TANDOORI CHICKEN ROVERS 4 THE TOON 3 (aet)

Posted '2:15 am bells' Thorsday 27th October 2011

"IT'S OVER!"

                         PETER LOVENKRANDS PENALTY------3-3
           ( PS: "IF YI WONDERIN' WHY THE PHOTO'S A BIT BLURRED
               ---IT'S COZ AA WAZ 'HALF CUT' WHEN AA TOOK IT!")

Wor run of 178 days withoot defeat iz over az we succumbed to Blackburn in the 4th roond of the League Cup, a little over 3 and a half hours ago @ Ewood Park. (The Batmobile's rocket boosters were on 'full blast' on the way back!) 

It aall started off badly when Rovers took the lead in the 5th minute through Rochina in front of the Toon fans, housed in The Darwen End.  
The ref then denied us THREE! clearcut penalties before givin' one to the home side half way through the 2nd half, which was converted by Yakubu and it looked game ower, especially when the game entered stoppage time!
Amazingly---however, we got one back in the 93rd minute when Guthrie rifled home for *The Orangemen (wor forst shot on target in the entire game!) and then Cabaye hit a fantastic free kick on the edge of the box into the roof of the net to level the scores in the 96th minute, to send the 4,000 plusToon fans wild with delight and in turn, send the game into extra time.
(*We played in wor orange away strip)

Rovers again retook the lead in the 99th minute through Pederson, anly for Peter Lovencrands to level things again for 'The Orangemen', from a forst period stoppage time spot kick in the 108th minute, when a penalty was given by the linesman for some shirt pullin',which the ref---'one' Robert MADley, yet again! had missed! 
(This 'mad'dened the Toon manager, players and fans alike, aa can tell you, until, the linesman put his flag across his chest to indicate a penalty!)


Just az it looked as though a penalty shootout was imminent, Blackburn's Givet heeded past Tim Krul in the dyin' seconds of extra time, which looked a canny bit offside!, but the linesman didn't see it? and the ref waved Toon protests away and blew for full time barely one minute later to send us from ecstasy to agony! 

Wor manager, 'I Beg Your Pardew' said  less than a week ago,  that he "wanted a major trophy within two years"?-- which haz (predictiblee!) proved to be 'the kiss of death'! 
Attendance: 10,682 (4,000 (plus) Toon fans in 'The Darwen End')

Neva mind!----there's aalways the FA Cup in January!---isn't there?

TANDOORI TAKEAWAY ROVERS v THE TOON

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 26th October 2011

Tooneet @ '8 bells' we take on 'The Chicken Curry Boys' of Blackburn in the 4th roond of the League Cup @ Ewood Park in this 'TV free' game and we hope to extend wor unbeaten run to 179 days and 15 matches in aall competitions!
It will be interestin' to see just wot wor team line up iz for tooneet?
We have won the previous 3 cup games here (aall of the 'FA' variety) which iz a good omen for the 3,500 plus Toon fans who are makin' the jorney to deepest Lancashire.
(Extra tickets WILL be on sale to Toon fans on the neet from '6 bells' @ The Darwen End ticket office)

Match report to follow sometime tomorrow az per usual!

STEPTOE GAME---NEW DATE FOR THE TELLY!

Posted '7:15 pm bells' Tuesday 25th October 2011

"THE NOOOCARRSIL GAME'S NOW ON A SUNDAY, PATER!"

Wor forthcomin' game against 'The Rag and Bone Rangers' of Shepherds Bush iz the latest game to be changed for live telly and haz been moved from '3 bells' Saturday 14th January to '1:30 bells' on Sunday 15th January for live coverage on 'Sky'

For wor forthcomin' live TV games, scroll doon to NUFC fixture list below or look in right hand side toolbar

GET YOUR SEASON TICKETS NOW!

Posted 12:30 pm bells Tuesday 25th October 2011

"NO MORE OF THEEEZE!---PLEEEZE!"

The Geordie Times carrier pigeon haz just flown in with news that 'The Toon' are offerin' existin' season ticket holders the chance to buy a second one for 'HALF BAT! to help fill St James' for future games.

This iz a great idea az the sight of thoosands of empty grey seats in Level 7 of The Leazes End doesn't look good on wor CV (or TV!) and they may az well sell the seats for half price than to have ne arses on them at aall!

"WE'LL BRING YOO THE NEWS,2nd HAND,FORST!"

It works oot at less than FIFTEEN QUID! a game for a seat in The Leazes End, for example and large queues have been reported ootside the ticket office, with up to a one hour wait! to get served, and this haz been conformed by wor club 'sauce'---'Porcy the Pigeon'!
('Tellin' bone' caallers have aalso had to wait up to an hour before gettin' an answer!) 

THE TOON 1 THE BLUE WIGS 0

Posted '10:10 am bells' Sunday 23rd October 2011

THE BIG PICTURE

"Marveaux The Magician!"

In complete contrast to wor 100mph game against Spors last Sunday, this one was az mistake ridden az it gets, in wot was trueleee a shockin' performance from 'the black 'n' whites', apart from Tim Krul in The Toon goal, who made a fantastic save in the forst half, and that apart the game had 'nil-nil' written aall ower it!---UNTIL THAT IZ!----wor number fower, Yohan Cabaye rode to the rescue with just eight minutes left on the clock, with a fantastic 'wellied' strike from the edge of the box at 'The Gallowgate End', thanx to a superb pass from super sub 'Marveaux the Magician'!
(Cabaye's forst goal for us!)

ACTION REPLAY!---YOHAN CABAYE GOAL!

This sent the 48,000 Toon fans wild and gave us anotha valuable three points to put us on level torms with third placed Chelsea and amazingleee anly THREE points behind 'top o' the table' Man City!, and send 'The Blue Wigs' to the bottom of the leegue table in the process.

Attendance:48,321 (321 Blue Wigs!) (perhaps?)
(Best home crowd of the season so far!)

Footnote: Fast forward 8 hours:
The top of the Premya Leegue luks like this---
Anly 2 teams remain unbeaten---Man C and The Toon and WE have conceded the least number of goals! (6)

                P  W D  L    F   A  Pts GD Average gates
Man C----9--8--1--0--33--7--25 +25       46,906
Man U----9--6--2--1--26-12--20 +14      75,472
Chelsea---9--6--1--2--29-10--19 +10     41,611
TheToon-9--5--4--0--12--6--19  +6       46,111
Spors-----8--5--1--2--15-13--16   +3      36,184
Lpool-----9--4--3--2--12-10--15   +2      44,932
TheArse--9--4--1--4--15-18--13   -3       60,090

'The Geordie Times 100 Pub Crawl Challenge' update, sometime tomorrow (see top tool bar for pubs visited)

THE TOON v THE BLUE WIGS

Posted '4:45 am bells' Saturday 21st October 2011
(A'v been workin' neetshift!)

VIEW OF 'THE LEAZES CORNER'

The Toon are expected to be unchanged from the team that drew 2-2 with Spors last week and look to extend wor unbeaten run to 14 consecutive games whilst wor visitors will be tryin' to end a 5 match losin' streak (lets hope they divvint succeed!)

The club are tryin' a new 'novelty' today to try and boost the attendance against 'The Blue Wigs' by havin' cheap cash tornstiles between '1 and 2 bells' only, for the princely sum of twenty quid for big kids (a savin of six quid!) fifteen quid for zimmerframeites and a tenner for sprogs.

The 'early (magpie) bird' tornstiles 87 and 88 at 'The North West Corner' (that's 'The Leazes Corner' to yoo and mee!) will close forthwith at '2 bells' prompt!

For 'The 100 Pub Crawl Challenge' (see above toolbar) we will be startin' off this time at 'O'Neills' (pub 26) opposite 'The Central' @ '12 bells' prompt! and then workin' wor way towards the groond in a 'zig-zag' fashion!

Match&pub crawl reports to follow later!

I BEG YOUR PARDEW---BBC 'RADIO NEWCASTLE' Q & A LAST NEET

Updated '3:00 pm bells' Friday 21st October 2011

THE PINK PALACE---GUESS WHY?

Radio Newcastle did a one hour question and answer session @ '6:30 bells' last neet with wor cockney manager, from 'The Pink Palace' on Barrack Road (which iz within 'hocklin' distance' of St James'z) and 'The Geordie Times'  listenined intentleee to wot he had to say.
We are the ninety forst to admit that he iz very gradually winnin' the fans ower!

And indeed most of the caalls came from 'grovellin' Toon fans eatin' 'humble pie' and praisin' the way the team iz playin'

Some of  'I Beg Your Pardews' quotes:
"We are desperately trying to bring success here under our 'financial plan' that we have---and I think we CAN and that's the important point!"

"It's to try and win a trophy---try to be competitive---TRY and keep our BEST PLAYERS!"--- once we've got ourselves in a good financial position and that's where we are!"

"If you are asking me what do I want in the next two years, I would like us to win a trophy!" (and he then went on to say) "If one of the big clubs came in again for one of our players we would HAVE to consider selling him!" (or words to that effect!)

ie: In other words, the most likely scenario iz!---the 'trophy' we are 'most likely' to win iz!--- 'The Northumberland Senior Cup'!, against the likes of Blyth Spartans or West Allotment Celtic! 

Yoo can listen to the full one hour interview  on your computaa via the 'BBC i player'

'GEORDIE TIMES' GLOBAL RANKIN'---24,085,436!

Posted '8:50 am bells' Thorsday 20th October 2011

"STATS!--STATS! & MORE STATS!"

The latest 'hit list' has been released by 'Alexa Traffic Rank' and we have to tell yoo that 'The Geordie Times' iz the (deep breath!) 24,085,436th most popular website/blog in the world!
We have moved up 133,911 places from the previous rankin' of 24,219,347th place and wor aim iz to get into the 'Top 20' ("er!"---that's the top 20 MILLION by the way!)

Accordin' to 'Wikipedia' there were 156 million websites/blogs as of 16th February 2011, so if we gan by this, it means that there are (another deep breath!) 131,914,564 websites/blogs worldwide with less hits than 'The Geordie Times'! 

"SO NUW YI NAA!"

Thanx for aall your support from aroond the world (and beyond!)

TOON RESORVES 3 LIVERBIRDS RESORVES 2

Updated '10:00 am bells' Wednesday 19th October 2011

"THE TALE OF THE LOPSIDED SIGN ERECTORS!"

Last neet 'The Toons' 'second string' took on wor Morseyside counterparts @ Whitley Park, Benton @ 7 bells.
The Toon ran oot 3-2 winners (0-1, 1-1, 2-1,3-1, 3-2) with wor goals comin' from Nile Ranger who scored two (one a tap in just after half time and one a heeder in the 53rd minute) and Michael Richardson (58th minute shot) in a bitter windswept game to extend wor unbeaten start to the season (just like the forst team!)

Attendance: 582 (includin' at least 2 Liverpool fans!)

Before the match a'd had a massive argument with a bus driver who said that mee bus and metro 'aall day ticket' to 'Four Lane Ends' (nearest station to Whitley Park) was six poond fifty, despite wor lass gannin forther afield to Whitley Bay the previous week for FOWER poond ten.

After five minutes arguin' and with the bus passengers gettin' impatiant, aa reluctantly 'coughed up' the 'bit' with the intention of complainin' at the Haymarket bus station office when aa got there.
On arrival the ticket office was!----SHUT! (@'3:45 pm bells'??) so aa heeded for the Metro ticket office instead to demand a refund, where a gadgie behind the desk telt me that infact the driver was!---REET! in the forst place and that wor lass's ticket shud have been used ANLY on the Metro!

Sheepishly!---(and with mee coat collar uptorned!) aa made A SHARP exit for 'The Hotspur' for a couple of 'gargels' before catchin' the train to Benton.
'Dave from York' just happened to get into the same carriage and off we set for 'The Benton Ale Hoose' which iz within 'hocklin distance' of the Metro station.

Then 'The Caped Crusader', followed by 'The Mad Professor' and 'Paul the Pensioner' (with his grandson) came saunterin' through the door and az we looked oot of the window we could see two gadgies puttin' a sign up ower the road ootside a restaurant.
"It's lopsided!", 'The Mad Professor' cried and he duly left his pint and ran ower the road to point this oot to the two startled sign erectors! 
(He's not caalled 'The Mad Professor' for nothin'!) 

They then went away and came back with a spirit level, but it did them ne good az the holes for the sign had aallready been drilled into the waall and they couldn't adjust it (see below!)

"A'V ANLY HAD TEN PINTS!---IT LOOKS STRAIGHT TO ME---LIKE!"

It was then off to the match after two or three more 'liquid lubrications'-----Yi COULDN'T make it up!

THE TOON 2 HARRY'S HOTSPURS 2

Posted '9:45 pm bells' Sunday 16th October 2011

This was an absoluteleee brilliant game for the 'cootch potato' 'neutral TV fans', watchin' this on 'Sky', (especially the 2nd half!)but did nothin' for the weak hearted diehearted fans who were actually present for this 2-2 thriller!

Spors took the lead in the forst half when 'The Toons' Steven Taylor was judged to have fouled Adebayor in the box and after several seconds the 'ref in red' eventually gave a penalty, which was duly convorted by DutchmanVan De Faart. (er!---sorry!--that shud read---Van Der Vaart!) to gave the Londoners a 1-0 lead five mins before half time @ The Gallowgate End

We hit back with just two minutes gone in the 2nd half when Demba Ba hit a sweet 'Spiderman' cross home to level the scores.

'Happy Harry'??? (Spors manager!) then brought on Jemaine Defoe to score a belter in front of the 3,000 or so 'Spors fans' housed in 'Level 7' of 'The Leazes End' in the 68th minute and it looked az though at this point that wor unbeaten five and a half month run waz comin' to an end!

However!---'I Beg Your Pardew' (Toon manager!)then made a double striker substitution of Ben Arfa and Shola Ameobi (replacin' Demba Ba and Leon Best) a few minutes later, which paid off handsomely when 'Shola' cut in from the 'East Stand side' to hit a fantastic shot past the despairin' Spors keeper to level things once again, with just fower minutes to spare and extended wor unbeaten run for another week at least!

Wor '100 pub crawl challenge' started off at the appropriatly named 'Hotspur' boozer in the Haymarket (pub 21) az predicted and we did a fortha fower 'new' pubs, before retirin' for the neet at 'Rosies Bar' (pub 25) after the match!

Attendance 46,420 (3,000 Spors fans)

'Match of the Day's' on soon---must dash!