TANDOORI CHICKEN ROVERS 0 THE TOON 2

Posted '9:45 am bells' Thorsday 2nd February 2012

"Somebody up there DOES! like us!"

The gods finally looked doon on us at Ewood Park last neet as a wickedly deflected goal in the 12th minute gave us the lead when a Ryan Taylor shot which was gannin miles wide caught the boot of a Blackborn defender and flew into the net leavin' their keeper completely stranded.
At forst the Toon fans stood in silence before burstin' oot into spontanious celebrations at the realisation that we'd actually scored!
(This made up for wor own goal against Brighton last week in similar circumstances, which cost us that game!)

However!--this seemed to 'kick start' 'The Tandoori Chickens' into life and wor goal lived a charmed life as they pressed for the equaliser.

Then just before the break the ref gave them a dubious lookin' penalty after Danny Simpson was judged to have fouled Modeste in the box, but Tim Krul dived to his left and saved the resultin' spot kick.
Just after this Leon Best heeded against his own cross bar and we were very fortunate indeed to gan in 1-0 up at half time.

The second period wasn't much better for us and with Shola and Best oot of sorts up front for us, we just couldn't get gannin as Rovers laid siege to wor goal with wot seemed like a million corners in succession (slight exaggeration!) at the far end from us! 
Wor savin' grace was that they just couldn't put the baall in wor net and as we 'clock watched', the minutes seemed to take hours and somehow we were still in front!

The home fans beside us then unfurled a banner made oot of an old bed sheet and spray painted with 'VENKY'S OUT!' on it, and started singin', "You can stick your f*****' chickens up your arsenal!", (or words to that effect!) in appreciation of their Indian chicken takeaway owners attempts to get them relegated!

Late substitutions by 'I Beg your Pardew' saw Gabriel Oberton replace Ryan Taylor and Peter Lovenkrands replace Leon Best and they combined in stoppage time, when a neat 'one-two' between the two players saw Obertan run clear and he gleefully excepted his chance with a fine run to score a great goal in front of the ecstatic 3 to 4,000 Toon fans in 'The Darwen End' to finally clinch the points and send us up to the dizzy heights of FIFTH PLACE! in the premya leegue table.
The Chickens were well and truely fried!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Coloccini, Williamson, Santon, Ben Arfa (Perch 46), Guthrie, Ryan Taylor (Obertan 89), Gutierrez, Best (Lovenkrands77), Shola Ameobi
Attendance: 20,817 (3 to 4,000 Toon fans?) (not sure, as we couldn't see how many were in the upper tier!)  

TANDOORI CHICKEN ROVERS v THE TOON---TONEET @ '8 BELLS'!

Posted '1:00 pm bells' Wednesday 1st February 2012

"DEFINATELY NOT!--- THE TOON END!"

Tooneet we travel to Blackborn for the second time this season for a leegue game we cud 'de withoot', if I was honest with yoo!

We lost there 4-3 orlier on this season in a League Cup tie and we will be withoot the 'two Dembas' az they are not due back from their African adventure till tomorrow, so again we must rely on Shola Ameobi and Leon Best up front (we presume?) in wor 'quest' to finish in a Europa Cup spot by the end of the season. (7th position shud de!)

We're leavin' @ 2' bells' this afternoon in 'The Caped Crusaders' 'batmobile' and hope to arrive 'snow free' @ the social club we normally gan te (which iz 'off the beaten track') @ aroond '4:30 bells'!

Rovers have warned Toon fans NOT to bring any banners with the word 'VENKY'S' on it, az they will be refused entry if they de!
(In case yi didn't naa, 'Venkys' are Blackborn's Indian owners who run a chain of tandoori chicken takeaways!) (hence wor name for them!)

Just why any Toon fan wud gan to the trouble of makin' a banner mockin' Blackborns owners iz 'beyond us', az there's ne 'history' between the two clubs to start with!??? ("Er!"---we'll just 'mock them' in 'The Geordie Times' instead!)

Match report to follow sometime tomorrow!

THE TOON RESORVES 5 THE TERRIERS of BEDLINGTON 1

Posted '10:05 am bells' Wednesday 1st February 2012

"A BEDLINGTON FAN ATTEMPTS TO SCALE THE WAALL
@ 'BLUE FLAMES' TO AVOID PAYIN' THE FOUR QUID
ENTRANCE FEE!"

The Toon second string completely owerwhelmed The Terriers of Bedlington last neet az they were shot doon in flames 5-1 @ 'Blue Flames'!
This Northumberland Senior Cup semi final waz played in "freeeezin" conditions az we ran oot easy winners.
Goals from Paul Dummet in the 10th minute and Patrick Nzuzi in the 36th minute gave us a cushion but 'The Canines' hit back just before the break to half the deficit.

The 'cushion' however waz soon restored orly in the second period when goals from Alex Nicholson, Phil Airey and Dan Taylor sealed the victory in front of the lowest crowd aa can ever remember for a second string game! (not includin' the behind closed doors game we saw at WBA last season!)

The final @ St James' Park <(we presume?) will be an aall 'Toon' affair, az wor opponents will be from the winners of the other semi final between 'Team Northumbria' and 'Newcastle Benfield' (both teams play within two miles of Blue Flames)

Attendance:186 (19 'Dog lovers'!)

TRANSFOR DEADLINE DAY!---WE'VE ESCAPED!---UNSCATHED!

Updated 9:30 am bells' Wednesday 1st February 2012

"NO GO!"

It waz transfor deadline day yesterday of course and we came through unscathed thanx to to many vigilantes who stood guard at various locations aroond the Toon! 

There were ne reported helicopter activities ower Tyneside az news quickly spread that we had EVERY heliport covered from The Benton Trainin' Groond to The Arena's heliport next to The Redheugh Bridge and I have to tell yoo that we had a team handed mob, ready with sticks, clubs and basebaall bats to repel any invaders from the sky, waitin' to whisk one (or more!) of wor star players away to London, Manchester or (of course!) Liverpool!

It worked! az ne players were transfored yesterday and we can breathe a sigh of relief til the summer at least!
(Ne players came IN, on deadline day eetha---by the way!)

THE TOON RESORVES v BEDLINGTON TERRIERS---TONEET @ '7:30 bells'

Posted '2:50 pm bells' Tuesday 31st January 2012


"WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!?"


Toneet @ Blue Flames, Benton (aka Whitley Park) the resorves take on the Terriers of Bedlington in the semis of The Northumberland Senior Cup. 

In the resorves last game we were hammered 6-0 by Man U's second string @ Altrincham last week, so lets hope we can boonce back toneet and claim a place in the final, which will be played @ St James' Park.
Season ticket holders have to pay for this one and a low crowd iz expected. (wor guess iz a sub 400 attendance!)

Match report to follow eetha later toneet or in the mornin'!?

"10,000 THANK YOOZ TO AALL WOR OWERSEAS REEEDERS !"

Posted '7:30 pm bells' Monday 30th January 2012

"TO THE SEVEN CONTINENTS ON THE PLANET
10,000 THANK YOOOOZ FROM 'THE GEORDIE TIMES'!"

Yet another 'Geordie Times' 'landmark'? haz been passed, az today @ '7:30 pm bells' preciseleee we have just received wor TEN
THOOOSANDTH pageview from owerseas! (and beyond!)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Below we include the countries and territories that have made this possible---aall 112 of them in the order that they visited us!---A special thank yoo to yoo aall! 

001 United States of America
002 Canada
003 Japan
004 Bulgaria
005 Columbia
006 Brazil
007 Republic of Ireland
008 Denmark
009 Hong Kong
010 France
011 Jawmany (Germany)
012 Russia
013 Burundi
014 Kenya
015 Lithuania
016 China
017 Iraq
018 Egypt
019 India
020 Romania
021 Malta
022 Slovenia
023 Holland
024 New Zealand
025 Australia
026 Spain
027 Greece
028 Belgium
029 Ukraine
030 Luxembourg
031 Sooth Korea
032 Poland
033 Italy
034 Serbia
035 Malaysia
036 Macedonia (FYROM)
037 Hungary
038 Mexico
039 Switzerland
040 Torkey
041 Croatia
042 Norway
043 Equador
044 Czech Republic
045 Portugal
046 Austria
047 Latvia
048 Kyrgystan
049 Azerbaijan
050 Estonia
051 Israel
052 Argentina
053 United Arab Emirates
054 Chile
055 Sweden
056 Finland
057 Tunisia
058 Saudi Arabia
059 Sooth Africa
060 Peru
061 Indonesia
062 Thailand
063 Iran
064 Iceland
065 Pakistan
066 Slovakia
067 Singapore
068 Albania
069 Uruguay
070 Vietnam
071 Bosnia and Herzegovina
072 Nigeria
073 Georgia
074 Philippines
075 Lebanon
076 Isle of Man
077 Belarus
078 Moldova
079 Yemen
080 Taiwan
081 Aruba
082 Venezuala
083 Guatemala
084 Ghana
085 Mauritius
086 Cyprus
087 Zambia
088 Brunei
089 Kuwait
090 Liberia
091 Gibralter
092 Morocco
093 Sierra Leone
094 Jersey
095 Bahrain
096 Trinidad and Tobago
097 Tanzania
098 Algeria
099 Gambia
100 Bhutan
101 Jamaica
102 Maldives
103 Malawi
104 Monaco
105 Guernsey
106 Bahamas
107 Costa Rica
108 Jordan
109 Vanuatu
110 Oman
111 Syria
112 Cayman Islands

Plus Mars!>>>>>>>>


Once again!--TEN THOOOSAND thank yoooz for your support!

A 'LOVE'/'HATE' AFFAIR!---57 YEARS AND COONTIN'!

Posted '2:30 pm bells' Monday 30th January 2012

"THE CUP THAT DOESN'T CHEER!"

Now that we've recovered from wor 725 mile plus roond trip to Sussex we must wonder just wot it's like inside the new Wembley Stadium az we havvent been there now since 2000 when we lost to Chelski in an FA Cup semi final.

It's not even the end of January and yet again we face the prospect of yet another trophyless season, with the anly thing to look forward te,  a crack at the thord rate Europa League and visits to places like Latvia, Estonia and Sloveeenia on Thorsday neets! (shud we qualify?)

It iz now 57 years since we last won a major domestic trophy (the FA Cup in 1955!) and wor now seemingly 'hate affair' with the trophy we once 'loved' and won three times in 'the fifties', just gans on and on and ON!

After yet another defeat in the competition to yet another lower league side!, we must regroup once more for the 'mooth waaterin' prospect of yet another visit to darkest Blackborn on Wednesday neet (wor 2nd visit this season---we lost there in the LEAGUE CUP!)

But hang on a minute!!!----Aa nearly forgot!!!-----The resorves play Bedlington Terriers in the Northumberland Senior Cup @ Benton tomorrow neet in a semi final tie! so some silverware cud be headin' wor way after aall! (so it's not aall doom and gloom after aall!------iz it??????)

'THE MIDDLE OF NE WHERE' ALBION 1 ------------THE TOON 0 !

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 29th January 2012

Forst of aall, apologeeez for the late postin of this match report az we didn't get back til qwaata to four this mornin'!


A Mike Williamson own goal settled this 'Farce in Falmer' late yesterday afternoon to knock 'The Toon' oot of the FA Cup in wot waz yet another shockin' FA Cup exit for 'the aall blacks' (we wore wor change strip!)

The drive doon took us six and a half hours and we parked up at Lewes train station which iz the nearest 'boozer friendly' place to the groond---which of course iz built in the middle of ne where, next to a village caalled Falmer (which we thought was 'pub-less'!)

After a few 'liquid refreshments' in the three drinkin dens up the hill from the station, we heeded to the train station to catch 'the cattle truck' to Falmer which iz fower miles distant.
There waz aboot a 50-50 mix of both Brighton and Toon fans az the train set off on wot we were telt was a seven minute jorney to the groond. ("Er!"---TEN minutes actually!)

On close up inspection aa was very impressed with 'The Seagulls' new 'nest' az it wasn't the 'tinny shed' aa expected for a club of their stature.
The rather nice brickwork ootside the stadium looked az though it had cost 'a few bob' to build.

"NICE BRICKWORK!---PITY ABOOT THE LOCATION!"

Once inside, wide padded seats greeted us and it reminded me of The Emirates seats at 'The Arse', the anly difference bein' that these were blue instead of red. (much more to follow on the stadium later!).

Anyway!--- the teams ran oot to a packed crowd and aa couldn't see an empty seat anywhere, so the "empty seats" 'chant' couldn't be used today by the Toon faithful!

It was a dour forst half and we just couldn' t get wor act together with 'Captain Shola' leadin' the line up from with Leon Best just behind.
Brighton were even worse and a can't recaall one shot on target from them in the forst period which not suprizingly ended goal-less!

The second half wasn't much better with wor 'toothless' strikeforce unable to break doon the home sides defence az we kicked towards wor fans in The Sooth Stand.
The anly goal came in the 75th minute when Danny Simpson pulled oot of a tackle to let Will Buckley race through to the box and hiz shot deflected off the unfortunate Mike Williamson and into the net to knock us oot of the cup at an orly stage yet again!
Oh! how we need the two 'Dembas' to fill wor strikers roles (Ba and Cisse)

We didn't get yem til qwaata to four this mornin', like aa say!---(a 725 mile roond trip!) but that's another story for the 'disaster days' groundhoppin' list! (now 283 groonds---and coontin'!)

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Santon (Ferguson83), Cabaye, Williamson, Perch, Guthrie (Gosling 83), Ben Arfa (Ryan Taylor 83), Shola Ameobi, Gutierrez, Best
Attendance: 21,558 (2,500 disillooosioned Toon fans!)

PS: some of the lads did manage to 'sniff oot' ONE 'drinkin den' not too far from the groond---so it's actually a 'one boozer groond'!


The FA Cup draw iz on at '3:30 bells' this afternoon---but who f*****' cares now!?

PPS: Wots the bettin' that the headline in 'The Ronny Gill' on Monday iz!: (for the thoosandth time!)
------"WE LET THE FANS DOWN!---WE'RE SORRY!"

"FULL 'mad-sad groundhoppers' 'FA Cup disaster!' report to follow later on in the week!"

BRIGHTON, HOVE (& FALMER!) ALBION v THE TOON

Posted '6:00 am bells' Saturday 28th January 2012

VIEW FROM THE AWAY END

Today we travel to the seaside (not!) for wor much antisipated visit to The Amex Stadium in Falmer which iz ne where near Brighton (or Hove!) and miles from the sea!
The groond apparently iz in the middle of ne where and iz 'pub-less' so we believe!? (we'll soon find oot!)
The plan iz to drive to Lewes and park the 'jam jar' next to the station and catch the train to Falmer which iz seven miles away. (there's ne parkin' at the groond unless yoo have a permit!) (and of course---we divvint!)

A capacity crowd of ower 20,000 iz anntisipated for this FA Cup tie @ '5:15 bells' and The Toon will have 2,500 in The South Stand (cud have been more of course but we ('disgracefully') 'knocked them back' for an extra 800 tickets that they offered us?)

We're settin' off in half an hours time for the 350 mile drive and of course a compeeehensive match and groundhoppers report will follow much later on Sunday---when we eventually get back!

NEW GROOND FOR NEW 'NUFC GROUNDHOPPERS'---LAST NEET!

Updated '9:00 pm bells' Friday 27th January 2012

The Toon resorves played Man U resorves @ Moss Lane, Altrincham last neet @ '7 bells' in the Premya Resorve Leegue North and I have to tell yoo that we lost 6-0 in this Altrincham Annihilation ! (not much more to say!---iz there?)

'The mad-sad groundhoppers' wernt there (thank god!) az we have done this groond some time ago, so we didn't need to gan back! (we're just 'part-time resorve hoppers'!)

We of course sent wor faithful 'Stop the Carrier Pigeon' reporter to this game (at great expense!-----two packets of 'Trill' bord seed!) and he got back this mornin' with the bad news

  

Remember wor motto:
"We'll bring yoo the news, second hand, forst!"