"BLANKETY BLANKETY BLANK!"

Posted '11:01am bells' Sunday 25th January 2015

"HI!---I'M BACK AGAIN!---YOU CAN'T GET RID OF ME!"

With yet anothaa (self inflicted!) blank weekend to fill in, it waz decided to heed for Bedlington to get wor Saturday 'fix', where the home side were takin' on 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston in a Northern Leegue encoonter!

Aa met up with 'Grumpy Stumpy' in 'The Hotspur' @ '12:30 bells' and telt him that the match waz in doubt due to the inclement weathaa!
Aa had Bedlington's phone number and rang to see if the match waz on?----there waz ne reply from the othaa end and the 'telling-bone' just went onto 'answer mode'!
The conclusion waz!---because there waz nebody at the groond just two and a half hours before kick off, we assumed (wrongly!) that the match waz OFF!

We ended up watchin' Ross Coonty v Glasgay Celtic on the bar's telly in an absolutely cr*p game and this torned oot to be wor Saturday 'fix'! <(quick!---pass me anothaa 'liquid lubrication'!)

Later on we foond oot that Bradford had sensationally beaten Chelski 4-2 @ Stamford Bridge in the FA Cup after bein' 2 goals doon and that 'The Smoggies' had aalso won away @ Man City!
Pardew's Palace aalso won away @ Sooothampton to put them in the 5th roond!---sommik he wasn't allowed to de @ The Toon in 4 attempts az wor manager! (ie: play a full strength team in the 'cups')
The romance of the FA Cup?---divvint tell any Toon fans this!

(The Bedlington v Dunston game DID get played (after a late pitch inspection) with the visitors winnin' 1-0) 

"WE'RE IN THE MONEY!" ----"WHEY!, A CERTAIN 'FAT CONTROLLER' IZ, ANYWAY!"

Posted '12:38pm bells' Friday 23rd January 2015

SOMEWHERE IN THE BOWELS OF ST JAMES' PARK!

Delloitte's 'Top 20 Futbaall Rich List' in the world puts NUFC in 19th position and we are, quote: "Commercially, in the STRONGEST position in our history!"
Yet!, like a certain Dickens' character, we scrimp and save 'the scraps' and sell on any 'valuable assets' at the orliest opportunity to increase a certain owerweight gadgie's bank account to the detriment of the team, who bale oot the sinkin' boat with a tea cup, az the waataa leaks in through the many cracks!

NE manager/ heed coach/ dogs body/ crawler/ yes man OR new players to bale oot the boat (yet!), az we scrap it oot for the rest of the season alang with Lestaa, Palace, Hull, Bornley, QPR, 'The SMBs' and the rest of the dead wood, in a desperate attempt to stay IN the '(gravy!) boat' and not end up at the bottom of the Tyne!    

 AN IMPROMPTU PLAYERS TRAININ' SESSION
SOMEWHERE ON THE RIVER TYNE!

'PENFOLD' SPEAKS!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 22nd January 2015

A CLUB SPOKESMAN!

An amazing thing happened yesterday!---^someone from NUFC who iz 'the spit' of 'Penfold' off  the 'Secret Squirrel' cartoon, actually spoke to the local press and media to tell them of wor plans for the rest of the season and beyond!

And wot have we foond oot that we didn't aalready naaa???

Nothin' really!---It's a SECRET!

AN IMPOSTER! ---"MY LIPS ARE SEALED!"



 

"IT'S A FIX!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 21st January 2015

"I NEED A DRINK TO WATCH THIS LOT!"

"IT'S A FIX ---ONE!"

With 21 days of the January transfor window now gone, we STILL divvint naa if we will have a new 'manager/coach/dogs body/yes man'! in place before the end of the month/season/decade!

Conspiracy theorys are dein the roonds, claimin' we divvint want a new manager yet az he MIGHT (just MIGHT!) want to spend some money in wot iz left of the transfor window! <(IF yoo believe that then yoo MUST be a Toon fan!)   

Ne transfors 'in or oot' YET?---but divvint haad yer breath for anybody comin' 'IN'!---more than likely on the last day(s) of the window though, yoo can expect a flurry of activity from 'the big clubs' to 'cherry pick' the best of a pretty average side to gan 'OOT'! <(az per usual for us at this time of the year!)

"IT'S A FIX ---TWO!"

The revised telly schedules for March have just been released and we have got off lightly with just ONE game bein' picked by eethaa SKY or BT which iz the home game against Man U.
The date and time of the fixture hazzent been changed, but it iz now bein' shown live on BT on Wednesday 4th March @ '7:45 bells'!

"IT'S A FIX ---THREE!"

Because we have yet anothaa 'blankety blank' weekend due to it bein' 'FA Cup 4th roond day' (az we of course got knocked oot 'of it' in Lestaa at the beginnin' of the month!), we need to get wor 'fix' elsewhere and are plannin' on gannin' to the salubrious surroundings of 'The Dr Pitt' Welfare groond in Bedlington on Saturday afternoon, where the home side are due to play 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston in a Northern Leegue fixture!
However! bad weathaa could scupper wor plans az, scandalously!, 'The Terriers' divvint have undersoil heatin' at their ramshackle groond! <(wot's the world comin' te!???) 

THE TOON 1 SOOOTHAMPTON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 18th January 2015

"HAND BAALL!!!"---BUT THE BLIND REF DIDN'T GIVE IT!???

With a '5:30 bells' kick off thanx to 'SKY' we had plenty of time to consume large amounts of alcoholic beverages before the game and we started off in 'The Monkey Bar' before movin' on to 'The Welly' and finally 'The Toon Arms'!

ON WOR WAY TO 'BASE CAMP'!

On a freeezin' January day we finally made wor way to 'base camp' at the bottom of The Milburn Stand before ascendin' the 200 stairs to wor seats on 'level 7' az per usual! <(heart attacks on 'standby'!)

ACTION IN THE 1st HALF AZ THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES END!

We started off the brighter of the 2 teams and had a couple of good chances orly on to take the lead and so it waz a shock when 'The Simon Templar Mob' went ahead in the 14th minute @ The Gallowgate End when Elia hit a low shot from the edge of the box which went 'straight through' Tim Krul in The Toon goal <(a shot he shud have saved!)

A fluke equaliser through Yoan Goffran levelled things when Sooothampton defender Gardos tried to clear but the baall hit Gouffran and went straight into the net @ The Leazes End!

In the 2nd period we did exactly the same thing and 'shot worsels in the foot', when a defensive mix up left Elia again with a free shot on goal, which hit Janmaat on the way, which wrong footed Krul!

Paul Dummett then had a free header but he inexplicably sent it wide with the goal gapin'!

A blatent penalty claim near the end when Riviere's volley on the edge of the box foond Fonte's hand, waz missed by the officials, az Riviere protested vigorously! <(a shockin' decision!) (see top foto!)

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END (2nd half)

Anothaa unfortunate defeat meenz that we have still to win a game in fower attempts in 2015!----We now slip to the bottom half of the table into 11th place 

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Dummett (Williamson 80), Haidera, Sissoko, Anita (Riviere 68), Colback, Cabella, Perez, Gouffran (Sammy Ameobi 69)

Attendance: 49,307 (2nd lowest this season)  (1,400 Sooothampton fans)  *


PS: On a much brighter note, can we just congratulate both North Sheeelds and 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston who both progressed to the last 16 of the FA Vase!
Sheeelds won 4-1 against Consett and Dunston won 1-0 at Heanor Toon!

The two Tyneside teams gan into tomorrows 5th roond draw @ Wembley 
Lets hope that they avoid each othaa and get two home ties!

THE TOON v SOOOTHAMPTON *** TEATIME/TIPPLE TIME!

Updated 'high noon bells' Saturday 17th January 2015


"WHO NEEDS 'SUN KISSED' DUBAI?"

This evenin' @ '5:30 bells' we face a rampant Sooothampton side who are fresh off their win @ 'The Theatre of Muppets' last week, while we contemplate a 2-0 defeat @ Chelski!

Wor worst performance in 2014 came @ St Mary's where 'The Simon Templar Mob' hammered us 4-0 last September and it could easily have been double that figure az we played so badly that day!

Wor visitors are in 3rd place in the table, while we are 12 points behind in 10th place---but more ominously, we are now just 10 points off the very bottom place, currently held by Lestaa, who (lest we forget?) knocked us oot of the FA Cup!
The team iz expected to be more or less the same az at Chelski last week and we can anly hope that we play like we did in the forst half there! <(but not the 'second'!)

"Whey aye the pie" Carver haz been speakin' aboot the 'sunshine break' the players and coachin' staff are havin' next week in Dubai az a 'reward' FA Cup elimination! (see article below!)

Carver: "People will be putting two and two together and thinking that we are on a 'jolly', but let me tell you it's no 'jolly-up'!"

He then gans on to say: "We go to Dubai on Sunday evening!"---"Monday we will have a 'recovery session'!" <(to get ower the 'jet lag' perhaps?)

"Tuesday will be a full training session!" <(wow!)

"Wednesday they'll be off!"----"They'll have a free day to play golf like a normal week!" (very nice!) <(at the same time aa'll probably be stuck in a traffic jam somewhere on the 'M1'!)

"We've got a hurricane out there to deal with <(Benton trainin' groond) and it's difficult to do quality stuff with the wind howling!" <(yi shud iv been on the 'A1M' in Coonty Durham at 'two bells' this mornin', mate!---if yi want to see wind howlin'!)

There iz ne mention az to wot they will be dein' for the rest of the week, but after last years 'sunshine break' in Dubai (after gettin' knocked oot of the FA Cup by 'then' basement side Cardiff!) we went on a fower game winless run withoot scorin' a solitary goal! <(these 'sunshine breaks' certainly work wonders---divvint they???

'Geordie Times' comment: Why? are we gannin on 'warm weathaa trainin', when wor next game after Sooothampton will be played @ Hull in freezin' cold temperatures!?
Surely it would be much better to jump on 'The Metro' and heed for Tynemooth beach where we used to gan for winter trainin' not too lang ago! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Whitley Bay, just up the road haz a very nice miniature golf course az well, shud the players need some 'puttin' practice' <(just how playin' golf will help us anyway, iz bafflin' to say the least!???)

'Fink' (the mad-sad groundhopper!)

History lesson: We forst played Sooothampton @ St James' Park just ower 80 years ago on 1st December 1934, when we won 1-0 in a (old) Division 2 game, with Lang getting' the anly goal of the game. (crowd not known?)

'Geordie Times' history: Wor forst visit waz nearly 48 years ago in April 1967, when we beat 'The Simon Templar Mob' 3-1, with wor goals comin' from Wyn 'The Leap' Davies, Peter Noble and 'Pop' Robson.
42,426 were in attendance, in a game that saved us from relegation <(If aa remember correctly?) (we finished 3rd bottom of the (old) 1st Division that season, in the days when anly 2 went doon!)

In total we have played them 89 times, won 35, drawn 20 and lost 34 times

A full Geordie Times match/tipple report will appear here sometime tomorrow

"WHEY AYE-EEE!, WE'RE OFF TO DUBAI!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 15th January 2015

'PIEMAN' CARVER TO PLAYERS:
"WOT ARE YOU LIKE AT CLIMBIN' TOWERS, LADS?"

NUFC players and coachin' staff have been 'rewarded' by 'The Fat Controller' for gettin' knocked oot of the FA Cup at the forst hurdle, (az planned!), with a trainin' 'break' to Dubai next week!

This will coincide nicely with '4th roond day' in the FA Cup, az of course we have yet anothaa 'self inflicted' 'blankety blank' weekend to fill in! <(We would have played Sporz away next week for the 3rd time this season had we bothered to torn up at Lestaa!) <(just az well---perhaps!)

Az the players 'enjoy' their sunshine break, the rest of us 'plebs'---"er!" 'fans'! must carry on 'their day jobs', stackin' shelves at Tesco's, fixin' broken toilet cisterns and battlin' through gale force winds and snow in high sided vehicles on the 'A1M'! etc etc etc!

Meeenwhile! there iz still ne news of any transfors 'in or oot' and of course, ne news of an inpendin' new managerial appointment, with half the transfor window now gone!

Did we expect anything else?????

"SOS TIMES 2!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 14th January 2015


"ARE THEY PEOPLE'S HOUSES?"----
THE MAIN ROAD ON THE WAY TO The Stadium Of "Ssshhh!"- Yee Naa Wot!"
(WE'VE GOT TO PASS THIS PLACE TWICE NOW,
IN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS!!)


Last neets win for the mackem U18s against Ipswich in the FA Youth Cup 4th roond, meenz that NUFC must travel to 'The Stadium of "Ssshhh!!!"--Yee Naa Wot!" on TWO occasions in the followin' months! (For the Youth Cup tie and a Premyaa Leegue encoontaa!)

Ne date haz been set for the Youth Cup 5th roond tie, but of course wor forst team must travel to 'The 'SOS' sometime on Easter weekend!

Meeenwhile a date haz been set for wor U21/resorves Leegue Cup qwaataa final tie against Blackborn Rovers, which will be staged @ SJP on Tuesday 20th January @ '7 bells' <(next week!)

In 'The Northumberland Senior Cup 'semis', we have been drawn @ home against Morpeth Toon and this will be played @ Whitley Park/Blue Flames on a date yet to be conformed! 

THE TOON U21s v "NE WHERE NEAR" BOLTON U21s *** RESORVE LEEGUE

Posted '9:50am bells' Munday 12th January 2015


THE U21s GAME v READING @ 'BLUE FLAMES' ORLIER THIS SEASON
(WE WON 5-2!)


For those of yoo who are at a 'loose end' toneet and fancy gettin' 'blown away', then why not heed for 'Blue Flames', Benton (aka Whitley Park) where the resorves are playin' Bolton's equivalent @ '7 bells'! (FREE admission to season ticket holders/members!---£3 and £1 for aall othaaz!)
Table toppin' 'Pedro' Beardsley's side have anly lost 1 oot of 9 games so far this season and are odds on favorites to collect the 3 points on offer!

A stormy night iz in prospect so divvint take any chances and wrap up warm if yi divvint want to get frostbite, az yoo could shiver to death on the open terraces/grass bank!

"DIVVINT TAKE ANY CHANCES!"

Updated Tuesday

"Coooo!" The Toon resorves drew 1-1 with "Ne where near" Bolton U21s, with 'Spiderman' Gutierrez gettin' wor goal with a fine shot from outside the box in the 11th minute!

Bolton equalised just after the restart with a tap in through Odelusi and that's the way it ended ! "Coo Coooo!"

There were 332 'windswept diehards at the game <(Not 'yours truly' though, az aa had to gan to graft!
Match reprt by 'Secret Pigeon' <(we think?)  >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

THE CHELSKI OAPs 2 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 11th January 2015

DEFINING MOMENTS OF THE GAME (1):  GOUFFRAN HITS THE BAR!

1st half: "Sharp, Positive, Creative, Brilliant!" <(Match of the Day pundit Danny Murphy's verdict!)

This waz certainly a far more encouragin' performance than in the last few weeks and we were the better side durin' the forst half of this game and 'amazingly' the 5 players who were deemed 'injured' for the Lestaa debacle, were aall passed 'fit' for this game!???

Az orly az the forst minute Remy Cabella 'juggled' hiz way through the home defence, anly to see hiz shot gan just wide!

THE TOON ATTACK THE HARDING STAND (1st half)
(View from row 1 upper tier---Shed corner)

A Gouffran free kick waz then parried away by Cech in the Chelski goal and then Cabella again went close but hiz effort waz punched away by Cech!

'The Sissoko Kid' then had a shot which hit the corner of the upright and bar and we were well on top at this stage!

And then of course 'disaster struck', when, az Tim Krul waz lookin' in the opposite direction?, (see foto below!) Chelski took a quick corner and with him oot of position, Oscar had the simple task of side footin' the baall into the net to give the OAPs a 1-0 lead just before the break!

DEFINING MOMENTS OF THE GAME (2):
TIM KRUL LOOKS THE OTHAA WAY AZ CHELSKI TAKE A QUICK CORNER!?

2nd half: "And now for something completely different!" <(Monty Python's verdict!---perhaps?)

The 2nd half waz 'a different kettle of fish' and we hardly ventured into the Chelski half az we attacked 'The Shed', where the 2,200 Toon fans were huddled in the corner section!

The home side who started poundin' wor goal from the restart, got the breakthrough to seal the game when Diego Costa slid the baall into the corner of the net from inside the box!

CABELLA SENDS IN A RARE TOON CORNER @ THE SHED END

We did have a couple of attacks after this but it waz now a case of keepin' the score doon and the game ended in wor 5th away defeat in a row!---We are now just 8 points above the safety net!

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Williamson, Dummett, Sissoko (Riviere 84), Anita, Colback, Cabella, Perez, Gouffran (Sammy Ameobi 63)

Attendance: 41,612 (2,200 Toon fans who paid a whoppin' £56 for the 'privilege' of a 'corner flag view'!)


The pre and post match 'gargels' took place here, in various parts of west London!

 ^ INSIDE THE WINDSOR! ^

THE GRENADIER