"REEED ALL ABOUT IT!"

Posted '7:30pm bells' Tuesday 17th April 2012

Two brilliant stories in 'The Ronny-Gill' tooneet are worth a mention!

Forstly, and on the front page, Papiss Demba Cisse paid a visit to a young fan from Bedlington who sent him a hand made  'Welcome to Newcastle' card.
Four year old Sam sent the card to the trainin' groond in Benton and Papiss waz so taken aback by this kind gesture that he made a secret visit to hiz hoose to thank him personally with a bag full of 'Toon goodies'! "Good on you Papiss!"

The second story involves the Ordnance Survey people, who make the official government maps, that the name 'St James' Park' will still be used by them despite the 'unsuccessful attempted' name change by the club!
"Good on YOU Ordnance Survey!"

Divvint forget!---it's---ST JAMES' PARK<(AND AALWAYS WILL BE!)

GEORDIE TIMES NEWSFLASH!---THE TOON RESORVES v TEAM NORTHUMBRIA---RESCHEDULED!---PLUS TICKET NEWS!

Updated '11:20am bells' Tuesday 17th April 2012

THE TOON RESORVES
NORTHUMBERLAND SENIOR CUP WINNERS 2011

This years Northumberland Senior Cup final between The Toon's second string and Team Northumbria haz now been moved from this Thorsday neet to Monday April 30th @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!)

 Wor resorve away game against Blackborn haz been moved to May 3rd @ '2 bells' which meens we will be unable to gan az we are travellin' back from wor away game with Chelski on that day!
(There's aalways next season!---isn't there!)

TICKET NEWS
Tickets for wor forthcomin' and last game of the season against 'The Toffee Noses' of Everton  are now on sale to season ticket holders with 25 loyalty points or more.
We have an allocation of 3,000 and theeze are expected to be snapped up straight away, so!---rush to the ticket office ASAP to resorve your place!

Tickets for 'The Blue Wigs' of Wigan (4,500) and 'The OAPs of Chelski' (allocation not known yet?)have now SOLD OOT!  

EUROPEAN QUALIFICATION---AZ IT STANDS!

Updated '9:30am bells' Tuesday 17th April 2012

"Tell mee maa mee maa!, aa wont be home for tea!
a'm gannin to It-al-eee!---tell mee maa mee maa!"
("Er!---whey!-- aa might be---like!")

FA Cup semi final---last Saturday!
'The Liverbirds' 2  'The Toffee Noses' 1---a great result for aall Toon fans!

'Andy Pandys' 87th minute winnin' heeded goal from a free kick taken by 'Bellaz' 'The Poison Dwarf' ensures that we are virtually certain to qualify for at least the Europa League next season!

Who wud ever have believed that the player who we transfored for £35 million wud help us gain a European place?---Yi CUD'NT make it up!

'The Arse', who sensationally lost 2-1 to 'The Blue Wigs' @ home on Monday neet are five points clear in the thord Champions League position, but we now have a game in hand on them, so it looks az though the race for the Champions League 3rd and 4th places iz between US!, 'The Arse', Spors and the OAPs of Chelski. 

Happy days are here again! (hopefully!?)

The chase for Europe---az it stands @ '9:30am bells', Tuesday

1 The Cockney Glory Hunters of Salford
played 34---points 82---Champions League place guaranteed

2 Blue (it!?) Moonies 34/77---Champions League place guaranteed

3 The Arse 34/64---Champions League/Europa League?

4 Happy Harry's Hotspors 33/59---Champions League/Europa League?

5 THE TOON 33/59---Europa League/Champions League?

6 Kings Road OAP's 33/57---Europa League (guaranteed by reachin' the FA Cup final)/Champions League?

7 The Toffee Noses 33/47---MUST now finish at least SIXTH to claim a Europa League place az they lost the FA Cup semi final against 'yee naa who'!. 

8 The Liverbirds 33/46---Europa League qualifiers by virtue of winnin' the League Cup

PS: The Geordie Times went to see 'The Toons' junior teams @ Sheffield Wednesday's trainin' groond yesterday and the Under 16s drew 4-4 and the Under 18s won 3-1 on ajoinin' pitches----full 'mad-sad groundhoppers' match report to follow on theeeeze games later on in the week when we get time!---like! 

THE TOON RESORVES 3 THE COCKNEY REDS RESORVES 6---played TONEET!

Posted '10:20pm bells' Monday 16th April 2012

The forst of a resorve 'double heeder' took place toneet @ Blue Flames, Benton when wor second string lost to Salford's equivalent @ '7 bells' in a *live telly game!

 The visitors won 6-3  to win the leagues northern section

The Toons goals were scored by Brad Inman, Phil Airey (pen) and Dan Taylor and unbelievebly we were 3-0 up at this point!
But the Salford Boys came back with SIX goals to seal wor fate!

Attendance:597

*Aa say 'live telly', coz the match waz bein' shown on MUTV

Then on Thorsday neet, aalso @ 7 bells', we switch to St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) where Team Northumbria make their forst ever visit to 'The Cathedral on the Hill' in the Northumberland Senior Cup final.

Season ticket holder DE have to pay to get into this one and it's 'a fiver' and £3 for concessions

Match report as usual to follow

SHEFF WED U18s v THE TOON U18s---TODAY @ 'HIGH NOON'!

Posted '7:30am bells' Saturday 14th April 2012

TODAYS DESTINATION!
MIDDLEWOOD---SHEFF WED'S
TRAININ' GROOND!

@ dinnertime today the most important game in The Toon's season so far, takes place!---NO! a'm not taalkin' aboot a Toon forst team game, az we divvint have one, coz wor intended opponents Chelski are playin' in the FA Cup semi finals tomorrow against Spors------A'm actually taalkin' aboot the Morseyside derby 'semi' @ Wembley, which kicks off @ '12:30 bells'!

This iz because we aall want The Liverbirds to win, az this would esure that the SIXTH placed team in the Premya Leegue would DEFINATELEE gan into the Europa Leegue next season. (currently US who are 10 points clear of 7th)

Shud The Toffee Noses win however!--then THEY will pinch the final place and anly FIFTH place will then be good enough! (The Liverbirds aalready have a Europa Leegue place by virtue of winnin' the Leegue Cup!)

Because 'The Geordie Times mad-sad groundhoppers' have ne forst team game to gan te, wor intention today, iz to travel to sooth Yorkshire instead for 'high noon bells' and watch the Under 18s (who are top of the table!) in action against Sheff Wed's equivelant (who are bottom!) and finally 'tick off' 'groond number 285', which wud have been Motspur Park in London, had we got in last week! (see 'ground 285 NOT', in ground archive list @ the top of the page!)  

WE'LL HAVE A BETTER PICTURE BY LATE THIS AFTERNOON AZ TO WOR EUROPEAN QUALIFICATION ASPIRATIONS!
(WE'LL BE GLUED TO THE CAR RADIO FOR LIVE COMMENTARY ON THE WAY BACK FROM SHEFFIELD!)

"A NIFTY FIFTY---THANK YOO VERY MUCH!"

Posted '10:20am bells' Friday the13th! of April 2012

^"ONE WE MADE ORLIER!"^

"THAT'LL BE AN *'ISAAC' PLEEZE
YOO STUPID GEORDIE TW*TS/MUGS!"

Tickets for wor forthcomin' game @ Stamford Bridge on Wednesday 2nd May against The Kings Road OAP's will cost a woppin' FIFTY QUID a ticket for the 'priviledge'? of sittin'/standin'! in the corner flag section of the groond!
Not suprizinglee they are still on sale to season ticket holders!

*'Issac' iz 'Cockney Rhymin' slang' for a fifty poond note, coz 'Isaac Newton' used to be on them! ("Er!"---since renamed a 'Marilyn' by The Geordie Times!)



Az mentioned yesterday, wor game @ The JJB Stadium<(we gan by it's origional name!) against 'The Blue Wigs' on Saturday 28th April iz a complete selloot to Toon fans, with 4,500 tickets bein' snapped up @ HALF THE PRICE! of a Chelski ticket!

We have been refused extra tickets for this game and be warned!---yoo will be unable to buy tickets for the home sections on the day of the game, unless yoo are aalready registered with them! (which yoo obviouslee WONT BE!) 

Taalk aboot cuttin' your nose off--to spite your face!!?

ENGLAND U18's 2 SCOTLAND U18's 0---FULL TIME SCORE FROM ST JAMES' PARK!---GEORDIE BOYS WIN IT!

Updated 11:55pm bells' Thorsday 12th April 2012

ST JAMES' PARK---THE EAST STAND

"A 'SWEET' 'GEORDIE' VICTORY FOR ENGLAND!"

Toneet an England v Scotland schoolboy international took place @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) and it kicked off  @ '8:05 bells' for live coverage on SKY.

ENGLAND U18's WON 2-0 and their goals were scored by Tynesiders Michael SWEET (who plays for GATESHEED COLLEGE) in the 61st minute when he chipped the Jocks keeper and Peter GLEN-RAVENHILL (who plays for ST THOMAS MORE RC in NORTH SHIELDS) then added a 2nd in the 80th minute when he toe poked the baall home.
Both goals were scored @ The Gallowgate End.
Attendance: 2,535

Meeenwhile!--and on a completleee different subject!---wor trip to 'The Blue Wigs' @ The JJ Stadium <(we gan by it's origional name!) on Saturday 28th April iz a complete selloot for Toon fans with 4,500 tickets sold!

THE TOON RESORVES 0 THE ARSE RESORVES 1

Posted '9:00am bells' Wednesday 11th April 2012

FANS HUDDLE UNDERNEATH THE SMAALL
STANDIN' SHELTER IN THE CORNER OF
THE GROOND FROM THE POURIN' RAIN

A closely fought contest @ Blue Flames, Benton saw a very youth Toon team gan doon by the anly goal of the game in the incessant rain.

The goal came in the 16 minute when The Arse, attackin' 'The Inter City 125 End' (not far from where the trains gan past!) scored through Thomas Eisfeld. The Jawman forward hit a low shot from inside the box to beat Jak Alwick in The Toon goal.

The Arse dominated for lang periods in the forst half, but we had the better of the second period az the 'Freda Paine' came lashin' doon and we were unlucky not to equalise through efforts from Marcus Maddison, Phil Airey and Micheal Richardson.

This waz wor EIGHTH defeat in a row and we now face league leaders Man U @ Blue Flames next Monday neet and the signs divvint look good az they put SIX past us orlier this year doon in Altrincham!

Attendance: 385 (a Few Arse shirts were knockin' aboot in the crowd---probably students!) 

THE TOON RESORVES v THE ARSE RESORVES---TONEET @ '7 BELLS'

Posted '3:30pm bells' Tuesday 10th April 2012

Toneet @ Blue Flames the resorves tek on The Arses equivelent in an FA Premier Resorve League match in front of spectators for a change!

Unlike the Fulham Fiasco we encoontered last week in sooth Landan, we will actually see the game from INSIDE the groond this time! (see ground 285--NOT! in 'Archive grounds list')

Match report to follow later!

THE TOON 2 'NE WHERE NEAR BOLTON', WANDERERS 0!

Updated '11:30am bells' Tuesday 10th April 2012

An absoloootleee brilliant run from Hatam Ben Arfa broke the deadlock in this stalemate and hiz goal will sureleee be in contention for goal of the season!

The forst half waz a 'bore draw' with Bolton obviously comin' for a point in their bid to avoid the drop.

'Uncle' Ben Arfa (centre) scores hiz brilliant goal
@ The Gallowgate End

Both teams were 'even stevens' until 'Uncle Bens' fabulous run at just after the mid point in the 2nd half, when he ran ower half the length of the pitch, beatin' half the Bolton team in the process to fire in a fabulous goal to break the deadlock!

Cisse (far post) score wor second and decisive goal!

'Super sub' Shola Ameobi ensured that we secured the valuable three points when hiz pinpoint cross foond non otha tha Demba Papiss Cisse who had the easy task of toe pokin' the baall into the net past the dispairin' Wanderers keeper to secure goal number TEN in just nine games since he signed for us!

Otha results went wor way az well with 'The Toffee Noses' hammerin' Moanin' Martins SMB's
fower -nil!--- meanin' that they cannot now catch us!---and Spors lost 2-1 to Norwich at home!---Meanwhile! The OAP's of Chelski cud anly draw 1-1 with Fulham to leave us TWO points clear of them!

We are nuw equal fourth with Spors and just two points behind 'The Arse' in wor unlikeleee bid for a  Champions League place!----dafter things have happened?--- but the 52,000 plus crowd who witnessed this will be 'ower the moon' with this result! ("Er""---that's apart from the thoosand or so who had travelled up from Horwich (where Bolton play!) in 'Level 7'

Toon team:Krul Simpson, Santon, Williamson, Coloccini, Ben Arfa (R Taylor 85), Perch (Ferguson 46), Gutierrez, Ba (Shola Ameobi 64), Cisse 
Attendance: 52,264 (1,000 Wanderers)

(See latest league table below)

PS: 'The Geordie Times 100 Pub Crawl Challenge'  haz now reached the dizzy heights of 98 drinkin' dens' and this will be updated later on this week!