THE TOON 0 THE TOFFEE NOSES 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '10:38am bells' Sunday 27th December 2015

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE GOAL (1st half)

"CRISIS @ CHRISTMAS!"

With Swanzee winnin' in the orlier kick off, sendin' us back into the bottom 3,  it waz vital that we got oot of the blocks and went for Everton 'from the off'!
But it waz wor visitors who made aall the orly play az they attacked the Leazes goal and it seemed just a matter of time before they scored az the rain lashed doon!

We had wor chances though when a  Gini Wijnaldum heeder waz expertly saved by Tim Howard in 'The Toffee Noses' goal!

Rob Elliot had anothaa blinder and kept Everton at bay and we somehow went into the break on level torms 

2nd HALF KICK OFF

 We were much better in the 2nd period az we tried to make the breakthrough, although wor forst shot on goal in this half didn't come til the 75th minute!

The key moment of the game for 'The Toon' came when Mitrovic from 5 yards oot fluffed hiz chance---when it waz easier to score!


ACTION @ THE LEAZES END (2nd half)


And then the heartbreak at the end, when, 3 minutes into stoppage time Elliot punched the baall oot @ The Gallowgate End, anly for the baall to find the heed of Cleverley and he 'cleverly' nodded the baall back towards goal and it somehow foond the back of wor net, to send the 3,000 Toffee Noses in level 7 of The Leazes End wild with delight, while' 'I' held my heed in my hands in despair!

There waz ne time for a come back at this late stage and the 3 points were lost az we plunged back into the 'mire'!

18 games played---17 points gained!---37 points dropped! That's an average of 0.94444444444 points per game!---and if we keep this up, wor end of season total will be!-------(deep breath!)
---35.8888888887 points (accordin' to mee fone calculator!)
"CRISIS?---WOT CRISIS???"

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Dummett, Mbemba, Coloccini, Anita, Wijnaldum, Sissoko, Colback, Mitrovic, Perez (Thourvin 87)

Attendance: 51,682 (highest of the season!) (3,000 + Toffee Noses!) *

THE TOON v THE TOFFEE NOSES *** TODAY @ '5:30 BELLS'

Posted '10:03am bells' Boxin' Day 2015

^ "LET'S HOPE IT IZ!" ^

We gan into today's game with a shockin' stat---we have won just 7 leegue games oot of 36 in this 'calender year', so far!--and failure to win wor last 2 games of the year against 'The Toffee Noses' this evenin' and 'The BaggieTroosers' on Munday afternoon will mean that we will have won the least number of games in a 1 year period in livin' memory!
(9 games iz wor previous worst since the 2nd World War ended 70 years ago!)

Quite simply, we must win today or face the prospect of faallin back into 'the quagmire zone' once again!
Some of wor players divvint help the cause by boastin' that we won't be in a relegation battle come the end of the season (Coloccini) and that we will finish in the top TEN come May (Mbemba!) 

The sad reality though---IZ!-- we WILL be in the relegation 'dog fight' for the rest of the season, az with just 4 wins oot of 17 so far this season, this tells yoo that for certain!----UNLESS! ---'The Fat Controller' 'puts hiz hands in hiz pockets' to buy some quality players in the January transfor window!

WILL he 'gamble' on 'The Brolly-less Wally' 'to keep us up' with the present mediocre squad--OR!--will he spend some of hiz vast fortune on makin' sure we divvint gan doon?---we shall soon find oot!

With just 17 points from 17 games it doesn't take a mathematical genius to work oot that this iz an average of just ONE point per game <(me finx?) and by the end of the season at this rate we will end up with 38 points from the 38 games played!---relegation form in any othaa season! (We ended up with 39 points last season and just avoided 'the drop' on the very last day!)

Wot will happen on this rain sodden Boxin' Day???---it's anybody's guess???---and az we've said so many times in the past---this IZ NUFC and anything can happen!

A full match report will appear here on Sunday!---lets hope it's a 'MERRY XMAS' after aall!

******************"IT'S CRIS'MISSSSS!"*****************

MERRY XMAS FROM

THE GEORDIE TIMES!

"SANTA  IZ  A  GEORDIE!"

GET WELL SOON PAV!

Posted '10:54am bells' Xmas Eve 2015

News that wor former goalie Pavel Srnicek iz still in an induced coma followin' a heart attack saddens us greatly.
Pav iz anly 47 and waz oot joggin' last Sunday in hiz home town of Ostrava in the Czech Republic, when he collapsed!

Wor thoughts are with him and hiz family!
Get well soon mate! ----"Pavel iz a Geordie!"

GROUNDHOPPIN' DATES FOR YOUR DIARY FOR THE NEXT MONTH!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Tuesday 22nd December 2015

KEY: Gold= 1st team home game  Yellow=1st team away game
Pink=U21 game    Green=U18 game

Boxin' Day (Saturday): The Toffee Noses @ SJP @ '5:30 bells' (SKY)

Monday 28th Dec: The Baggie Troosers @ The Hawthorns @ '3 bells'

Tue 29th Dec: Berwick Strangers v Toon U21s @ Shielfield Park @ '7 bells' (Friendly)

Sat 2nd Jan: The Arse @ The Emirates' @ '3 bells'

Wed 6th Jan: Toon U18s v AFC Wimbledon U18s @ SJP @ '7 bells'

Sat 9th Jan: Blackborn U18s v Toon U18s @ Brockville Village @ '11 bells'
Sat 9th Jan: Wotfad @ Vicarage Road @ '3 bells (FA Cup 3rd roond)

Mon 11th Jan: The Hazbeenz & Villians U21s v Toon U21s @ Bescot Stadium, Waalsall

Tue 12th Jan: Manc Muppets @ SJP @ '7:45 bells' (SKY)

Sat 16th Jan: U18s v Man C U18s @ Little Benton @ '11 bells'
Sat 16th Jan: The Jellied Eels Mob @ SJP @ '3 bells'

(PS: 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have been to them aall--so there are ne new groonds for us to visit!) 

ON THIS DAY 47 YEARS AGO! *** QPR AWAY!

Posted '1:35pm bells' Munday 21st December 2015

SHEPHERD'S BUSH IN 1968

'The Geordie Times'z 2nd ever visit to London happened on this day in 1968 when we drew 1-1 with QPR in Shepherd's Bush.

A archive match report from that game appears below!
"Servin' wor apprenticeships !"

THE TOON 1 THE HAZBEENZ & VILLIANS 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '11:27am bells' Sunday 20th December 2015


THE PICTURE ISNT BLURRED---IT'S 'CHUCKIN IT DOON'!


"WE TOLD YOO SO!"

We said in wor run up to this match that NUFC were capable of 'shootin worsels in the foot' and that's exactly wot happened @ SJP yesterday evenin' in front of the live telly cameras! (see article below!)

Against a poor Villa team we dominated the forst half az torrential rain started pourin doon from the heavens!
The breakthrough came in the 38th minute when the baall fell nicely to 'Fab' Coloccini a few yards oot and hiz shot waz deflected in to give us a desorved half time lead @ The Gallowgate End!

Aa took mee 6 year old grandson Jamie to the match az he waz 'a lucky mascot' the last time he came, when we beat Norwich 6-2 a couple of months ago!
The rain waz faallin that hard the pitch waz gettin' waterlogged and aa had visions of the game havin to be abandoned because of this, but luckily it abated in the 2nd half az we went 'for the jugular'!

The tornin point came on the hour mark, when (somehow!) a point blank heeder from De Jong on the far post @ The Leazes End went wide, when it waz so much easier to score!---a goal that would have sealed victory!

However-this gave wor visitors some confidence and they went for an equaliser straight away--just az Perez had came on for the dejected De Jong!---Seconds after the substitution, wor visitors raced away up the pitch, where the baall foond Villa's Gordon Awey, who torned quickly on the edge of the Gallowgate box to hit an unstoppable shot past Rob Elliot in The Toon goal--a contender for 'goal of the month' undoubtedly!
From wot shud have been 2-0 up to 1-1 in the space of 2 minutes waz a 'gut wrencher' for certain!

Perez then missed a glorious chance at the very end to claim the 3 points when he blasted high ower the bar!
'The Hazbeenz' had had a couple of chances to win the game az well, but it ended 'aall square and we had to settle for a solitary point!

At least 'Jamie' hadn't seen us lose!

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS AND THE TOP PIC!?
ITS NEAR THE END OF THE GAME AND THE RAIN HAZ EASED OFF
AZ WE ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL!

Bad results for us elsewhere (apart from the mackem's getting beat!) meenz that we dropped to 17th position, just 3 points above Swanzee, who play West Ham @ home today!
Shud they win, then we will be in the bottom 3 again, come Xmas Day!

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Coloccini, Dummett, Mbemba, Sissoko, Colback, Anita (Thourvin 71), Wijnaldum, De Jong (Perez 60), Cisse (Mitrovic 33)

Attendance: 48,234 (1,500 Hazbeenz & Villians) (Had wor visitors sold their entire allocation (3,200) then the attendance would have been around aboot the 50,000 mark) * 

THE TOON v THE HAZBEENZ & VILLIANS *** TOMORROW EVENIN'!

Posted '2:20pm bells' 'Black Eye' Friday 18th December 2015

Papiss Cisse (partially hidden by number 28 Sammy Ameobi) 
scores the anly goal of the game @ SJP last season

We gan into tomorrows game against the bottom side of the division lookin' for wor thord win 'on the boonce'
Villa havvent won @ SJP for 10 years, with 'us' winnin' 6 times and 3 draws in that period!

Of course (az we aalways point oot!) this IZ NUFC and the potential to 'shoot worsels in the foot' iz aalways 'on the cards' and at the back of wor minds!

Hopefully this wont happen and if results gan wor way ower the weekend we could well move up to the 'lofty heights' of 14th in the table and leave 'The Hazbeenz' well adrift in last position!

Tickets are still on sale and we expect anothaa 50,000 crowd @ 'The Cathedral on the Hill', although we don't know just how many wor visitors will bring to 'level 7 of The Leazes End?

A full match report and pix will appear here az per usual sometime on Sunday---az ever!---"watch this space!"

Footnote: Just in case yi divvint naa---''Black Eye' Friday iz when the Xmas party goers are in 'full swing' (literally!) and by the end of toneet many will be sportin' 'black eyes' az they get into 'drunken stupor' arguments in the packed bars!---and az for me?---A'm tooo old for 'aall that' and will be drinkin' 'local' and keepin' well away from 'The Toon' toneet!

LET THE STRAIN TAKE THE TRAIN!

Posted '9:43am bells' Black Eye' Friday 18th December 2015

"SOMEWHERE ON THE 'EAST COAST' MAIN LINE!"

"DO YI 'FINK' THEY DE IT ON PURPOSE!?"

News that wor away game against Chelski on Saturday 13th February haz been changed to a '5:30 bells' kick off for live telly haz reached 'The Geordie Times'
That's still ok to get the '9 bells' train back from King's Cross, then!?

NO! coz the last train back iz @------'7:48 bells'! due to engineerin' works on the East Coast line!
This meeeenz!---that it iz IMPOSSIBLE to catch the last train yem az the match wont finish til close on '7:30 bells', givin' us barely 20 minutes to run to the nearest tube station on the Kings Road in Chelsea and catch the tube to KX---a total jorney time of at least 45 minutes from the final whistle to the train!

This meeenz!---that unless we gan by bus (ne chance!) or leave orly (anly if we are gettin' hammered!) then we will be forced to stop owerneet in London ---and the forst train back on the Sunday mornin' takes ower 4 and a half hours! (normally 3 hours)
due to 'line work' of course!

"SOMEONE UP THERE DEFINATELY DOESNT LIKE US!"

ILKESTON v TOON MATCH REPORT *** COMIN' SOON!

Posted '1:25pm bells' Thorsday 17th December 2015

'The Geordie Times' iz busy workin' on wor match report from Ilkeston, where The Toon's U18s won 3-2 last neet in the FA Youth Cup!
It shud be on-line by tooneet at the latest---meeenwhile!--A'm off to buy some Xmas prezzies and 'devour' a few 'liquid lubrications' in the processs!---watch this space later! "hic!"