THE CRYSTAL BALLS v THE TOON *** THIS COMIN' SATURDAY!

Updated 'high noon bells' Friday 27th November 2015


After the alleged bust up on the trainin' groond between wor beleaguered manager and some of the players, we heed to the far south of London toon to take on a Pardew's Palace side who are smartin' from an unexplained and unexpected defeat by the SMBs on Munday neet!

'We' of course are smartin' from an 'explained' and 'expected' 3-0 defeat by Lestaa last weekend and wor manager/heed coach/general dogsbody will be (somehow!?) tryin' to rally the troops from the debacle of last week!

Aall 2,800 away places in The Arthur Wait Stand have been sold and the game we understand iz a complete selloot!

ACTION @ SELHURST PARK LAST SEASON
 (A 1-1 DRAW---CISSE SCORED WOR GOAL)

We are nuw just ONE point above the abyss and are gannin' for wor 2nd away win in a row---this waz last achieved a year ago when we beat Sporz and West Brom in October/ November 2014!

With just TWO wins oot of THORTEEN in the leegue so far, theeze are desperate times indeed for everyone affiliated to NUFC

We are on the '6:30 bells' train in the morning, arrivin' in 'The Smoke' 3 hours later! 
Az per usual aall trains back from King's Cross after the match are 'DRY'! <(ie: NE alcoholic liquid lubrication allowed!)

'The Geordie Times' forst visited Selhurst Park 45 years ago in 1970 and an archive match report on that game iz featured below!

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS *** ILKESTON DATE CONFORMED!

Posted '12:22pm bells' Tuesday 24th November 2015

"WE'RE OFF TO 'THE MANOR BORN'!"

Wor club 'insider' haz telt us that wor FA Youth Cup 3rd roond tie away to Ilkeston will be played on Wednesday 16th December with a '7:45 bells' kick off @ The New Manor Groond.
Yoo can be sure that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be there in force (aall 10 of us!) and we can anly hope that bad weather doesn't scupper wor plans like last week, when wor U15s friendly against the SMBs U15s @ South Shields waz cancelled the day before because of a waaterlogged pitch!

'The mad-sad groundhopper's 9 seater mini bus will transport most  of us to deepest Derbyshire, while the rest will make it under their own steam!---There are sure to be a  few Geordie exiles in the crowd az well and there is ne doubt that non leegue Ilkeston will be 'ower the moon' to be playin' a Premyaa Leegue club in the competition!

More to follow on aall this az the date of the game gets closer!

Meeeenwhile!---anothaa groond for those of yoo who havvent been there, comes up 5 days later when wor U21s travel to Southport FC on Monday December 21st (Kick off TBC) to face Everton U21s in a Leegue Cup tie.
(We saw wor resorves play Liverpool resorves @ Southport a few years back!) 

"EXCUSES!--EXCUSES!--AND MORE EXCUSES!"

Posted '11:04am bells' Munday 23rd November 2015

SUNDAY MORNIN' --- WHITLEY BAY! ---

The Wally (withoot) the brolly haz come oot and spoken aboot yet anothaa disastrous display to add to the many this season!

McClaren on the Lestaa debacle: "It was the worst performance we've had this season!" <(oh no it isn't!---Bournemoooth and wor game v Sheff Wed resorves in the Leegue Cup were worse!)

McClaren: "Believe you me the message to them (the players) is back on the training field on Monday!" <(In total we have played 15 competitive games and 7 pre season friendlies---surely they have had enough 'trainin' to get it right by now!?)

McClaren: "All we can do is lick our wounds and work hard!" <(Lickin' wor wounds is now a weekly occurrence!)

McClaren: "We have seen it in the last five or six games, and even by digging in to get the result at Bournemouth!---They showed a different set of qualities there!" <(WOT QUALITIES AT BOURNEMOOOTH???? 

McClaren: "At the moment we don't know what we are going to get!" <(The fans de Steve----MEDIOCRITY!)

THE TOON 0 THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '10:35am bells' Sunday 22nd November 2015

"EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY!"

SPOT THE CROWD! ---ROB ELLIOT PREPARES TO TAKE
A GOAL KICK IN THE 88th MINUTE

Where the hell do we start this time!?---Yet anothaa bitterly disappointin' performance on a bitterly cold day @ St James' Park and aall the talk and hype aboot us 'turnin' the corner' have come to nothin' once again, az just aroond that corner iz a trap door with 'CHAMPIONSHIP' written on it!

THE PLAYERS LINE UP IN THE CENTRE CIRCLE AZ
THE FRENCH NATIONAL ANTHEM IZ PLAYED
TO LOUD APPLAUSE FROM THE 50,000 CROWD! 

From the word 'go' Lestaa went for the win and pounded wor goal @ The Leazes End. They finally made the breakthrough deep into injury time in the forst half when Jamie Vardy equalled Ruud Van Nistelrooy's record of scorin' 10 games in a row, when he fired a shot into the corner of the net with Elliot beaten in The Toon goal (Van Nistelroy scored hiz 10th 'in a row' @ SJP az well!)

Just after he scored the ref blew for half time and Vardy waz greeted by polite applause from many Toon fans az he left the pitch!
Up until this point 'we' had had NO shots on target @ The Gallowgate End!

The 2nd half wasn't any better az Lestaa went for the 'jugular' and a free heeder from a completleee unmarked Ulloa made it 0-2 and 'game ower' in the 62nd minute az we STILL hadn't had a shot on goal up till this point!
The 3,000 strong 'Basil Brush Brigade' in level 7 of The Leazes were in good voice by this time: "Your s**t and you know you are!", they mocked---and we couldn't argue with them!---could we!?

And then in the 71st minute we finally had wor one and anly effort on target. Dummett's cross foond Thourvin in the Lestaa box, but hiz effort waz deflected ower for a corner. From the resultin' corner Wijnaldum's heeder waz stopped on the line by a combination of  Schmeichel  and Fuch! <(end of NUFC shots on target!)

A RARE NUFC ATTACK @ THE LEAZES END

The 3rd and final 'nail in wor coffin' came in the 83rd minute when Okazaki scrambled the baall ower the line to complete anothaa 'disaster day' for The Toon az the groond very quickly emptied!

SUMMARY:
The heighted security followin' on from the Paris massacre waz virtually non existent (just like wor defence, midfield and attack!) az we entered the groond!
One 'old biddy' aged aboot 75 behind me in the queue waz asked by a security steward if she minded if he looked inside hor handbag!
"No!" she said and then added: "There's some sweeties in there if you would like one!", but he declined and he simply looked into hor bag withoot searchin' it!
Anothaa fan in front of me who hadn't had hiz expensive 5p Asda carrier bag searched, offered it to the steward for a look inside, but he waz told that it waz "OK!" and waved past!

Alan Shearer aalso had hiz say on 'Match of the Day' and like we said at the top of the page, 'every picture tells a story'!


SHEARER'S SUMMARY!

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Coloccini, Dummett, Mbemba, Sissoko, Anita, Tiote (Thaurvin 20), Wijnaldum, Perez (De Jong 81), Mitrovic (Cisse 62)

Attendance: 50,151 (includin' 3,220 very happy members of the 'Basil Brush Brigade' who now find themselz 'top o the leegue'!)

PS: By the end of the game there were anly 20,000 or so still in the home sections of the groond!

THE TOON v THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

Updated '9:11am bells' Saturday 21st November 2015

ACTION AGAINST 'THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE' FROM LAST SEASON---
WE WON 1-0 (OBERTAN)

After a fortneets break it's back to 'the grind' of The Premyaa Leegue when we take on high flyin' Lestaa @ St James' Park!

Az I speak, light snowflakes can be seen ootside mee window az they blow doon the sacred river Tyne in a howlin' wind---and a freeezin' caad afternoon will surely follow @ 'The Cathedral on the hill'! 
<<<(SO! make sure that yoo wrap up waam!)

A very fortuitous win @ Bournemoooth a fortneet ago will hopefully finally 'kick start' wor woeful season!
(just 1 home and 1 away win oot of 12!)

However! wor visitors on Saturday have anly lost anly 1 game so far this season and are in 3rd place compared to wor 17th position, just above the drop zone.
'The Basil Brush Brigade' have sold their entire allocation of 3,220 seats in level 7 of The Leazes End, >>>>>>>>>>>
while tickets still remain on sale for the home sections! (We predict a 48,000 plus crowd)

NUFC will be attemptin' to win 'back to back' games for the forst time since last November, while Jamie Vardy will be attemptin' to score in hiz TENTH successive Premyaa Leegue game for Lestaa and equal a record set by Van Nistolrooy in 2003 <(lets hope he DOESN'T!)

On a bright note we will be gannin for a SIXTH consecutive home win ower wor visitors, but this one will surely be the hardest off all to win!---we shall soon find oot!
Indeed!---in the last 35 years, Lestaa have anly managed to win twice in 20 attempts @ SJP, while we have won 15 times in that period!

We have just foond oot that the French national anthem 'Le Marseillaise' will be played before the match in support of the people of France followin' the terrible
events that happened in Paris last week!---
We of course have 5 Frenchmen who could be in wor squad tomorrow, namely, Sissoko, Gouffran, Haidara, Thauvin and Riviere.
Aall othaa Premyaa Leegue games will do likewise ower the weekend! (there are 72 Frenchmen who play in the Premyaa Leegue in total)

A full 'Geordie Times' match report and pix will appear here sometime on Sunday mornin'/afternoon/evenin'!? <(dependin' on the result!)

U15s DERBY GAME OFF!---"BUT! WE'RE OFF TO 'THE MANOR BORN' INSTEAD!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 19th November 2015

NEW GROOND!---NEW GROOND!---NEW MANOR GROOND, ILKESTON

Devastatin' news reached 'The Geordie Times' last neet @ Woodall Services on the M1 via text message @ 'midneet bells' from 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer', az aa stopped for a break! 
Wor U15s game scheduled for tooneet against the SMBs U15 side @ Sooth Shields'z, Mariners Park groond, had been caalled off because of a wataerlogged pitch!
I waz retornin' from Redditch in deepest Worcestershire on mee night truck run from Gatesheed when mee phone light 'flashed up' a message in response to my question, askin' if he waz gannin' and if aa waz completely mad thinkin' aboot it!--- he replied: "Your definitely mad coz the game is off!"
A days holiday 'doon the swanny' to visit a new NUFC groond meenz a'll be left 'kickin mee heels' in 'The Strawberry', 'The 3 Bulls' and 'The Hotspur' this evenin' instead! <(It's a hard life!)

Some better news however then appeared on mee 'tellin bone' sayin' that Ilkeston had hammered Shrewsbury 4-1 in the FA Youth Cup last neet and The Toon's U18s would be heedin' there in the next roond of the competition in December (Ilkeston iz much nearer than Shrewsbury, like!)
To 'The Manor Born' here we come (The New Manor Groond, Ilkeston that iz!)

'TO THE MANOR BORN'!

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS-----TO 'THE MANOR BORN' OR 'THE GREENHOUS GAS'?

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 18th November 2015


THE MANOR GROOND, ILKESTON

Later tooneet we will find oot wor opponents in the FA Youth Cup 3rd roond when Ilkeston Toon take on Shrewsbury Toon in a 2nd roond tie @ The Manor Groond.
The winners will host The Toon's youth team at home sometime in December, so we will be gannin' to ethaa 'The Manor Born' or 'The Greenhous Gas' come Xmas (Shrewsbury play @ Greenhous Meadow)

Both are new groonds of course for the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' and we will let yoo naa straight away when we find oot the result, az the game MUST be decided on the neet!


"Watch this space!"

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS!

Posted '11:45am bells' Sunday 15th November 2015

"WILL I GET THERE!?"

For those of yoo who have nevaa been <(and WE have!) 'The Toon's U18s' team are playin' Man U U18s @ Moss Lane, Altrincham on Munday neet @ '7 bells
The game waz moved from Man Us trainin' groond on Saturday to give the youngins some experience of playin' under floodlights az both teams will be doin so in their forthcomin' FA Youth Cup ties in December!
Taalkin' of which!---we have been drawn away to eetha Ilkeston Toon U18s or Shrewsbury Toon U18s who play each othaa on Wednesday neet for the right to face us in the 3rd roond of the competition---BOTH theeze groond are on wor 'wish list' az we havvent been to eethaa! 
The game haz to be played by December 19th and yoo can be sure that the NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers will be there to see it!

AND THEN!---this comin' Thorsday evenin' wor U15s side will face the SMBs U15s at Northern Leegue side Sooth Shields ground in Jarrow? which iz next to BEDE Metro station!---Alan Shearer will open some new function rooms at the Mariners Park groond (formerly Filtrona Park) so there iz sure to be a big crowd considerin' that Sooth Shields is 50% Toon and 50% mackem (and of course the appearance of Shearer will add a canny few more to the crowd!)

The game iz scheduled to kick off @ '6:30 bells' but iz NOT 'cast in stone' yet!

PS: Az this game haz been arranged at very short notice <(a'v just foond oot aboot it!) aa might struggle to get the day off work---but will try my utmost to get there, az, YES! ---a'v nevaa seen a Toon side play at that groond eethaa! <(Seen 'The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston' play there a few years ago, though!)

Update Tuesday:
The U18s won 2-1 @ Man U with Lewis McNall scorin' wor forst goal on the half hour mark before Man U equalised just before the break. Luke Charman got wor winner in the 70th minute!
    

BLANKETY BLANK YET AGAIN!

Posted '11:11am bells' Sunday 15th November 2015


"ANOTHER BLANK WEEKEND FOR ALL YOU TOON FANS!
BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS WATCH RE-RUNS OF 'BLANKETY BLANK'
ON THE TELLY TO FILL YOUR TIME IN!"

Anothaa International break and anothaa weekend withoot a Toon game!---The 4th time this season so far we have been left 'kickin' wor heels'
News that wor home game against Man U haz been moved forward a day to Tuesday January 12th for live telly---wor anly live game in January! (Unless we draw a non leegue team away in the FA Cup and 'the vultures of the BBC' come a'callin'!

Wor next away game against Pardew's Palace in a fortneets time iz a complete sell-oot with wor allocation of 2,800 tickets sold for The Arthur Wait Stand >>>>>>

PIT YAAKERS v THE TOON U21s *** TOONEET!

Posted '2:35 pm bells' Thorsday 12th November 2015

The Toon are sendin' a team to Ashington tooneet to open their new stand.
Kick off iz at '7 bells' and it's a fiver for big kids and two quid for sprogs and zimmerframeites!

Updated Friday:
The Toon won by 8 (EIGHT!) goals to 1 in the drivin' wind and rain in front of a 1,200 plus crowd!
Sean Longstaff got 4, Adam Laidler got 2 and both Lewis McNall and Owen Gallacher the othaas in this rout in Pit Yaaker Land!

The wind waz so bad that the game had to be stopped when the caterin' tent nearly blew away!