EASTLEIGH FC***"NEW GROOND!***NEW GROOND!?"

Posted '10:30am bells' Monday 17th December 2012

The opportunity haz arizen to visit yet anotha new groond this season az 'The Simon Templar Mob' have annoonced that their forthcomin' resorve game against The Toon resorves toneet will now be played at 'Silverlake' the home of Eastleigh FC and NOT St Mary's Stadium az originally stated!

HOWEVER!---Inclemennt weather in the shape of a waaterlogged pitch, forced the postponement of Eastleigh FC's home game on Saturday and we're not sure if the game will gan aheed at the moment and we may have to abandon the trip!

At least TWO of the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have travelled doon in force for this fixture!---(mebbez TWO more!?)

Full match report to follow IF? we make it!
WATCH THIS SPACE!

THE UKRAINE BRANCH JOIN THE THOOSAND CLUB!

Posted '5:30pm bells' Sunday 16th December 2012

THE BADGES OF THE UKRAINIAN PREMYA LEEGUE!

'The Geordie Times' haz just received it's 1,000 hit from the Ukraine today, makin' that country the thord most popular to visit us behind the UK and the USA and we thank each and every one of yoo from that 'neck of the woods' for loggin' into this site!

THE TOON 1 THE BLUE MOONIES 3

Posted '10:35am bells' Sunday 16th December 2012

"DEMBA BA HEEDS HOME
WOR ANLY GOAL OF THE GAME!"
('GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE PHOTO!)

This was a predictable and unsuprising scoreline @ St James' Park but we didn't really play that badly, ("er!"--except for wor defence, who were at 'sixes and sevens' of several occassions!)

We started off well and could have taken the lead az orly az the 2nd minute when a Cisse shot waz brilliantly saved by Joe Hart in the Blue Moonies goal @ 'The Leazes End'.
However!--- the visitors then went on the attack and had quite a few near misses until Aguero broke the deadlock in the 10th minute with a simple tap in from a Nasri cross with wor defence 'aall ower the place'!
They doubled their lead from a corner 20 minutes later when Garcia heeded past Santon who tried in vain to clear with a missed kick!

'The Toon' pulled one back orly in the 2nd period when Demba Ba heeded past Hart @ 'The Gallowgate End' and then Cisse had a great chance to equalise not lang after, but put hiz shot just ower the bar, when it seemed easier to score!

The visitors sealed things with just 10 minutes to gan when Toure fired through wor defence to take the three points back ower the Pennines!

This was wor SIXTH defeat in a row against 'The Blue Moonies' and even their 3,000 fans in level 7 of 'The Leazes End' couldn't be bothered to mock us az the predicted result unfolded!

This waz aalso wor SIXTH defeat in the last SEVEN Premya Leegue games and the 'bells' are well and truly ringin' on Tyneside today! (and NO!---they're NOT! Santa's 'sleigh bells' eetha!)

Toon team: Krul, Simpson (Ferguson 82), Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Perch, Tiote (Marveaux 74), Anita, Gutierrez, Cisse (Shola Ameobi 79), Ba

Attendance: a suprizingleee sub 50,000 crowd of 49,579 (3,000 Blue Moonies)   

THE TOON v THE BLUE MOONIES ***TOOODAY @ DINNATIME!

Updated '9:35am bells' Saturday 15th December 2012

@ 'din dins time' tooday we face 'The Blue Moonies' of Manc-land @ St James' Park for a '12:45 bells' start < (where DO 'SKY' get theeze ridiculous kick off times from?) (it's live on SKY 2)

The Champions of England havvent been beaten away from home for EIGHT months and havvent conceded a goal on their travels in their last THREE games and in total this season have anly conceded FIVE away goals since August!
On top of THAT!--- WE! havvent beaten them in the last TEN attempts home or away which includes FIVE successive defeats!

SO! that's an easy THREE points for us then!!!???

We expect more or less the same team to line up who lost 2-1 against 'The Wacko Jacko Jivers' in Fulham last Monday neet and we can anly hope that wor result and results later on ower the weekend gan wor way, or else we will end up in 'the abyss', come Sunday neet!
The match iz STILL not a selloot az I write and a smaall number of tickets remain on sale!

Footnote: For thoze of yoo who divvint live here and are travellin' up for the game from otha parts of the country, we can tell yoo that last neet the weather waz very inclement! (ie: "it waz f*****' p*ssin' doon!") and the 'Chris'mis Party Season' in 'The Toon' had got off to a 'damp squib' with the boozers anly half full/empty last neet, when they were expected to be 'chocker'!

However!---this mornin' iz a totally different day and the old 'current bun' haz made an appearance in the blue sky above St James' and the rain haz stopped az well!
Most 'liquid lubrication locations' are openin' @ 'ten bells' this mornin', in antisssipation of the orly kick off time!

Match report az per usual, to follow much later!

THE WACKO JACKO JIVERS 2 THE TOON 1

Posted '4:45pm bells' Tuesday 11th December 2012 (Updated @ '11:00pm bells'!)

"WOR 'VIEW'? FROM THE FORTY POOND SEATS!?"

Forst of aall apologeeez for the late postin' of this report, but aa did get back a bit late from this match ('5:15 bells' this mornin'!)

Anyway!---wor latest visit  to 'The Wacko Jacko Statue Stadium' <(aka Craven Cottage!) waz (yet again!) not a happy one and remain in 14th position but at the time of writin' this, we are anly TWO points above 'the abyss' after this 2-1 revorse! (wor 4th defeat in a row here!)

Reeely!--- we shouldn't have been beaten, but defensive frailties cost us the game in the end.

The home side took the lead in the 19th minute when a shot by Sidwell hit Williamson's knee and the baall waz 'Kruely' deflected ower Tim Krul's heed and into the net via the bar at The Hammersmith End!

We equalised through Ben Arfa in the 54th minute when he ran doon the right hand side of the pitch and fired in a loopin' shot which aalso hit the bar and we were level, much to the delight of the 3,000 or so faithful who packed The Putney End!

"WOR 'VIEW'? OF THE HAMMERSMITH END!?"

We then went on the offensive and looked like winnin it on several occassions, but a needless free kick given away by Tiote on the edge of the box in the 62nd minute proved decisive, az ex Magpie Damian Duff, who was booed throughout by the Toon fans, got hiz revenge with a fine cross and Rodallega, who waz completly unmarked, had the simple task of heedin the baall past a helpless Tim Krul to win the game for them!

The coach yem didn't leave Fulham Palace Road til '11:00 bells' az one of wor passengers got lost and couldn't remember where it waz parked! (an aad biddy in hor 70's with a 'tea cosy' on hor heed!) (bless hor!) 
We then had to endure a six hour jorney on the way back, which meant that aa didn't get to 'peepies' til after six this mornin' az mentioned! (hence the late report!)


AWAY DAY PURPLE PATCH!

We played in wor hideous aall purple away strip yesterday and we have now went THORTEEN away games this season in competitive matches withoot a solitary win! (Leegue, Leegue Cup and Europa Leegue!)

We now face the dauntin' prospect of a 'double heeder' against the Mancs 'finest' at home on Saturday and then away on Boxin' Day, before takin' on 'The Arse' away on the 29th!
The anly 'easy'? game we have ower the festive period is against 'arrys rag and bone men' from Shepherds Bush! (ne doubt HE would disagree!)

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Anita (Marveaux 86), Tiote (Bigiramana 86), Gutierrez, Cisse, Ben Arfa (Shola Ameobi 71), Ba

Attendance: 25,270 (3,000 Toon fans plus wor beloved owner who will ne doubt get the cheque book oot in the January transfor window!) (I bet he will!?) 

THE WACKO JACKO JIVERS v THE TOON ****TOOONEET!

Updated '10:30am bells' Monday 10th December 2012

@ dinnertime we are off on wor travels again to London where we face 'The Wacko Jacko Jivers' in a live telly game @ '8:00 bells' @ Craven Cottage and we set off from 'The Central' @ 12:25 bells for 'the smoke'.





"SOMEWHERE OOTSIDE
CRAVEN COTTAGE!"

Ne team news yet, but yi can bet that it will a totally different line up to the one who played so badly in Bordeaux last Thorsday!


Full match report to follow on Tuesday (sometime!)

"NAME THEM AND SHAME THEM!"

Posted '2:20pm bells' Saturday 8th December 2012

"THERE'S ^ NO ^ HIDIN' PLACE ^ FROM
'THE GEORDIE TIMES'!"

Durin' the forst half in the match against Bordeuax in France, three Toon 'fans'? decided to gan for  jumbo hot dogs instead of watchin' the match!
We were in the back row of the stand and durin' a lull in play, 'The Geordie Times' paparazzi reporter took this 'exclusive' picture of them with hiz zoom lens camera az they got stuck into their 'dogs' n French mustard!
Aaltogether they missed at least TWENTY MINUTES of the game, which begs the question: "Why botha gannin at aall if you're NOT F*****' interested!?

Many Toon fans who are reedin this, but couldn't afford to gan, would have given their right arm to be there in person, rather than watch it on the box back yem!
Theeze individuals shud hang their heeds in shame!---I think yoo must agree!
Pleeeze 'name and shame them' NOW! by gettin' in touch with us via 'The Newcastle Arms', where we will be partakin' in a few 'liquid refreshments' this afternoon!

GIRONDINS BORDEAUX 2 THE TOON 0

Posted '11:05am bells' Saturday 8th December 2012

Ground number 295, Stade Chaban Delmas, Bordeaux, France

"BORED TO DEATH IN BORDEAUX!"

THE TOON (IN WOR HI VIZ STRIPS)
MAKE A RARE ATTACK ON THE BORDEAUX GOAL

Yet anotha inept performance from 'the resorves' against Bordeaux 'resorves' meens that we finish in 2nd place to quailfy for the knockoot stages of the ill conceived Europa Leegue!

Wor flight from Toon Airport on the Wednesday waz @ '9:30 bells' in the mornin' and we just missed the snowstorm that engulfed Tyneside by an hour and arrived @ Heathrow Airport 45 minutes later. It waz then onward in a mini cab to Gatwick Airport (£15 each) to catch wor connectin' flight to Bordeaux and eventually arrived in the wine capital of France @ teatime.

Bordeaux<(pronoonced 'BORD-EE-OX' to aall yee ingnoramasus'sss oot there who cannit speak 'propa French' like us!) ("ER!" aa'll start again!") Bordeaux iz a massive place and it took nearly an hour to get to wor hotel near the city centre where we dumped wor bags and went straight oot 'on the hoy' (az yi de!)

There were the usual bunch of fans who gan to theeze games dotted aboot the place az we done wor tour of hostelries!

After a good nights kip "ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!" (we got to bed at '2 am bells'!) we awoke and hord via texts from the Toon that it had been gridlocked and many flights after wors, had been put back by up to five hours because of the snow (so we were the lucky ones!)

We met up with the rest of the lads who had been delayed and made wor way slowly to the groond 'bar by bar'!

After wot had happened in Brugge (FIVE security checks to get to the groond!) we made wor way orlier than usual to make sure we made the kick off, but the anly checks we had were at the groond where aa waz sorched three times!

Because we were there orly we could pick wor seats (yoo just sit anywhere when yi play in Europe) we picked some 'prime viewin seats' at the back of the stand, where yi could see ower the fences that hemmed us in!
The anly problem waz we had to stand on the seats to see, az everybody in front of us waz dein the same!

We shouldn't have bothered az wor performance waz woeful to say the least, even allowin' for the fact that it waz a predicted resorve team playin' for us! includin' 'one' Nile Ranger (but it WAZ the same for them 'in aall'!)
The two goal magin shud have been more but thanx to the heroics of Elliot in wor goal it could have been much worse.
The home side took the lead on the half hour mark with a heeder from Diabate, that shud have been blocked by James Perch (but wasn't!) and they were unlucky not to increase their lead by the break.

We hardly had a shot on goal and we were bored to death with the in-action from us.
Their 2nd goal aalso scored by Diabate sealed the win for them in the 73rd minute when he shot through Elliots legs and anotha wasted jorney waaz ower!
Some Toon fans tried to get oot with still 20 minutes on the clock az they were that p*ssed off and eventually they were let oot by the local 'dibble'

We won't BORE yoo to death aboot how we got back (the same way az we'd come in revorse!) except to say that when we got back to Tyneside 12 hours after leavin' wor hotel in Bordeaux, there wasn't a drop of snow to be seen??? (wot waz all the fuss aboot!?)

Toon team: Elliot, Tavernier, Williamson (Coloccini 75), Perch, Ferguson, Abeid, Bigirimana, Marveaux, Sammy Ameobi (Anita 46), Ranger, Shola Ameobi (Cisse 80)

Attendance: 19,983 (1,200 Toon fans)

Much more to follow az the day progresses--but az 'Bugs Bunny' would say: "That's aall for now folks!"

BORDEAUX v THE TOON

Posted '5:30am bells' Wednesday 5th December 2012

Tomorrow we face Bordeaux of France in wor final game of the Europa Leegue group stage.
A win would see us finish top of the group---a draw or a defeat would see us finish runners up--- but still qualify for the knockoot roonds which start next February!

We set off @ '9:20am bells' for 'Heathrow' from 'Toon Airport' and then onward from 'Gatwick' sometime later today and will arrive in the wine capital of France later tooneet!

Az per usual in situations like this, 'The Geordie Times' compuutaa will gan into hibernation for three days and will report back to YOO! wor loyal reeeders from arooond the globe (and beyond!), aall the 'sordid' trip details, sometime on Friday neet or Saturday mornin', when we eventually get back!

Aaltogether now!---"ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz!!!!!!!"

THE TOON 3 THE BLUE WIG MOB WHO PLAYED IN RED 0

Updated '8:30pm bells' Tuesday 4th December 2012

Well!---we won the 'must win it' game against the 'Blue Wig Mob' last neet (who played in aall red!) but we did make 'hard work' of it, and for most of the game the visitors played with ten men after Figueroa waz sent off for pullin' doon Cisse in the Gallowgate End box! (a contentious decision which infuriated Martinez in the away dugoot!) 
The resultin' penalty waz dispatched by Cisse's  fellow countryman Demba Ba to put us one-nil up after 12 minutes play.
8 minutes later a Davide Santon shot waz blocked by their keeper but Demba Ba waz on hand to score goal number two and hiz tenth of the season in the Premya Leegue.

The visitors didn't give up though and attacked wor goal on several occassions, with wor defence lookin' very fragile to say the least!

Bigirimana came on for Tiote at the start of the 2nd half and he cemented the win with a fantastic strike from a canny way oot @ The Leazes End.

The empty gaps in the normally full East Stand seats told it's own story and wor prediction of a 45-46,000 crowd waz way too high az anly 43,858 braved the icy conditions, with those who chose not to gan, ne doubt watchin' it in front of a waam fire in their livin' rooms or their local 'drinkin dens'! ("F*****' SOFT C***S!")

Wor prediction of 'The Blue Wigs' bringin' a motor bike and sidecar load of fans up wazzint far wrang, az they had aboot TEN times that number huddled in the corner of 'level 7' of 'The Leazes End'!

We remain in 14th place, but now 5 points above 'the abyss'!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon (Ferguson 49), Tiote (Bigiramana 46), Anita, Marveaux, Gutierrez (Sammy Ameobi 75), Ba, Cisse,

Attendance: 43,858 (lowest leegue crowd of season by a mile!)
(10 motor bike and sidecar loads of 'Blue Wigs'!)