THE TOON 2 SOOOTHAMPTON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '10:45am bells' Munday 10th August 2015

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

A very mixed day @ St James' Park az we kicked off wor campaign for the new season!

Defensive frailties that were evident last season came back to haunt us az the 2 Sooothampton goals were scored by unmarked players who simply heeded the baall past Tim Krul in The Toon goal!

Their forst goal came in the 24th minute when Krul failed to stop a heeder from unmarked Pelle enterin' the net @ The Gallowgate End!
We were on top until this stage and this waz anly Sooothampton's 2nd attack of the game!

We hit back through Papiss Cisse who seemed to chest the baall into the net @ The Leazes End from barely a yard oot from a cross by Haidara just before the break.

It waz soon 2-1 to 'us' shortly after the restart when Obertan went on a superb run doon the right wing to the corner flag. He then hit a pinpoint cross for new boy Wijnaldum who heeded a unstoppable heeder past Skelenenburg in the visitors goal @ The Gallowgate End to lift the roof off the stadium!

ACTION @ THE GALLOWGATE END (2nd half)

Mitrovic made hiz debut in the 75th minute when he replaced Cisse and he very nearly got in 'The Guinness Book of Records' by gettin' sent of within FIVE SECONDS of comin' on with a bad challenge on a Sooothampton defender---Thankfully he waz anly booked by the ref---but this surely iz the quickest ever bookin' by a player makin' hiz debut!?

However!---wor defensive frailties came back once again to haunt us when Shane Long out jumped Janmaat to heed an easy goal in front of 'The Simon Templar Mob' in level 7 of The Leazes End with 11minutes left on the clock!

It could have been worse near the end when Colback inexplicably lost the baall near the half way line and Mane somehow missed the goal from a few yards oot az he broke through wor defence!

A point iz better than nowt aa suppose, but it looks like anothaa lang hard season aheed, with trips to Swanzee next week and then Man U the week after, followed by an 'easy'? home game against 'The Arse' to end off the month!

Toon team: Krul, Mbemba, Coloccini, Janmaat, Haidara, Anita Tiote (68), Colback, Sissoko, Wijnaldum (De Jong 81), Obertan, Cisse (Mitrovic 75)

Attendance: 49,019 (1,500 Sooothampton fans)  *

THE TERRIERS of BEDLINGTON 0 THE DUNSTON BAD BLUE BOYS 8 (EIGHT!) *** NORTHERN LEEGUE DIVISION 1

Posted '10:51am bells' Sunday 9th August 2015


DUNSTON'S 2nd GOAL SCORED BY DAN HALLIDAY


Az the scoreline suggests this waz a completleee one sided game with the visitors on top from start to finish!

Fower of us travelled up to Bedlington, namely 'me', 'Davy the Silver Fox', 'Grumpy Stumpy' and 'Scott of the Antarctic' <(he lives high up in the moontains of Windy Nook in Gatesheed!)

A taxi waz wor means of transport az the bus fare to Bedlington waz a fiver each, so it cost just the same 'to travel in style'!

We'd met up in 'The City Tavern' in the centre of The Toon and arrived 25 minutes later in 'sun-kissed' Bedlington High Street!

'The Market Tavern' waz wor forst 'port o call' before movin' on to 'The Northumberland Arms' and then onwards to the Dr. Pitt groond not far away for the last 'liquid refreshments' in the clubhoose before kick off!

Dunston went for 'the jugular' straight from the kick off az they pounded the home goal.
2 goal in quick succession and a string of missed chances, plus a penalty appeal torned doon put the visitors (or the 'guests' az the giant scoreboard said) aheed by the break---but it could and shud have been many more!


THE GIANT SCOREBOARD---THAT DIDN'T WORK!



The rout started at the start of the 2nd half when 'The Bad Blue Boys' went 3-0 up <(we missed it az we were still in the clubhouse for wor half time gargels! It waz soon 4 and 5 before 3 more goals at the end finished 'The Terriers' off! (a hat-trick for super sub Malcolm Morien!)


MORIEN SCORES THE 6th GOAL! (OR WAZ IT THE 7th?)


It's hard to imagine, but just a few short years ago Bedlington won The Northern Leegue FIVE times in a row and now they faced humiliation in front of their dwindlin' band of supporters who numbered barely 100. The Dunston committee men plus and few fans made up the rest of the numbers <(30 we reckon!)


DUNSTON TAKE A CORNER AZ THE SCRUFFY LOOKIN'
TERRIER AND HIZ MASTER (in Bedlington red) LOOK ON!
(Definitely NOT! a 'Bedlington terrier'!) 
 


It waz then off to 'The Barrington' up the street from 'The Dr. Pitt' to celebrate a great victory before retornin' in style (once again!)  to 'The Strawberry' next to St James' Park for yet more 'gargels'!

"GIVE IZ AN 'I'!"

*

THE TOON v SOOOTHAMPTON **** THIS SUNDAY @ '1:30 BELLS'!

Posted '12:18pm bells' Friday 7th August 2015


"NO!--IT'S NOT A 'DODGY LOOKIN' LAMB!---IT'S A BEDLINGTON TERRIER!"


The big day iz aalmost upon us and we are travellin' up to 'sunny'? Bedlington tomorrow afternoon where 'The Terriers' are takin' on 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston in a Northern Leegue encoontaa @ 'The Dr. Pitt Welfare Groond'!

And az for NUFC?----Sunday afternoon iz the startin' point against 'The Saints' of Sooothampton @ St James' where the 3 new boys will make their Premyaa Leegue debuts for The Toon.
Club captain 'Fab' Coloccini haz signed a 1 year extension to hiz contract and we can anly hope that 'a new dawn' haz arrived on Tyneside and that we can make a winnin' start against the soooth coast outfit!
It's ower 9 years since wor new boss 'Brollyman' McClaren took charge of a Premyaa Leegue game, when he waz manager of 'The Smog Monsters of Teesside' (they lost 1-0 @ Fulham!)

Sooothampton, we understand, have been allocated 1,646 tickets for level 7 of The Leazes End and still have quite a few tickets left to sell az we speak! (ie: There will be less than 1,646 of them on Sunday!)
Despite this a 50,000 plus crowd iz predicted by 'us'

'The Geordie Times' will publish a match, boozer and pix report on both games, sometime on Munday
(PS: A 'crowd' 'approachin' 150 iz predicted by us @ Bedlington!)

"IVAN THE TERRIBLE SIGNS!" ("ER!--that's 'terrible' for opposition defences!)

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 6th August 2015

'GEORDIE TIMES NEWSFLASH'!

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' via carrier pigeon that 19 year old striker Ivan Toney haz signed for us from Northampton Toon on a lang torm deal!
Toney haz scored 11 times in 29 starts for Northampton and will be in wor U21 resorve squad we understand!

We can anly hope that part of the deal includes a friendly @ Northampton's Six Fields Stadium sometime in the future!--A ground that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have never been te! <(fingers and toes crossed!)

He could? make hiz debut in wor U21s fixture v Wolves U21s @ Bucks Head, Telford on Saturday <(AYE! we've been there!)
It's a '3:00 bells' kick off if yoo fancy it! (£5 for big kids, £4 for zimmerframeites and just £1 for sprogs!)  

Meeenwhile! wor U18s are aalso in action on the same day in deepest Staffordshire against Stoke U18 @ their Clayton Wood Trainin' Groond ('11:00 bells') <(AYE! we've been there az well!)*** FREE admission!

Az the above kick off times are 4 hours apart and the groonds are just 1 hour apart, this iz the ideal opportunity for any 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' who havvent been to eethaa ground, to de a unique 'double header' in one day! 

THE MAG-NIFICENT SEVEN?---NEW BOSS BUT NOTHIN' CHANGES!

Posted '12:33pm bells' Wednesday 5th August 2015

Despite a disastrous season in 2014-2015 when of course we anly avoided relegation on the last day, the team who played against Borussia Munchen'gladbach on Saturday in wor last pre season friendly included ne fewer than SEVEN  of the players who started wor last pre season friendly against Real Sociadad the season before!--plus anothaa TWO who came on az subs

Quite simply--many of the seven are 'deadwood' az far az we are concerned and to try and carry on with them and just three new signings to date, iz surely anothaa recipe for disaster?

We obviously hope we are dead wrang and that 'Brollyman McClaren' can sort us oot despite us anly winnin' 2 of wor 7 pre season games in which we didn't play well in ANY of them!

Of course wor minds stretch back to 2009 when a 6-1 defeat to the hands of Leyton Orient in a pre season friendly in eest Landan made us fear the worst for the forthcomin' season----anly for us to win The Championship by 'a country mile' in the season that followed!

*Lets hope that this iz the case again <(we shall soon find oot on Sunday when we play Sooothampton @ St James'!)
*It shud be noted that NUFC are currently 1,000 to 1 to win The Premyaa Leegue!

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!
The teams that lined up against Sociadad and Borussia:
Players who played in both games in pink:
Players who didn't play in both games in yellow

Sociadad last season                Borussia last Saturday
Krul                                          Krul
Janmaat                                    Jammaat
Williamson                               Williamson
Coloccini                                  *Steve Taylor
Haidara                                     Haidara
Anita                                         Anita
Gouffran                                  *Obertan
Sissoko                                     Sissoko
Colback                                    Colback
Cabella                                     Wijnaldum
Riviere                                      Cisse
                                                  *came on az subs against Sociadad!

100,000 THANKOOOZ TO WOR OWERSEAS REEEDERS!

Posted '2:33pm bells' Munday 3rd August 2015

The 7 bridges that span The 'sacred' River Tyne between Newcasil and Gatesheed
(Top to bottom) The Redheugh bridge, The King Edward bridge,
The QE2 (Metro) bridge, The High Level bridge, The Swing Bridge,
The Tyne bridge and finally The Millennium bridge  

We never realised it at the time but 'The Geordie Times' reached anothaa 'landmark' a few day ago when we received wor ONE HUNDRED THOOSANDTH pageview from owerseas <(and beyond!)

In total 100,677 have now viewed this site from the USA to the UAE with more than half that total comin' from just 3 countries, namely the USA (29,000 plus), the Ukraine (15,000 plus) and Jawmany (14,000 plus)

Again we thank each and every one of yoo for loggin' in to 'The Mad-Sad Groundhoppers' website!---lang may it continue!

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!---WHEY AYE MAAN!"

THE TOON 0 THE BORUSSIA MUNCHIN'GLADBACHS 1 *** PRE SEASON FRIENDLY 2015-2016

Posted '11:20am bells' Sunday 2nd August 2015

"BORUSSIA 'MUNCH' THE TOON AZ JAMIE ^ 'MUNCHES' CHOCOLATE BUTTONS!"

Wor one and anly home pre season friendly ended in a 1-0 defeat for The Toon against The Munchin'gladbachs of Jawmany to make it 4 defeats, 2 wins and a draw in wor 7 pre season games!

Of wor 3 new players anly Wijnaldum started the game with the other 2, Mitrovic and Mbemba both comin' on in the 60th minute of the contest

THE TOON (IN WOR NEW WHITE AWAY STRIP?) ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL 

Both Wijnaldum and Williamson went close in the forst half to scorin' at The Leazes End but the teams went in level at half time in yet anothaa below par display from 'us'

A'd taken mee 5 year old grandson Jamie to the match and he'd asked for a hot dog at the interval! There waz anly one food kiosk open however and the queues were massive and by the time we got to the front Jamie had spotted some chocolate buttons on display and said he wanted them instead, plus a smaall bottle of coke az he waz thorsty!
At nearly FIVE QUID! for the 2 items they must have been the most expensive 'buttons' in toon <(taalk aboot gettin' your eyes taken oot!)  We'd waited so lang in the queue that we actually missed the start of the 2nd half az well!<(not that we'd missed much anyway!)

JAMIE CHECKS THE TEAM LINE UP ON THE BACK OF
THE MATCH PROGRAMME

Az Jamie munched his 'chocky' buttons wor Jawman 'Munchin'gladbach'  visitors also started 'munchin' us' and from a howler from Rolando Aaarons, who lost possession, Steve Taylor had time to clear the baall, but it fell to Borussia's Thorgan Hazard who sidefooted the baall into the net to score wot waz to be the anly goal of the game at the mid-point of the half!

"Jamie!"--aa said "The Baddies' have scored!"


2nd HALF ACTION @ THE GALLOWGATE END
"SWITCH PLAY TO THE LEFT!" JAMIE SHOUTS!


There were chances for Sissoko and new boy Mitrovic (who had came on az a sub with Mbemba just before the goal) who both hit the woodwork near the end @ The Gallowgate End, but az bad luck would have it the baall rebounded back into play both times and NOT the back of the net!
A draw would have been a much fairer result!

Throughout the game Jamie kept askin' me "Have Newcasil scored yet granddad?" and I repeatedly had to tell him "NO 'The Goodies' hadn't!"

However he told me at the end of the game that he HAD enjoyed himself, which iz more than can be said for the rest of the 21,000 plus crowd who torned up! ("Er!" apart from the 150 Jawman diehards who had torned up!)

Full time: 'The Goodies'  0    'The Baddies'  1 !

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat (Mbemba 60), Williamson, Taylor, Haidera, Anita (De Jong 75), Colback, Sissoko (Perez 81), Wijnaldum, Obertan (Aarons 60) , Cisse (Mitrovic 60)

Attendance: 21,088 (150 Jawman's plus a handful of Scousers in the visitors end who were old friends with Borussia fans!) *

THE PRE MATCH 'GARGELS' TOOK PLACE IN 'THE PITT 'BEER' BAR'
AZ JAMIE GETS STUCK IN TO HIZ 'ORANGE BEER'!

 

    



POST MATCH---MORRIS DANCERS INVADE 'TILLYS BAR'!

THE TOON v THE BORUSSIA MUNCHIN'GLADBACHS *** PRE SEASON FRIENDLY 2015-2016

Posted '10:26am bells' Saturday1st August 2015

"LETS MUNCH SOME GLADBACHS!"

Wor final and anly home pre season friendly takes place this afternoon @ '3 bells' when we take on The Munchin'gladbachs from Jawmany @ St James' Park.
Debuts are expected from wor 3 new signings az Chancel Mbemba's work permit haz arrived at the last moment and he will line up alang side Alek Mitrovic and Ginio Wijnaldum in the startin' 11

A'm takin' mee 5 year old grandson Jamie to hiz forst 'European game' and we are in the middle tier of The Leazes End today!
I promised to take him to the match if he could pronounce the Jawman teams name!
"Jamie!", aa said, "If yi can say Borussia Monchengladbach aa'll take yoo to the game!" 
He came oot with "Bruce MUNCHIN'gladbachs!"---so that waz near enough! 

Not sure wot the weathaa will bring today?---one minite the sun'z oot---and the next minute it looks az though it's gannin' to p*ss doon!
Anyway!---a full 'Geordie Times' match report and pix will appear here sometime tomorrow, with 'Jamie's' version of the match az well!

MORE LIVE TELLY GAMES! *** "HIGH NOON SHOOTOUTS AND AALL THAT!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 31st July 2015

3 more of wor games have been picked for live telly in October and November!

Wor home game against 'Delia's 'Canary Custard Creams' haz been switched to Sunday 18th October @ '4 bells' (SKY) <(we DIDN'T predict this!)

The derby game away to the SMBs @ The SOS iz now @ 'high noon bells' Sunday 25th October (SKY) <(we DID predict this!)

And finally! ---and just to make it easy for us to get to?, wor 730 mile trek to Bournemoooth and back haz been moved to '12:45 bells' on Saturday 7th November (BT) <(we THOUGHT this might be changed--but at least it isn't on a Munday neet!)
This meeenz however, that we must travel doon on the Friday and stay owerneet! <(the 'joys' of live futbaall!)

FIXTURES BELOW

NUFC PREMYAA LEEGUE & CUP FIXTURES ***** 2015-2016

Updated '12:47 pm bells Friday 31st July 2015

The Premyaa Leegue fixtures have been released and wor forst game will be at home to Sooothampton---BUT!--it haz be changed from Saturday to Sunday az they are in Europa Leegue action 2 days before we are due to play them!
We then face a 'continental trip' to Swanzee in sooth Wales a week later and then to 'The Theatre of Muppets' when we will play 'The Cockney Reds' a week after that!--We then finish off August with an 'eazy'? home game against 'The Arse'!

We face the SMBs away in October and at home in March,
we will visit Bournmoooth in November for a Saturday '12:45 bells' kick off <( nice that they are thinkin' aboot the travellin' fans for once?)while they must travel to wor place in March next year!
Amazingly  every game this year waz originally on a Saturday <(SKY, BT and clubs in Europe have ensured that this iz NOT now the case!) until the last game in 2015 when we are away to The Baggie Troosers of West Brom on a Munday
'The Geordie Times' predicts that at least 25 of wor 38 fixtures will be moved

We roond off the season with anothaa home fixture against Sporz in May---the anly game that cannit be changed!

Games moved so far for Europe and live telly--- 8 oot of 14


(Aall games listed are '3 bells' kick offs unless stated!)
Key: Home games in gold (SJP) St James' Park---
Away games in pink 

August:
Sun 9th: Sooothampton @ SJP @ 1:30 bells
Sat 15th: Swanzee away
Sat 22nd Manc Muppets away @12:45 bells, live on BT
W/C Mon 24th Aug: Leegue Cup 2nd roond 
Sat 29th The Arse @ SJP @12:45 bells, live on BT

September:
Mon 14th: The Jellied Eels Mob away @ 8:00 bells, live on SKY 
Sat 19th: Wotfad @ SJP
Sat 26th: Chelski @ SJP @ 5:30 bells, live on SKY

October:
Sat 3rd: Manc Blue Moonies away
Sun 18th: The Canary Custards @ SJP @ 4:00 bells (SKY)
Sun 25th: SMBs away @ 'high noon bells' (SKY) 
Sat 31st: The P*ss Potters @ SJP

November:
Sat 7th: Bournemoooth away @ 12:45 bells (BT)
Sat 21st: The Basil Brush Brigade @ SJP
Sat 28th: The Crystal Balls away

Live games for December will be picked on or before September 17th (Alledgedleeee!) 

December:
Sat 5th: The Liverbirds @ SJP
Sat 12th: Sporz away < (WILL be changed az Sporz play in Europe 2 days before!)
Sat 19th: The Hazbeenz and Villians @ SJP
Sat 26th: The Toffee Noses @ SJP
Mon 28th: The Baggie Troosers away

Live games for January will be picked on or before October 19th

January 2016:
Sat 2nd: The Arse away
W/E Sat 9th: FA Cup 3rd roond
Wed 13th : The Manc Muppets @ SJP (7:45 bells)
Sat 16th: The Jellied Eels Mob @ SJP
Sat 23rd: Wotfad away

Live games for February will be picked on or before November 17th

February:
Wed 3rd: The Toffee Noses away (7:45 bells)
Sat 6th: The Baggie Troosers @ SJP
Sat 13th: Chelski away
Sat 27th: Manc Blue Moonies @ SJP

Live games for March will be picked on or before January 5th

March:
Wed 2nd: The P*ss Potters @ SJP (7:45 bells)
Sat 5th: Bournemoooth @ SJP
Sat 12th: The Basil Brush Brigade away
Sat 19th: The SMBs @ SJP

Live games for April will be picked on or before February 3rd

April:
Sat 2nd: The Canary Custards away
Sat 9th: Sooothampton away
Sat 16th: Swanzee @ SJP
Sat 23rd: The Liverbirds away
Sat 30th: The Crystal Balls @ SJP

Live games for May will be picked on or before March 23rd

May:
Sat 7th: The Hazbeenz and Villians away
Sun 15th: Sporz @ SJP <(CAN'T be moved)



Most of the above fixtures WILL be changed when the ravages of telly coverage and postponed games, due to othaaz playin' in Europe, are annoonced

PS: 'The Geordie Times' doesn't want to be 'done' for copyright, so yi'll have to work oot for yorsels the above teams which are in 'Geordie Cryptic Code'!