CULLERCOATS 4 GATESHEED RUTHERFORD (sorry!) GATESHEED REDHEUGH 1 ("or waz the score the othaa way roond!???") *** NORTHERN ALLIANCE DIVISION 1

Posted '6:48am bells' Sunday 11th May 2014

"FROM LAND'S END TO JOHN O GROATS!"
"FROM WHITLEY BAY TO CULLERCOATS!"

"SHELTER FROM THE STORM!"

Az we had ne game to gan te once agen coz The Toon wornt due to play til the next day, it waz decided to heed for the coast on the Metro and take in Cullercoat's last Northern Alliance game of the season at their seaside groond in Links Avenue 

The wethaa wasn't 'ower clever' az we 'attacked' 'The Queens Heed' on the sea front, az black clouds desended!
A few 'liquid refreshments' later and it waz time to heed for the ground which waz aboot half a mile inland.

Cullercoats opponents were a team from Gatesheed, which isn't tooo far from where we live and so that's who we would 'support' for the day!

It waz still thankfully dry az we foond a spare space on the half way line (we were the anly ones there at the time!) az the teams ran oot from the portacabin on the othaa side of the pitch!

'The Caped Crusader' informed us that the Gatesheed RUTHERFORD team were wearin' black n white qwaatered shirts and that Cullercoats therefore were wearin' red n blue!

The Cullercoat's goalie waz (shall we say!) a rather large chappy weighin' aboot 18 stone and within 10 minutes he fumbled the baall which ended up in the net to give Gatesheed Rutherford the lead <(or so we thought!?) at 'The North Sea End'!

A lad we naa called Peter who supports Whitley Bay just doon the road, then torned up and informed us that in fact it waz Cullercoats who were wearin' black n white qwaataaz and NOT Gatesheed!
(ie: We'd got the 'colours' wrang in 'Culler'coats! and had 'cheered' the wrang team for half an hour!)

'The Caped Crusader, Paul the Peddler' <(he had hiz bike!) and 'The Mad Professor' who were in wor party still wornt convinced, but an advort on the red n blue strip waz from a Gatesheed firm? <(would a Gatesheed firm sponser Cullercoats???)
Anyway by half time the visitors (or home team perhaps?) had equalised and they went in aall square at the break!

The referee, it shud be noted waz the faathaa of 'Liam from the Lamp', who iz of course 'The Geordie Times' cheeef futbaall correspondent and the linesman on wor side waz hiz 16 year old nephew! (Liam wasn't there by the way) <(the part time bustard!)


"SHELTER FROM THE STORM!"

Anyway!-- Cullercoats <(or Gatesheed?) retook the lead and before lang it waz 3-1 !
The rain then desended in torrents and we made 'a sharp' exit to the bus stop on the main road az it waz the anly shelter available in the whole groond!
We still got soaken though az the rain came in sideway az there waz ne cover at the front!

Anothaa goal for the home side/visitors? sealed the game and thankfully az 'Liam from the Lamp's daddy blew for full time the rain had ceased and we trundled off soakin' wet to the nearest waaterin' hole doon the road caalled 'The Quarry' to dry oot and wet wor appetites! <(if yi see warra meen???)

It waz then onward to Whitley Bay Metro station and yem!---a great win for eethaa Cullercoats or Gatesheed! <(we may nevaa find oot!)

PS: Next day aa got The Sunday Sun to solve wor mystery and it said that Cullercoats had beaten Gatesheed REDHEUGH and NOT Gatesheed RUTHERFORD 4-1 (ie: a totally different team!)

SO!---not anly did we get the teams strips the wrang way roond, we actually got the team that Cullercoats were playin', wrang az well! <(pass the asprins pleeeze!)
Gatesheed Rutherford play in the Northern Alliance Premier Leegue, while Gatesheed Redheugh play in the division below!

Therefore, 'The Geordie Times' can anly offer yoo--wor loyal reeders a grovellin' apology for theeze heinous blunders az well az an apology to the Cullercoats goalie for any hurt or distress caused by caallin' him a "fat bustard", when in fact he waz Gatesheed Rutherford's---"er! sorry!" Gatesheed REDHEUGH'S goalie!   
Hopefully the next time we watch an Alliance game, we will get the strips and teams right!??? <(the broon ale haz got a lot to answer for!)

Attendance: 38 and 'a half' <( 'a little baaby in a pram'!) plus a doggy!

PPS: Cullercoats features in an old Geordie Song which gans:
"Wherever yi gan your sure to find a Geordie!"
"Wherever yi gan yi'll here the Geordie twang!"
"From Land's End to John O Groats!"
"From Whitley Bay to Cullercoats!"





   

THE GEORDIE TIMES *** A GROVELLING APOLOGY!

Posted '2:22pm bells' Thorsday 8th May 2014

TOON 'FANS?' HEED FOR THE EXITS IN THE 69th MINUTE!

In 'The Geordie Times' Cardiff match report we said that there waz a mass waalkoot in the 69th minute in protest and the club's plight (we last won a major trophy in 1969---The Fairs Cup!)

'Dave from York' haz inundated 'The Geordie Times' with hundreds of angry e mails in protest (er 'ONE' actually) sayin' that it waz hardly a 'mass' waalkoot, rather a 'mini' one!
He's reet of course, <(we did slightleee 'gan ower the top'!) but there were still a canny few who left at this precise minute in The Milburn Stand and the rest of the groond! (4,000 or so!)
We can anly give a grovellin' apology to Dave for wor grossleee eggzagerated error and hope he forgives us!??? "Grovel! Grovel!"

However! by the end of the match The East Stand, for example, DID HAVE thoosands of empty grey seats on show for aall to see, despite wor 3-0 win!----

90 MINUTES + ***PICTURE 'NICKED' FROM nufc.com!

WORLDS BEST SUPPORTED CLUBS WITH AVERAGE LEAGUE ATTENDANCES OF OWER 50,000

Posted 2:52pm bells' Wednesday 7th May 2014

Add caption

The Leazes End of St James' Park from Leazes Park


Borussia Dortmund are by far and away the current best supported futbaall club in the world, while 'the club with ne ambition', namely NUFC, are in 12th place worldwide with a magnificent/foolhardy? average of 50,395!

Europe haz aall the best supported clubs on the planet
Below are the 13 clubs who have averaged ower 50,000 crowds!

1 Borussia Dortmund (Jawmany) 80,676

2 Man U Muppets (England) 75,207

3 Barcelona (Spain) 72,776

4 Real Madrid (Spain) 72,200

5 Bayern Munich (Jawmany) 71,009

6 Schalke 04 (Jawmany) 61,483

7 The Arse (England) 60,013

8 The Munchin' Gladbachs (Jawmany) 52,505

9 Hamborg (Jawmany) 51,976

10 Ajax (Holland) 50,906

11 Stuttgart (Jawmany) 50,674

12 THE TOON ((Geordieland!) 50,395

13 Hertha Berlin (Jawmany) 50,186

NORTHERN LEEGUE CUP FINAL *** @ ST JAMES' TOONEET!

Posted '2:07pm bells' Tuesday 6th May 2014

To celebrate 125 years of The Northern Leegue, St James' Park, (above) will host the final between Whitley Bay and Marske United toneet @ '7:15 bells'.

St James' staged one of the forst ever games in September 1889 (the month the leegue waz formed) when Newcastle West End defeated arch rivals Newcastle East End 2-0 in front of a 4,000 crowd!
Of course just three years later the two clubs amalgamated to become Newcastle United FC!

Admission iz £5 for big kids and £3 for sprogs and zimmerframeites via The East Stand!

Update Wednesday dinnatime: Marske won the cup 2-1 after extra time in front of 1,503 spectators, with the winnin' goal (a penalty) comin' in extra time stoppage time!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHHHD!

Posted '10:47am bells' Tuesday 6th May 2014

'GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE!
"OPEN TOP BUS TOUR PLANNED FOR NUFC!"


FLASHBACK TO 1974
TOP & MIDDLE PIX: ST JAMES' PARK
BOTTOM PIC: 'THE CARDBOARD CUP TOUR'
GANS UP NEWGATE STREET!

Followin' last neets dramatic 3 goal comeback in the last 12 minutes from 'The Crystal Balls' against 'The Liverbirds' to draw 3-3, it meenz that with just 1 point gained the sooth Londoners CARNT now catch us in the 'table race' and NUFC can finish no lower than 10th position in the Premyaa Leegue!

We are currently in 9th place and anly 'The Stoke P*ss Potters' can now owertake us, shud they win away to 'The Baggie Troosers of West Brom' on Sunday and we lose to 'The Liverbirds'!

An open top bus tour of the city centre haz been mentioned with 'The Fat Controller' holdin' up a cardboard cut oot of a cup with   "WE FINISHED IN THE TOP TEN!" written on it, in black felt tipped pen! <(ne expense spared!)

40 years ago today, then club captain Bobby Moncur did exactly the same thing, famously? holdin' a cardboard cut oot of the FA Cup aloft on an open top bus tour, after we lost 3-0 to 'The Liverbirds' in the 1974 final!

'The tour' iz expected to start at The Tyne Bridge and travel via the 'new' castle, Northumberland Street, Greys Monument and Eldon Square, before endin' at the 'gates' of St James' Park!
A lap of honour will then take place aroond the pitch with the heed groondsman, hiz staff and the tea lady in attendance, to witness this momentous occasion!  "MISSION ACCOMPLISHHHD!"  

THE HEEDBANGERS 3 THE FISHY FINGERS of GRIMSBY 1 *** PLAY OFF SEMI FINAL 2nd LEG

Posted '12:10pm bells' Monday 5th May 2014

"HEEDIN' FOR WEMBLEY!"

40 years to the day that NUFC lost in the FA Cup final to 'The Liverbirds', anothaa Tyneside team booked their place @ Wembley with a supurb 3-1 win against 'The Fishy Finger Brigade' az the visitors were 'battered' <(sic!) by 'The Heed'!

A record crowd of 8,000 plus (which waz predicted by 'The Geordie Times'!) torned up on this waam afternoon @ The International Stadium, and they had plenty to cheer!

The visitors had 1,000 plus noisy fans behind the right hand goal from us, which made for a great atmosphere in this normally near deserted and quiet stadium (normally 800 average crowds!)

Former Toon player Brian Marwood waz the hero of the day and he opened the scorin' for Gatesheed when a goalkeepin' blunder led to Marwood's shot enterin' the net at the mid point of the half!

Then orly in the 2nd period Grimsby had a player sent off, but this seemed to fire them into action and they equalised in front of their fans at the Sooth end of the groond!

Anothaa Grimsby player waz then sent off for a 2nd bookable offence and The Heed took full advantage with a superb effort from Marwood late in the game and the icin' on the cake came 'at the death' when JJ O'Donnell scrambled home to send 'The Heedbangers' wild with delight at the prospect of a forst ever visit to Wembley Stadium!
A mass invasion followed before the pitch waz cleared for the final few seconds of the game and the ref blew for full time az we danced on the terraces! 
Anothaa pitch invasion at the end saw flares let off, az the home fans and players celebrated on the pitch!

A great day for Gatesheed FC!---"Wembley!---Wembley!---here we come!" (in two weeks time!) <(The Toon's season will be finished by then, so 'The Geordie Times' entourage will be there in force!)

Attendance: 8,144 (1,000 plus 'battered' 'Fish Fingers'!)




PRE MATCH 'GARGELLIN' POINT!
(GATESHEED HIGH STREET)

POST MATCH 'GARGELLIN' POINT
(GATESHEED HIGH STREET)
"HELLO HINNY!---IZ THAT THE WEMBLEY TICKET OFFICE!?"

THE TOON 3 THE RED HERRINGS of CARDIFF 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-2014

Posted '10:20am bells' Sunday 4th May 2014

"RUN RABBIT!,RUN RABBIT!,RUN!,RUN!,RUN!"

On a crazy day @ St James' Park where we won 3-0 to relegate the sooth Wales outfit in wor last home game of the season, wor manager and absent owner were constantly bood and barracked through oot the match, cumulatin' in a mass waalkoot in the 69th minute in protest at the clubs aimless ambitions! (we last won a major trophy in 1969, The Fairs Cup!)

View from the very back of The Milburn Stand pre match
The North Sea iz on the horizon 8 miles away!

Both sides had chances orly on and we hit the woodwork on two occasions before Shola heeded the openin' goal @ 'The Gallowgate End' in the 18th minute after a pin-point pass from 'The Sissoko Kid'!
Pardew left the dugout to patrol the touchline but a crescendo of boos on hiz appearance made him scurry back into the dugoot like a scared rabbit, caught in the headlights of a car!---hidin' behind hiz assistants John Carver and Steve Stone!

Every time he made an appearance on the touchline after this he waz roundly booed like a 'pantomime villain' and he retreated aalmost immediately every time!---a weird 'frightened rabbit' sight, if ever there waz one!

'The Fat Controller' aalso got loads of stick, but az he wasn't there, it fell on 'deaf ears'!

Again in the orly stages of the 2nd half both clubs had chances to score but in the 55th, 60th and 69th minute many fans left the groond in protest at wor sorry 'ambitions' of a top ten finish, aall for a club with 50,000 fans! (55 minutes for the last time we won the FA Cup in 1955, and 60 minutes for the last time we won a domestic trophy---that FA Cup nearly 60 years ago!) 
The 69th minute saw most fans leave though and there were anly 30,000 left to witness Remy's tap in goal @ The Leazes End and Steve Taylors heeder near the end!

The Toon attack The Leazes End
View from The Milburn Stand balcony

Pardew had made one last attempt to leave the dugoot and gan into hiz technical area, but loud boos again from those that had remained, made him make a frustrated downward hand gesture to the crowd, az he scurried back for the last time to hide behind hiz assistants! <(surely he can't survive this!?) 

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Coloccini, Dummett (Haidera 46), Sissoko, Anita (Steve Taylor 79), Tiote, Gouffran (Gosling 79), Shola Ameobi, Remy

Attendance: 50,239 (1,100 dejected Cardiff fans---nearly aall who were dressed in their former colours of blue!)


PS: We are off to watch Gatesheed v Grimsby this afternoon (kick off '4:30 bells') in front of wot shud be a bumper crowd of 8,000 plus in the Conference play off semi final 2nd leg (1st leg 1-1) and a place in the final at Wembley!---with the ultimate prize a place back in the Futbaall Leegue after a 54 year absence!
('Geordie Times' match report to follow tomorrow!)
"Howay the Heedbangers!"

THE TOON v THE RED HERRINGS of CARDIFF *** THIS AFTERNOON!

Updated Saturday 3rd  May 2014

FA CUP ACTION @ ST JAMES' PARK IN JANUARY
CARDIFF WON 2-1 !
(View from The Leazes End)

For the forst time in livin' memory the biggest futbaall match on Tyneside this weekend will NOT feature NUFC!

This iz the result of pathetic performances and apathy amongst the Toon faitful <(no! we havvent mis -spelt it!) after a record breakin' six Premya Leegue defeats in a row and mid table mediocrity!
Many fans have taken to Facebook/Twitter etc. to say that they will be waalkin' oot on 60 minutes in anger at wor 'ambitionless aims' (it will be 60 years next season since we last won a major domestic trophy!) and best of luck to them in their protest!

We will NOT be dein' the same however! and will stay til the bitter end against 'The Red Herrings' 'come wot may', az we are sadists! And in any case, do yoo reely think that 'The Fat Controller' will be in the directors box to see it anyway????

On the othaa side of the Tyne and in complete contrast to wor plight, 'The Heedbangers of Gatesheed' will attempt to book their place at Wembley Stadium in the Conference play off final on Sunday afternoon against Grimsby Toon ('4:30 bells' kick off)

Az mentioned below we will be there to back 'The Heed', az we WILL this afternoon, backin' 'The Toon' <(az they say 'a dog iz for life'!) and we can anly hope (and pray!) for TWO victories ower this bank holiday weekend!

PS: Just foond oot that (az well az the above waalk oot) some Toon fans are gannin to waalk oot in the 27th minute (the last time we won T'he Leegue' waz way back in 1927!)---some are gannin to waalk oot in the 55th minute (wor last FA Cup success waz in 1955 AND the 69th minute (the last time we actually won a trophy of any description, namely The Inter Cities Fairs Cup waz in 1969!
(Will there be anybody left at full time?)

"ER!"---yes! We plan to waalk oot in protest in the 90th minute!, (plus injury time!)

Match reports on both games will follow sometime on Sunday (Toon) and bank holiday Monday (Heed)

GRIMSBY TOON 1 THE HEEDBANGERS 1 *** CONFERENCE PLAY OFFS SEMI FINAL 1st LEG

Posted '12:40pm bells' Friday 2nd May 2014



"DREAM ON!"---"DEFINATLY 'ON!"

A magnificent draw @ Blundell Park, Cleethorpes sets up the 2nd leg of this semi final tie very nicely!---thank yoo very much!

Shud 'Gatesheed win on Sunday then they will be off to Wembley for the play off final against eetha Cambridge United or Halifax, with the ultimate prize a place back in the Futbaall Leegue after a 54 year absence!

'The Heedbangers' drew forst blood against Grimsby last neet when Colin Larkin fired home after just 7 minutes sendin' the 308 travellin' faithful wild with delight in the visitors enclosure!

Grimsby hit back however and equalised in the 24th minute through a Craig Disley heeder and 'The Heed' had to endure canny pressure throughout the rest of the game.
They held on though and the dream of a Wembley ticket on Sunday afternoon iz a very reeel possibility!

We would expect that a crowd exceedin' that at Grimsby (5,234) will torn up in wot iz now an aall ticket game @ Gatesheed International Stadium! (capacity 11,000)

If yi not dein much on Sunday then come and cheer the othaa black n white Tynesiders to victory and Wembley! (we'll be there!)

HEEDIN' FOR WEMBLEY???

Posted '2:40pm bells' Thorsday 1st May 2014

Toneet 'The Heedbangers' of Gatesheed play their most important game for at least 60 years when they face Grimsby Toon in Cleethorpes in the forst leg of the Conference semi final play offs!

The 2nd leg teks place @ The International Stadium in the east end of Gatesheed this comin' Sunday @ '4:30 bells' with the prize a trip to Wembley for the play off final and (hopefully!) a place back in the Futbaall Leegue after a 54 year absence, if they win!

A big crowd iz expected toneet of 5,000 plus @ Blundell Park and at least the same number in the retorn leg on Sunday afternoon!
 'The Geordie Times' will be present on Sunday to cheer 'The Heed' on to victory? and we 'wish them well' this evenin'!
Aa'll be glued to mee truck radio to get the score az aa travel doon to the Bormingham area once again on mee neetshift run!

"HOWAY THE HEEDBANGERS!"