THE BISCUITMEN U21s 4 THE TOON U21s 2 ***LAST NEET!

Posted 2:05pm bells' Tuesday 13th August 2013

The U21s played at The Madjeski Stadium last neet in the Premyaa Resorve Leegue and we lost 4-2 with wor goals comin' from Gael Bigiramana (pen) and Adam Armstrong. The Toon sported yet anothaa change strip, this time bright yellow with black shorts!

We play again on Saturday against Wolves U21s @ St James' Park @ '3 bells' and the East Stand will be open for this game.

Tooneet the forst team play a 'behind closed doors' friendly against The Liverbirds at their trainin' ground. Unfortunately there iz a news blackout for this game, but we will send wor faithful carrier pigeon 'Percy', to fly ower the action and bring yoo a 'Geordie Times' excluuusive report sometime tomorrow!  

HARRODS v THE POOND SHOP ***NEXT MONDAY NEET!

Posted '12:40pm bells' Monday 12th August 2013


"THE 'TOON' SHOP HERE!"


With just a week to gan before the big kick off @ The City of Manc Stadium we STILL havvent signed a player for cash, despite wor 'Director of Fools' 'JoeKanory' tellin' us two month's ago that we would be signin' players "fit for the Champions League!" by the start of the new season!???

Whey!--- even wor 'one and anly loan player' Loic Remy iz 'UNfit' and iz oot of wor forst game next Monday with a calf injury!

The Blue Moonies in complete contrast to us have signed fower players for a total of nearly £100,000,000! and it looks like 'lambs to the slaughter time' come '8 bells' next week!

"THE BLUE MOONIES' SHOP HERE!"

We can anly hope that some poond notes are spent by 'The Fat Controller' by the weekend, or we will surely be in big BIG! trouble!

THE TOON 1 SC BRAGA 1

Updated '10:30pm bells' Sunday 11th August 2013

"TWENTY'S PLENTY!"

Wor one and anly home pre season friendly torned oot to be a 'non event' az we struggled against Portuguese side SC Braga @ St James' Park yesterday evenin'!

Wor one and anly (loan!) signin' so far, Loic Remy, waz paraded before the fans before the kick off to a luke warm reception, with many fans refusin' to applaud a player who torned us doon in January, in favour of QPR for more dosh!

The Toon came oot sportin' a black n white 'half and half' Blackborn style strip, rathaa than wor traditional stripes, which puzzled us to say the very least??? 

We started off well when Coloccini shot just wide in the 2nd minute @ 'The Leazes End', but we faded after this and the anly othaa 'action' from us waz an effort from Cisse in the 18th minute which waz tipped ower the bar by the Braga keeper! 

The visitors took the lead bang on half time when one of their forwards waz adjudged to have been pushed in the box by Debuchy and the ref awarded a penalty with loud protest from the Toon players and fans alike!
Alan convoted the spot kick past Elliot in the Toon goal and so we went into the dressin' room 'one doon' at the break!

The 2nd half waz even worse than the 1st but Coloccini saved the day when he heeded in from a Ben Arfa corner @ 'The Gallowgate End' to send the 16,000 faithful into delerium! <(whey!---polite applause anyway!)

Attendance: 16,187 (we spotted TWO Braga fans @ the front of The Leazes End behind the goal!)   


The anly suprize for us waz the size of the crowd which waz some 6,000 more than we predicted at 16,000 plus <(there are more daft b*ggers than we thought!) 

Toon team line up: In total TWENTY players were used by us in this game and they were: Elliot, Krul, Debuchy, Steve Taylor, Santon, Dummett, Yanga, Coloccini, Tiote, Cabaye, Sissoko, Anita, Cisse, Marveaux,  Shola Ameobi, Gouffran, Ben Arfa, Obertan, Gutierrez, (and finalleee)Sammy Ameobi! 

THE TOON v SC BRAGA ***TOMORROW EVENIN'!

Posted '2:55pm bells' Friday 9th August 2013

Tomorrow we play wor one and anly home pre season friendly against SC Braga of Portugal in a '6 bells' evenin' kick off @ St James' Park

We expect, because of the Saturday evenin' kick off time, that anly around 10,000 will be there, az of course we will have ne new signings on show, az wor anly (loan!) signin' to date, Loic Remy, iz carryin' a calf injury and will not feature in the game!

The kick off time will not suit many fans and they will give the game 'a miss' and 'gan on the hoy', but in my case it works oot nicely, az av been invited to a weddin' on Saturday mornin', which gives me plenty of time to make the start!

Fans can pay at the gate at both The Leazes and Gallowgate End's

A full match report will follow sometime on Sunday!

LEAGUE CUP DRAW*** IT'S MORECAMBE AWAY! ***NEW GROOND! ***NEW GROOND!

Posted '1:35pm bells' Thorsday 8th August 2013


"NO!***NOT THAT MORECAMBE!"

The Leegue Cup draw haz paired us with Morcambe away and the tie will take place in the week commencin' 26th August.

We have been to Morcambe before to watch The Toon, beleeeve it or not? when wor resorves played Blackborn resorves at Cristie Park a few years back.
HOWEVER! Morecambe have since moved to pastures new at The Globe Arena which we have NEVA been te before!


"AYE!***THAT ONE!"


More to follow on aall this much later!

THE BILLY BOYS 1 THE GEORDIE BLUE SOX? 1 ***THE GRAND TOUR OF SCOTLAND 2013 (PART FOWER)

Posted '12:20pm bells' Wednesday 7th July 2013

For the fourth time in az many weeks we crossed 'Hadrians breeze blocks' and heeded ower the England/Scotland border, this time for west Glasgow!

Yet again 'super sub Shola' saved the day for 'The Toon' who sported their usual black n white shirts and black shorts, but strangely wore aall blue socks? against "The Billy Boys of Glasgey"

Aroond aboot 1,500 Toon fans filled 'The Govan Stand Corner' bit, with wot looked like 30,000 or so Rangers fans in the rest of the groond.

The Scottish 2nd Division side (just renamed Division 1?) took the lead in the 5th minute when a very dodgy penalty waz awarded against 'Fab' Coloccini who waz adjudged to have upended Nicky Clark in the box and Lee McCulloch stepped up to take it, beatin' Tim Krul in the Toon goal!

'The Toon', with a full strength team pressed for the equaliser at 'The Copeland Road End', but were unable to break doon the home sides defence and we went in 'one doon' at the interval.

The 2nd half waz dire from wor point of view with 'The Billy Boys' gannin close on several occasions to double their lead.
It wasn't until the desperate introduction of Shola Ameobi in the 73rd minute , replacin' an ineffective Cisse that things changed.

Aall of a sudden a string of corners came wor way and then deep into injury time with the Rangers fans singin': "Premier League---your havin' a laff!", up stepped 'wor saviour' for the fourth time in pre season to stab the baall home from a through pass from hiz bruvva Sammy (who waz anothaa 'super sub'!) to save wor blushes! < (and silence 'The Billy Boys'!)

Most worryin' of aall waz the fact that (az mentioned) we had a full strength team at the start, while lowly Rangers had several trialists in their side!
'The Grand Tour of Scotland' waz ower---for this season at least!

Anothaa lang hard season looks on the cards for certain! < ("Pass the heedache tablets, pleeeze!")

Toon team: Krul (Elliot 46), Santon (Dummett 63), Coloccini (Yanga 73), Steve Taylor , Sissoko (Marveaux 63), Tiote (Anita 73), Gutierrez (Sammy Ameobi 80), Cabaye (Gosling 80), Cisse (Shola Ameobi 73), Ben Arfa (Gouffran 46)

Attendance: 30,000 plus (1,500 Toon fans)

"THE PRE MATCH 'GARGELS' BAR!"
 (A 'CELTIC BAR' NOT FAR FROM IBROX,
WHICH WAZ THREE QWAATAAZ EMPTY!)

  

REMY SIGNS!*** ON LOAN!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 6th July 2013

News that striker Loic Remy haz signed for us in a loan deal from QPR haz brought mixed reaction from the Toon faithful.

Remy of course backed oot of a deal to join us in January at the very last second, preferrin' 'double your money' instead with 'appy 'arry's rag and bone mob!

He iz on a gang rape charge next month and so this loan deal could be one of the shortest on record, dependin' on the outcome of the court case!?

And wor opinion @ 'The Geordie Times'?----It reeely iz desperate times @ 'penny pinchin' NUFC!

THE GRAND TOUR OF SCOTLAND (PART FOWER) ***THE BILLY BOYS v THE TOON ***TOONEET!

Updated '12:05pm bells' Tuesday 6th July 2013

Tooneet we heed back ower Hadrians Waall for the fourth time in a month, this time to face Glasgow Strangers @ Ibrox Park in a '7:45 bells' kick off!
The Toon have sold wor entire allocation of just 1,000 tickets (we could have had 2,000!) and we will be in wor 'usual' corner section of the groond!

No tickets will be on sale to Toon fans on the day of the match but home fans can pay on the night!
SO!---if yi want to get in, put your best 'Billy Connelly' 'jock accent on' and divvint wear any black n white colours!

We'll be heedin' up around aboot the 1:30pm bells' mark and shud arrive at 'The Wee Rangers Club' not far from Ibrox at aboot '4:30-5:00 bells'!

A full match and trip report to follow much later az per usual

"LETS US HOPE***THAT THIS IS NE JoeK!"

Updated '12:25pm bells' Sunday 4th August 2013



"SOME NEW 'SIGNINGS' AT LAST!?"---"HIC!"


The rumours dein the roonds at the minute include one that 'JoeKanory' iz to be sacked by NUFC after just eight weeks in the job of 'Director of Fools'!

Eight weeks to sign players of which TWO were spent on a holiday in Italy and of course NE signins to date despite him tellin' us that we would have a team fit for 'The Champions Leegue' by the start of the season! <("Joekanory!---Joekanory!---Joekanory!") 

Rumour haz it that he arranged to meet Villa's Darren Bent aboot signin' for us. Bent duly torned up with hiz agent and 'JoeKanory' torned up DRUNK!

Bent waalked oot in disgust and anothaa striker waz lost!
Apparentleee, this wasn't the forst time that JoeK had torned up for an interview in a comatosed state and we have hord that NUFC are on the brink of losin' their patience with him and are to 'give him the bullet'!
Lets hope (and pray!) that THIS iz NE 'JoeK'!

PS: Accordin' to todays Sundih Sun, 'JoeK' iz watchin' a CRICKET MATCH! this afternoon in Norf Landan < (where else!?) and iz YET to see the forst team in action, to see where we need strenthenin' (That's the NUFC forst team and NOT the Norf Landan cricket team, by the way!)
Perhaps he haz got a spin bowler lined up for us?---that would be interestin'---wouldn't it? 

"THE TOON'S NEW CENTRE FORWARD---PERHAPS!?"

HEEDBANGERS 1 TOON X1 2

Posted '11:05pm bells' Saturday 3rd August 2013

"A SOUPER SHOW BY CAMPBELL!"

Adam Campbell scored twice to secure a narrow win ower Gatesheed in the 2013 Tyne Bridge Derby last neet!
Hiz forst came in the 20th minute when a Connor Newton back heel foond Campbell, who duly rifled the baall into The Heed net!

'The Heedbangers' equalised at the mid-point of the 2nd half  when Marcus Maddison stuck a fine effort from 20 yards oot! (The same 'Maddison' who had scord in the same fixture for US last season!)

Then!---with barely 7 minutes left on the clock, Harris Vuckic foond Campbell in the box and he gleefully dispatched the baall past former Toon keeper, 'one' Adam Bartlett to score hiz 2nd goal of the game!

That's the way it stayed and to be honest it waz a lucky win indeed for us @ The International Stadium!

Attendance: 1,274 (includin' several 'numbskulls' in Toon garb settin' off flares and fireworks!)