NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS!

Updated '12:30pm bells' Friday 21st November 2014

Wor U18s game against Man U U18s toooneet haz been confirmed and will be played @ Moss Lane, Altrincham and NOT Man Us trainin' groond @ Carrington ,az haz been wrongly reported in various publications!

Kick off iz @ '7 bells' in this Under 18s Premyaa Leegue game!

Most of the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' <(inc little ol' me!) have been here before, and therefore won't be gannin', but the likes of 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' and 'Michael the Mag' havvent and they will be makin' the trek ower the M62 sometime this afternoon to tick 'this one' 'off their list'! <(the traffic iz terrible on the M62 on a Friday afternoon!---so best of luck to them!)

(PS: A mad-sad groundhoppers archive match report from 'The Geordie Times'z visit here 10 years ago, when NUFC resorves played Man U resorves, iz printed below!)
(ground number 233) 

233 moss lane altrincham

(GROUND NUMBER 233)

Date of First Visit: 21^st APRIL 2004

MOSS LANE, ALTRINCHAM

MANCHESTER UNITED RESERVES  2

NEWCASTLE UNITED RESERVES  1  (Ferrell)

BARCLAYCARD PREMIERSHIP RESERVE LEAGUE (NORTH)

ATTENDANCE 333

 

“WHEN WILL WE EVER LEARN!?”

 

Ah had nee choice if ah wanted tih gan tih this one but tih tek a day off graft az ah waz offered some work deliverin’ goods tih Cheshire and Manchester (of aall places!) forCarters Express’.

Az we were actually playin’ in the Manchester area it waz temptin’ tih tek thework and ‘park up’ for the neet in Altrincham.

 

However!---because they needed the truck back for orly the next day, it waz ‘oot of the question’ and it would’iv meant missin’ the match az there would’nt be enough time tih drive back doon.

(Plus it would’iv meant iz drivin’ ower six hundred miles and passin’ ‘The ‘M62’ Farmhoose’, fower times in one day!----(It waz just TOO! much tih contemplate!)

And so (‘it came to pass’!) ah blew yet another days graft tih watch the resorves play on a new groond.

 

A’d picked ‘Biffa’ up on the way at Garforth station (he’d been workin’ in York) and just the two of us heeded for Moss Lane, the home of Altrincham and Man Utd resorves.

The King George booza just doon the road from the groond waz wor forst ‘port ‘o’ caall’ when we arrived there.

Amazingly, ‘The Undertaker’ had decided tih give this one ‘a miss’ az he waz runnin’ out of lou days from graft and said that he’d ‘catch up’ when we played there the followin’ season.

 

Afta a couple of gargels wih heeded for the groond and surprizingly, (considerin’ it was’nt too far from Manchester) there were very few fans inside the groond when we got there?

 

Az the match kicked off the were bearly 300 spectators present and this total (az usual) included quite a few Toon fans, most of them of course livin’ in the area!

‘Glen from Ashington’ then made an appearance and  he waz the anly ‘saddo’ apart from me and ‘Biffa’ who had travelled doon from the north east.

(This waz aalso ‘Biffas’ 100^th Toon game of the season!)

 

We were waalkin’ aroond the groond tih get a good vantage point when Man U struck the forst blow.

With bearly thorty secs on the clock, ‘one’ Chris Eagles had a shot which ‘flew’ (sic!) intih the Toon net!----NOT! a good start!

 

That torned out tih be the anly score in the forst period, which tih be porfectly ‘blunt’ (and mee surname is ‘Sharp’)  waz total CR**!

 

At half time, Altrincham did a presentation to some Man U directors az this (the loudspeaker announcer announced) waz the last time that the Old Trafford second string would be playin’ there!

(Or waz it ManU deein a presentation tih Altrincham???)

Wait til ‘The Undertaker’ finds THIS! oot ah thought!---remember!--- he’d said that he’d dee this groond the next season! (OH! NO HE WON’T!)

 

ANYWAY!---the second half waz just az cr** az the forst and The Toon went fortha behind with twenty mins tih gan when Ramage in the Newcastle defence gave away a penalty.

Eagles took the pen and it ‘soared’ intih the top corner! (double sic!)

 

‘SICK’!----you’re not kiddin’, and it made us wonder just why we bother with theeze games (once again!)

 

Just before full time Andy Ferrell gave us sommik tih cheer when he scored with a fine solo effort!, but it waz aall much too late and aboot a minute later the ref blew for full time.

 

Aa  gave Glen a lift back in mee ‘limo’ and az wih past the ‘M62’ farmhoose the farmers wife waz busy

draa-in  hor bedroom curtains, ready for a bit ‘shut-eye’! (or sh**???)

 

 

 

TOON U21s 7 TEAM NORTHUMBRIA 0 *** NORTHUMBERLAND SENIOR CUP QWAATAA FINAL

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 19th November 2014


"AND HERE'S YOUR STARTER FOR 7!"


Dreams of a replay so that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' could visit a new groond very quickly evaporated @ 'Blue Flames' last neet in front of 268 hardy souls! <(NOT includin' me---I may add, az aa had to gan to graft!)

A hat-trick by Sean Longstaff and forthaa goals from Gilliead, Olley, Ward and Broccoli sealed the university sides fate in this very one sided contest! 

"THEY DON'T LIKE US!---THEY DON'T CARE!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 18th November 2014

An absolutelee disgraceful decision by Millwaall FC to play their FA Youth tie against us on the same afternoon az wor forst team visits 'The Arse', meenz we can't possibly take in both games in their entirety!
Wor game @ 'The Emirates' kicks off @ '5:30 bells' on Saturday 13th December, while wor Youth game @ The New Den kicks off @ '3 bells' on the same day!

Az it would take at least an hour to travel between the 2 groonds, NUFC asked Millwaall if they could bring the Youth Cup tie forward a couple of hours so Toon groundhoppers could attend both games---but they REFUSED POINT BLANK!

The Youth Cup game could aalso gan to extra time and penalties meenin' that it wouldn't finish before wor game @ 'The Arse' started! <(meenin' that we would end up missin' it, if we stayed til the bitter end!) 

Aall Millwaall had to de waz bring the kick off time forward by TWO HOURS to help us---but they have insisted that the game gans aheed @ '3 bells'---Az their club songs gans----"No one like us!---We Don't care!"

"NO GO! FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!"
(Unless we miss the Arsenal game!)

Meenwhile!---wor U21s take on Team Northumbria tooneet at 'Blue Flames' Benton in The Northumberland Senior Cup @ '7:30 bells'---A draw would meen a replay @ Team Northumbria's Coach Lane groond!--anothaa groond we have nevaa been te (like The New Den!)

"THE CLUBHOOSE WHERE TIME STOOD STILL!"

Posted '11:20am bells' Sunday 16th November 2014

THE DUNSTON CLOCK, SHOWIN' THE CORRECT TIME
AFTER THE MATCH!
(ING-ER-LAND ARE ON THE TELLY!---AND NEBODYS WATCHIN'!)

Az mentioned before, The Toon had a 'Blankety Blank' weekend yet again due to the European International qualifiers, so it waz decided to heed for Federation Park, where the Dunston 'Bad Blue Boys' were playin' 'The Guisborough 'mackems' <(they play in red n white stripes!) in a Northern Leegue fixture.

The clubhoose (of course!) waz the forst 'port o caall' and aa arrived in good time for a few 'gargels' before the match. A couple of the othaa lads came in and we sat and chatted az we supped wor ale.
And then aall of a sudden aa hord a loud 'thud' and looked in the direction where the noise had came from, but could see nothin' amiss? <(very strange?)

10 minutes later a'd nearly finished mee pint and looked towards the clock on the waall to see if we had time for anothaa pint (or 2!) before the kick off!---But the clock wasn't there???---and then aa 'tumbled'---it waz the clock which had faallen off the waall and had made the loud thud!

"John!", aa shouted to the committee man behind the bar!, "Aa think yi clock's faallen off the waall!", pointin in the direction of the empty space on the 'said' waall!

He duly went to retrieve the clock which had faallen onto a chair and put it back up and waalked away.  "The clock's 10 minutes slow!", somebody shouted and John went back, took the clock back off the waall and moved the minute hand 10 minutes forward to the correct time!
He couldn't hear the clock tickin' and tapped the glass to try and get it gannin'---but to no avail!?---- 

And then a Dunston fan foond sommik else on the floor! "Aa think yi need this to get the clock gannin', John!", he yelled, az he held a BATTERY above hiz heed!

Huge roars of laughter suddenly enveloped the packed clubhoose az John sheepishly took the clock off the waall yet again and put the battery back in! 
He then skulked off back to the bar, tryin' to hide hiz blushes in the process! <(Yi COULDN'T make it up!)

The game torned ott to be just az 'entertainin' with Guisborough winnin'  a '7 goal thriller', by 4 goals to 3!
Az predicted by 'The Geordie Times' in an orlier article (see below!), we (once again!) missed a goal at the start of the 2nd half, scored by Guisborough, az we were still in the clubhoose at the time! <(we must have missed a 100 goals ower the years because of this!)

STEVE 'BULLY' BULL SCORES FROM THE SPOT FOR 'THE BAD BLUE BOYS'!

A very 'entertainin day' in more ways than one!

The goals sequence:
Adam Gell (shot) 0-1 to Guisboro
David Coulson (heeder) 1-1
og Ben Cattanach 1-2
Liam McPhillips (heeder) 1-3
Dale Burrell (25yard shot) 2-3
Dan Earl (shot) 2-4
Steve Bull (pen) 3-4


Attendance: 200 (estimated)   

BLANKETY BLANK TIMES 4 !

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 15th November 2014

"I'M BACK AGAIN!"

For the fourth time this season so far, we find worsels withoot an NUFC game ower the weekend due to the International breaks and Monday neet futbaall! (3 times for Internationals and once for Mondays!)

This meeenz that we must find wor 'fix' somewhere else yet again, with 'The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston' lookin' the best bet az they are at home to Guisborough Toon in a Northern Leegue encoontaa <(providin' their pitch haz recovered from the resent doonpours!?) (kick off '3 bells')

Next up for any of the Toon's teams iz a Resorve U21s home game in the Northumberland Senior Cup, against Team Northumbria on Tuesday neet.
And the best result will be a draw for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers', az the replay will be played @ Northumbria's Coach Lane groond next door to The NUFC trainin' groond---a groond we have nevaa seen the Toon play at! <(Hence--why we are prayin' for a draw!)

The forst team aren't in action again til next Saturday when we take on 'appy 'arry's Rag and Bone Men' from Shepherd's Bush (QPR!) @ St James' Park!

Shud the 'Bad Blue Boys' game be played, then we will bring yoo a report from there sometime tomorrow!--- but "beware!"---'The Geordie Times' normally misses the start of the 2nd half az we will still be drinkin' wor half time tipples az the game restarts and there iz the distinct possibility that we might miss a goal (or two!) when we stagger from the clubhoose back to wor standin' places nearest to the 18 yard box!

P*SS POTTERS U21s 1 THE TOON U21s 2

Posted '2:10pm bells' Friday 14th November 2014

'GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE???*** RYAN TAYLOR'S FREE KICK WINNER!

Last neet in front of a live telly audience <(of hundreds?) The Toon resorves ran oot 2-1 winners @ The Britannia Stadium.

Aall the goals were scored by Ryan Taylor!

He put us in front on the half hour mark but blotted hiz copybook by inadvertently slicin' the baall into hiz own net just before the break!

He made amends however in added time in the forst half, when he fired a spectacular free kick ower the 'P*ss Potts' goalie to clinch hiz 'hat-trick'? and the victory, which put us top of the Resorve Leegue!

Attendance: Divvint naa?  (Sky telly audience: 100s!) 

"EEEEEE!"--- "THE RESORVES ARE ON THE TELLY!" *** "AND SO ARE THE SPARTANS AND THE HEEDBANGERS!"

Updated 'high noon bells' Thorsday 13th November 2014

With the forst team oot of action til a week on Saturday due to yet anothaa International break, we torn wor attention to wor U21 resorve side managed by 'Pedro' Beardsley.

They play away toooneet @ The Britannia Stadium, Stoke in wot iz now a live telly game!? >(beleeeve it or not!?) (SKY Sports 2 @ '7:30 bells')
This game waz switched from Moss Rose, Macclesfield because of this---thus denyin' 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' of anothaa obsolete venue to chalk off the list!

Then next Tuesday we take on Team Northumbria in The Northumberland Senior Cup @ Blue Flames, Benton (aka Whitley Park)---Anothaa game we expected to 'be switched' and take place @ Team Northumbria's groond next door!---but wasn't! <(thus denyin' us yet anothaa new venue!) <("Despicable!")

 
And taalkin of 'live telly', two more forst team game kick off times have been moved:
We now play Sooothampton on SKY @ SJP @ '5:30 bells' on Saturday 17th January <(that will pleeze their fans who will now be unable to get back home on the train!) and then @ 'Broken Nose Bruces's Tiger Lillys', who we now play away @ '12:45 bells' (SKY) on Saturday 31st January.

And then!----on FA Cup 2nd roond weekend, 'The Spartans of Blyth' take on 'The Monkey Hangers of Hartlepool' (Friday 5th December @ 7:55 bells' on 'The Beeb') And then!--- 2 days later on Sunday, 'The Heedbangers of Gatesheed' take on 'Warrington Wanabeez'? in a 'high noon bells' shoot oot @ The International Stadium on BT

In between this (by the way!) WE have a live telly game @ 12:45 bells' on the Saturday against 'The Pensioners of Chelski' (BT) @ SJP!

THE 11th HOUR of the 11th DAY of the 11th MONTH *** "WE WILL REMEMBER THEM!"

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS 0 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '11:11am bells' Monday 10th November 2014

"FIVE IN A ROW!"

THE TOON (in blue & green) ATTACK 'THE SMETHWICK END'
DURIN' THE 2nd HALF (View from row AA seat 38)

Unbeleeevibleee we have now won five games 'on the spin' which iz in total contrast to the start of the season when we had the joint worst record in British leegue futbaall (with Bornley) with NE wins oot of SEVEN and sat firmly at the foot of the table just a few short weeks ago in September!

Against a lack lustre West Brom side we didn't get oot of the blocks straight away and the forst hour of the game waz like gannin back to the dark days of September!

VIEW OF THE 'TINY' MAIN STAND

Then bang on the stroke of half time up stepped Perez to back-heel the baall into the Baggie Troosers net to give us the lead!
To be honest, aa couldn't tell who'd scored or indeed that it waz a back-heel, az the goal waz scored at the far end of the pitch from us and it waz hard to make oot!
The tannoy announcer told us that number 17 had scored for The Toon, namely 'Perez' and it wasn't til later on that neet that we foond oot just how good the 'wondergoal' waz on 'Match of the Day'! <(mebeez we shud stop at home and watch it on the telly next time?) <(not!)

THE TOON ATTACK 'THE BORMINGHAM ROAD END' (1st HALF)

Wor view of wor 2nd goal however, waz in complete contrast, reet in front of us, when Janmaat crossed from the right and 'Fab' Coloccini waz there to heed a brilliant and unstoppable effort into the corner of the net, to send the 2,700 Toon faithful into raptures!

'The Baggies' (and their fans!) had given up by this time and it waz just a matter of windin' the clock doon to claim the 3 points and wor 5th victory in a row. By the time the match ended the home sections were virtually empty az we celebrated wildleee on the terraces!---From bottom to 8th top!---Wot a difference a month makes!---tooo true!

P45DEW?---We resorve wor judgement! <(wot fickle bustards we are!)

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini (Williamson 78), Dummett, Haidera, Abeid, Colback, Sissoko, Sammy Ameobi (Gouffran 78), Cabella (Ryan Taylor 82), Perez

Attendance: 26,476 (2,700 happy Toon fans!)

THE PRE-MATCH 'GARGELS' TOOK PLACE HERE!
(WE CAN ANLY APOLOGISE FOR THE '2 INDIVIDUALS' WHO
REFUSED TO GET OOT OF THE WAY AND COMPLEETLEE SPOILT
'THE GEORDIE TIMES'Z' PHOTO OF THE BAR!)