BLACK AND WHITE DAFT---ISSUE 5

Posted '4:00 pm bells' Thorsday 18th August 2011

Issue 5 of the Toon fanzine 'Black and White Daft' iz nuw on sale and there's several articles aboot the forthcomin' derby on Saturday and it includes 'The Geordie Times' archive report of 'The Easter Uprisin' derby' from 1970.

It's on sale from The Back Page Shop, which iz opposite The Newcastle Arms in St Andrews Street and within eeezy 'hocklin distance' of St James' Park. It's well worth a reeeeed!

The Geordie Times 1970 archive report iz printed below! ( Scroll doon!)

HIGH NOON DERBY---TWO! DAYS TO GAN!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 18th August 2011

There are nuw exactleee 2 days to gan before 'the high noon shootout' @ The Stadium of "SSHHH!!!" (yee naa wot!) . This iz the 145th meetin' between the clubs and The Toon lead
57-45  (47 draws)

HIGH NOON DERBY---THREE! DAY TO GAN!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 17th August 2011

It iz now exactleee 3 days to the 'high noon shootout' @ The Stadium of "SSHHH!" (yee naa wot!) and the 'prized' piece of paper bearin' a c**p crest has just landed on mee doormat!

Aye!---a'm one of the lucky few to have enough 'loyalty points' to get one (2,640 ticket allocation!) and to 'celebrate' this a'v done an archive match report from wor visit there in the 'Easter Uprisin' of 1970', when TEN THOOSAND! 'black 'n' whites' 'took the fulwell' aall those years ago! ("Nuw where did aa put mee 'zimmer'?")

Aa'll be publishin' this story sometime tomorrow in the run up to the big day!

THE VULTURES ARE GATHERIN'!!!-----------('SCUNNY' TICKET NEWS!)

Updated '3:45 pm bells' Tuesday 16th August 2011

A TREE OOTSIDE GLANFORD PARK!

Tickets for The Toons forthcomin' League Cup
tie away to 'Scunny' are now on sale to season ticket holders. £19 for big kids £12 for zimmerframeites & £5 for little kids. 

The match is live on Sky telly on Thorsday 25th August @ '7:45 bells', no doubt because they are hopin' (and prEyin'!) for anotha cup humiliation!-----"ATTENTION!---THE 'SKY' VULTURES ARE CIRCLIN'!!!"

"SOMEWHERE OWER SCUNTHORPE!"

THE TOON 0 THE ARSE 0

Posted '9:00 am bells' Sunday 14th August 2011

The Toon secured a point in this goalless draa @ St James' in wot torned oot to be a bad tempered game.

There were two major taalkin' points in the game. Number one was when Joey Barton was stamped on by 'Song' reet in front of the ref linesman and 4th official but they AALL missed the incident??? and Song stayed on.

The second was when Arsenal's Gervinho dived in the Gallowgate End box and (again!) Joey Barton was involved, when he angrily pulled him to his feet and a fracas ensued and ended when Gervinho slapped wor number 7 in the face and Joey went doon 'like a sack of taaties'. The Arsenal man was susequently sent off and Joey was booked.

There were hardly any shots from us on target in the entire game and 'The Arse' were a shadow of the great side they used to be.

The crowd of under 47,000 will send shock waves to 'the powers that be', but wot do they expect when we sell nearly aall wor best players? 

Attendance: 46,984 (3,000 Arses)

The 100 Pub crawl report to follow later!

THE TOON v THE ARSE @ '5:30 bells'

Posted '9:30 am bells' Saturday 13th August 2011

VIEW FROM THE LEAZES END

The new Premya Leeeg season is aalmost upon us and it iz with great trepadation rather than antisipation that aall Toon fans fear for the comin' season, after the depletion of wor team, to be replaced by (mostly!) French foreign legionaires!

Lets hope (and pray!) that wor manager & owner have got it reet? or else we are in deep deep trouble!
The game is live on ESPN and tickets are still available!? 
The weather looks OK (sort of!) at the moment, unlike last Saturdays 'deluge' when we played 'waata polo' with Fiorentina!
(WEATHER ALERT!: Just spotted a big black cloud ower the groond!)
Match (& pub crawl!) report to follow much later as usual!

NUFC GROUNDHOPPERS LEAGUE CUP NIGHTMARE!

Posted '7:00 am bells' Friday 12th August 2011

"NOT! AGAIN!"

There was the moothwaaterin' possibility of THORTEEN! new groonds for the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' to visit in the League Cup 2nd roond draw, includin', Aldershot, Wycombe Wanderers and Rochdale! to name but three---but who do we get?----"BLOODY SCUNNY!"---Glanford Park is a groond we have previously visited TWICE! in the recent past, so it's very disappointin' to get them!   Tie to be played near the end of this month

In otha news, 'key player', Jose Enrique, haz, (as expected!) signed for the 'Liverbirds' for a reported fee of six 'mill', to forther deplete wor aalready weakened squad with just ONE day to gan before we kick off against 'The Arse' @ St James' late tomorrow afternoon!

'The Xisco Kid' iz aalso 'on his bike' and iz off to Deportivo in Spain for the thord time (in this case---good f*****' riddance!)

THE TOON v THE JACKSON JIVERS---FIXTURE CHANGE!

Posted '6:00 am bells' Thorsday 11th August 2011

SOMEWHERE NEAR THE RIVER THAMES!

Az  predicted by 'The Geordie Times',
'The Toons' forthcomin' fixture against 'The Jackson Jivers' @ St James' Park has been switched to '1:00 pm bells'? on Sunday 28th August, coz wor visitors are in action in the Europa League
and are away to (deep breath!)> Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk of the Ukraine on the previous Thorsday. (Just why the kick off has to be at this ridiculous time is beyond me!?--- it's not as though it's on live telly!)


CARLIN' CUP DRAW TONEET!

The draw for the 2nd roond of the Carlin' Cup takes place afta the Sheff Wed v Blackpool tie toneet!
A home draw would be preferable of course, but if not, a new groond for 'the NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' to visit!---- "PLEEEEZZZEE!"

OBER THE MOON!

Posted 'one minute to midneet bells' Tuesday 9th August 2011

Winger, Gabriel Antoine Oberton is wor fifth! and latest French 'legionnaire' and has signed a five yor deal for a reported fee of 'three mill' from 'The Cockney Reds' of Salford.
He can aalso play in the centre of midfield and as a striker!

We bring you this news ower half a day late, but we ARE 'The Geordie Times' afta aall!

Remember wor motto: "WE'LL BRING YOOO THE NEWS, SECOND HAND, FORST!"

THE MAD-SAD (& SICK!) GROUNDHOPPERS MATCH REPORT!

"HERE IT IZ AT LAST---"2 WEEKS LATE!"---THE ALMERE MATCH REPORT FROM HOLLAND!"