THE TOON v THE BAGGIES

Posted '9:20 pm bells' Saturday 21st May 


^ "ARE YOU 'BOMBER' IN DISGUISE!?" ^


Next up is the last game of the season against West Brom @ St James' tomorrow for a '4 bells' start.   Albion will have the backin' of 2,700 fans, most of whom are apparently comin' in fancy dress complete with cardboard 'Tony Bomber Brown' masks'----a former Baggies hero!

"AALTOGETHER NOW!"---"There's anly two thoosand seven hundred Bomber Brownzzzz!"-----"There's anly two thoosand seven hundred Bomber Brownzzzz!"----and they have dubbed it az 'Newcastle BROWN day'!
("Cheers!---Aa'll drink to that!")

We are currently in 12th position in the Premier League and if results gan wor way we could actually finish as high as 8th top!
If results divvint gan wor way however!---we could finish as low as 14th! but at least we cannit gan doon (nor Albion for that matter!)
so there shud be a canny atmosphere to see the 'unvailin' of wor 'not very well recieved' new home kit, which went on sale on Thorsday mornin'.
Some match tickets are still available and I predict a 50,000 plus crowd
(final match report of the season to follow!)

A 'WARK' ON THE WILD SIDE!

Posted '11 am bells' Saturday 21st May

RIVER NORTH TYNE--WARK--NORTHUMBERLAND

As we have yet another blank Saturday to 'fill in' , (coz 'The Toon' divvint play West Brom 'til tomorrow afternoon!) added to the fact that mee  normal   'FIX'  @ Dunston for a Northern League game iz a 'non starter' az that league iz now finished for the summer, it meant that if aa wanted to see a game it would have to be forther doon the 'pyramid' in 'The Northern Alliance' az their league was still gannin' strong. (level eleven in the 'pyramid system')

WARK FC GROUND

'A 'Wark' on the wild side' to to picturesque village of Wark near Hexham was the chosen venue and so a'm off with 'The Caped Crusader' and 'The Mad Professor' this afternoon to see the delights of deepest Northumberland where Wark are playin' 'god naaz who' ??? @ '2:30 bells' in a league game. (Will post the score later to anybody? who iz interested????? (aall one of yoooo!) (Hope there's a *'liquid lubrication location' near by!?) (*a pub!)

Updated '6:40 pm bells' Saturday 21st May
Wark 2  v Seaton Delaval Amateurs 3
Yes indeed there was a pub or THREE! and we had a few 'liquids in 'The Battlesteads' before movin' on to 'The Grey Bull' and then 'The Black Bull' which were reet next door to each other!
To get to the groond we had to cross the brigde ower the North Tyne (see above) and  admission was FREE! 
There were more sheep and lambs in the suroondin' fields (100 or so!) than fans inside the groond (25!) as the game kicked off.

Wark were playin' Seaton Delaval and the away side won a five goal thriller by the odd goal played in a blustery wind----it was well worth the admission money alone!
(As there are ne more matches after tomorrow---and for the shear hell of it, a'm gannih de a 'proper' match report later on next week!) 

THE BLUES 2 THE TOON 2

Posted on my clapped oot laptop '10 am bells' Monday 16th May
(Mee 'expensive' computaa is still 'workin itsel'!)

'GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUSIVE!'
"HENRY THE EIGHTH ISN'T DEED!"


"SOMEWHERE IN ST KATHRINES DOCK!"


The neet before the Chelsea game we heeded for St Kathrine's Dock near The Tower of London and after many 'liquid refreshments' we ended up in a 'Tudor style boozer' where wenches were servin' aall manner of food and drink to a weddin' party!

Aaall of a sudden a big fat ugly gadgie appeared at the top table dressed in Tudor costume and I recognised him straightaway as HENRY THE EIGHTH!
He's very much alive and 'kickin', believe you me!, so rumours that he died some 500 years ago (rough estimate!) are simply not true! (It's amazin' wot yih can see after two gallons of 'hootch'!)

MATCH DAY
After a 'big b*****ds brekky' to get rid of wor hangowers at 'Tower Hill Wetherspoons' it was off to Earls Court to meet the rest of the crew in 'The Blackbird' and to tell them aall aboot wor amazin' meetin' with 'Henry' the neet before! (I think? they believed me!???)
It was then onward to Stamford Bridge for the '1:30 bells' kick off for wot was now a meaningless game as Chelsea had forsaken their title to 'The Cockney Reds' the day before!

THE MATCH
A dramatic heeded equaliser by Steven Taylor deep into stoppage time salvaged a point for the jubulant 'Toon Army' who had paid FIFTY QUID for the 'privalege' of standin' in the corner of  'The Shed'.

The game didn't start off well though, as Chelsea were 'one up' afta just 2 minutes when a 'corner that wasn't' was given which resulted in the home side tekin the lead (I was directly above the goaline in the away corner and I can tell yiz catorgoricalleee that the baall didn't gan oot for a corner)
Justice was done however 8 minutes later when a Ryan Taylor free kick deflected off 'Spiderman' and went directly into the Chelsea net past the stranded goalie 'Cech'

The Blues retook the lead with just 7 miutes remainin' when Krul in the Newcastle goal failed to reach a cross from a free kick and Alex nodded in from close ramge and it looked 'curtains' for us!

That's until Steven Taylor 'used hiz heed' for that dramatic leveller!

Footnote: Sammy Ameobi came on as one of wor subs in the 2nd half to join his 'bruvver' 'Shola' on the pitch. This iz the forst time a'v EVER seen 'bruvvers' play together for us in a forst team league game.
(The last one's to do so were 'The Robledo bruvvers' in the orly 1950's--lang before aa was thought of!)
Attendance: 41,739 (1,500 happy Toon fans!) 

COMPUTAA CRASH!

Posted '11 am bells' Saturday 14th May
My computa haz went haywire in the last few days and some updates have been wiped off!

Hopefully it will be back to normal when aa get back from Chelsea tomorrow (watch this space!)

One of the reports that was 'wiped off' on Thorsday was wor 4-0 defeat of Blyth Spatans by the Newcastle resorve team in The Northumberland Senior Cup final.
Wor goals were scored by Richardson (17 min), Tavernier (31) and two from Phil Airey in the 36th and 78th minute to win the 'coverted silverware'?
Attendancc: 2,307 (500-600 Spartans) (6 of whom got 'hoyed oot'!)

THE TOON RESORVES v BLYTH SPARTANS

Posted '9:45 am bells' Wednesday 11th May

Toneent the resorves tek on The Spartans of Blyth in the final of The Northum-berland Senior Cup @ St James' @ '7 bells' for the 'prestgious silverware'?
Admission iz a fiver for gadgies and gals and two quid for bairns and zimmerframeites (use East Stand tornstiles)

Updated '3:00 pm bells'
I'm off to The Toon now for mee pre match 'gargels' in 'The Monkey Bar', 'The Hotspur' & 'The Newastle Arms' before heedin' for the groond (match report to follow later)

WOT IS A GROUNDHOPPER?

Posted 'high noon bells' on my 'clapped oot' lap top Monday 9th May

Skonto Stadium, Riga, Latvia (Venspils v The Toon 2006)

A ground-hopper is some-body who gets their 'fix' by visitin' new futbaall groonds.

There are two breeds of groundhoppers




'THE ANORAKS!


The one's who 'collect' groonds and who WONT EVER gan back to a one they've visited previously and they will watch ANY team play as lang as it's on a new groond. (some have been to thoosands!)
They coont how many corners, free kicks and throw ins are given and log them in their stats books!


One particuarly sad case was an 'Anorak' from Watford who went to a non league cup tie in Yorkshire with his mates in a car.
He was an avid programme collector and when he got there he foond oot to his horror that there were ne programmes and he REFUSED point blank to gan in! 
He sat in the car til the game had finished, waitin' for his mates, who HAD went in! 
It went to extra time and penalties so he had to 'sit it oot' for a VERY LANG TIME!




'THE SADDOS'! (US!)


They follow their chosen club and visit the same groonds season after season with the 'bonus' of visitin' a new groond every now and again in Europe or cup ties (etc.) against lower opposition and (in wor case!) followin' the resorve and junior teams as well, to new obscure venues (SEE BELOW!) 

279 shirecliffe academy sheffield united

(GROUND NUMBER 279)
Date of First Visit: 4^th MAY 2011
SHIRECLIFFE ACADEMY, SHEFFIELD

SHEFFIELD UNITED U18's 1
NEWCASTLE UNITED U18's 1 (McGorrigan)

PREMIER ACADEMY LEAGUE (NORTH)Fink 'Official'Attendance: 33 (includin' 'us' and at least 2 uthaa Toon fans!)(aye!---aa counted them!)


"NEW GROOND???---YES! --- I MADE IT!"

An unexpected new ground was 'in the offin' in this dinnertime kick off, as Newcastle Juniors were playin' away to Sheffield United Juniors in an Academy game. This was because work was a 'bit slack' and aa was waitin' for a phone caall to see if they needed me?

They didn't!---SO!---(az yi de!) it was off to sooth Yorkshire with 'The Caped Crusader' who was gannin' anyway, for the '12:30 bells' start @ Shirecliffe, to 'clock up' groond 279  (TCC has been to more!)

We got there withoot gettin' lost for a change!  (see groonds 277 & 278!)  and so we had a bit time to spare, but unfortunately there were ne 'waaterin' holes' near the groond, so aa had to settle for a cup of coffee instead and a 'big brekkie sarnie' (bacon,sausage & tomato in a bun!) in the Sheffield academy canteen, as aa was 'Hank Marvin' by this time!

We got to the pitch which was a short walk from the academy canteen, but it was taped off and we had to watch from a bad vantage point which was 20 yards from the nearest corner flag next to the changin' rooms?

We took the lead with barely 90 seconds on the clock when a Ben Sayers pass was intercepted by Ryan McGorrigan who fired home. As the game had kick off at precisely '12:28 bells' (2 minutes orly?)  we actually scored before the game started! (if yi see warra meeen!?)


The home side replied just before the break with a crackin' shot from their 'number 8' (there were ne team sheets on offer---so we didn't naa his name??)
Sheff U were the stronger team in the 2^nd period, but they couldn't tek advantage due to two splendid saves from Jak Alnwick in 'The Toon' goal and a 'quality Streete' heeder off the goal line by 'Remi' (Streete!) and the game ended 'one's a piece'


Footnote: for the record aa later foond oot that 'The Blades' number 8 was caalled Elliott Whitehouse


©Fink™ (the mad-sad grJundhJpper!)

THE TOON 2 THE BRUMMIES 1

Posted '6 am bells' Sunday 8th May

Forst of aall, apologies for not updatin' in the last few days. This iz because I got multiple viruses when I doonloaded a picture and the computaa crashed!

Hopefully it will be fully fixed by next week and at the moment a'm usin' a laptop to write this

Today we played Bormingham @ St James' with a '3 bells' start and the 3 points picked up in the 2-1 win have finally banished any lingerin' fears of endin' up in 'the abyss

Goals from Shola Ameobi (pen) and Steven Taylor were enough against 10 man Brum who had Liam Rigewell sent off for hand baall on the goal line which gave us the penalty.
It was a cr** game but the welcome points means that Premier League futbaall will still be played @ St James' next season

Attendance 47,409 (less than1,000 Brum fans)

Aalso can aa say "best of luck"  today to Whitley Bay who are playin' @ Wembley in the FA vase final

Posted @ '10 pm bells'
(They did win it!----3-2 against Coalville to lift the cup for the thord year runnin'!) Congratulations to 'The Seahorses'! 

THE MESSIAH SPEAKS!

Posted '4:40 pm bells' Monday 2nd May

King Kev has given his views on the current situation at Newcastle in the aftermath of the Liverpool capitulation

Quote:
"You know I don't like the owner there as I took him to court!"---"But I'm not scared to say the best day they'll have is when he goes because I know that's true!"
"The 35 million (for yee naa who) is not going to be reinvested---is it!?---I think that's OBVIOUS!"
"I think he'll sell two more players and sell the club!"
"And that will be the best day for Newcastle fans when he sells the club!"   Unqote

THE MICKEY MOUSERS 3 v THE TOON 0

Posted '8:40 pm bells' Saturday 30th April







"SANCTUARY!"





 It was a trip to morseyside today for the ridiculous 'high noon bells' kick off at Anfield (special thanx to ESPN for gettin' me oot of bed at fower thorty in the mornin'!) (the alarm clock was set!)

We arrived @ 'The Thomas Frost' 'liquid refreshment stop' on Walton Road at (approx) '9:50 bells' for the pre match 'gargels'.

From there it was
on to
<'The Clock' 'dive bar' ower the road, which had metal staples in the carpet tiles to haad them together and pin them to the floor!, (ne doubt to stop the locals nickin' them!) before (eventually!) heedin' for Anfield @ '11:40 bells'. 

After 'enjoyin' worsels' it was now time for 'the punishment' and a 3-0 defeat was not unexpected!
(I WON'T gan into details!) (read the papers!)

We are now 12th in the table with 3 games to gan!


We had the usual backin' of 3,000 fans in 'The Anfield Road End' in the 44,923 sun drenched selloot crowd, which was actually higher than their derby match against Everton!

Andy 'yee naa who' got a load of stick as he came on for the last 25 minutes. but by then we were 3 goals 'to the bad', so the game was effectively ower by then and thankfully he didn't add to wor misery!