NUFC PREMYAA LEEGUE FIX OOT TOMORROW!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 17th Joon 2014 

Tomorrow iz a big day in 'The Geordie Times calender' az the Premyaa Leegue fixtures for the forthcomin' season are released.

There iz ne doubt that at least half of them will be moved for live telly and for othaa teams European commitments <(but NOT us of course!), so in a way it iz a waste of time publishin' the dates and kick off times! (For example---Last season, wor very forst game against 'The Blue Moonies' of Mancland waz put back from the Saturday to the Monday neet for live telly!)

Nonetheless!---We will publish them az soon az they are released and they shud be on-line by 'high noon bells' at the soonest! <(remember!---we bring yoo aall the news forst hand, second!) < (Or iz it second hand, forst???)

"Watch this space! ---Watch this space!"  

NUFC *** PRE SEASON FIXTURES 2014-2015 *** LATEST NEWS!

Updated '1:30pm bells' Monday 16th Joon 2014

"IZ THAT AN INDOOR SHOPPIN CENTRE!?"
VELTINS ARENA *** SCHALKE 04 FC

The latest fixtures to be added to the pre season friendlies list iz a resorve U21 away game against Barnsley on 4th August @ a venue to be conformed and wor U19s will be playin' in a tournament in Jawmany in late July 

NUFC 1st team games in GOLD
NUFC X1s in YELLOW <(games we think will be a mixture of 1st teamers and resorves)
NUFC Resorves/U21s in PINK
NUFC Juniors in GREEN

Tue 15th July *** ("Aa told him!")> Oldham @ Boundary Park @ '7:30 bells'

Fri 18th July *** 'The Heedbangers' of Gatesheed @ Gatesheed Stadium @ '7:30 bells'

Tue 22nd July *** Sydney FC @ Forsyth Barr Stadium, Dundedin, New Zealand (Sooth Island) @ '7:30 bells'

Sat 26th July *** Wellington Phoenix @ Westpac Stadium, Wellington, New Zealand (North Island) @ '4:30 bells'

Thu 24th July to Mon 28th July *** (U19s) Tournament of Spvgg Oberndorf, Jawmany 

Mon 28th July to Fri 1st Aug *** (U16s) Northern Ireland Milk Cup Tournament in Northern Ireland! <(believe it or not!?)

Mon 28th July *** Funabashi (Japan) @ Scroggy Road, Limavady @ '3:30 bells'

Tue 29th July *** Coonty Londonderry (N Ireland) @ Colraine Showgroonds, Colraine @ '8 bells'

Wed 30th July *** Espanyol (Spain) @ Seahaven, Portstewart @ '7 bells'

Shud we get that far, the semi finals and final take place on Thu 31st July and Fri 1st Aug 



Wed 30th July *** Sheff Wed <(who else on a 'Wednesday'!?) @ Hillsborough @ '7:45 bells'

Sat 2nd Aug *** Malaga (Spain) @ Veltins Arena, Gelsenkirchen, Jawmany @ '3:30 bells' (the home of Schalke 04)
('The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham play Schalke @ '5:30 bells'---same venue)

Sun 3rd Aug *** Schalke 04 @ Veltins Arena @ '5:30 bells'
('The Jellied Eels Mob' play Malaga @ '3:30 bells'---same venue)

Mon 4th Aug *** Barnsley U21s @ somewhere in Barnsley? '1:30 bells'

Tue 5th Aug *** 'uddersfield Toon @ McAlpine Stadium <(we aalways use the old name!), Huddersfield

Sun 10th Aug *** Real Sociedad @ St James' Park @ '1:30 bells'

Sat 16th Aug *** Premyaa Leegue season kicks off!

The excitin' news iz that 'The Geordie Times' will have reporters at EVERY forst team game includin' Jawmany and New Zealand!

'Little'? old me' will be in Jawmany and we are sendin' 'Liam from the Lamp' to New Zealand, where we are (very generously!) payin' for a huge percentage of hiz *8 flights-- "Er!"--9 flights! 'there and back' (and 60 hours in the air!), hotel accommodation, match tickets and food (and of course!)> drink!  *(this includes 2 internal flights between the 'North' and 'Sooth' Islands of New Zealand!)

The deal iz that 'Liam' will pay 99.99% of the estimated
£3,000 bill ******* AND! ******* 'The Geordie Times' will pay the rest! <(5 pence!) <(which we have aalready paid him in advance!!!) <(ne expense spared on wor part!)

THE GEORDIE TIMES GETS IT WRANG AGAIN!

Posted '11:20am bells' Sunday 15th Joon 2014


^ THE GEORDIE TIMES GETS IT WRANG! *** THE SUNDIH SUN GETS IT REET! ^

Just ower an hour ago 'The Geordie Times' posted that Ing-er-land had lost 2-1 to The 'I-ties'

Just bought the Sundih Sun and to my horror we got it wrang again!
We can anly apologise yet again for anothaa horrendous error in thinkin' that wor national team had lost! <(I blame the broon ale!)

Ing-er-land will now surely WIN the World Cup!

ING-ER-LAND 1 THE 'I-TIES' 2 *** THE BIG SLEEP! *** "ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!"

Posted '10:05am bells' Sunday 15th Joon 2014

Az predicted aa fell asleep in from of mee 'state of the art' wide screen telly ^(see above!)^ deep into the forst half, when the scores were level at 1-1!
Ing-er-land played better than wot aa thought they would up til then, but! the 'I-ties' aalways seemed to have the upper hand!

The equaliser from Daniel Sturridge two mins after The 'I-ties' had scored the forst goal through Marchisio, stirred me from my slumbers, but aa waz soon fast asleep again az the 'liquid refreshment' from the days session in the Toon took it's toll!

I awoke in the orly hours when the match waz finished, not knowin' the final score til this mornin' when the BBC news gave me the bad news that Balotelli had won the game for them!

The news aalso showed fans who had taken pix of their families az they watched from their livin' rooms and half of them were asleep!----just like me! <(although it haz to be said that most of them were pre-teenage kids!---well past their bed time!)

'The Big Sleep' continues on Thorsday neet when we take on Uruguay!---aa cannit wait! "ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz!!!!!!!"

ING-ER-LAND EXPECTS! ****** "ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!"

Posted '9:40pm bells' Saturday 14th Joon 2014


MANAUS 'FRUITBALL STADIUM!


Ing-er-land are in action in the Brazilian jungle retreat of Manaus against 'The Spaghetties' of Italy @ '11 bells' toneet and wor prediction in a stadium that looks like some kind of giant tropical fruit, iz a borin' game which will send yoo 'fruity' and to sleep by 'the midnight hour!'

Reeely, they have az much chance of winnin' the World Cup az 'The Toon' have of winnin' the Premyaa Leegue next season!

We wish them well of course and we hope we are completleee wrang!----BUT!!!----"ZZZZZZzzzzzz!!!!"  

GEORDIE TIMES AWAY PUB(S) OF THE YEAR 2013-2014 WINNERS!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 14th Joon 2014


'THE GEORDIE TIMES' REEEL ALE PUB OF THE YEAR *** BUT WHERE IZ IT?

Here's the moment yiv aall been waitin' for!---'The Geordie Times' away 'reeel ale Pub' and 'best dive bar' awards for season 2013-2014!

The reeel ale pub of the year izzzzzz! (in revorse order!)

In thord place!

THE LOCOMOTIVE (Stoke)
A canny bar that we foond by chance aboot a 20 minute waalk from the groond. Propaa glasses and good beer at reasonable prices and the natives were friendly az well! <(not like normal Stoke fans!)

'THE LOCO' TROPHY ROOM!

In second place!

THE MALT SHOVEL (Hull)
A great little boozer on the main road to the groond, again aboot a 20 minute waalk to the groond. The bar iz stuffed with live tigers shud anyone start workin' their ticket!---Again the locals were friendly and the manager and hiz wife welcomed us to try their selection of reeel ales!

"AND THE WINNER IZZZZ!"---

THE WELLINGTON! (Villa & West Brom)
This bar iz tucked up a hill within a 5 minute waalk of Birmingham New Street rail station.
They have so many reeel ales on offer that they number them on a chalk board and yoo simply ask for a '69' or whatever! <(No! NOT that kind of '69'!)

An old style bar that seems to be gannin oot of existence these days, 'The Welly' iz immaculately clean and the beer iz 'immaculately caad'!


"AND IN COMPLETE CONTRAST!"

The 'Dive Bar' of the year award!

There waz ne competition in this category az the bar in question 'waz in a leegue of it's own'!

"AND THE WINNER IZZZZZ!"

THE CLOCK! (Everton & Liverpool)

The sheer depravity of this place takes some believin' az the 'aroma' of sweaty armpits and the 'spewy smells' from the 'designer' carpet squares on the floor 'hit yoo'! <(somebody must have 'hoyed up' the neet before!)

ON CLOSER INSPECTION THE CARPET SQUARES ARE STAPLED
(AND STUCK!) TO THE FLOOR TO STOP ANYBODY NICKIN' THEM!

Situated on a main road equidistant from both Goodison and Anfield (15 minutes) this 'dive' takes some beatin' and it iz highly recommended that yoo wear a 'stab-proof vest' if yoo change anythin' ower a fiver at the coontaa!


ENTRANCE TO THE 'SELECT' LOUNGE AREA OF THE BAR!

The locals are friendly enough <(IF yoo divvint look at them the 'wrang way'!) and yoo would have thought we had horns stickin' oot of wor heeds when we entered the bar az it fell deftly silent!

Friendly signs for customers tell yoo that 'Tommy Smith' is barred' <(we assume it's NOT hardman Tommy Smith who used to play for 'The Liverbirds'?) and the 'polite' sign in the stench filled 'tool-shed' for one of their 'regular customers' iz a GEM!
 
 

THE GEORDIE TIMES AWAY PUB OF THE YEAR AWARDS 2013-2014! *** WINNERS TO BE ANNOONCED ON SATURDAY!

Updated '10:30pm bells' 'Friday the 13th!' Joon 2014

We've decided to de a 'pub of the year award' for the best Premyaa Leegue away pubs we visited last season:


THE RETRO BAR,  MANCHESTER
ONE OF THE NOMINATIONS FOR 'THE GEORDIE TIMES'
 AWAY PUB OF THE YEAR 2013-2014

There are two catagories: Best 'reeel ale pub' and best 'dive bar! "The nominations are!"----

The Cellar (Sooothampton)

The Crabtree (Fulham)

The Big Red (Arsenal)

The Malt Shovel (Hull)

The Irish Club (Sporz)

The Locomotive (Stoke)

The Overdraft (West Ham)

The Harvesters (Swanzee)

Canton Rugby Club Bar (Cardiff)

The Retro Bar (Man C & Man U)

The Wellington (Villa & West Brom) (Birmingham centre)

The Clock (Everton & Liverpool)

The William IV (SMBs) (Gatesheed High Street!) <(there waz ne way we were gannin for a gargle in mackemland!)

The Murderers Arms (Norwich)

The Railway Telegraph (Palace)

The William Morris (Chelski) (Hammersmith)

The winner will be annoonced sssometime next Saturday! <(aa bet yiz cannit wait for the result!?)

WORLD CUP BORTHDAY BONANZA!

Posted '3:02pm bells' Thorsday 12th Joon 2014

"WE HAVE SOME JOYOUS NEWS TO TELL YOU!"
'FINK THE MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER'
HAS GIVEN FIFA HIS KIND PERMISSION TO KICK OFF
THE WORLD CUP ON HIS BIRTHDAY!"

For those of yee who divvint naa it's mee 'big zero' borthday today and FIFA president Sepp'tic' Blatter phoned me up the other day and said:
"Fink!" "Is it OK if we kick the Brazil World Cup off on your birthday?"

I of course replied:
"WHEY AYE MAAN!--NE PROBLEM!"
and so 'it came to pass' (that on my express permission only!) the openin' ceremony and forst game will be played toneet, when hosts Brazil play Croatia in Sao Paulo @ '9 bells' (live on ITV 1)

Then tomorrow Mexico play Camerooon @ '5 pm bells' (ITV 1)
Spain play Holland @ '8 pm bells' (BBC 1)
and Chile play Australia @ '11 pm bells' (ITV 1)
and of course Ing-er-land are in action on Saturday neet when they face Italy in Manaus @ '11 pm bells' (BBC1)

Personally aa cannit wait til '2 bells' on Sunday mornin' when the Ivory Coast play Japan! <"YAHOOOO!"

"SSSHHH!!!" *** "JACK'S THE LAD!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 10th Joon 2014

ARE YOO WATCHIN', BLUNDERLAND!???

At last we have signed Killingworth born central midfielder Jack Colback from the SMBs on a FREE transfor!

'Ginger Jack' infamously shushed the Toon crowd last season when he scored the 3rd goal for the mackems in the Tyne/weardo derby @ St James' Park, just 3 months ago, when he put hiz index finger to hiz lips az he ran towards the Toon fans!

Whether that will gan against him when he forst runs oot the St James' tunnel iz open to conjecture! <(we naa aall the big words!)

He says he hopes the SMBs understand hiz reason for comin' to a big club!----me 'finks' they won't somehow and THAT will definitely gan against him when he retorns to the Stadium of SSshhh! (yee naa wot?!!!) in a black n white striped shirt!!!

GEORDIE TIMES QUIZ ANSWER! *** "500 DAYS AND COONTIN'!"

Posted '1:45pm bells' Monday 9th Joon 2014

The answer to last weeks 'Geordie Times' quiz:

Question: "Who waz the last forst team player that NUFC signed for cash!?"

Answer: "MASSADIO HAIDARA on 25th January 2013!"
"That's 500 DAYS AGO TODAY!"

Other signins that week included: Sissoko (21/01/13), Yanga (22/01/13) and Gouffran (23/01/13)  

PS: The signin' of Ayoze Perez last Friday from Tenerife for a reported £1.5 million was NOT a forst team signin', but a resorve team signin' and he will play in wor U21s side next season, which iz  managed by Peter Beardsley ! (He can't officially sign til 1st July anyway, when the summer transfor window opens!) 
This waz confirmed on NUFCs own official website and even they say he iz 'one for the future'? (and not now!)

Therefore!---we still await a signin' for cash who will gan straight into the forst team!---"500 days and coontin'!"