THE TOON v WOTFAD *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

Updated '10:20am bells' Saturday 19th September 2015



"FROM ONE CATHEDRAL TO ANOTHER!"
(ST JAMES' PARK---VIEW FROM THE TOP OF 'ST NIX' CATHEDRAL)
(Special thanx to 'STEEV' for foto!)
FOR MORE PIX LIKE THIS, GAN TO: 'ST JAMES' PARK VIEWS' (ABOVE)

We gan into worth sixth leegue game of the season lookin' for wor forst win, but on the evidence on wot we've seen so far the future looks bleak unless 'The Wally with the Brolly' can change things and motivate the players for this vital game against Wotfad @ St James' Park----one of three successive home games in the next eight days!

Playin' with a lone striker up front like we did at West Ham last Munday neet just doesn't work az Cisse waz oot of sorts like the rest of the team and looks like a player who just doesn't want to be here!
Quite simply McClaren HAZ to change wor startin' line up and start with Perez, De Jong and Aarons, instead of leavin' them on the bench! 

With just two home wins in the leegue since January (against Villa and West Ham last season) this iz a must 'MUST' win game, az surely if we cannit beat newly promoted and relegation 'fodder' Wotfad @ 'The Cathedral on the Hill', then just who can we beat!?

With Chelski and Man City up next in the leegue, THREE points (and some goals pleeeze!) iz a 'MUST'!

We understand that 'The Elton John Mob' have selt 2,200 tickets for level 7 of The Leazes End and with the old 'current bun' shinnin' brightly ower the sacred River Tyne az we speak, a crowd approachin' 48,000 iz predicted by 'The Geordie Times'

A full match report will of course appear here in due time az per usual!------Let's hope we can write sommik POSITIVE for a change!

009 revisited: THE JELLIED EELS MOB 2 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Date of Last Ever Visit: 14th September 2015
Boleyn Ground, Upton Park, London

West Ham United 2
Newcastle United 0

Premier League
Attendance: 34,907

Updated '11:20pm bells' Tuesday 15th September 2015

Thourvin's free kick failed to find a Toon player
and just after this the home side ran up the field
to score their 2nd goal of the game!
(View from row 'E' of 'The (Clevaa) Trevor Brooking Stand')

"JUST LIKE MY DREAMS, THEY FADE AND DIE!"

Wot the hell can we say?---Yet anothaa aaful away performance from NUFC meanin' that we have scored just ONE goal and taken ONE point from wor last NINE away games! (and NE goals in the last FOWER!)

I reeely hate writin' stuff like this, time and time again!---but anothaa relegation battle looks certain after this debacle, az we hardly bothered 'The Jellied Eels Mob' in wot waz wor last ever appearance here in a leegue game before they move to The Olympic Stadium in Stratford some 4 miles away next season!---On this performance we WONT be gannin there, az we could well be in a different division to them by then!


THE TOON ATTACK THE BOOBY MOORE END (1st half)
(Moore's huge picture can be seen on the right hand side of the stand)

We didn't start off tooo badly and attacked The Bobby Moore Stand in the forst half---but in West Ham's very forst attack they scored in the 9th minute through Payet who volled the baall past Tim Krul into the top corner of the net in front of the Toon faithful!
Many hadn't reached the groond by this point az there waz chaos on the roads AND the tube---and indeed the NUFC team bus got caught up in the snarl az well and the players reportedly had to waalk the last mile to the groond to make the kick off themsels!

Too many players are oot of form includin' wor new signings who had lack lustre games, plus Cisse up front on hiz own <(meanin' we had 'set wor stall oot' for a point!) who seemed disinterested to say the least!

The 2nd half started and we got a free kick straight away in front of The Toon fans housed in The Trevor Brooking Stand.
Thauvin took it from 30 yards oot--- but hiz weak effort waz cleared upfield and Moses who easily beat Anita, wellied the baall against wor bar---it rebounded oot to Payet and he had the simple task of placin' the baall beyond Krul's reach and to put the game 'oot of reach' for us just 3 minutes after the restart!



VIEW OF 'THE CHICKEN RUN' (left)


Wor heeds were doon at this point and we just didn't have it in us to make a fightback, despite several chances that went 'a beggin' ---especially from Cisse, Janmaat and De Jong!

Yoo probably watched it az well on 'the box' ---in horror!--- az we plunged to the bottom of the table----surely we cant get any lower!?

The Jellied Eels Mob have a club song called 'Bubbles'---one line gans: "Just like my dreams, they fade and die!"----mebeez we shud sing it instead!

After the match we heeded to 'The Overdraft' next to East Ham tube station for the post match 'drownin' of the sorrows' ales--and 'there waz' 'The Wally with the Brolly' on the telly, smilin' and laughin' to the reporter who waz interviewin' him! <("Honest Steve!---this iz NE laughin' matter!") 

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Mbemba, Coloccini, Haidara, Anita(De Jong 60), Colback, Sissoko, Wijnaldum (Aarons 79), Thourvin (Perez 60), Cisse

Attendance: 34,907 (2,200 utterly sick Toon fans!)   

Watford are up next @ St James' next Saturday and the nerves will be janglin' from 'Brollyman McClaren', the players and the lang sufferin' fans----in wot iz now a 'must, must! win game'

THE JELLIED EELS MOB v THE TOON ***** 'THE GEORDIE TIMES'Z LAST LEEGUE VISIT TOONEET! (1969 to 2015)

Posted '10:10am bells' Munday 14th September 2015


THE TOON PREPARE TO TAKE A FREE KICK FROM LAST SEASON
(IT DIDN'T GAN IN!---AND WE LOST 1-0!)


We travel to Upton Park, 'eest Landan' tooneet for the last time ever (unless we draw them in one of the cups!) and to be honest it will be a sad day for me az I forst went to The Boleyn Groond some 46 years ago---in the same week az Eest End gangsters the Kray Twins were sentenced to life imprisonment! <(waz it reeely THAT lang ago?)
Of course--(shud we both be in the same division next season?) we will then have a new groond to gan te in the form of The Olympic Stadium in Stratford, when WHU move there next season

We sit in 3rd bottom place in the Premyaa Leegue above Stoke and the SMBs who are rock bottom!
A win would lift us up to the dizzy heights of 14th place but a 2-0 defeat would send us to the foot of the table!

Just two of wor pre season signings will be playin' this evenin' az Mitrovic iz suspended for hiz unjust sendin' off in wor game against 'The Arse'the othaa week---which meeenz NINE of the players who featured in last season disastrous run will be playin'

We have sold wor full allocation of tickets of 2,200 for the visitors section---which isn't bad for a live telly game at '8 bells' on a Munday! 

We leave at dinnaatime for King's Cross and a full match and hootch report will appear here sometime tomorrow afternoon when we get back!

With anly ONE away win this year (v Hull) it's aboot time we had anothaa under wor belt----we shall naa by '10 bells' tooneet!

A match report from 'The Geordie Times'z forst ever visit in 1969 iz reprinted below---a different era and in a different time warp!

THE TOON U21s 1 THE ARSE U21s 2 **** FA PREMYAA RESORVE LEEGUE

Posted '11:31am bells' Sunday 13th September 2015


A FLOODLIT MILBURN STAND!


A rare Friday neet fixture @ St James' ended in a 2-1 defeat for wor U21s against Arsenal U21s in front of 726 spectators! <(includin' 'me' and mee 5 year old grandson Jamie!)

We played well in the forst half but couldn't make the breakthrough az we attacked The Leazes goal with good chances for Toney and Longstaff in the 17th and 25th minute which both went narrowly wide.


THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)


The game changer came in the 59th minute when Callum Williams waz sent off for a professional foul which reduced us to 10 men once again this season (2 sendings off for the 1st team az well!)

The Arse finally took the lead in the 79th minute through Iwobi whose low shot beat Darlow in The Toon goal!
Mavididi <(where do they get theor names from?) doubled their lead bang on full time and a consolation goal for Gilliead reduced the arrears in the 4th minute of stoppage time---but it waz all tooo late by this time!

A FREE KICK FOR THE TOON AT THE GALLOWGATE END AZ JAMIE LOOKS ON!


THE PRE MATCH GARGELS TOOK PLACE HERE!
 

THE STRAWBERRY 'BEER BAR' ***SPOT BEARDSLEY AND Co!

THE CROWS NEST ---"WOT! A XMAS TREE IN SEPTEMBER!?"

 

"HAMMER BLOW!' FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!"

Posted '1:30pm bells' Friday 11th September 2015

RUSH GREEN, ROMFORD***
'NO GO' FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!

Yet more 'dastardly deeds' have befallen The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers, az 'The Jellied Eels Mob' from West Ham have annoonced that their resorve U21 game against us on Munday week, which waz due to be played at Rush Green, Romford haz been moved to The Boleyn Groond @ Upton Park instead!

Az the forst team are due to play there for the very last time next Munday, it iz with great regret that we have had to cancel this groundhoppin' trip, az there iz ne point in gannin' to the same groond two weeks in a row! <(unless yer completleee mad!)

An absolutleee disgraceful decision if yoo ask us!!!

Meeeenwhile!---The U21s are in action toneet @ St James' Park (see below!)

THE TOON U21s v THE ARSE U21s *** ST JAMES' PARK THIS FRIDAY NEET!

Posted '11:43am bells' Friday 11th September 2015

Tooneet the resorve side makes a rare appearance @ St James' Park when we take on The Arse resorve side!

The game kicks off @ '7 bells' and The East Stand will be the anly part of the groond open, az iz per usual on these occasions

Admission iz FREE to season ticket holders and members, so get yiselz alang to cheer on the youngins'!

A full Geordie Times match report and pix will appear here sometime ower the weekend!

THE BAD BLUE BOYS 0 THE PIT YAAKKERS 0 *** NORTHERN LEEGUE DIVISION ONE

Posted '11:05am bells' Sunday 6th September 2015


DUNSTON NUMBER 8 ALEX FRANCIS SENDS IN A CORNER AZ
THE 'MONKEY HANGER' LINESMAN LOOKS ON!
(see below!)

With ne Toon game to gan te (again!) becoz of the International break, aa heeded for the delights of Federation Park where Dunston were takin' on Ashington in a Northern Leegue forst division game!

A few bottles of the 'old broon dog' <(Newcastle Brown Ale!) in the clubhoose before the match waz the order of the day, before heedin' for mee usual standin' place on the touchline---(not tooo far from the clubhoose door!)

There were quite a few Ashington Antagonists in the crowd includin' Toon fan 'Byzy' who hails from 'pit yaakker land'

The Bad Blue Boys started off like a hoose on fire but they couldn't break doon the Pit Yaakkers defence and the game waz scoreless at the half time 'liquid refreshment' interval!

Az iz 'traditional' by me, aa missed the start of the 2nd half az aa waz still knockin back 'the broon stuff' in the clubhoose---but aa didn't miss much az it waz still 0-0 az aa took mee place back on the touchline!

The main taalkin point in the 2nd period waz a blatant 'hand baall' by an Ashington player that waz somehow missed by the blind linesman standin' in front of me, who got torrents of abuse from the home faithful for not wavin' for a penalty!

ACTION AT 'THE DUNSTON ROCKET-LESS END'
(THERE USED TO BE A HUGE TOWER BLOCK BEHIND THIS END KNOWN LOCALLY AZ
'THE ROCKET' AZ IT LOOKED LIKE A SPACE ROCKET!)
IT WAZ DEMOLISHED 3 YEARS AGO---HENCE THE NEW NAME FOR THAT END OF THE GROOND!

A quick look at the team sheet conformed that he waz from Hartlepool and shouts of *"Hang him from the rafters!" could be hord from some irate Dunston fans!

Despite pressure from The Bad Blue Boys they couldn't break doon the visitors defence and the game ended nowts each!

Attendance: 250 (estimated, includin' 70ish Pit Yaakkers)

*Footnote: For those of yee who divvint naa, people from Hartlepool are known az 'monkey hangers', az they once hung a monkey who they thought waz a foreign spy in the Napoleonic wars!  *

"BLANKETY BLANK!" CONTINUED!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 5th September 2015


"HI!---I'M BACK AGAIN!"

With the International fixtures takin' president once again, we find worsels with yet another blank weekend to fill in!---The same gans for next weekend az we are not due to play again til Munday 14th September when we travel to The Boleyn Groond (Upton Park) West Ham for the last ever time for a leegue game, before they move to the Olympic Stadium next year!

'The mad-sad groundhopper' haz decided to 'get hiz fix' and watch 'The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston' play 'The Pit Yaakkers from Ashington' in a Northern Leegue encoontaa this afternoon @ Federation Park, Dunston!
A full match report on this will appear here at some point ower the next couple of days <(bet yiz cannit wait?)    

TOON 25 MAN SQUAD NAMED!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 4th September 2015

NUFC have released the names of the 25 squad players who will represent us til February at least!

A to Z

***Anita*** Bigiramana*** Cisse*** Colback ***Coloccini ***Darlow ***DeJong ***Dummett*** Elliot*** Good*** Gouffran ***Haidara*** Janmaat*** Krul*** Marveaux*** Laselles*** Obertan*** Perez*** Riviere*** Sissoko*** Taylor*** Thourvin*** Tiote*** Wijnaldum ***Williamson

Additional U21 players were aalso named:

***Aarons ***Barlaser ***Gillesphey*** Gilliead*** Heardman*** Mbabu*** Mbemba*** Mitrovic*** Roberts*** Satka*** Smith*** Sterry ***Toney  

"WE CAN BREATHE A SIGH OF RELIEF!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 2nd September 2015

The transfor window iz now firmly shut and the good news iz!----We havvent selt Papiss Cisse, Ayoze Perez, Paul Dummett or 'The Sissoko Kid' az had been wildleeee reported in 'aall the papers'!

The above departures would have severely weakened wor squad, so aalthough we didn't sign anybody on deadline day, at least we have a better chance this season than last of finishin' mid-table! <(It just gans to show how far wor expectations have fallen ower the last few years, that we will be happy to finish tenth, eleventh or twelfth!)