BARNSLEEE v THE TOON *** TOOONEET!

Posted '12:55pm bells' Tuesday 18th October 2016

The games are comin' up thick and fast and we are on wor travels again this afternooon @ '2:30 bells' and heed for the 'delights'? of Barnsleee in deepest Yorkshire for a EFL game at Oakwell tooneet.
The Toon have sold 5,900 tickets for this game and are lookin' for wor '4th win on the spin'!
'uddersfield lost at home on Sunday for the forst time this season which leaves us in 2nd place in the table, just behind 'The Canary Custards' of Norwich.

A win for us would propel us to top spot, provided Norwich, who aalso play tooneet, don't win away to Fulham! <(we shall see!!!)

Full match report to follow sometime tomorrow!
 

THE TOON 3 BRENTFAAD 1 *** EFL 2016-2017

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 16th October 2016


THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES END (1st half)

"THE TOON SMELL THE HONEY TO STING THE BEES!"

Yet anothaa game when the opposition thought it waz their 'cup final' and Brentfaad brought nearly 3,000 bees from "west Landan" who were housed in level 7 of The Leazes End
(This iz approx. one thord of their average home gates!)

We started off 'like a hoose on fire' and soon took the lead when a shelve pin-point pass foond the heed of Ciaran Clark and he heeded past the Brentfaad keeper in The Leazes goal
It waz soon 2-0 when Dwight Gayle fired home from the edge of the box!
we were rampant at this stage and a 3rd goal goal waz disallowed for a 'hand-baall against Perez after he deflected a shot into the net from a Gouffran shot! 2-0 at half time!

'CITY CENTRE VIEW' OWER THE EAST STAND
(View from Milburn Stand)

Again we came oot with aall guns blazin' and it waz anly a matter of time til we got wor thord goal! A Shelvey cross waz tapped into the net by Gayle for hiz 2nd of the game and it looked 'aall ower' at this point!
But this IZ NUFC and aalmost immediately wor visitors pulled one back with a heeder to send their travellin' contingent wild with delight high up in the gods!

A bit of 'nail bitin' then followed az Brentfaad looked for anothaa goal, but we held oot to claim the 3 points and move up to 2nd place in the table!

Toon team: Darlow, Clark, Anita, Lascelles (Hanley 59), Dummett, Atsu (Yedlin 71), Shelvey, Colback, Gouffran (Lazaar 83), Perez, Gayle

Attendance: 51, 885 (nearly 20,000 more than the next best in this division!) (just under 3,000 buzzy bees!)

Wor average home leegue gate so far iz:  50,287!  

*

THE TOON v BRENTFAAD *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 14th October 2016

SPOT THE GROOND!--(BEHIND THE NEW SCIENCE PARK)

A very rare appearance @ SJP will happen tomorrow when wor visitors from "west Landan" run oot onto the pitch, for this will the forst time we have seen them here since 2001, when we beat them 4-1 in a Leegue Cup tie.
Wor last Leegue meetin' with them aalso ended in a handsome 5-1 victory back in 1992---(more of that pleeze tomorrow!)
 The 'Cockney mackems' (they play in red n white stripes!) will have a followin' of ower 2,600 and a 50,000 crowd iz predicted by 'The Geordie Times'

A full match report will appear here az per usual on Sunday---sometime!

NEW YEARS EVE FIXTURE SWITCH FOR ROBIN HOOD & Co.!

Posted '12:44pm bells' Tuesday 11th October 2016

SOMEWHERE IN NOTTINGHAM
ROBIN HOOD (centre) DISCUSSES FOREST'S FIXTURE CHANGE
ON NEW YEARS EVE WITH MAID MARION AND FRIAR TUCK!
FRIAR TUCK: "WE'LL BE ABLE TO CELEBRATE THE NEW YEAR
IN SHERWOOD FOREST AFTER ALL!"
 

Wor home game against 'The Robin Hood Brigade' on New Years Eve haz been moved to the day before because of transport chaos fears!
The game will nuw kick off at '7:45 bells' on that neet!

FOREST ON A FRIDAY! *** NEW TELLY FIXTURES

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 6th October 2016

The ravages of the telly changes have been announced for December and have been 'sort of' 'kind' to us, with  anly one game changed from a weekend to a week day.
That game iz away to 'The Robin Hood Brigade' on Friday 2nd December with a '7:45 bells' kick off time. (from Sat the 3rd)

Wigan away haz been changed from a Tuesday to a Wednesday (14th December) and Sheff Wed at home on Boxin' Day haz been moved to a '7:45 bells' kick off----when there will be ne transport to get us yem!

Wor game at Blackborn on January 2nd iz aalso a live telly game ('3:00 bells')

Aall the rest stay the same with '3 bells' Saturday kick offs---Brum @ home on the 10th---Borton away on the 17th---and 'The Robin Hood Brigade' at home on New Years Eve

322 new york stadium rotherham

Ground number 322
Date of First Visit: 1st October 2016
New York Stadium, New York, Rotherham

Rotherham United 0
Newcastle United 1 (Atsu)

EFL
Attendance: 11,653 (2,587 Toon fans)

"I WANT TO SLEEP IN A CITY THAT NEVER WAKES!"

"WAKE UP!---IZ THERE ANYBODY THERE!?"
THE CENTRE OF NEW YORK  (ie:'THE LITTLE APPLE'!)

Wor forst ever visit to this groond and indeed 'New York' ended in a narrow 1-0 victory with a superb strike from Atsu in the forst half.

A'd actually passed Rotherham at 'midneet bells' on mee way back from Redditch where a'd been to pick wood floorin' and carpets up in mee truck and aa eventually got to bed at '3:30 am bells' for some 3 hours kip before draggin' mee 'half deed body up' to get a shower (to try and wake up!) and heed for 'The Central' once again for anothaa away trip!

The train jorney doon to deepest Yorkshire waz uneventful apart from the ticket inspector tellin' us to "Be quiet!" az we were in the 'quiet coach' taalkin' away to each othaa!!! (must remember to bring some stickin' plaster for mee mouth the next time!)

Anyway!--we arrived at Rotherham at '10:30 bells' (some 10 and a half hours after a'd last past the toon on the 'M18'!) and made for the 'Rhino pub' not far from the train station and it waz packed with mostly Toon fans---even at this time!!! <(drunken pigs!)

It waz then onward to 'The Albion Club' which one of the lads had 'sussed oot' in the Rotherham district of New York, but there waz nee sign of the skyscrapers of Manhattan or The Empire State Building until we got near to the club!---at the top of the street there WAZ a large tower block---'The NEW Empire State Building' <(perhaps?)

"IZ THAT THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING!?"

*The district acquired it's name many years ago because a foundry there made the fire hydrants for New York City in the USA <(so now yi naa why!)  

THE ALBION CLUB

Anyway--enough of that!!!---we stopped in the club until it waz time to heed for the New York groond some 15 minutes walk away!

It's a smart little 'new build' 12,000 capacity groond and just the right size for a club like 'The New York Yorkies' <(Rotherham's new name!) 

The game started off with us attackin' the far end from us az Rafa bellowed oot instructions from the dugoot in (wait for it!!!----) 'The Eric Twigg Foods Pukka Pies Stand' <(NO! we havvent made it up---see photo!)

A few chances 'went abeggin' for us before the home side who are bottom of the pile hit the woodwork in front of The Toon fans--a warnin' that we wernt gannin to have it aall wor own way!

1st HALF ACTION AZ NUFC ATTACK THE FAR END (in black and gold)

Indeed!--a succession of corners from Rotherham nearly paid dividends for them until just before the end of the half when a pass from Shelvey foond Atsu on the edge of the box and he hit a brill left footer into the top corner of the net to send the Toon faithful into ecstasy! (and relief!)

'GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE!!!---ATSU GOAL (in black on edge of box)

CIARAN CLARK (number 2) CELEBRATES WOR GOAL!

'The New York Yorkies' came oot fightin' in the 2nd period however and Gouffran hit hiz own post, but luckily the baall rebounded straight back into play and we 'got oot of jail'
Frantic defendin' by us meant we earned the precious 3 points--but the home side will feel they shud have had at least a draw!
FT: The New York Yorkies 0   The Toon 1

2nd HALF ACTION AT 'THE TOON END'

After the match we heeded back to whence we had came from and the Rino bar waz packed with Toon fans before they caught their trains yem!
After that we heeded up the hill to anothaa boozer caalled 'The Masons Arms' where the manager waz smokin' a tab az we entered the bar!--and he procceded to pull wor pints az he puffed away!
It waz 'rough az nails' az the locals with zimmer frames and waalkin' sticks looked at us az though we were aliens from anothaa planet!

"PUBLIC HEALTH WARNING---SMOKING PERMITTED HERE!"

Somehow we managed to get oot of the bar unscathed and az we waalked back to the station the lack of sleep had taken it's toll on me (and the drink!) and aa foond it hard to keep mee 'mincers' open and stay awake!
The whole place waz like a ghost toon with hardly a soul in sight---and this just 2 hours after the match had finished! (see top pic!)
And unlike Frank Sinatra's song 'New York' where he famously sang: "I want to wake up in a city that never sleeps!"---for me at least, this waz more like: "I want to sleep in a city that never WAKES!" 

Toon team: Darlow, Anita, Lascelles, Clark, Dummett, Colback, Shelvey, Atsu (Richie 67), Gouffran , Diame (Hanley 87), Gayle (Mitrovic 79)      
*



SOMEWHERE IN ROTHERHAM AFTER THE MATCH 
A TOON FAN CELEBRATES WOR WIN BY CLIMBIN' TO THE TOP OF
THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING!

 



THE SUNDAY SUN NEXT DAY

THE NEW YORK YORKIES v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '12:55pm bells' Friday 30th September 2016

"IZ THAT ROTHERHAM DOON THERE???"

We pay wor forst ever visit to New York tomorrow afternoon when we heed for the delights? of ROTHERHAM! in deepest Yorkshire!

For Rotherham play at The New York Stadium in the suburb of 'New York' and (unfortunately) NOT! the 'Big Apple' in America!----(Apparently they made the fire hydrants for New York City in a foundry in the Yorkshire toon many years ago and the district acquired the name because of that!)

Whilst we are 'on a high' after the fantastic result on Wednesday v Norwich (see match report below!), wor opponents sit in 'rock bottom place' in The EFL---but remember this IZ NUFC and ANYTHING can happen! 

We are on the 8:25 bells train in the mornin' and shud arrive in the 'Little Apple' by openin' time!
Aall 2,500 away tickets were selt oot lang ago!

Match report to follow on Sunday!  

THE TOON 4 THE CANARY CUSTARD CREAMS 3 *** EFL 2016-2017

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 29th September 2016

1st HALF ACTION AZ WE ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END
(View from Milburn Stand balcony)

"VICTORY FROM THE JAWS OF DEFEAT AZ GAYLE BLOWS THE CANARIES AWAY!"

Wot can aa say aboot this game???--A game that started off in a howlin' gale, waz totally dominated by NUFC in the forst 20 minutes and we shud have been at least 5 (FIVE!) up by this time az we attacked the Gallowgate goal, hittin' the woodwork/near misses etc!

The break through came in the 24th when Matt Richie centred from the right and Gayle (appropriately, because of the wethaa conditions!) slotted the baall home!---and then disaster struck just 1 minute before the break when Gouffran pulled Brady doon to concede a penalty and Dorrans made ne misteakk from the spot!
(1-1 at half time)

A forthaa disaster then struck just minutes after the restart when Norwich took the lead when Jarone corled a shot past Darlow in the Toon goal!
Disaster number 3 soon came when wor visitors went 3-1 up when a deflected shot beat Darlow in the 70th minute!

Aall looked lost at this stage az the wind howled aroond the park but we didn't give up and Dwight Gayle replied aalmost immediately when a great pass from Shelvey foond hiz feet and he toe poked the baall home!

2nd HALF ACTION AZ WE ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL

'The Custard Creams' then went into 'waste time mode' with some ridiculous antics and 6 minutes were added because off this!

By the 90th minute many fans had left includin' mee 5 year old grandson Zac who waz with hiz dad--but I told Jamie mee 6 year old grandson who waz with me, that we must stay to the bitter end!---and he waz rewarded with a goal in the 5th minute of stoppage time when Gouffran heeded home to salvage a point! --- But NO!--we wernt happy with this and in the SIXTH minute of added time Dwight Gayle unbelievably got the winner when he chested the baall doon from a Mitrovic pass to claim hiz hat-trick and send the crowd into ecstasy az the Canaries were blown away in the wind!!!!! BREATHTAKIN' STUFF!!!!

The win takes us up to 3rd place in the table just one point behind wor opponents and three behind 'uddersfield who sit in top spot!

How does that old song gan again?
"3-1 doon!, 4-3 up!---and its broon ale we will sup!"

Toon team: Darlow, Yedlin, Lascelles, Clark, Dummett (Atsu 92), Shelvey, Colback (Hayden 71), Richie, Gouffran, Diame (Mitrovic 71), Gayle

Attendance: 48,236 (we predicted 49,000) (700 very sick Canaries huddled in the corner of 'Level 7'!)

*   

THE TOON v THE CANARY CUSTARD CREAMS *** EFL *** TOONEET!

Posted '1:30pm bells' Wednesday 28th September 2016

2 CATHEDRALS AND A 'NEW' CASTLE!

WE gan into toneets vital top of the table game against a Norwich side who were knocked off their top perch by 'uddersfield Toon last neet!
NUFC are currently in 9th place after last neets results so 3 points are a must which will propel us back up to 3rd spot!

It wont be easy of course but if we play like we did in the forst half against Villa then there shud be ne problem!
High winds and rain are forecast for this evenin' which could put a spanner in the works!
Ower 47,000 tickets have been sold so far and we predict a 49,000 crowd tooneet!

A full match report will appear here sometime tomorrow!

GROUNDHOG DAY FOR A GREEDY FAT PIG!!!!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 28th September 2016


'GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE!!!!
BIG FAT SAM  (in the middle!) WITH HIZ AGENT (left)
AND HIZ ACCOUNTANT (right)

Big Fat Sam woke up this mornin' havin' just lost hiz 'dream' £3 million job after tryin' to stick hiz nose 'into the trough' to grab another £400,000 'to make ends meet'!

While the rest of 'us' can anly 'dream' of that kind of dosh, he haz been caught red handed, bitin' the hand that feeds him and stabbin' The FA in the back!

Couldn't happen to a nicer bloke---could it??????

"HELLO ELLIS!---CAN I HAVE MY JOB BACK PLEASE!?"


PS: Did yoo know that he waz born on Old Park FARM, Dudley, West Midlands!
---Very appropriate under the circumstances---don't yoo 'fink'!?!