THE TOON RESORVES 1 THE BAGGIE TROOSERS RESORVES 4---BEHIND CLOSED DOORS!---AGEN!!!

Updated '4:15pm bells' Thorsday 29th March 2012

The resorves took on WBA's equivalent @ Darsley Park, Benton @ '2 bells' this afternoon in wot waz yet anotha game bein' played behind closed doors, with NE admittance to plebs!/fans!

Az per usual in cases like this we sent wor intrepid 'Geordie Times' 'Stop the Pigeon' reporter, who 'winged' his way ower the Benton pitch!
He flew ower the action for the full 90 minutes to bring us the vital news message below of just wot the score waz and who scored the goals!

STOP! PRESS! STOP! PRESS!---THE BAD NEWS IZ!---
The final score waz!---1-4 ! to the visitors with Marcus Maddison scorin' wor only goal with a 25 yard shot-----(many thanx to 'Stop the Pigeon' who haz just contacted us on hiz mobile 'tellin bone' with this devestatin news!)

Footnote:
An exhausted 'Stop the Pigeon' iz nuw heedin for the Haymarket area of Toon to rest hiz wings and gan for some much needed 'liquid lubrication' and a packet of the finest 'Trill' bord seed! (yoo desorve it mate!)

"NO NIGHTMARE SCENARIO!!!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 28th March 2012

"IT'S  A  CATASTROPHE!!!"

                                

The nightmare scenario of  'moanin martin's mackems' reachin' the FA Cup final iz ower!---thanx to 'The Toffee Noses' 2-0 victory @ the Stadium of "Sshhh!---Yee Naa Wot!", last neet!

Had they reached the final and we'd finished in wor current SIXTH position at the end of the season, then THEY would have booked a place in the Europa League at wor expense! even if they'd lost!, az the otha finalists, namely Chelski or Spors would automatically qualify for the Champions League/Europa League, through their current league position.

Under the rules, this would mean the losin' finalists then qualify for 'The Europa'! (it doesn't bear thinkin' aboot!!!?)

Of course---IF?  'The Toffee Noses' of Everton beat 'The Liverbirds' in the aall Morseyside semi final @ Wembley, then THEY will qualify instead, at wor expense! (shud we finish sixth)

Aall Toon fans shud now be rootin' for the red half of 'Mickeymouseland'< (one word!) to reach the final az 'Cringin' Kenny's' side have aalready qualified for the Europa League through their League Cup success!

Of course if we can finish FIFTH above Chelski, than this 'scenario' won't arise! (FOURTH! iz even a possibility???----but divvint haad yer breath!)

(see current league table below)

EUROPEAN QUALIFICATION---AZ IT STANDS!

Updated '10:35pm bells' Monday 27th March 2012

Az it stands the followin' European places will be allocated az follows:

FA Cup winners/finalists--Europa League place guaran-teed 

Premier League European qualification: 4 places for The Champions League---3 places for Europa League


Az it stands with 8 games to gan!

1 Man U--played 30--points 73--Champions League

2 Man C 30/70--Champions League

3 The Arse 30/58--Champions League

4 Spors 30/55--Champions League

5 Chelski 30/50--Europa League

6 THE TOON 30/50--Europa League---'but only IF? 'The Liverbirds' beat 'The Toffee Noses' to reach the FA Cup final!---If this doesn't happen then we need to finish fifth to qualify!

7 The Liverbirds 30/42--Europa League qualifiers by virtue of winnin' the League Cup

8 SMB's 30/40--Can't qualify through FA Cup coz they got beat 2-0 off 'The Toffee Noses' in the FA Cup tooneet ("HA! HA!")

9 The Toffee Noses 30/40--Will qualify for Europa League if they beat 'The Liverbirds' to get to the FA Cup final, meanin' that The Toon MUST finish fifth to qualify

LIVERBIRDS---SELT OOT!!!

Posted '10:20am bells' Tuesday 27th March 2012

"COMIN' SOON TO 'THE TOON'!"

Wor forthcomin' home game against 'The Liverbirds' on April Fools Day (next Sunday) iz now a complete sell oot and a 52,000 plus crowd iz guaranteed for the '1:30 bells' kick off!

Not bad for yet anotha live Sky game at anotha reeediculuuus kick off time!

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS 1 THE TOON 3

Posted just before 'midneet bells' Sunday 25th March 2012

DEMBA CISSE (ON PENALTY SPOT IN THE ORANGE)
SCORES THE TOON'S 3rd GOAL OF THE GAME

A mezzzmeriszing forst half performance from 'The Toon', playin' in their 'Orangemen' away strip, sealed the three points, az we went 3-0 up in just 34 minutes in front of the exxstatic two thoosand travellin' faithful, who were housed in The Smethwick End.

Goal number one came in the sixth minute when Ben Arfa crossed from the byline to the waitin' Cisse and he blasted the baall into the net.

Number two wasn't lang after when in a complete reversal of the forst goal, Cisse foond Ben Arfa and he ran through the home defence to fire home a fine effort.

The thord waz the best of the lot when Ben Arfa again supplied Demba Cisse (in another reversal!) and he rifled the baall home from near the penalty spot for hiz second goal of the game.

'The Baggie Troosers' pulled one back orly in the second period after a mistake by Williamson, but that waz the end of the scorin' and we moved up to equal fifth with Chelski in the Premya Leegue table on 50 points!
(We now have a total of 1,002 'Premya' points!)

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini (Santon 46), Perch, Ben Arfa (Shola Ameobi), Guthrie, Cabaye, Gutierrez, Cisse (Ferguson 79), Ba 

Attendance: 25,049 (2,000 happy Toon fans!)

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS v THE TOON----TOODAY!

Posted 8:40am bells Sunday 25th March 2012

In little under an hours time The Geordie Times entourage will be settin' off for the west midlands and 'The Sportsmans Bar' in particular near West Brom toon centre, which iz aboot a twenty minute waalk from The Hawthorns.

Cheik Tiote iz expected to be back in wor startin' line up (hopefully!), and three points today would take us level with Chelski in fifth position.

Match report az usual, to follow much later when we get back!

THE BAD BLUE BOYS 1 STAVELEY MINERS 0--------FA VASE SEMI FINAL

Posted '9 pm bells' Saturday 24th March 2012

 Dunston took a slender lead to Derbyshire for next weeks crucial 2nd leg tie against Staveley Miners Welfare, who were 'shafted' 1-0 @ Federation Park this afternoon!

The anly goal of the game came deep into the 2nd half when "Bully---Bully"! scored with a fine strike with just 12 minutes to gan (Andrew Bulford!) to give 'The Bad Blue Boys' a slender lead for the 2nd encoonta in Derbyshire next Saturday!---with a place @ Wembley Stadium the ultimate prize for the winners!

979 were there to witness this 'lack lustre' game, but it's advantage Dunston in the 2nd leg and (hopefully!) a "day oot in Landan!" the ultimate prize!

THE BAD BLUE BOYS v STAVELEY MINERS------- FA VASE SEMI FINAL---TODAY!

Updated '8:30am bells' Saturday 24th March 2012

Az we divvint play 'til Sunday afternoon away to 'The Baggie Troosers' of West Brom, centre stage this afternoon will be in Dunston!, where a certain FA Vase semi final iz takin' place @ '3 bells', with a trip to WEMBLEY! in the final the 'carrot' to progress!


This iz the forst leg of the two legged semi final with the second leg takin' place in Staveley (near Chesterfield) the followin' Saturday and iz the biggest game in Dunston's history!

A good crowd iz anticipated @ Federation Park (aka: UTS Stadium) and 'The Bad Blue Boys' (they play in aall blue!) expect at least SIX times their normal gate of aroond 180!
There's a clubhoose to 'tickle your tonsils' and quensh your thirst before and after the match, so there's NE EXCUSE! for NOT gannin!
The game is NOT aall ticket and admission iz six quid for big kids and three quid for sprogs and zimmerframeites!

It's anly a *TEN MINUTE bus ride from The Eldon Square bus station in the Toon (*dependin' on the traffic!) and busses, 11,31,43,44,45,46 and 47 can be caught (get off at 'The Mechanics Club' on the way to The Metro Centre---the groond iz at the top of the next road)

*For those of yoo who divvint naa, Dunston are a non league club who play in The Northern League, (which iz the 2nd oldest league in the world, behind The Footbaall League) which iz at 'level 9' (division 9) in the English pyramid system.

The FA Vase iz a cup for clubs at this level and doon to 'level 11'.
Higher level non league clubs like Gatesheed (level 5) play in the FA Trophy for the 'Wembley prize'!

'Az the drunken magpie fly's', Dunston's groond iz approx 2 miles from St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) and when both teams are at home on the same day it iz reputed that the Dunston fans know when The Toon have scored as they can here the roar of the crowd from across the Tyne!



The Geordie Times will be there and post a match report for this special game later tooneet!

PREMYA LEEGUE TABLE---LATEST!

Updated '11:45pm bells' Thorsday 22nd March 2012

THE PREMYA LEAGUE TABLE @ '10:00pm bells' Wednesday 21st March 2012

1 Man U---played: 29---points: 70
2 Man C 29/69
3 Spors 29/54
4 The Arse 29/55
5 Chelski 29/49
6 THE TOON 29/47
7 The Liverbirds 29/42
8 Swanzee 29/39
9 SMBs 29/37
10 Everton 29/37
11 Stoke 29/37
12 Fulham 29/36
13 WBA 29/36
14 Norwich 29/36
15 Villa 28/33
16 Blackborn 29/28
17 QPR 29/25
18 Bolton 28/23
19 Wigan 29/22
20 Wolves 29/22

The reality iz!-- we are in SIXTH position, FIVE points aheed of 'The Liverbirds' and anly TWO points behind Chelski in fifth place and SEVEN points behind thord placed Spors, with anly NINE games to gan!

To GUARANTEE a place in The Europa League we must finish in FIFTH position.
SIXTH may be good enough, dependin' on which teams reach the FA Cup final, az the losin' finalists could qualify, shud the winners be in 'The Champions League' (we'll just have to wait and see!)

The Liverbirds are the ANLY team so far to qualify for a Europa League place by virtue of winnin' the League Cup (three Europa League places are up for grabs in total!)

If yoo said that a Europa League/Champions League place waz possible for The Toon at the start of the season, then yoo would have been classed insane!

It's NOT a lang way to gan nuw, and if we can keep the pressure up, then a top FIVE finish iz NOT oot of the question! (a top FOWER finish now looks highly unlikeleee az we are EIGHT points adrift of a 'Champions League place'!)

THE TOON RESORVES 2 CHELSKI RESORVES 4

Posted '5:55am bells' Wednesday 21st March 2012

In front of just 400 fans The Toon lost 4-2  against Chelsea's equivellent in a resorve match at Blue Flames, Benton last neet! (aka Whitley Park)

The goals: The visitors took the lead in the 17th minute from the penalty spot when Alnwick in The Toon goal needlessly pulled doon Lukaku who duly covorted the spot kick.

We levelled things 5 minutes later when Donaldson hit a fine effort home.

The Pensioners retook the lead in the 39th minute when Chalobah heeded a corner into the net.

In the 55th minute it was 3-1 to them when Clifford fired home.

It was 4-1 soon after when Lukaku got his 2nd with a low shot.

The Toon got a consolation goal late on, when Henderson shot from close range.

That's SIX league games in a row now withoot a win for wor second string!