THE TOON 0 THE COCKNEY REDS of SALFORD 3

Posted '10:20am bells' Monday 8th October 2012


'THE TOON' ATTACK 'THE LEAZES END'
DURIN' THE 2nd HALF

In front of wor 2nd biggest crowd of the season, we had virtually lost the game in the forst qwaata of an hour @ The Leazes End, with two set piece corner goals from Jonny Evans and Patrice Evra  who were both completly unmarked, to put us on the backfoot for the rest of the match!

It could have been much, much, more az the visitors were 'on fire' and we simply couldn't cope with their relentless bombardment of wor goal!

Things had settled doon a bit in the last 15 minutes of the half but we couldn't find a way through their defence and we went in two doon at the break.

The key moment in the match came just five mins after the restart when Demba Ba hit 'the bar' and the baall came oot to Papiss Cisse who heeded goalwards and hiz effort seemed to cross the goal line az De Gea in the Cockney Reds goal clawed the baall oot!---It looked like a goal to us high up in level 7 of The Milburn Stand, but both the ref and linesman who were much closer, didn't think so and play waz waved on!

It waz 'game ower' in the 70th minute when a Tom Cleverley cross went straight into the top corner of the net az Steve Harper tried in vain to save it!

We shud have had a penalty when Cisse's shirt waz pulled in the box, but this waz just one of several controversial decisions that the ref Howard Webb got wrang and in total EIGHT players were booked, fower from each side!

Toon team: Harper, Santon, Williamson, Perch, Ferguson (Anita 63), Ben Arfa, Cabaye, Tiote (Bigiramana 80), Gutierrez, Ba, Cisse (Shola Ameobi 63)

Attendance: 52,203 (biggest crowd in Britain ower the weekend!) (3,000 noisy Cockney Reds who divvint seem to like Alan Shearer for some reason!????)  

THE TOON v THE COCKNEY REDS of SALFORD ***THIS AFTERNOOON!

Updated '8:40am bells' Sunday 7th October 2012

WE LAST MET @ ST JAMES' IN JANUARY THIS YEAR***
THE TOON WON 3-0!

This afternoon @ '4 bells' we face 'The Cockney Reds' for the 2nd time in 2 weeks, this time @ St James Park<(and aalways will be!)

A selloot crowd of 52,000 plus iz ny on a certainty and we can anly hope that we can repeat the form from Thorsday neet when we 'torned ower' 'The Bordeaux Winos' 3-0 in the Europa League.

The team of course will be much different to the startin' line up of three days ago, but a confident Toon Army will expect a good result come '6 bells'!
The game iz live on SKY telly!

Any team news we find oot we will bring to yoo straight away! (whey!---mebeez a few hours late anyway!)

MATCH REPORT TO FOLLOW MUCH LATER! 

I DON'T LIKE MONDAYS!

Posted '2:25pm bells' Friday 5th October 2012

Havin' just updated wor fixture list in the last few hours 'The Geordie Times' haz just foond oot that a fortha FIVE! Premya Leeeg games have been moved for live telly!---Two of them in the dreaded Monday neet slot, which we F*****' HATE!

The fixture changes are az follows:

Monday 3rd December 'The Blue Wigs' H @ '8 bells' SKY
Monday 10th December 'The Wacko Jacko Jivers' A @ '8 bells' SKY
Saturday 15th December 'The Blue Moonies' H @ '12:45 bells' SKY
Saturday 29th December 'The Arse' A @ '5:30 bells' ESPN
Wednesday 2nd January 2013 'The Toffee Noses' H @ '8 bells' SKY

A'm gannin oot 'on the hoy' nuw and will update the NUFC fixture list in the top toolbar later!
(MUCH LATER!)

SMB TICKETS SOLD OOOT!*********

Updated '11:45am bells' Friday 5th October 2012

RYAN TAYLORS WINNIN' GOAL @ THE SOS LAST SEASON!

Tickets for wor forthcomin' game later this month against the SMBs @ the SOS are nuw SOLD OOT! (allocation 2,400)

THE TOON 3 DE BORDEAUX 'WINOS' 0

Updated '10:35am bells' Friday 5th October 2012

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES END

This waz a 'vintage' performance from The Toon who played once more in wor 'high viz' alumanus strips @ St James' last neet to beat the men from the wine capital of France 3-0

Wor prediction of a fifty/fifty team of resorve and forst team players waz 'spot on' and this waz withoot doubt wor best performance of the season!

We opened wor accoont in the 16th minute when Gabriel Obertan sent in a pin-point cross for an unmarked Shola Ameobi, who had the simple task of sidefootin' the baall into the net @ The Leazes End!

Wor lead waz doubled soon after with a spectacular own goal from Henrique, when he sliced his attempted clearance past hiz dispairin' keeper from a Danny Simpson cross!

It waz aroond aboot this time that fightin' broke oot in the visitors enclosure in the Leazes/East Stand corner. At forst we thought that some Toon idiots had infiltrated their 'end', but it torned oot that they were fightin' amongst themsels! (too much wine---no doubt!)

It waz soon time to pop the vintage wine corks worsels, however!--- when Demba Cisse roonded the game off with the final goal of the game when he convorted off the post at The Gallowgate End from an excellent Shane Ferguson cross!



ACTION @ THE GALLOWGATE END


To bee honest 'The Winos' were 'p*ss poor' which we didn't expect and if we were honest a draw at best, waz predicted by 'us' before the game!

With this win we are now top of wor group table!

Group 'D'
                    played W  D  L  F  A  Pts
THE TOON   2        1   1  0   3  0   4
Bordeaux---    2       1   0   1  4   3  3 
Brugge------   2        1   0   1  2  4   3
Maritimo---    2        0   1  1   0  2   1

Toon team: (as predicted!) Elliot (Harper 46) , Simpson, Perch, Williamson, Ferguson, Cabaye (Bigiramana 60), Tiote (Gosling 70), Anita, Obertan, Shola Ameobi, Cisse

Attendance:30,987---wor prediction of a crowd of between 30,000 and 32,000 beforehand waz aalso 'spot on'!
(aroond aboot 350 or so 'Winos' in the away end, who were completeleee suroonded by orange coated stewards!)

"A SIGN OF THE TIMES!"

     

THE TOON v DE BORDEAUX 'WINOS' *** TOONEET!

Updated '3:20pm bells' Thorsday 4th October 2012


"A 'VINTAGE' WINE CONNOISSEUR AND
BORDEAUX FAN PREDICTS THE SCORE!"
("HE DOESN'T SAY WHO TO--THOUGH?")

@ '8:05 bells' toneet we face the team from the French vintage wine capital, namely, 'The Girondins De Bordeaux Winos' (to give them their full title!) @ St James' Park in a Europa League group stage match.

We fully expected 'a half and half team' of resorve and forst team players to take the field az we play 'The Cockney Reds of Salford' on Sunday @ '4 bells' and az we aall naa by now the Premya League takes priority ower any cup games!

It will be interestin' to see the startin' line up toneet compared with next Sunday afternoon!?

The Geordie Times predicts a crowd aroond aboot the 30,000-32,000 mark? (see how far we are oot!) and lets hope we see a 'vintage' performance from The Toon! (sic!)
Match report to follow sometime tomorrow!

Both games are on live telly with 'The Bordeaux Winos' game on ESPN and 'The Cockney Reds' game on SKY

In otha news: NUFC have annooned that anly 50 loyalty points are now needed for a SMB ticket @ the SOS later this month and we've hord that we've anly got 2,400 tickets this time! (it gans doon every year!)
Meanwhile!---yoo still need 100 loyalty points for an away ticket @ Brugge! (allocation 1,400!) 

GROOND 291***MARITIMO UPDATE! (AT LAST!)

Posted '9:35am bells' Tuesday 2nd October 2012

THE TOON (in wor 'high viz' strips)
ATTACK THE MARITIMO GOAL

With just two days to gan before wor next European encoonter against Bordeaux of France @ St James', we thought we'd wet your appitite and bring yoo (at last!) the full trip report from Maritimo some 12 days ago!
We naa this iz late, but a'v got otha things to de az well, besides sittin' behind a computa keyboard typin' cr*p! aall day, like, gannin to work every now and again!

THE BISCUITMEN 2 THE TOON 2

Updated '8:55am bells' Monday 1st October 2012

"THE HAND OF GOD!"


DEMBA'S 'HANDY' GOAL! (Middle of pic)***VIEW FROM ROW 2!

Wor forst 'port o caall' after arrivin' in Readin' waz 'The Bugle Boozer' not too far from the train station.
With another international break in the next two weeks the 'mad-sad groundhoppers' amongst us were toyin' with the idea of gannin to Elgin to chalk off another Scottish ootpost in their quest to visit every league groond in Britain!

Albion Rovers came into the conversation and the ears pricked on an elderly white haired gadgie who waz sittin' on the next table to us.
"A'm fray (from) Coatbridge!" he annoonced in a broad Jocko accent. (where Albion play)
And he added, "can yiu remember a player called John McNamee who played centre half for you!"
"Of course we can!", we replied, and he said that he'd went to school with him many many moons ago and was an old mate!

"He once went on a trial for Celtic!", wor friend added, "And he waz offered a lift to Parkhead from John 'Yogi Bear' Hughes (a famous Celtic player of the time) who told him to clean his muddy boots before he got into his car!"
"McNamee (who was built like a 'brick sh*thoose') didn't take kindly to this and gave 'Yogi' a 'Glasgow kiss' instead (heedbut!) and he lay polaxed on the groond as 'Mac' walked off into the centre of Coatbridge!" (pronoonced 'Coatbrig' by wor Scottish friend!)

We aall had a good laugh aboot this az we supped wor way through several pints of the local brew!

After a couple of more 'boozer stops' it waz off to the Madjeski<(Geordie Times spellin'!) by taxi which cost the princely sum of ten quid (It's at least an HOURS WAALK from Readin' toon centre to the groond which iz f*****' miles away!)


For the 2nd away Premya League game in a row we drew two's each and were very fortunate to come away with a point az Demba Ba's 2nd equaliser came off hiz hand, although we didn't realise it at the time!

'The Biscuitmen' were the better team and they took the lead orly in the 2nd period when Kebe shot past Harper in the Toon goal.
But fortune waz on wor side az just one minute later we were level when Demba Ba hit a wonder shot on the torn to send the away end into raptures!

The home side again retook the lead through Hunt and aall looked lost az 'The Biscuitmen' went for the killer goal.
It never came and with just 6 or 7 minutes left on the clock, with wot looked like a heeder from 'row 2' behind the goal, Ba again levelled things in front of the away section, with wot we now naa to be with hiz hand!

Toon team: Harper, Perch, Williamson, Steve Taylor (Tavernier 56), Santon, Ben Arfa, Tiote, Bigiramana (Ferguson 70), Gutierrez, Ba, Cisse (Shola Ameobi 69)

Attendance: 24, 097 (highest of season so far) (2,076 Toon fans)

After the match it waz back to The Bugle and then onward to King's Cross to catch wor DRY train yem. Notices were on the departure boards reiterating<(Yes!---we naa aall the 'big words'!) that the train definitely waz alcohol free!

Fortha annooncements on the train telt us that it waz an offence to drink alcohol on the train (az though we needed remindin'!?)
And wot happened!?---when we got to York, loads of kiddaz got on carryin' and drinkin' bottles and cans of beer PAST the transport police who said ASOLUTLEEE NOTHING TO THEM!???---

That's one rule for us of course!---and one rule for them!!!! (who wud be a futbaall fan???)
A definate case of double standards if ever there waz one!---divvint yoo think???  

THE BISCUITMEN v THE TOON***THIS AFTERNOOON!

Updated '5:15am bells' Saturday 30th September 2012

"THIS PLACE REEELY TAKES 'THE BISCUIT'!?"

@ '6:30 bells' this mornin' we set off for deepest Berkshire for wor game against 'The Biscuitmen' @ The Madjeski Stadium near the 'M4'---4 miles from Readin' toon centre! (ko '3 bells')

'The Madjeski'<(Geordie Times spellin'!) of course iz a newish stadium built in the middle of ne where just like SO many of the new groonds today with NE PUBS close by! (this place reeely takes 'the biscuit'!)

The Toon have selt their entire allocation of 1,700 tickets for the game and the home sections are aalso selt oot!

We've just foond oot that aall trains back to the Toon are DRY! (again!) so we'll just have to make up for it and drink King's Cross dry instead!

A message to British Transport Police:
"Why oh why don't yoo issue bannin' orders to unruly fans on trains, instead of bannin' AALL OF US from havin' a few 'liquid refreshments' on the way back from matches?---a simple solution--mee finks"!

Match report to follow sometime on Sunday!

In other news :SMB and Brugge away tickets are now on sale to season ticket holders with 100 loyalty points or more! (ie: those who have attended 100 away games or more!)

THE COCKNEY REDS of SALFORD (resorves) 2 THE TOON (resorves) 1

Updated '2:40pm bells' Thorsday 27th September 2012

"THE THEATRE OF EMPTY SEATS!"

Wor forst League Cup tie of the season torned oot to be wor last!, last neet, when we went doon 2-1 @ 'The Theatre of Muppets' in front of 30,000 empty 'theatre' seats!
Because of the closure of the 'A1' in north Yorkshire due to floodin' and more problems on the 'A19' which runs parallel soothboond, we were forced to drive to Carlisle and doon the 'M6' to get to wor destination which added aboot 50 miles onto the jorney!

We arrived @ just after '5:15 bells' and parked in wor usual place near Salford Quays and 'The Broadway' boozer which iz aboot a 20-25 minute waalk from the groond.

The bar had anly ten punters inside, which gave us an idea az to the size of the crowd, which we predicted wud be aroond the 40,000 mark because of the ridiculous £45 poond entrance fee! (for wot waz in effect a resorve game!) 
After 'several liquids' it waz 'time to gan' and thankfully the heavy rain which we had encoontered on the way doon had stopped!

Once through the tornstiles we cud see that we were reet, az a low Toon torn oot waz aalso in evidence, but they were in good voice az they sang:
"FORTY FIVE QUID--YER TAKIN' THE P*SS!"
as they held their expensive 'resorve' match tickets aloft!

We held wor own durin' the forst half, but the deadlock waz broken just before the break when Anderson's shot ricocheted off Elliots reedhand goalpost and into the net @ The Scoreboard End (which waz half empty!) to give the home side the lead.

Their lead waz doubled in the 58th minute when Cleverley, 'cleaverly' curled a shot past Elliot @ 'The Stretford End' and at last we got a response from 'The Muppets'  with their 'Nick nack paddy wack' song!

 

Cisse and Ferguson then came on to replace Vuckic and Coloccini on the hour mark and it had an instant impact az the two combined straight away to give Cisse hiz forst goal of the season.
Ferguson's cross foond Cisse's heed and the resultin' nod from 'wor number 9', gave De Gea 'ne chance in the Cockney Reds goal to send the 700 travellin' faithful wild with delight! (that's reet!--- 700!) 

Cisse then hit the bar with a spectacular owerheed sizzor kick but it waz to ne avail and another 'Wembley dream' waz ower for yet another season!

It iz nuw FORTY YEARS since we last beat them at this place!
The usual p*ss takin' from us durin' the game brought little response: ('Taxi for London' etc) but the thing that got me most off aall waz the fact that aa spotted two of wor fans wearin' 'half and half' scarves (half Toon-half Cockney Red!)
One waz a decrepid aad gadgie who waz aboot the same age az me!---and the other waz a little sprog with hiz daddy<(who shud'iv knaan better!)

"WOT'S THE WORLD COMIN' TE!???"

Toon team: Elliot, Perch, Williamson, Coloccini (Ferguson 60), Tavernier, Obertan, Tiote (Bigirimana 71), Gosling, Marveaux, Vuckic (Cisse 60), Shola Ameobi

Attendance: 46,358 (that's 30,000 empty 'theatre' seats!) anly 700 Toon fans (the lowest tornoot here, that aa can ever remember!)
Even the 'empty seats' song didn't de 'the roonds' az we had thoosands of them in wor end az well!

PS: 'The Muppets' chant of the day waz!--------- "10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1" az they coonted the seconds doon on the stadium clock, til the end of the match!!!! (WOT F*****' NEXT!?) 

Az the aad song gans!----"It's time to start the music!--it's time to light the lights!----it's time to get things started!----on the Muppet Show tonight!"