at least 1,000 there---but it woz very cold with snow flurries comin' doon!) <(soft b******s!)

It took the home side barely 7 minutes to gain the lead when Ryan Carr poked in an easy chance after Toon goalie Harker had fumbled the baall!

It woz 'honours even' in the 50th minute when Barlaser centred and Vuckic stabbed the baall home from close range!

That's the way it stayed until the dreaded penalty shoot out! (how come we hardly ever win one?)

North Sheeeldz now meet eetha Blyth Spartans or Blyth Toon in the final at SJP! 

10 years ago!

Posted '1:33pm bells' Wednesday 8th February 2017

Aa 'dug up' this archive match report from Hartlepool from nearly 10 years ago, when we played them in a pre season friendly.
Sadly 3 of those mentioned in the story below are nee langer with us, namely, 'The Caped Crusader', Jonezee and 'John the Badge'!
RIP lads!

061 (revisited 2007) victoria ground (now 'park') hartlepool

                

    

SEASON 2007-2008

 

DATELINE: 17^th JULY 2007

VICTORIA PARK ♦ HARTLEPOOL ♦ COONTY DURHAM

      

                               

 

HARTLEPOOL UNITED   1

THE  T☺☺N   3

 

FRIENDLY FIXTURE

ATTENDANCE: 6,030  (1,500 Toon fans)

                                                  

 “HIP!---HIP!---HORRAY!”

 

Aa started off in ‘The Hotspur’ for the forst pre match ‘gargels’ of the new season, where a gadgie with a beard complained to Shirley the barmaid that he was’nt bein’ sorved quick enough and that she was givin’ priority to the ‘regulars’, even though there were anly two people propin up the coonta! (me and anotha lad)

He then got into an argument with Jimmy the manager and was promptly barred and told to leave.  His partin’ shot as he stormed oot the door, was to caall him ‘a big fat sod’----welcome to the new season!

 

From there aa caught the ‘metro’ to Gatesheed where aa was getting’ picked up by ‘The Caped Crusader’, in his ‘silver bat mobile’, but forst it was off to ‘The Traf’ in the shadows of  the ‘Get Carter’ car park to meet ‘Jonezee’ for a bit more ‘thirst quenchin’ before catchin’ wor lift to ‘Monkeyhangerland’  at ‘three thorty bells’!

 

 

It pissed doon on the way but by the time we got parked next to the groond the aad ‘current bun’ made a ‘welcome’ appearance and we made for the anly boozer we could find open a few hundred yards away (Wetherspoons!)

Then, after a few more ‘jars’ there, it was time to heed for the match.

 

There was an optimistic mood from the Toon faithful who packed the Rink End of the groond and aa have to report that the ‘same old faces’ were present, which included, ‘Unsteady Eddie’, ‘John the Chap’ and ‘Bill Quay Kev’ to name but a few of the ‘culprits’!

 

Of course there were ‘unfamiliar faces’ on the bench and the pitch with ‘Big Fat Sam’, Joey Barton and ‘Roza’ Rozehnal aall makin’ their Toon ‘debuts’.

 

Both Martins and Carroll came close, and debutant Barton had a divin’ heeder which went narrowly wide, but apart from this the forst half petered oot. Shay Given who was defendin’ the Toon’s goal at the Rink End had nowt to de, apart from watchin’ the odd cloud pass owerheed!

 

The second period was much better fare but unfortunately for us it was ‘The Monkey Hangers’ who took the lead in the 49^th minute when James Brown (no!---not the one who thinks he can sing!) beat Harper who had replaced Given in goal.

 

However!---the lead was short lived as Dyer fed a baall to Shola Ameobi who had come on at half time, and he rounded their keeper to poke the baall into an empty net.

Shola, who’d had a hip operation in the close season, ran to the Toon fans behind the goal and they responded with chants of:--- “HE’S GOT A BRAND NEW HIP!”.

This brought a wry smile from the ‘big man’ as he punched the air in delight!

 

Then on the hour mark, lang haired James Troisi slotted the baall to somebody caalled Michael Owen? and he gleefully converted the chance to give him his forst goal since he scored a hat-trick at West Ham just before Xmas 2005!

(was it reeely that! lang ago???)

 

Shola then completed the scorin’ for the neet in the 72^nd minute when ‘Lang haired Jim’ played the baall to him and he fired home after their keeper fumbled the baall and was unable to stop it gannin’ ower the line.

 

More ‘hip’ chants then followed alang with: “Shepherd for Durham!” (wot cud! they mean???)

 

Ootside the groond on the final whistle, ‘John the Badge’ was deein’ a roarin’ trade sellin’: ‘Another fine mess!’---‘Freddy’s off to Jail!’, tee-shirts which showed a photo of ‘yee naa who’ wearin’ a ‘Oliver Hardy’ hat!

 

The crazy world of Newcastle United NEVA! fails to amaze me!!!!

 

 “Aaltogether now!”---

♫Yi put your left hip in!---♫Yi put your left hip out!♫---

♫Yi do the ‘Ameobi’!♫---and yi shake it all about!♫♫♫

 

 

©Fink™ (the mad-sad gr☺undh☺pper!)