NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS ************** "I NEARLY HAD A HEART ATTACK!"

Posted '9:21am bells' Munday 4th July 2016


"NEW GROOND!---NEW GROOND!!!"

News that forthaa friendlies for wor U21s/resorve side have been annoonced and I nearly had a heart attack when I hord that we were to play Darlo away on the same day az the forst team were play Bohemians in Dublin toon!
This waz because Darlo now play at Bishop Auckland's new groond---a groond we have NEVER been te---and az a'd aalredy booked to gan to Ireland aa thought aa would miss oot!

BUT!---readin' fortha don the page it waz annoonced that the game would be played @ Darlo's former home--The Renolds Arena---where we have BEEN BEFORE!!!!---A huge sigh of relief for aall the mad-sad groundhoppers!!!!
A game against The Pit Yaakkers of Ashington haz aalso been arranged for the forst day of next month (AYE!--we've been there az well!)

Under21s/resorves revised pre season fixture list:

Sun 10th July 3 bells---Bradford Park Avenue away
Sat 16th July 3 bells---Darlo @ The Renolds Arena
Sat 23rd July 3:30 bells---Corby Toon away
Sun 24th July high noon bells----PSV Eindhoven @ Corby
Sat 30th July 3 bells---York City away
Mon 1st Aug 7:30 bells---The Pit Yaakkers of Ashington away *    



HORSFALL STADIUM---BRADFORD  PARK AVENUE
("NEW GROOND!---NEW GROOND!!!")

RAFA BUYS A MATT AND SELS!

Posted '11:25am bells' Saturday 2nd July 2016

2 more acquisitions <(we naa aall the big words!) have been conformed to add to wor squad!

They are 24 year old Belgian international goalie Matz Sels from Gent (Belgium) for 5 million quid and 26 year old winger Matt Richie from Bournemoooth for a reported 12 million quid.

FACT!: Richie iz a Scottish international with 10 appearances and 3 goals, despite never havin' ventured north of the border in hiz life---until he played for them! (He waz born in Hampshire but hiz faathaa iz Scottish and so he chose them!)

"AALRIGHT DWIGHT!" *** "ADIOS ANDROS!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 1st July 2016

DWIGHT GAYLE HOLDS UP THE NEW TOON TOP HE WILL BE WEARIN' THIS SEASON
(AT LEAST IT HAZ BLACK N WHITE STRIPES ON THE BACK!-AND NOT PLAIN WHITE!)

SWINGS AND ROONDABOOTS!

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' that striker Dwight Gayle haz signed for The Toon from Crybaby Palace for a fee reported to be in the £10 million region!---However!---and in the opposite direction, winger Andros Toonsend haz left us to join Pardew's boys for a £13 million fee

NUFC FIXTURES 2016-2017 *** 'UDDERSFIELD UNCHANGED!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 30th Joon 2016

The rumour mongers got it WRANG (see below!) az wor forst game back in the 2nd tier of Inglish futbaall will be away to The *Wacko Jackoless Jivers of Fulham on a FRIDAY neet for live telly  (Train aalready booked!)
*(The Michael Jackson statue that stood ootside Craven Cottage haz been removed!)
Wor forst home game iz against 'uddersfield Toon on the followin' Saturday!

Wor forst home game against 'uddersfield Toon haz NOT been selected for live telly and will be played at the date and time stated below!

We will give yoo the fixtures for 'August only' at this time, az a canny few more are sure to be moved for live telly in the next few days!

NUFC FIXTURES
AUGUST 2016
Home games in GOLD   Away games in PINK
Games in heavy type are 'cast in stone'---

Fri 5th: 'The Wacko Jackoless Jivers' away 7:45 bells SKY

Sat 13th: 'uddersfield Toon' home 3:00 bells

Wed 17th: 'The Biscuitmen of Reading' home 7:45 bells

Sat 20th: 'The Big Bristols' away 3:00 bells (They are a bigger club than Bristol Rovers!) 

w/c Mon 22nd Leegue Cup?

Sat 27th: 'Ne where near Brighton' home 3:00 bells (their groond iz miles away from Brighton!)

Wor forst ever visit to New York iz due to take place on Sat 1st Oct (New York Stadium, Rotherham--that iz!) and we'll be 'goin for a Burton' in mid December (could aall change for live telly of course!) 

More to follow later!

"DON'T MENTION THE VOLCANO!"

Posted 12:50pm bells' Tuesday 28th Joon 2016

In the light of Ing-er-land's disastrous result against Iceland yesterday and 2nd 'brexit' from Europe in fower days,  we make ne apology for diggin' up this classic tale from 2010 (see below!)

RULE BRITANNIA!

Posted '1 minute past high noon bells' Friday 24th Joon 2016

News that we are to leave the disfunctualll EU haz had a mixed reaction!
One worried radio listener asked: "Will we still be able to enter The Eurovision Song Contest!"

Hopefully NOT!

Club participation in European competitions will not be affected however!---NOT that it matters to NUFC at the moment! 

FIXTURES OOT TOMORROW!

Posted '1:45pm bells' Tuesaday 21st Joon 2016

Tomorrow iz the day when reality hits home!
The 'reality' that we are in 'The Championship' playin' the likes of Barnsley, Burton, and Rotherham az the fixtures are due to be released at '9 am bells' precisely! 
TV fixtures will aalso be annoonced at the same time and yoo can bet your bottom dollar that we will be featured at least 20 times next season!
The rumour that we will play Wigan away and Leeds at home in wor forst 2 fixtures will be foond oot az well!

Watch this space intentleeee tomorrow mornin'!!!!

SJP EXPANSION PLANS COULD GAN AHEED

Posted '1:15pm bells' Saturday 18th Joon 2016

"A VIEW TO 'DIE FOR'!---BUT NOT FOR MUCH LONGER!"
("Errr! --The groond that iz!--- not the lassie on the billboard!")

News that plannin' permission haz been given to yet more student accommodation in the car park below St James' Metro station, meenz that wor beloved groond will vitually be suroonded by high rise buildings, obscurin' the view from Gallowgate!

However!---we are told that this WOULD NOT effect any expansion to The Gallowgate End, shud the club decide to build higher at this end of the groond and make it the same height az The Leazes End opposite!

We sincerely hope that this IZ the case az 52,000 iz isn't even big enough for Championship games! (season tickets are gannin like 'hot cakes' az we speak!)
When I waz a young kid in the 1960's (many many! moons ago!) the groond held 60,000 and this would be the ideal capacity of St James' Park!
Lets hope that this eventually happens to give us an even better stadium than we have now!

MORE MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS! *** "LETS BE AVEN'UE!"

Posted 1:40pm bells Friday 10th Joon 2016

HORSFALL STADIUM, BRADFORD

A forst team friendly haz been arranged for Wed 20th July away to Donny Rovers---a groond we of course have previously visited.
More importantly though!---a friendly for wor U21 side haz been arranged @ Bradford Park Avenue on Sun 10th July----a groond we have NEVER been te before--- "YAHOOO!" *

"SEASON TICKET FRENZEEEEE!"

Posted '1:17pm bells' Wednesday 8th Joon 2016

THE TICKET OFFICE QUEUE UNDER THE MILBURN STAND! 

Aa went to the NUFC ticket office the othaa day to try and get a season ticket for mee grandson Jamie who iz now 6 years old!
Aa waited nearly an hour in the queue anly to be telt that there were NE seats available anywhere near where aa sit in the balcony area of The Milburn Stand!
"The season ticket deadline is July 1st!---come back then and see if anyone has not renewed near you!", aa waz telt by the lassie ,who alang with seven othaaz waz dealin' with ticket enquiries!

It's unbelievable---isn't it!?---Man City win the Leegue Cup---and they sack their manager!
Man U win the FA Cup---and they sack their manager!
NUFC get RELEGATED---and we BEG wor manager to stay!---AND!---swamp the ticket office with requests for season tickets!!!!

"It BEGGARS belief!" (sic!)