Tuesday, 7 May 2013

SWAN SONG!

Posted '11:35pm bells' Tuesday 7th May 2013


"A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A TOON FAN!"

A tense 90 minutes waz had @ the Dunston 'Bad Blue Boys' v Team Northumbria, Northern Leegue game toneet, az most of the crowd of 150 (or so) 'crowded roond' their 'mobiles' for any news of Wigan's fate against Swanzee which waz bein' played at the same time! 

If Wigan won, then 'The Toon' would be in the bottom 3, come wor vital game against QPR in Shepherd's Bush on Sunday!

Dunston then scored through Steve 'Bully' Bull and that's the way it stayed til half time!
Aa waz comin' oot of the Dunston clubhoose, after the half time interval, havin' devoured mee 'broon ale liquid lubrication', when a 'devistatin' fone caall came through from a mate caalled 'Dylan', who telt me that Wigan had taken the lead!<('as it now stood', WE would now be in the bottom 3!)

5 minutes later there waz anothaa caall from him to tell me that Swanzee had equalised!<(Wigan back in the bottom 3!)
The Dunston/Team Northumbria game waz in 'full swing' for the 2nd half by this time and then aa got anothaa 'caall' to tell me that 'The Blue Wigs' had retaken the lead!<('US' in the bottom 3 again!)

The game in front of me had now been 'dezegnated' az a meaningless match!---az aa listened to the reports comin' through from Wigan with fellow Toon fans, 'The Caped Crusader' and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer', who were standin' beside me near the half way line!
ACTION FROM THE DUNSTON v
TEAM NORTHUMBRIA GAME!---
ME FINX!?

Aa even had to ask just wot the Dunston match score waz?, az mee concentration levels on this game were now 'zero'!

Two more frantic fone caalls from 'Dylan' to tell me that Swanzee were now in the drivin' seat @ 3-2, sent me into 'extasy' and had the crowd beside me on 'tenderhooks', a scoreline which of course meant that WE were still 3 points clear of danger, 'az it stood'!

The final whistle blew in the 'live' game in Dunston (who won 1-0!--aa finx?) and we aall rushed to the clubhoose to see the final 15 minutes of the Wigan game!

NINE minutes injury time waz played, due to a bad injury to the Swanzee keeper , which had me bitin' mee fingernails doon to the bone, az aa norvousleee 'shovelled' the broon ale doon mee 'gregory peck'!

And then at last!---the final whistle blew @ 'The JJB' and we were still 3 points clear of 'the abyss'!

We can anly hope now that 'The Blue Moonies' of Manchester slaughter 'The Blue Wigs' of Wigan in the FA Cup final @ Wembley on Saturday to knock their confidence completeleee 'off the scale'!

Wor final destination iz back in wor own hands once again lads and lasses!

PS: This result haz banished any fears of wor game against QPR bein' moved by 'SKY' to Monday neet for the 'live telly ghouls'!

SHEPHERD'S BUSH ON SUNDAY!?

Posted '10:00am bells' Tuesday 7th May 2013
"SUNDAY SERVICE IN SHEPHERD'S BUSH!?"

We are now 99% certain that wor game against 'appy 'arry's Rag and Bone Men of Shepherd's Bush will now take place @ '3 bells' on Sunday az advertised!
'SKY' and the Premyaa Leegue  still havvent conformed this, but the fact that they are showin' the Championship play off game between Brighton and Palace in the Monday neet slot haz surely ended wor worst fears!

Aa meeen!--If we played next Monday neet we would have to stay owerneet at much greater expense than the Sunday slot. <(where we can get back in one day!)
Aalso, othaa teams at the bottom could have gained a crucial advantage ower us, had the game been moved!

Results ower the last few day havvent went kindly for us and we now find worsels in fourth bottom place just three points above 'The Blue Wigs' and 'the abyss'!
Wigan play @ home to 'The Swan Lakers' toneet and the sooth Wales boys can de us a massive favour by beatin' them, but shud the result gan the othaa way, then we reeely are 'in it'!

We await this result with trepidation!

Sunday, 5 May 2013

"UNBELEEEEVIBLE!"

Posted '8:20pm bells' Sunday 5th May 2013
"BACK TO 'THE SCHOOL END' ON MONDAY!???

'The Geordie Times' haz just lorned that wor game against QPR scheduled for next Sunday @ '3 bells' in Shepherd's Bush could in theory STILL be switched to the Monday neet for live coverage on 'SKY', shud they so wish!

Many fans of course have made their travel arrangements and booked hotels for a Sunday game and it would be a disgrace if the game waz now moved at such short notice!

The reason for this, iz that shud Wigan beat Swanzee this comin' Tuesday neet with their 'game in hand', then they will gan above us and 'SKY' would like nothin' better than to 'see us suffer', by televisin' wor game and hopin' we get beat to compound wor misery!

That's reet!---They divvint have to tell us til Tuesday neet, just FIVE DAYS! before the game iz due to take place!---
D-I-O-B-O-L-I-C-A-L-!

'The Geordie Times' hazzent booked anythin' yet because of this scenario and az each day gans by the train fares just gan up! and up! (£80 plus, we last hord!)

Yet again the loyal and lang sufferin' fans have been left on 'tenderhooks' for the 'whims' of live telly!
U-N-B-E-L-E-E-E-E-V-I-B-L-E-!

THE JELLIED EELS MOB 0 THE TOON 0

Posted '11:00am bells' Sunday 5th May 2013
THE TOON ATTACK 'THE CLEVER TREVOR' STAND
DURIN' THE FORST HALF!
(View from row 'V') 

The day started off @ 'The Central' where we were booked on the '8 bells' train to 'the smoke' and before we knew it we were @ 'The Overdraft Tavern' in East Ham for the customary pre match 'liquid refreshments' by 'high noon', where the usual incumbent away travellers were situated!

From there it waz a 20 minute waalk to the groond in a HAILSTONE shower!<(in MAY!?) for yet anothaa 'must not lose' game!

The Toon had great support and wor section stretched from behind the goal to to left corner of 'The Clever Trevor' (Brooking) Stand'!

With 'Captain Coloccini' back in the fold to stedy the defence we were confident of at least one point from this game, although ex Toon players Andy Pandy Carroll and Kevin Nolan would ne doubt have sommik to say aboot that!

'The Sissoko Kid' waz missin' for us through injury and that left Cisse to lead the line.

The main taalkin 'point' of the game, waz DID Demba Cisse's goal bound shot in front of the Toon fans in the forst half, cross the line or not, before it waz hasily cleared away!---but the linesman in front of us thought otherwise, didn't give it and the game carried on!

Certainly from wor view behind the goal it looked az though a perfectly good goal had been disallowed!

Anyway!---it wasn't given and we tried in vain to to make the breakthrough withoot success and thankfully both Carroll and Nolan had an 'off day' az well az the game ended goal-less!

At forst glance a draw and a precious point looked like a good result until we hord that both Wigan and Villa had won  to put us firmly in 'the mire'!

We now wait norvousleee to see how the SMBs get on on Monday neet and how 'The Blue Wigs' get on, on Tuesday!-----shud the SMBs draw and Wigan win, then we will be right 'up to it' 'in wor necks' by the time we travel to Shepherd's Bush next weekend for wor 'must! must! win! game against 'appy 'arrys relegated QPR side!

Toon team: Elliot, Simpson, Steve Taylor, Coloccini, Yanga, Cabaye, Tiote, Gutierrez, Ben Arfa (Shola Ameobi 66), Gouffran (Gosling 76), Cisse

Attendance: 34,962 (2,500-3,000 Toon fans?)

Footnote: Anothaa north east team who play in 'black n white stripes', namely, Spennymoor Toon, were aalso in London yesterday and won the FA Vase @ Wembley to bring the trophy 'back north' for the fifth season in a row!***Congratulations to them!

Friday, 3 May 2013

THE JELLIED EELS MOB v THE TOON ***SATURDAY!

Posted '6:40am bells' Saturday 4th May 2013

Wor thord last game of the season iz now on the horizon against 'The Jellied Eels Mob' today @ '3 bells' and it looks ever so likely that we won't naa wor fate until the final baall iz kicked in three weekends time, against 'The Arse' @ St James', in the very last game of the season!

Havin' lost AALL FOWER of wor games in London this season so far, it doesn't look good for wor trip to the "eest end" of the big city!

We can anly hope that aall the 'hype' that the players and manager have been spoutin' off ower the last few days followin' wor disasterous defeat against 'The Liverbirds', aboot, "bein' a united group!" and "stickin together!", finally works this time in the capital!?<(although they've been sayin' that aall season and look where we are!)

'Captain Coloccini' iz expected 'steer the ship' after bein' oot since February, although 'Marveaux the Magician' iz doubtful with a groin strain.

Old boys Andy 'Pandy' Carroll and *'King' Kevin Nolan will be oot to prove a point against us and I for one hope that the Toon fans divvint give them a load of 'stick', for that will surely fire them up!
(*'King' coz he scored a hat-trick for us against the SMBs in 2010!)

*2,000 fans are makin' the trip doon to 'the smoke', so lets hope we aall have a canny 'drinkin' trip' back to Tyneside tooneet!?<("Er!"---just foond oot!---the trains 'dry'!")
(*'The Ronny Gill' claims we will have 3,000 fans @ the game?)

We are off on wor travels in just ower an hours time, on the '8 bells' train to 'King's Cross', but just to hoy a 'spanner into the works' the direct District Line tube we normally get to Upton Park from 'King's Cross' haz 'line work closures' and we will have to get FOWER! different tube trains to get there!<(just to make life a bit harder!) 

The othaa weekend fixtures that effect us:
(points in brackets) (NUFC have 37 points)

Saturday:
The Wacko Jacko Jivers(40) v The Biscuitmen (25) <Cannit catch us!
The Canary Custards (38) v The Hazbeens and Villians(37)
Spors(n/a) v Soothampton (38)
The Baggie Troosers(n/a)  v The Blue Wigs (32)
Monday:
SMBs(37) v The Pulis P*ss Potts(40)

PS: for a '44 year old archive match report' on wor game @ Upton Park in 1969, scroll doon the page!)


Footnote: Anothaa north east team who play in black n white stripes will be in London today az well!
Northern Leegue Spennymoor Toon are in the FA Vase final @ Wembley where they meet Tunbridge Wells.
Shud they win, then they will bring the cup back north for the fifth year runnin' aftaa previous successes by 'The Whitley Baywatchers' (3 times winners) and 'The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston', who won it last year!
We at 'The Geordie Times' wish them well in their quest for the coverted silverware!  

THE NEW ZEALAND 'AALL BLACKS' ARE COMIN' TO TOON!

Posted '10:10am bells' Friday 3rd May 2013

The Rugby World Cup iz comin' to Tyneside in 2015 when three games will be played @ St James' Park.
The one game that sticks oot 'like a sore thumb' iz  ' the New Zealand 'Aall Blacks' game against Tonga on 9th October.

Although a'v NEVER been to a rugby game in mee life, aa quite fancy watchin' this game if aa can get a ticket!
This ISN'T the forst time that a New Zealand side have played @ St James' Park by the way, for in October 1984 aa saw NUFC play a friendly against New Zealand's futbaall team and we won
3-0!---but wot waz significent aboot this game?

Kenny Wharton, Chris 'Waddler' Waddle and Pat Heard were wor scorers, but wot waz the attendance?***WAZ IT!***(A) 3,486?***
(B) 13,486? or (C) 23,486?
Answers on a postcard pleeze to: The Geordie Times, Wor Hoose, Geordieland!

'The Geordie Times' will give yoo the answer sometime next week! (so watch this space!)   

LIFE BEGINS @ 40 QUID!

Posted '9:00am bells' Friday 3rd May 2013 


Mee QPR ticket haz just faallen on the doormat and iz priced @ £45<(plus £1 bookin fee!)  for the final away game of the season. 

This meeenz that the cost of aall 19 Premyaa Leegue away games this season in total comes to a staggerin' £773 includin' a £1 bookin' fee for each ticket!
That works oot @ an average of £40.68 a ticket for wot are normally the worst 'corner' seats in the groond!

The most expensive ticket this season waz for wor Premyaa Leegue away opener @ Stamford Bridge against The OAPs of Chelski @ *£56 per ticket and the cheapest @ *£26 @ 'The Blue Wigs' JJB Stadium<(it's origional name!)
(*includin' the bookin fee)

The game @ Loftus Road, by the way, STILL hazzent been 100% conformed az a '3 bells' Sunday kick off az 'SKY' need to pick anothaa game for live telly on the Monday neet!
That's NINE days to gan til the match and we STILL divvint naa for certain that it will take place then!!!? <("Unbeleeevible!!!")

Thursday, 2 May 2013

GEORDIE TIMES ARCHIVE *** GROUND 009***THE BOLEYN GROOND (UPTON PARK) 1969

Posted '11:00am bells' Thorsday 2nd May 2013

In the run up to Saturdays away game a'm re-postin' mee forst ever visit to "Landans eest end" to watch 'The Toon' 44 years ago, when we played 'The Jellied Eels Mob' @ Upton Park in March 1969

This archive match report iz now online below! 

Wednesday, 1 May 2013

THE PIT YAKKERS v THE WHITLEY BAYWATCHERS ***TOONEET @ ST JAMES'!

Posted '12:25pm bells' Wednesday 1st May 2013

VIEW FROM THE EAST STAND
Toon v Blackborn, FA Cup 2012
(Lookin' towards The Milburn Stand (centre)
and The Leazes End (right)

The final of the Northumberland Seeenya<(Senior!) Cup takes place toneet when 'The Pit Yakkers of Ashington' take on 'The Whitley Baywatchers' @ St James' Park in an aall Northern Leegue encoontaa!***kick off '7 bells'
It's £6 for grown ups and £3 for sprogs and zimmerframeites to get in<(East Stand tornstiles anly)

Unfortuanateleee, 'yours trueleee' won't be there az av got to gan 'night truckin' to Glasgow @ '9:30 bells', but there shud be a good torn oot az both teams have canny support!
Thorty minutes extra time will be played if needed followed by a penalty shootout, shud the scores remain level!

Get there if yi can and support your local teams!***'The Geordie Times' will of course post a special match report tomorrow, by somebody else!<(a'm not SykickK!)<('Geordie Times' spellin'!)

Updated '10:15am bells' Thorsday 2nd May 2013

Dressed in their black n white striped garb, 'The Pit Yakkers from Ashington' beat 'The Whitley Baywatchers 3-0 to lift 'The Northumberland Seenya Cup in front of a 1,500 crowd!<(but not includin' 'little old me' of course!) 

ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST