THE TOON 3 THE COCKNEY REDS of SALFORD 0 !

Updated '12:30 pm bells' Thorsday 5th January 2012

An absolutleee brilliant performance and result from 'the black 'n' whites' who (literally!) BLEW  'The Cockney boys' away in the gale force conditions!.
Wearin' wor new 'Virgin Money' logo on the front of wor shirts we kicked off towards The Leazes End and it was obvious from the word 'go' that we were gannin for 'the jugular'

Demba Ba (centre of picture) volleys home

Who else but wor hero of the moment Demba Ba to open the scorin' with a fantastic forst goal on the half hour mark. He hit a thunderous volley that gave Lindegaard in the visitors goal 'ne chance' az the baall rocketed past him into the net! 

Yohan Cabaye (2nd Toon player from right) scores 2nd goal

A Yohan Cabaye free kick orly in the second period @ The Gallow-gate End doubled wor advantage az the wind howled and rain came 'doon in buckets'!
His superb effort from the edge of the box hit the underside of the bar 'Geoff  Hurst style' and ricocheted ower the goal line to give us breathin' space. (divvint naa if the linesman was Russian?---but he gave it!)

'Hair Transplant Man' Rooney and the rest of the Man U team looked totally devastated and their misery was completed in the final minute with a brilliant heeded own goal by Phil Jones, which left Lindegaard stranded az the wind blew the baall into the empty net! The look on hiz face said it aall---("Will Fergie EVER pick me again!")

Phil Jones heeds past his own keeper for The Toon's 3rd goal 

Lang before the end there were huge empty gaps in the Cockney Reds Supporters Club seats in Level 7
(It's a lang way to London and Cornwall yi naa!) and their normally noisy support was reduced to deathly silence and anly aboot 1,000 of them remained 'til the final whistle!

If a'd telt you before the match that we would win 3-0 you would have said that I was 'VIRGIN ON THE RIDICULOUS'!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, R Taylor, Cabaye (Perch 79), Tiote, Gutierrez, Ba (Obertan 90), Shola Ameobi (Best 75)  

Attendance: 52,299 (3,000 unhappy Londoners/Cornishmen/Welshmen/etc/etc!)

The front page of toneets 'Ronny Gill' sez it aall!

THE TOON v THE COCKNEY REDS of SALFORD

Updated '3:15 pm bells' Wednesday 4th January 2012

STRAWBERRY PLACE***THE STRAWBERRY PUB
& THE GALLOWGATE END  @ NEET!

In a few hours time we face Man U toneet @ St James' in a '8:00 bells' start, which iz live on Sky.
A selloot 52,000 plus crowd will be in the groond includin' aroond 3,000 from 'god naaz where' to follow The Salford Boys in level 7 of The Leazes End.


Toon probable team line up: Krul, Simpson, Coloccini, Williamson, Ryan Taylor, Obertan, Tiote, Cabaye, Gutierrez, Ba, Best

There have been some crazy and unexpected scorelines durin' the Xmas period, not least the bottom club Blackborn's win against toneets opponents @ 'The Theatre of Muppets'

News that we cud have a new sponsor on the front of wor shirts toneet have reached us by carrier pigeon and we understand that the 'Northern Rock' logo cud be replaced by the 'Virgin Money' logo instead! (better that!, than a certain sports company brand that waz rumoured---"EH!")

'The Geordie Times 100 pub crawl challenge' continues @ Lloyds Bar in 'The Gate', if anybody wants to join us in wor thirst quenchin' quest this afternoon (bar number 55 on the list!)
(Click onto '100 pub crawl challenge' @ top of page for photos of aall the 'liquid lubrication locations' visited so far!)

Match and pub crawl report to follow much later!

NEWSFLASH!

Updated '1:15 pm bells' Tuesday 3rd January 2012

The Geordie Times can exclusivleee reveeel (second hand!) that toneets resorves game @ Blue Flames, Benton against 'The Cockney Reds of Salford' haz been POSTPONED!---SO!---divvint gan!
We can anly assume that it's because of the gale force winds that are sweepin' Tyneside az I write this, az I look across 'the sacred river'!

More on this to follow later, when we find oot why? (second hand of course!)

Updated '1:40 pm bells'
Just foond oot that A WAATERLOGGED PITCH iz the reason the match haz been caalled off!

Northern League toneet!
'The Bad Blue Boys' v 'The Bay City Rollers'  

Coz the Toon resorve match haz been caalled off we've decided to take in 'The Bad Blue Boys v 'The Bay City Rollers' derby between Dunston UTS (The Fed) and Whitley Bay toneet instead @ Federation Park, (aka UTS Park) Dunston (on the way to the Metro Centre from the A1)

A good crowd is antisipated az 'The Bay' aalways bring a good followin'
Kick off iz @ '7:30 bells', so get yerselz alang if yiv nowt better to de! (admission is a fiver and half price for concessions)

Posted '10:30 pm bells'
Full time: The entertainin' derby match ended 'one's a piece' in front of an estimated 250 crowd, played in freeeezin' conditions!

GEORDIE TIMES STATS FOR 2011

Posted '1:30 pm bells' Monday 2nd January 2012

The Geordie Times had 18,293 pageviews in 2011 givin' us an average of 50.11 per day, which we think iz not bad for a 'nonsense--no nonsense' website like wors!
We are just ordinary fans who gan to extraordinary lengths to watch The Toon and visit new groonds, aalthough az the years gan by it gets harder and harder to de new groonds once we've ticked them off the list.

Last year anly seven new groonds were visited by 'The mad-sad groundhoppers' watchin' the resorves and juniors and NONE! were for  forst team games!

The last new groond for a competitive forst team game was way back in August 2010!, when we played Accrington Stanley away in the Leegue Cup game!

Wor 'Google' world rankin' haz went up az well from 24,085,426 to 16,960,611 now, in the space of just three months (up 7,124,815) and wor 'target' iz to get into the top 15 million by the end of the year! (There are (apparently!)---156,000,000 websites worldwide)
To celebrate this?--and because there are ne matches to watch this afternoon, we're off on the hoy in The Toon!

Once again thanx for your support wherever yoo may be!

MAN U AND FULHAM GAMES ARE SELLOOTS!

Posted '1:50 pm bells' New Years Day 2012


"ST JAMES PARK SINCE 1880---AND AALWAYS WILL BE"!---
FULL MOON NEET TIME VIEW FROM LEAZES PARK














Not suprizingleee wor home game against 'The
Cockney Reds' on Wednesday neet iz a complete selloot, az iz wor allocation for wor London sortie to Craven Cottage, home of 'The Jackson Jivers' on the 15th of this month!

Tickets for wor forthcomin' away leegue game @ Blackborn on the forst of Feb are aalso on sale @ £29 for grown ups, £15 for zimmerframeites and just £7 for sprogs!

THE LIVERBIRDS 3 THE TOON 1

Posted '10:00 am bells' New Years Eve 2011

AT 44 QUID A TICKET--A VIEW NOT! TO DIE FOR!

You just KNEW it wud aall gan wrang when wor manager 'I Beg Your Pardew' said in the 'Ronny Gill', "WE'RE ALSO  ONE OF THE BIG BOYS", comparin' us to the Man U's and Liverpool's of this world and of course it went 'tits up' @ Anfield! 

Haris Vuckic was a suprize inclusion in the Toon's line up at the expense of Leon Best in midfield.

For the forst 20 minutes it was a dull affair with both teams findin' their feet, but then in the 25th minute a 'miracle' happened!----WE SCORED!
Attackin' The Anfield Road End where the Toon fans were housed, Ryan Taylor hoyed a great cross in for Yohan Cabaye to heed on and it looked as though Demba Ba aalso got a touch as the baall flew into the net for wor forst goal here for ower SEVEN YEARS!

It was awkward to see from wor crap vantage point in row 31 in the corner of the stand (see photo) as the sight lines are not very good here, but the stadium annooncer conformed that Demba had got wor goal!---or so we thought? (later to be given as an own goal)

Anyway!--The Toon fans were still celebratin' when just fower minutes later @ 'The Kop End', one of wor three ex players in the Liverbirds side, knaan affectionatally to Toon fans az 'The Poison Dwarf' (NO!--not Andy Pandy!--he's ower six foot taall!) scored the equaliser to dampen wor 'Chris'miss spirit'!
It was one's each at half time

The home side piled on the pressure in the second period and this paid off for them when a dodgy lookin' free kick from 30 yards oot was taken by 'The Poison Dwarf' and his effort deflected off Danny Simpson and into the net to put us behind!

Andy Pandy was gettin' some serious stick from the Toon fans and he responded to this by crashin' a heeder off wor cross bar, but thankfully it rebounded back into play!

It was game ower in the 78th minute when that curse of NUFC Steven Gerrard came off the subs bench and promptly sealed the match for them, with a shot across the box which flew into the corner of Tim Krul's goal!
(he aalways scores against us!)

Neva mind!--there's aalways that easy home game against another "One of the big boys!", Man U next Wednesday!--isn't there!? 
Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini, R Taylor (Santon 46), Obertan (Sammy Ameobi 84), Tiote, Cabaye, Gutierrez, Vuckic (Ben Arfa 65), Ba
Attendance: 44,372 (The Liverbird's lowest of the season, even though the match waz a 'selloot'?)(2,000 Toon fans)


PS: If yoo still cannit work oot just who 'The Poison Dwarf' iz, he once had an altercation with 'Big Al', wor record goal scorer and came off worse!
Does this ring a BELL!?

THE LIVERBIRDS v THE TOON---TONEET!

Updated '10:10 am bells Friday 30th December 2011

"IT'S A LOCKOOT @ ANFIELD!"
(View of The Kop from Venice Street!---spot the gondola!)

We're off to 'Mickey Mouserland' yet again toneet for wor last game of 2011 and are quietlee confident of gettin' a goal at least! (reeed on!)

The good news iz that Luis Suarez, who faces an eight game ban for racial insults iz aalso banned for this one due to leud hand gestures to Fulham fans orlier this month!

The bad news iz!---we havvent even scored a goal here since December 2004!---That's SIXTEEN goals for them and NONE for us! AND! a 'certain' Andy 'yee naa who'? will ne doubt replace Suarez in the Liverbirds attack!

We've (not suprizingly!) sold wor full allocation of anly two thoosand tickets for the Anfield Road lower tier and the game iz a complete selloot!

This TWICE rescheduled game iz live on 'Sky' and kicks off @ '7:45 bells'

Defender Mike Williamson has definatly made a big difference since he made his come back against Bolton and the probable? NUFC team line up iz az follows:
Krul, Simpson, Colocicini, Williamson, R Taylor, Obertan, Tiote, Cabaye, Gutierrez, Ba, Best?  (not sure aboot Ben Arfa, Davide Santon or Dan Gosling, who iz back from suspension?) (wait and see!)

We are leavin' at dinnertime in 'The Batmobile' and shud be in 'The Clock' dive bar just doon the road from Everton's groond at aroond 'fower bells'!? (That's if it hazzent been 'boarded up' since the last time we were here!)

Az usual, match report to follow much later when we get back! (sometime on News Years Eve!?)
Remember!---The Geordie Times will bring yoo the news, second hand,forst!

BELIEVE IT!---OR NOT!

Posted '3;30 pm bells' Thorsday 29th December 2011

THE BACK PAGE OF TONEETS 'RONNY GILL'

We are aboot to lose wor top goalscorer Demba Ba who will be on African Nations Cup duty for TWO MONTHS.
Demba has scored 14 of wor 25 leegue goals this season and so it's evidently obvious that we need a proven striker to replace him while he's away.

In November on Radio Newcastle, and in response to this, wor 'beloved'? MD 'Llambs To The Slaughter' said!: (and I quote!)
"We have had an exeptional year!---We need to bring in a STRIKER in January!"

In todays 'Ronny Gill', manager, 'I Beg Your Pardew' said!: (and I quote!)
"We do lose Demba for two months, but to try and get a striker late in the day now, after Maiga has fallen down (the striker we were after) would be "RECKLESS!"
"I don't think there's as much calling for a striker as there was last year!" (how come there was in November then?)

Instead Pardew reiterated that his first priority once the transfer window opens is a---DEFENDER! as Steven Taylor is out for the rest of the season! ("Er!"--why divvint we sign a defender AND a STRIKER az well then???----(we still have the £35million from the sale of Andy Pandy, plus season ticket money etc!)  

Conclusion:
The club say one thing one moment and then conveniently!---they completely forget wot they've said in their next statement a month later!
They must aall have, or think that WE must aall have!---Alzheimer's!!??

Now?--wot did I say again?, a moment ago????

A BAD CASE OF FOOT AND MOUTH!

Posted '9:30 am bells' Thorsday 29th December 2011

An angry Owen Coyle, the beleagered Bolton boss came oot with a brilliant quote in hiz post match press conference on Boxin' Day after their 2-0 defeat against The Toon.

Quote:
"When you shoot youself in the foot as we did, it leaves a bad taste in the MOUTH!" 

There's ne answer to that one!---iz there???

SEVEN HEAVEN!

Posted '11:10 am bells' Wednesday 28th December 2011

The Cris'miss games have aall been played nuw in the Premya Leegue and the good news iz that whatever happens on Friday neet at Liverpool we cannot gan into the new year any lower than seventh place in the table!

Indeed! shud we actually beat 'The Liverbirds' then we will gan above them in the leegue and shud 'The Arse' lose az well, we will be equal fifth with them at the torn of the year!
Who wud ever of thought that in August!?


PREMYA LEEGUE TABLE (top 8 @ 28/12/11)

1 Blue Moonies--45 points
2 Cockney Reds--45
3 Sporz------------38
4 Chelski OAP's--34
5 The Arse--------33
6 Liverbirds-------31
7 THE TOON----30
8 Pulis P*ss Pots-25