NEW GROOND FOR NEW 'NUFC GROUNDHOPPERS'---LAST NEET!

Updated '9:00 pm bells' Friday 27th January 2012

The Toon resorves played Man U resorves @ Moss Lane, Altrincham last neet @ '7 bells' in the Premya Resorve Leegue North and I have to tell yoo that we lost 6-0 in this Altrincham Annihilation ! (not much more to say!---iz there?)

'The mad-sad groundhoppers' wernt there (thank god!) az we have done this groond some time ago, so we didn't need to gan back! (we're just 'part-time resorve hoppers'!)

We of course sent wor faithful 'Stop the Carrier Pigeon' reporter to this game (at great expense!-----two packets of 'Trill' bord seed!) and he got back this mornin' with the bad news

  

Remember wor motto:
"We'll bring yoo the news, second hand, forst!"

"COME IN NUMBER 18!"---"COME IN NUMBER 9!"

Posted '9:30 am bells' Thorsday 26th January 2012

"FROM AFRICA TO EWOOD!?"

"Sensational news from Africa!"----Senegal, one of the favorites to win the African Nations Cup were knocked oot of the competition by minnows Equitorial Guinea, when they lost 2-1 last neet,
which meens that number 18 Demba Cisse and number 9 Demba Ba on the above Senegal team photo, will be flyin' back to Tyneside MUCH ORLIER than expected and could even be selected to play against Blackborn away next Wednesday neet @ Ewood Park!?

We certainleee need them after 'The Catastrophe @ The Cottage' last Saturday! (see below!)

LOYAL TOON FANS LET DOON YET AGAIN!!!

Updated:'high noon bells' Wednesday 25th January 2012

"CAN WE HAVE SOME MORE OF THEEEZE?---PLEEEEEZE!"

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' that NUFC DIDN'T take wor full allocation of tickets offered for Saturdays forthcomin' FA Cup tie away to Brighton, which sold oot within two days of gannin on sale last Thorsday.

This follows on from the decision to take wor minimum allocations of less than 2,000 for Man U, Man C and Norwich! (because we can't be bothered with the hassle of sellin' them, as the home club keeps aall the 'bit'!)

The followin' statement comes from the official website of Brighton. www.seagulls.co.uk
"Newcastle have not accepted their full allocation for Saturdays fourth round FA Cup tie, so the club is pleased to announce that an extra 5 per cent of tickets will be available to Albion supporters for this game". 

We've taken an allocation of 2,500 and were offered 800 more, BUT WE TORNED THEM DOON!!!!????
We've said it aall before!----it's a total disgrace! and many fans have been been let doon and left disappointed YET AGAIN!----

We had 4,000 fans @ Fulham last Saturday divvint forget! (Fulham sell the whole of The Putney End to away fans with ne extra charge for non sales, so we could buy as many as we wanted!)

"GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!--NUFC!!!"---

THE GEORDIE TIMES pageviews in the last month---include:

England---Scotland---USA---Venezuela---Russia---Canada---Austria---Australia---Ukraine---Wales---Holland---Northern Ireland---Republic of Ireland---Greece---Singapore---France---Norway and the Cayman Islands---

"HELLO TO YOO AALL!" 

AMEX STADIUM------NEW LEAGUE GROOND!------100 HOURS TO GAN!!! (AND COONTIN'!)

Posted: '1:15 pm bells' Tuesday 24rd January 2012

"BEWARE!---WOR LASS'S ROLLIN' PIN!" 

Now the dust haz settled and we've dusted worselz doon afta wor second half  'horror show' @ Craven Cottage, it's time to 'move on' and regroup for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' next forst team match @ Brighton in the FA Cup 4th roond on Saturday tea/beer! time which of course iz at a "NEW GROOND!"

The six month old American Express (Amex) Stadium in Falmer iz ne where near Brighton of course and if you gan by train, you, (apparently!) have to queue for at least an hour afta the match to get back to Brighton!

Because of yet another crazy kick off time of '5:15 bells' to satisfy the 'couch potatos' and 'pub plonkies', we cannit get back to 'The Toon' by rail az we would miss the last train from Kings Cross (London) back yem---SO!----we're reluctantlee travellin' doon in 'Norman the Cowboy Plumbers' 'Merc' and are plannin' to leave @ '7 bells' on Saturday mornin'! 

("Er!"---It's the Chinese new year parade on Sunday and wor lass haz booked a table at a restaurant in China Toon (next to St James') and I'm unda strict instructions to get back in time and NOT stay owerneet in 'The Smoke'!) (she's threatened me with hor rollin pin if a divvint make it!)

'The Cowboy Plumber' iz drivin' doon and the 'NOT so little old ME', who drew 'the short straw', iz drivin' back, which meens the latter cannit have much to drink! ("BOO! HOOO!")---
BUT! sacrafices HAVE to be made some times in the pursuit of 'tickin' a rare new league groond off the list! (and keepin' wor lass happy!)

NOT! an artists impression
of me and wor lass!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)

THE TOON v THE SMB's----ANOTHER HIGH NOON SHOOT OUT!

Posted 'high noon bells' Monday 23rd January 2012

Not suprizingleee, wor forthcomin' home game against The SMB's haz been moved to a high noon Sunday kick off! (now on Sunday 4th March)
Wor home game against The Liverbirds haz been moved to a Sunday az well. (now @ 1:30 bells on April Fools day!)

Wor away game against The Arse haz aalso been moved to a Monday neet (now @ '8 bells' Monday 12th March) az haz the WBA game which iz now on a Sunday afternoon (now @ '4:00 bells' Sunday 25th March)----aall of course for the benefit of the telly (but NOT the fans) az per usual---For aall the fixture changes----see below

COTTAGE CATASTROPHE!-----THE WACKO JACKO JIVERS 5 THE TOON 2

Posted '10:30 am bells' Sunday 22nd January 2012

IF EVER there was a game of two halves then surely this was it at Craven Cottage yesterday!
The Toon, playin' in wor 'aall blacks' change strip, TOTALLY dominated the forst half az we kicked towards The Hammersmith End opposite to where we were housed and we missed many chances to gan aheed.
The invertible breakthrough came in the 42nd minute when number 8 Danny Guthrie hit an unstoppable shot from the edge of the box into the right corner of the net.
The floodgates would now surely open but we couldn't get another before the break and this proved decisive az the players left the pitch to a standin' ovation from the 4,000 Toon fans in The Putney End.

'Shell shocked' iz the anly way to describe the second half and it aall went 'pear shaped' in the 52nd minute when David Santon pulled doon Damian Duff on THE EDGE of the Fulham box and the ref influenced by the pony tailed linesporson (or whatever she's supposed to be caalled?) gave a penalty to the home side which was duly convorted by Murphy

We then completely 'imploded' with some absolutely shockin' defendin' by us and in less than 30 minutes, Clint Dempsey went on the rampage with a hat-trick of goals!
In between his hat-trick 'The Wacko Jackos' got another dodgy lookin' penalty, (scored by Zamora this time) and then Ben Arfa pulled one back for us in front of the travellin' fans with a mazy dribble.

However!---Dempsey had the final say and he got his thord in the last minute to make the scoreline an unbelievable 5-2 to them!

An absolutleeee devestatin' result for aall The Toon fans who were there and we aall shook wor heeds in disbelief az the ref blew for full time!
Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson,Coloccini, Santon, Ben Arfa, Guthrie (Perch 78), Cabaye (Gosling 83), Best (R Taylor 86), Shola Ameobi, Gutierrez 
Attendance: 25,692 (4,000 'shell shocked' Toon fans!)

THE WACKO JACKO JIVERS OF FULHAM v THE TOON---TOMORROW!

Updated '6:20 am bells' Saturday 21st January 2012

"YI CANNIT 'WACK' THIS!"

This afternoon @ 3' bells' we're off to Craven Cottage for the sole purpose of viewin' the Wacko Jacko statue that stands alang side that otha Fulham great 'Johnny Haynes'. 
Wacko Jacko's claim to his statue iz that he once waalked across the muddy pitch to the dugoots on the far side of the groond, many moons ago, while Johnny Haynes made a 'mere' 658 appearences for the club spannin' 18 years, scorin' 'a paltry' 158 goals!---and I'm sure yooo'll agree that this pales into insignificance, compared to Wacko's 'achievement' of actually managin' to 'walk the walk' across the pitch!

"WHO ARE YOU?"

Az usual on trips to 'The Smoke' we're lettin' the train take the strain this mornin' and a full match (and liquid lubrication!) report will follow sometime tomorrow mornin'! 

The Geordie Times mad-sad groundhoppers forst visited Craven Cottage 34 years ago and we have 'dug up' this archive gem of a 'match report'? from that game in 1978 which iz reproduced below.

THE TOON U18's 2 WATFORD U18's 1-----------------------------------------------BRIGHTON TICKETS ON SALE

Updated '11:00 am bells' Friday 21st January 2012

Two 'wonder strikes' in front of a sparse crowd huddled into The East Stand and Milburn Stand directors box on a freeeeeezzzzzin' cold neet, were enough for The Toons youngins to progress to roond five of The FA Youth Cup.  

Goal one came in the 24th minute when a 'one-two' between Adam Campbell and Dennis Knight foond Michael Hoganson and he hit a brill shot across the box to beat the Hornets keeper and give us the lead @ The Leazes End.

It was then 'good knight' Watford just two minutes later az Knight doubled wor lead with a great solo run to break the visitors hearts.
HT 2-0

The Hornets fought back in the 2nd half and pulled one back in the 80th minute when Micheal Kalu heeded in from a corner to send wor pulses racin' az the last thing we wanted waz half an hours extra time az we sat frozen to wor seats!

Thankfully that didn't happen and 'Good Knight's' goal proved to be decisive and we hurried towards the warmth of The Newcastle Arms on the final whistle for some celebratereeee 'Arthur Scargills' (gargels!)
Attendance: just 889 (half a dozen Watford)

FA CUP TICKET NEWS
Tickets for wor forthcomin' game against Brighton a week tomorrow are nuw on sale to season ticket holders---£24 for grown ups  and various lower prices for zimmerframites, teenage mutant toonies and young sprogs!

THE TOON U18's v WATFORD U18's---FA YOUTH CUP---TONEET!

Posted '9:45 am bells' Thorsday 19th January 2012

'GAZZA', JOE ALLEN & SQUAD WITH THE  FA YOUTH CUP

Toneet @ St James' Park wor youth team tek on Watford's equivelent in the 4th roond of The FA Youth Cup.
Kick off iz @ '7 bells' and anly The East Stand will be open and admission iz three poond for big kids and one poond fifty for little kids and very old kids!---so get yerselz alang and cheer the youngins on!
Shud we win, we will have another home tie in the next roond when we will take on the QPR 'rag and bone boys' of Shepherds Bush (hopefully!)

Memories of the final in May 1985 come floodin' back az we beat Watford in the final 2nd leg @ Vicarage Road 4-1 to lift the trophy, when a certain person caalled 'Gazza' played for us and scored a fantastic goal from 30 yards oot! (remember him!?)

Toon youth coach of that time, Maurice Setters said, "You'll have to wait a thousand years to see that again!", in reference to 'Gazza's' wonder strike!
(the forst leg @ St James' had ended goalless by the way!)

'The Geordie Times' waz there that Friday neet in May and aa remember that the next day we were off to Norwich for a forst team game @ Carrow Road where we drew 0-0

Footnote: We havvent won the Youth Cup since then, so lets hope that we DIVVINT have to wait another thoosand years to win the trophy again! (somehow aa divvint think we'll be aroond by then!)