600 IN A ROW!----THE TOON v THE WOUNDED WANDERERS of WOLVERHAMPTON

Posted '9:15am bells' Saturday 25th February 2012 

600 IN A ROW!

Today we play the relegation threatened 'Wounded Wanderers of Wolverhampton' @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) 'but be warned!'---the 'boys from the black country' are a wounded animal followin' their 5-1 home humiliation against deadly rivals 'The Baggie Troosers of West Brom' (hence their new name!) but! they are unbeaten in their last four away games against 'The Arse', Bolton, Spors and QPR.
Late last neet they appointed a new 'part time' manager by the name of Terry Connor 'til the end of the season, not a name we are familiar with, but he will ne doubt try to fire them up, so we shud be wary of that! (hopefully!)

We'll have Yohan Cabaye back from suspension and Cheick Tiote back from African Nations Cup duty to shore up wor defence, which leeked five at Spors a fortneet ago!
Aalso in contention iz Ryan Taylor who iz back from injury

The Wanderers have sold 1,800 tickets for 'Level 7' of 'The Leazes End' and this cud quite possibly be wor LAST '3 bells' home start of the season because of aall the fixture changes for live telly!?
(A near 50,000 crowd iz antisipated once again)

This will be The Toon's 600th competitive game so far in the twenty forst century (since 3rd January 2000, when we drew 2-2 @ home against West Ham) and I have to tell yoo that 'The Geordie Times' haz been to EVERY ONE so far! ("Er!"---it shud be noted that we didn't get in til half time against both Panionios away in Greece in 2004 in the UEFA Cup, because of an air traffic controllers strike and aalso away to Fulham, midweek in 2005, because 'The Geordie Times entourage' had to drive doon late on, and couldn't get parked anywhere near the groond!)

Will TRY! and get in for the kick off this time! after wor Geordie Times100 pub crawl challenge, which 'takes off' today @ 'The Quayside', doon -----'the quayside'! (wud yoo believe?) next to The Swing Bridge and owerlookin' 'the sacred river' Tyne! (boozer number 74!---11:30 prompt!)

Match and pub crawl report to follow later toneet/tomorrow mornin', az per usual

GEORDIE TIMES 'SENSATIONAL' PAPARAZZI PICTURES FROM ST JAMES' PARK!---LATEST!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 24th February 2012

SOMEWHERE ON BARRACK ROAD!--
"HALT!--WHO GANS THERE!?"

Followin' on from the news that security guards are patrollin' St James' '24/7', reports reach us that forthaa measures have been taken to stop fans in their tracks!

Wor undercover paparazzi reporter waz hidin' in some trees in Leazes Park at the break of dawn this mornin', when! he spotted this newly constructed watchtower next to the St James' Park main entrance steps!

He took this 'sensational' picture for The Geordie Times with hiz 'bottom of the range' zooom lenz camra, az the club prepares to fend off any 'St James' Park' sign writers before this weekends game against 'The Wounded Wolves'!

The above picture shows 'gulag style' security guards, who have been ordered and are ready to 'shoot on sight', shud any fan attempt to 're-christen' the main entrance sign yet again!
"Are there no lengths that 'The Fat Controller' will gan te to stop us!???"

ST JAMES' PARK UNDER ATTACK!--"ATTACK!, ATTACK,! ATTACK!, ATTACK!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 23rd February 2012

FROM LAST NEETS 'RONNY GILL'

Followin' fans 'heroic efforts' to replace the St James' Park signs that were 'vandalised' last week, the club have stepped up security and guards are now patrollin' the groond '24/7' to try and stop any repeat 'St James' Park' sign writer 'attacks'!------
HAZ IT REEELY COME TO THIS!???---
IT'S PATHETIC!---IZ'NT IT!???

NOT! SUCH A 'GOOD FRIDAY'!----YET MORE F*****' FIXTURE CHANGES!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Wednesday 22nd February 2012

"YOGI BEAR!---IT'S AALL HIZ FAULT!"

Unbelievableee! we nuw face the prospect of havin' to travel to Swanzee on Good Friday for a 'FOUR THORTY BELLS'? kick off, az 'SKY' (bless em once agen!) have picked it for live telly!

They've aalso picked wor home game against Norwich, which will now be played on Sunday 18th March @ 'four bells', despite Sky aalready pickin' Villa v Bolton for that time slot!??? (which now presumably haz been abandoned!?)

It just gets worse and worse!---doesn't it!?
'Yogi Bear' haz got a lot to answer for! (the gadgie who invented TV!) ("Er!"--- or was it 'LOGIE BAIRD'!??) 

"ST JAMES' PARK SINCE 1880, AND AALWAYS WILL BE!"---HOUSE OF PARLIAMENT ORLY DAY MOTION TODAY!

Posted '10:00am bells' Wednesday 22nd February 2012

"ST JAMES' PARK AND AALWAYS WILL BE!, MR. SPEAKER!"

St James' Park iz even bein' debated in The Hooses of  Parliament today!, where a motion supported by MP's Ian Mearns, Pete Glass, Ian Lavery, Cathrine McKinnell, Chi Onwurah, Nick Broon, Mary Glindon, Dave Anderson, Stephen Hepborn, Alex Cunningham and Dennis Skinner!

Motion 2743: Newcastle United and the (attempted!) renaming of St James' Park.

"That this house deeply regrets the decision to (attempt to!) rebrand the historic home of Newcastle United Football Club; Condemns the corporate vandalism perpitrated by the club owners in the removing the name "St James' Park" from the stadium; warmly endorses the now famous front page banner of the local 'Evening Chronicle' 'ST JAMES PARK AND ALWAYS WILL BE!'; notes that the chief executive of Newcastle's new shirt sponsor, 'Virgin Money' has added her concerns about the (attempted!) rebranding and hopes that others will follow her example; notes that Newcastle City Council have debated and agreed a motion stating that the council have NO PLANS! to change ANY! way-finding signs which bear the name 'St James' Park', rather than the name of 'The Fat Controller's'< (or words to that effect!) business; and urges 'The Fat Controller'< (owtte!) to reconsider his decision!".   

THE TEAM WITH NO NAME!---WHO ARE YOO!?

Posted '5:15pm bells' Tuesday 21st February 2012

Next up @ St James' Park iz that team from The Black Country toon of Wolverhampton who used to be knaan az 'Bent Nose McCarthy Wanderers' by 'The Geordie Times' until 'Bent Nose Mick' got the 'bullet' last week, followin' their 5-1 home humiliation against their deadly rivals 'The Baggie Troosers' of West Brom.

Various names have been bandied aroond for the vacant managers position with 'Broken Nose Bruce' the favorite to take ower the reins at Molineux.

Until that decision iz made however! 'The Geordie Times' iz 'in limbo' and wor new name for them will have to be put on ice for the moment!

We wait with 'baited breath' to see just who will be the new man in charge when they play us on Saturday @ the unusual kick off time of '3:00 bells'
(az usual!---watch this space!)

FIXTURE NEWS

Posted '1:00am bells' Tuesday 21st February 2012

"ST JAMES' PARK SINCE 1880
AND AALWAYS WILL BE!"

Wor home game against 'Delia's Rhubarb & Custard Crumbles' of Norwich @ ST JAMES' PARK! will gan aheed az planned on Saturday 17th March @ '3:00 bells', az 'The Combine Harvester Boys' from Norfolk were knocked oot of the FA Cup by Leicester at the weekend. 

Wor game away to 'The Arse' in "norf Landan" on Monday neet 12th March iz a selloot to Toon fans, with ne more tickets available for the away section (ne indication just to just how many tickets we have taken???)

IT'S A 'SIGN' OF THE TIMES!

Posted '2:30pm bells' Monday 20th February 2012

Yet more new signage has been added to the St James' Park waalls!
ST JAMES' PARK SINCE 1880!---AND AALWAYS WILL BE!

GROUND NUMBER(s) 284a and 284b! The Academy of---"Ssshhh!!!---Yee Naa Wot!?", Cleadon ***********SMB U18s 2 THE TOON U18s 2 ***********SMB U16s 0 THE TOON U16s 3 ***********AGGREGATE SCORE 5-2 TO US!

Posted '9:45am bells' Sunday 19th February 2012

(Ground numbers 284a and 284b)
Date of First Visit: 18th February 2012
The Academy of SShhh! (yee naa wot!)

SMB U 18's 2 THE TOON U18's 2
SMB U 16's 0 THE TOON U 16''s 3



"TWO-TWO TO WHO!?"----
"ARE YOO SITTING COMFORTABLY???"---
"THEN I'LL BEGIN!"!

"Dennis Knight score from the penalty spot in
The Toon's U18's game on 'pitch number one'
@ 'The Mobile Tea-Hut End'!"

An unexpected double heeder against the SMB's youngins @ their Cleadon trainin' groond yesterday mornin' meant that we could try? and watch two games simitamiously on two ajoinin' pitches.

It was a new groond(s!) for me and aa anly expected the Toons U18's to be playin', but the added 'bonus' was that the U16's were playin' there az well with both games scheduled to kick off @ '11 bells'

The U16's game, however!, kicked off slightly later with the U18's startin' three minutes beforehand and this was the main game that aa decided to watch more closely!

Aa positioned meesel lookin' southwards towards the 'Seaborn windmill', so aa could glance ower to the U16's game shud there be a stoppage in play in the other!
The anly complication bein' that in the U18's game we kicked northwards towards a mobile tea-hut, which waz positioned behind that goal, (yes!--they had one!) (see main photo!) while in the U16's game, we kicked southwards in the forst half towards the windmill! ("help!")
(A'm not caalled 'The mad-sad groundhopper' for nothin'!)

Anyway!--forst 'blood' was drawn in the U18's game @ '11:26 bells' when the SMB's took the lead.
Their lead waz doubled just two minutes later az the wind howled aroond the isolated pitch, which had ne shelter for miles.

In the U16's game meanwhile, WE took the lead @ '11:38 bells' @ The Windmill End', but aa missed the goal az aa was concentratin' on the other game as we'd just been awarded a penalty which Dennis Knight cooly convorted @ '11:39 @ 'The Mobile Tea-Hut End'! (that's two goals in ONE minute for us at different end's of the groond(s!) (a new record!)


"Meanwhile!---Action from the Toon's U16's game on 'pitch number two'!"


Then in the second period(s) while there waz a lull in play in the U18's game aa torned roond to see wor number ten run through the home sides defence to score a fine goal @ 12:13.

Another goal a minute later for us (which aa missed this time!) sealed the victory for the U16's in that game, so aa concentrated fully on the U18's game from then on! (it doesn't get much dafter than this---folks!)

Wor penalty hero Dennis Knight then got himsel sent off for an alleged elbow on a SMB defender, but that didn't stop us from squarin' the game @ 12:26 precisely, when a Brandon Meile free kick deflected off a mackem's heed and into the net @ 'The Windmill End' and this was the final goal of the game(s)!

Not lang after this, the skies darkened and heavy sleet blew into wor faces for the final few minutes before the ref blew the full time whistle.
This meant that the 100 or so Toon fans in the crowd went yem, happy in the knowledge that at least the 'ten men' didn't get beat!  (most of the 300 or so mackem fans had left by this stage!)

On the way oot a mackem who had stayed, asked a Toon fan known az 'The Bear' wot the final score waz and he telt him that it waz "2-2"
"2-2 TO WHO?", he asked!!!! (there's ne answer to that one---iz there???) 

Combined attendances: 400 (estimated) (100 or so Toon fans/friends/family)


After this we heeded for Dunston for 'The Bad Blue Boys' FA Vase clash against Bethnal Green United of east London. (see match report on this game below!)

BAD BLUE BOYS 3 BETHNAL GREEN UNITED 0

Posted '12:30pm bells' Sunday 19th February 2012

Wor second game of the day ("sorry!---THORD!") waz at Federation Park, Dunston for the eagerlee awaited FA Vase tie between Northern League side Dunston UTS and Bethnal Green of east London.

Before the match the Bethnal team came into the bar and they were big lads aa can tell yoo, and we were telt that they were very physical and that 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston were in for a hard game!

The reality was that they didn't look that taall when they actually got onto the pitch and the fact that most of them were wearin' gloves and tights sent a message to the home team that 'the southern softies' tag wasn't far off the mark!

The Bad Blue Boys took the lead in the bitin' wind through Andy Bulford with a fine effort.
A brace of goal from Danny Shaw sealed Bethnal's fate az hiz second came bang on half time.

The second period waz played oot in freezin' conditions and the 'eest Landeners' just wernt 'up for it'!
'The Bad Blue Boys' now face a trip to Peterborough Northern Star in the qwaataa finals with the ultimate 'goal' a trip to Wembley for the final in May!
Attendance: a disappointin' 327 (az far az we could see Bethnal anly had ONE FAN! at the game)

Footnote:
Whitley Bay lost 2-1 at home to West Auckland and Ashington fans were 'short changed' when they lost 3-0 away to Shortwood United!