THE SHEPHERD'S BUSH RAG & BONE MEN v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOON!

Posted '12:28pm bells' Friday 15th May 2015

We face wor 8th and last trip to 'The Smoke' this season @ QPR('10' if yoo include wor Youth Cup game @ Millwaall and resorve game against 'The Arse' @ Borehamwood!) and a more important game to play yoo couldn't imagine!

'The Rag and Bone Men' from Shepherd's Bush are aalready dead and buried in the relegation stakes followin' their 6-0 slaughter @ Man City last week and we can anly hope that they play like they did against 'The Blue Moonies' come Saturday afternoon!

We of course are ne 'world beaters' worsels havin' picked up just ONE point in the last ELEVEN weeks and if WE play like we did against Lestaa in wor last away game, then I'm afraid it's a lost cause!
We are relyin' 'heavily' on 'Broken Nose Bruce's Hull side to lose their last 2 games against Sporz in London (on the same day az us) and Man U @ home in their final game a week on Sunday! (Plus losses for The SMBs, Villa and Lestaa!)

WE are travellin' doon on the '6:30 bells' train in the mornin' and are heedin' for the London district of Holborn for the pre match 'gargels'!

Hopefully Cisse iz fit to play and we put in a better performance like we did against West Brom in wor last home game, when we 'secured' a point from the giants? of the West Midlands (1 point oot of the last 27 by the way!)

These are indeed desperate times for anybody of a black n white persuasion and anythin' less than a win <(wots one of those?) could put us in the bottom 3 (shud Hull win!)

Match report and pix will be forthcomin' sometime on Sunday <(if aa can bring meesel to de it!)

PS: 'IF' we gan into wor last game of the season on Sunday week against West Ham and we are SURE of wor Premyaa Leegue status, then we predict that 'The Fat Controller' WILL definitely be there in the directors box!
However!---shud we NOT be safe from relegation, then we  predict that  he WONT be there! <(ie: the act of a coward not able to face hiz tormentors!)




PPS: for a archive match report from wor game against QPR in London 47 years ago, gan to ground '006 loftus road, qpr' in the right hand column!
 (archive grounds match report list)

TOON'S TEXAS TRIP IN TURM'OIL'!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 13th May 2015


DESTINATION DALLAS!---(OR NOT AZ THE CASE MAY BE!???)


News reaches 'The Geordie Times' that wor planned pre season trip to the oil rich state of Texas in the USA might NOT now tek place!

Swanzee'z website claims that Swanzee, alang with Mexican clubs Chivaz and Pachhula, Casablanca of Morocco, Lyonnais of France and Malaga of Spain will teake part in a six team tournament between July 11th and 19th, but there iz ne mention whatsoever of NUFC takin' part, az expected!?

Az per usual wor club keep us in the dark!---(until the last minute of course!), az to just where we will be gannin next pre season!

We will keep yoo updated if we find anythin' oot!

Watch this space! (But divvint haad your breath!)

JOHN (THE PIE) CARVER *** LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD!

Posted '10:38am bells' Munday 11th May 2015

Followin' John Carver's magnificent record of securin' ONE point in the last TEN weeks, NUFC have given him a lifetime achievement award to show their gratitude!

(Special thanx to wor rovin' paparazzi reporter 'International Russcue' for this excluuusive photo which waz taken at the awards ceremony on hiz zoom lenz camera!)

THE TOON 1 THE BAGGIE TROOOSERS 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 10th May 2015

"AND TEN WEEKS LATER!---A POINT TO PROVE!"

Anothaa desperate day at Gallowgate ended with us pickin' up a valuable point against 'The Baggie Trooosers' and end the rot of 8 successive defeats!--wor forst point in TEN WEEKS!

West Brom went close orly on when they hit the post at The Gallowgate End and then we fell for wor usual 'sucker punch' set piece defendin', when West Brom took the lead through a heeded goal from Anichebe from a free kick on the left!

Sissoko then went close for us but the feet of Myhill in the visitors goal saved the day for them!
At this point in time with othaa scores comin' through we were actually in a relegation place for NINE minutes, but Perez saved wor day after a Ryan Taylor free kick foond hiz feet and he rifled the baall into the far corner of The Leazes goal to bring us back on level torms!

The 2nd half waz desperate az well az we tried in vain to find a way past the West Brom defence!
Lady luck waz again on wor side when a mad scramble in 'The Leazes' box ended up with the visitors hittin' the woodwork once again!

It ended 1-1 to stop the rot and the anly savin' grace of the day waz Hull's defeat to Bornley who, ironically, were relegated because of othaa results!

We now drop to FOURTH bottom of the table with anly Hull, QPR and now relegated Bornley below us!

John 'The Pie' Carver and self proclaimed: "Best coach in the Premyaa Leegue!" said after the game that anly 'one team' wanted to win this!---conveniently forgettin' that the visitors hit the wookwork twice! <(self delusion or not?)

Two points above Hull with just two games left against bottom side QPR away (who will probably be relegated this afternoon!) and 'Big Fat Sam's 'mid-table' 'Jellied Eels Mob' on the last day of the season @ St James'----an easy run in?--divvint bet on it! 

One Sunday paper reported that: "If there was a pot-hole into which to stumble and break your ankle, rely on the Geordies to find it!" <(Tooo true mate!)

Toon team: Krul, Anita (Abeid 92), Coloccini, Dummett, Gutierrez, Sissoko, Ryan Taylor, Colback, Perez (Sammy Ameobi 85), Riviere (Cisse 69), Cabella

Attendance: 47,894 (1,800 Baggie Trooosers in level 7 of The Leazes End) *   

Amazingly wor average gates are still above the 50,000 mark! 50,262 to be exact--although the two previous home attendances were much lower than stated because of boycotts!
ie: They included season ticket 'non attenders' *

PS: Congratulations to North Sheeeldz who won the FA Vase @ Wembley yesterday by beatin' Glossop North End 2-1 !

They are the FIFTH Tyneside team to lift the coverted trophy!
The othaaz are: Blue Star (Newcastle), Whitley Bay, Whickham and 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston!

THE TOON v THE BAGGIE TROOSERS *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

Posted '11:19am bells'  Saturday 9th May 2015

"ONCE UPON A TIME!"

DIVVINT WORRY!---Everything will be 'aalreet' by toooneet' az John Carver haz stated he iz: "The best coach in The Premyaa Leegue!"
He aalso haz a piece of paper, immaculately hand written in Spanish by club captain Coloccini, which tells us to: "Get behind the club and not to worry!" ^(Aa nevaa realised that Carver could read 'Spanish'?)
(Coloccini even sent ME a personal 'e-mail' the othaa day, repeatin' wot waz in the letter!) <'The Geordie Times' DOES have influence after aall!

The SMBs play Everton away at dinnertime ('12:45 bells') and we can anly hope and pray (once again!) that 'The Toffee Noses' de us a big favour and 'put them to the sword'---we shall naa by '3 bells' this afternoon, just where we stand!

It reeely iz 'squeaky bum time' now and anything but a win for us will be a mitigatin' disaster! (Especially if Hull beat Bornley at home!)

Just wot team 'Pie-man' Carver will send oot iz anybodys guess??? but they have promised <(for the NINTH time in a row) to put in a committed performance---lets hope so or we are 'cattle trucked'

Full 'Geordie Times' match report to follow sometime on Sunday (dependin' on 'where we are' in the Leegue by tooneet!)

PS: Best of luck to North Sheeeldz who are playin' Glossop in the FA Vase final this afternoon at Wembley!

GANNIN' SLIGHTLEEE MAD!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 8th May 2015

 "I AM THE BEST COACH IN THE PREMYAA LEEGUE!"

Of course results under 'Pie-man' Carver's 5 month tenure bare hiz statement oot!
ONE home win since the beginning of January and ONE away win in the same period! (Won 2, drawn 3, LOST 12!:  Goals for, 14 goals against, 33)

That's TWO wins in total oot of SEVENTEEN games and EIGHT defeats in a row to give him a 'new club record'!
(Jose must be quaking in hiz boots!)



A certain 'Queen' record comes to mind!

 

 

PS: "We hear that the  NUFC team bus begs to differ with Carver's statement!"

"SIXTY YEARS AND STILL WAITIN'!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 7th May 2015

60 years ago today NUFC won wor LAST domestic trophy when Jimmy Scouler lifted the FA Cup @ Wembley!
We beat Man City 3-1 in front of a 100,000 crowd!
'Wor Jackie' Milburn, Bobby Mitchell and George Hannah scored wor goals!

I can remember wavin' my rattle that day! <(I waz in my PRAM!)

"THAT'S SIXTY YEARS ---AND COONTIN'!"
We ARE an impatient lot!---arnt we!?

NUFC ******** NEW SHIRT SPONSORS!

Posted '1:23pm bells' Wednesday 6th May 2015

Excluuusive news reaches 'The Geordie Times' from one of wor most dedicated and intrepid paparazzi reporters, namely, 'International Russcue', that NUFC will have new shirt sponsors for next season! 

"YI JUST COULDN'T MAKE THIS UP!"

Posted '9:02pm bells' Munday 4th May 2015

"GET YOUR SUNDAY 'CARVERY' HERE!"

TRUE STORY!-- News that will 'rock yoo to the core'---'The Geordie Times' lorns that John 'The Pie' Carver used to be the manager of 'The Denton' pub's  Sunday Leegue side from Newcastle's West Road in the 1980s

They were relegated TWICE from The Sunday Pub Leegue under Carver's leadership!" --This iz NOT a 'wind-up'---it's TRUE!

WOT MORE CAN WE POSSIBLEEEE SAY?????

BOURNEMOOOTH! *** OR! *** "NEW YORK!"??

Posted '7:51pm bells' Munday 4th May 2015

"NO!"---NOT!--THAT 'NEW YORK'!"

News that John 'The Pie' Carver haz been given THREE more games to "Fack us up" haz been conformed by NUFC after 'The Wally with the Brolly' torned us doon to stay at Derby Coonty!

We reeeely divvint naa wot to say???---but we are speechless az to the way the club iz heedin' in the next couple of weeks!

Bournemoooth have been promoted to the Premyaa Leegue and the team who play at 'The New York Stadium' have just avoided relegation to the thord tier of Ing-er-lish futbaall! (Rotherham!)

The question on everybodys lips ---iz!--- just where we will be playin' next season!