A SIGN OF THE TIMES!--A 'DISGRACEFUL' STATE OF AFFAIRS!

Posted '9:45pm bells' Wednesday 29th February 2012

THE WINDOW OF 'THE STRAWBERRY'

Toon pub openin' times for the 'high noon' derby next Sunday have been annoonced, with the forst boozer not openin' til 'NINE am BELLS!', nameleee 'The Strawberry'

This iz a 'disgraceful' state of affairs when yoo consider that 'in the old days', waaterin' holes like 'The Black 'N' White' in Blenheim Street (both 'boozer' and 'street' lang since demolished!) used to open at!---"wait for it!"-----'SIX BELLS' IN THE MORNIN' for the 'thorst quenchers' on derby day!

Aa remember a derby match in the 1980's when the game kicked off at '11:30 bells' in the mornin' and  aa tried waalkin into 'The Black 'N' White' through the 'lock in door' at the ungodly hour of '7 bells'! 

The bar was SO packed that aa couldn't get through the f***** door!---az there were SO many people inside 'gaggin' for a drink!

Now they divvint open til fower hours later than this!---wots the world comin' te---aa ask meesel!??? 

FA YOUTH CUP QWAATA FINAL----THE TOON U18s 2 THE TANDOORI CHICKEN ROVERS U18s 2 (AET)---THE 'CHICKENS' WIN 3-0 ON PENS!

Updated '7:50am bells' Tuesday 28th February 2012

A game which lasted nearly two and three qwaata hours waz finally won on penalties by Blackborn after a 2-2 stalemate!

It aall started off so well az The Toon took the lead in the 19th minute, when JJ Hooper foond Michael Hoganson with a low cross and he wellied the baall into the net @ The Leazes End of St James' Park!<(and aalways will be!)
This waz the forst goal that the away side had conceded in the competition so far!

The lead waz short lived however!---az Rovers equalised just six minutes later though, with a divin' heeder, which gave Alex Baird in The Toon goal ne chance!

We retook the lead orly in the second period when JJ Hooper hammered the baall home from twenty yards oot @ The Gallowgate End.
It stayed that way til the 75th minute when a wicked defection wrang footed Baird and 'The Tandoori Chickens' were level once more.


There were ne more goals, so an extra thorty minutes was played, where 'cramp' then took it's toll on players from both sides and the trainers were onto the pitch every few minutes az they went doon like flies, but neetha side cud add to their tally!

Penalties then sealed wor fate @ The Gallowgate End, az we missed wor forst THREE spot kicks (one blasted ower by JJ Hooper and two saved from Ben Sayer and Micheal Hoganson!) as Rovers convorted aall of their three, to reach the semi finals of The Youth Cup and a tie against eetha Fulham or Bornley!

They'll be fryin' tonight in Blackborn!

Attendance: 2,026 (10 or so Blackborn fans)

FA YOUTH CUP QWAATA FINALS---THE TOONS U18s v THE TANDOORI CHICKEN ROVERS U18s

Posted '9:45am bells' Monday 27th February 2012 

ACTION FROM WOR YOUTH CUP TIE AGAINST DARLO

Tooneet the qwaata finals stage of the FA Youth Cup will be played oot @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) when we play Blackborns equivalent @ '7 bells'

Wor visitors havvent even conceded a goal yet in their three ties, havin' beat Thurrock 8-0, Coventry 2-0 and Stoke 4-0 in previous roonds, while we have won 3-0 against Darlo, 2-1 against Watford and 2-1 against QPR---aall at home!

Work permitin' 'The Geordie Times entourage' will be in The Newcastle Arms both before and after the match.
Admission iz THREE QUID for big kids as usual and a POOND COIN for zimmerframeites and little kids @ The East Stand tornstiles!
Extra time and penalties will apply if scores are level at 90 minutes.

Get yerselz alang if yiv nowt better to de??? (Cryforthenation Street haz been cancelled!---honest!)  and cheer the youngins on!---a semi-final place iz at stake!

THE TOON 2 THE WOUNDED WOLVES 2

Posted '8:05am bells' Sunday 26th February 2012

The latest 'round' of 'The Geordie Times 100 Pub Crawl Challenge' started off on the quayside, IN 'The Quayside' and we did anotha four bars in that area before climbin' up 'The Side' (the name of a steep street) to 'Cosy Joes' in 'The Bigg Market'

From there we did one of wor usual 'haunts', namely 'The Newcastle Arms', before climbin' the 200 steps to wor seats in 'The Milburn Stand' (it's a canny way up from the quayside to 'Level 7'---aa can tell yiz!---"Pant!---Pant!---Pant!")

This waz The Toon's 600th competitive game of the 21st century and aalso The Geordie Times 600th 'in a row' az well!----so it was an 'historic day'? for us!
We could see that a near capacity crowd was assembled az we kicked off against the relegation threatened Wanderers and their 5-1 home defeat against deadly rivals 'The Baggie Troosers' of West Brom in the previous game shud have sent the alarm bells ringin' that a wounded animal was on the run.

The warnins however wornt heeded az 'The Wounded Wolves' came back from two doon to nick a point in a game The Toon were cruisin'!

We took the lead in the 6th minute @ The Leazes End when Yohan Cabaye crossed for Demba Ba and his shot ended up at the feet of his countryman and namesake Demba Cisse, who slotted home for his second succesive home goal,

Wor lead waz doubled in the 18th minute when 'Spiderman'hit an unstoppable shot into the roof of the net and is was 'game ower' az far az we were concorned (NOT!)

We shud iv naan better of course az we pulvarised the visitors goal and thoughts of 'five' or even 'six' goals entered wor heeds az Wolves were dreadful!

It aall went 't*ts up' az a great forst half waz replaced by a shambolic second, and with just 4 minutes of the half gone 'The Wounded Wolves' fought back with a goal from Jarvis which went in off Danny Simpson.

We fell apart after this as Wolves besieged wor goal and the impossible happened at the mid point of the half, when a free kick foond Doyle who slotted home for the equaliser in front of the 1,800 visitin' fans in 'Level 7' of 'The Leazes'!

They cud actually have won it in the final throes of the game, but it ended aall square and two valuable points were dropped in wor quest for a European place!

600 in a row and ONE to forget!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Ryan Taylor (Guthrie 65), Cabaye, Tiote (Shola Ameobi 80), Gutierrez, Ba, Cisse (Ben Arfa 65) 

Attendance: 52,287 (1,800 happy 'wounded animals'!) 

600 IN A ROW!----THE TOON v THE WOUNDED WANDERERS of WOLVERHAMPTON

Posted '9:15am bells' Saturday 25th February 2012 

600 IN A ROW!

Today we play the relegation threatened 'Wounded Wanderers of Wolverhampton' @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) 'but be warned!'---the 'boys from the black country' are a wounded animal followin' their 5-1 home humiliation against deadly rivals 'The Baggie Troosers of West Brom' (hence their new name!) but! they are unbeaten in their last four away games against 'The Arse', Bolton, Spors and QPR.
Late last neet they appointed a new 'part time' manager by the name of Terry Connor 'til the end of the season, not a name we are familiar with, but he will ne doubt try to fire them up, so we shud be wary of that! (hopefully!)

We'll have Yohan Cabaye back from suspension and Cheick Tiote back from African Nations Cup duty to shore up wor defence, which leeked five at Spors a fortneet ago!
Aalso in contention iz Ryan Taylor who iz back from injury

The Wanderers have sold 1,800 tickets for 'Level 7' of 'The Leazes End' and this cud quite possibly be wor LAST '3 bells' home start of the season because of aall the fixture changes for live telly!?
(A near 50,000 crowd iz antisipated once again)

This will be The Toon's 600th competitive game so far in the twenty forst century (since 3rd January 2000, when we drew 2-2 @ home against West Ham) and I have to tell yoo that 'The Geordie Times' haz been to EVERY ONE so far! ("Er!"---it shud be noted that we didn't get in til half time against both Panionios away in Greece in 2004 in the UEFA Cup, because of an air traffic controllers strike and aalso away to Fulham, midweek in 2005, because 'The Geordie Times entourage' had to drive doon late on, and couldn't get parked anywhere near the groond!)

Will TRY! and get in for the kick off this time! after wor Geordie Times100 pub crawl challenge, which 'takes off' today @ 'The Quayside', doon -----'the quayside'! (wud yoo believe?) next to The Swing Bridge and owerlookin' 'the sacred river' Tyne! (boozer number 74!---11:30 prompt!)

Match and pub crawl report to follow later toneet/tomorrow mornin', az per usual

GEORDIE TIMES 'SENSATIONAL' PAPARAZZI PICTURES FROM ST JAMES' PARK!---LATEST!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 24th February 2012

SOMEWHERE ON BARRACK ROAD!--
"HALT!--WHO GANS THERE!?"

Followin' on from the news that security guards are patrollin' St James' '24/7', reports reach us that forthaa measures have been taken to stop fans in their tracks!

Wor undercover paparazzi reporter waz hidin' in some trees in Leazes Park at the break of dawn this mornin', when! he spotted this newly constructed watchtower next to the St James' Park main entrance steps!

He took this 'sensational' picture for The Geordie Times with hiz 'bottom of the range' zooom lenz camra, az the club prepares to fend off any 'St James' Park' sign writers before this weekends game against 'The Wounded Wolves'!

The above picture shows 'gulag style' security guards, who have been ordered and are ready to 'shoot on sight', shud any fan attempt to 're-christen' the main entrance sign yet again!
"Are there no lengths that 'The Fat Controller' will gan te to stop us!???"

ST JAMES' PARK UNDER ATTACK!--"ATTACK!, ATTACK,! ATTACK!, ATTACK!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 23rd February 2012

FROM LAST NEETS 'RONNY GILL'

Followin' fans 'heroic efforts' to replace the St James' Park signs that were 'vandalised' last week, the club have stepped up security and guards are now patrollin' the groond '24/7' to try and stop any repeat 'St James' Park' sign writer 'attacks'!------
HAZ IT REEELY COME TO THIS!???---
IT'S PATHETIC!---IZ'NT IT!???

NOT! SUCH A 'GOOD FRIDAY'!----YET MORE F*****' FIXTURE CHANGES!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Wednesday 22nd February 2012

"YOGI BEAR!---IT'S AALL HIZ FAULT!"

Unbelievableee! we nuw face the prospect of havin' to travel to Swanzee on Good Friday for a 'FOUR THORTY BELLS'? kick off, az 'SKY' (bless em once agen!) have picked it for live telly!

They've aalso picked wor home game against Norwich, which will now be played on Sunday 18th March @ 'four bells', despite Sky aalready pickin' Villa v Bolton for that time slot!??? (which now presumably haz been abandoned!?)

It just gets worse and worse!---doesn't it!?
'Yogi Bear' haz got a lot to answer for! (the gadgie who invented TV!) ("Er!"--- or was it 'LOGIE BAIRD'!??) 

"ST JAMES' PARK SINCE 1880, AND AALWAYS WILL BE!"---HOUSE OF PARLIAMENT ORLY DAY MOTION TODAY!

Posted '10:00am bells' Wednesday 22nd February 2012

"ST JAMES' PARK AND AALWAYS WILL BE!, MR. SPEAKER!"

St James' Park iz even bein' debated in The Hooses of  Parliament today!, where a motion supported by MP's Ian Mearns, Pete Glass, Ian Lavery, Cathrine McKinnell, Chi Onwurah, Nick Broon, Mary Glindon, Dave Anderson, Stephen Hepborn, Alex Cunningham and Dennis Skinner!

Motion 2743: Newcastle United and the (attempted!) renaming of St James' Park.

"That this house deeply regrets the decision to (attempt to!) rebrand the historic home of Newcastle United Football Club; Condemns the corporate vandalism perpitrated by the club owners in the removing the name "St James' Park" from the stadium; warmly endorses the now famous front page banner of the local 'Evening Chronicle' 'ST JAMES PARK AND ALWAYS WILL BE!'; notes that the chief executive of Newcastle's new shirt sponsor, 'Virgin Money' has added her concerns about the (attempted!) rebranding and hopes that others will follow her example; notes that Newcastle City Council have debated and agreed a motion stating that the council have NO PLANS! to change ANY! way-finding signs which bear the name 'St James' Park', rather than the name of 'The Fat Controller's'< (or words to that effect!) business; and urges 'The Fat Controller'< (owtte!) to reconsider his decision!".   

THE TEAM WITH NO NAME!---WHO ARE YOO!?

Posted '5:15pm bells' Tuesday 21st February 2012

Next up @ St James' Park iz that team from The Black Country toon of Wolverhampton who used to be knaan az 'Bent Nose McCarthy Wanderers' by 'The Geordie Times' until 'Bent Nose Mick' got the 'bullet' last week, followin' their 5-1 home humiliation against their deadly rivals 'The Baggie Troosers' of West Brom.

Various names have been bandied aroond for the vacant managers position with 'Broken Nose Bruce' the favorite to take ower the reins at Molineux.

Until that decision iz made however! 'The Geordie Times' iz 'in limbo' and wor new name for them will have to be put on ice for the moment!

We wait with 'baited breath' to see just who will be the new man in charge when they play us on Saturday @ the unusual kick off time of '3:00 bells'
(az usual!---watch this space!)