Sunday, 5 January 2014

THE TOON 1 THE RED HERRINGS of CARDIFF 2 *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND *** 2013-14


Updated '11:48am bells' Sunday 5th January 2014

"NO 'HYDE-ING' PLACE FOR THE TOON!"

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES END DURIN' THE 1st HALF
(View from the cramped seats in row 'T'!)

'The Geordie Times' said yesterday in wor final comment, that dependin' on wot team we put oot and how we performed, would we be interested in today's FA Cup 4th roond draw on ITV @ '2 bells'?
"WE NOW NAA THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION!?---DON'T WE JUST!"

Wor 'gangway' seats which we bought in The Leazes End so we had more 'legroom' (az wor own seats were unavailable) torned oot to be reet in the middle of row 'T' with ne 'legroom' <(the lass in the ticket office assured me that they were 'gangway seats when I bought them!---a'v got lang legs!), but this waz just the start of wor problems az The Toon came oot with 'ne guns blazin'!

'The Red Herrings' wernt any better az their pathetically low 300 fans huddled in the North East Corner of The East Stand!
The crowd in total looked to be in the high 20,000s with the top sections completely empty! (where we normally sit with plenty of 'legroom'!) That's ower 20,000 empty seats in the 'greatest' cup competition in the world!
SPOT THE CARDIFF FANS!
(RED DRAGONS, BLUE DRAGONS AND SCOTLAND FLAGS!?)

The half time interval couldn't come quick enough az we slogged it oot attackin' The Leazes End and thoughts of a mid-week replay 10 days later in sooth Wales filled me with dread!
The anly 'highlight' from us in this half iz when Ben Arfa hit the bar from a canny way oot at the half-way point!

The 2nd half wore on az we attacked the 'far' Gallowgate End and again Ben Arfa ratted the wookwork but hiz effort bounced back oot into play!
Then at last we made a breakthrough on the hour mark, when 'The Sissoko Kid' raced doon the pitch and fired in a ferocious shot which waz blocked by a 'Red Herrings' defender, but the baall fell nicely to Cisse and he tapped the baall in from 6 yards oot to give us the lead!
The Toon fans celebrated in 'The Strawberry Corner' by settin' off flares and smokebombs which filled the air with a grey cloud!

MORE ACTION AZ WE ATTACK 'THE LEAZES'!

However!---the 'grey clouds' ower St James' soon got 'darker' when, first, Gouffran waz replaced by Obertan (to boos from the crowd!)before the visitors equalised through a great shot from Noone in the 73rd minute which beat Elliot in The Toon goal.
The 'replay synario' then entered mee heed at this point and aa wondered just wot excuse aa would have to make to get the 2 days off 'graft' to gan to Cardiff!

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END IN THE 2nd HALF

Aa shouldn't have worried though, az just 7 minutes later ex mackem striker Fraizer Campbell <(it had to be!) heeded home to win the tie for the visitors and send their 300 fans, dressed in blue AND red, wild with delight!
We were dead on wor feet at this point az the clock ticked doon and Pardew's final 'gamble' waz to bring on 'big guns' Remy and Shola with just 5 minutes remainin'! (too little toooo late!) and after 5 minutes of stoppage time the ref ended wor FA Cup misery for one more year!

 Yet anothaa 'Mr Hyde' performance (wor 10th of the season by wor estimates!) ensued that we will gan yet anothaa season with ne major silverware in the bare 'trophyless' cabinet, that sits, hidden in a darkened room somewhere beneath the Milburn Stand!
SPOT THE EMPTY SEATS IN 'LEVEL 7' OF THE MILBURN STAND!

Under 'I Beg Your Pardew's' 'leadership? we have now lost FOWER FA Cup ties to 'lesser' opposition!--namely---Stevenage---Brighton---Brighton (again!) and now Cardiff!
This meens that the remainin' 5 months of the season will be spent tryin' to remain where we are in 8th 'pot of gold' position in the table!---after aall 'The Fat Controller's' 'needs' <(money!) are much greater than wors!

Footnote:
After the match 'I Beg Your Pardew' complained aboot the 'strange atmosphere' at the match, mentionin'  the fact that there were thoosands of empty seats!
But wot did he expect?---he made SEVEN changes in aall (three off them enforced through injury or suspension) and the fans just knew a 'Toon X1' would take the field and not hiz strongest team!---And just why top goalscorer Loic Remy wasn't on from the start iz a mystery, considerin' that wor next game iznt til a week today against 'The Blue Moonies' of Mancland'

Toon team: Elliot, Santon, Haidara, Steve Taylor, Yanga, Tiote,  Sissoko (Remy 85), Anita (Shola Ameobi 85), Ben Arfa, Gouffran (Obertan 63) 

Attendance: 31,166 (more than we thought, but still 21,000 plus below capacity!) (still the 3rd highest crowd though, behind 'The Arse' and Everton) 300 'Red Herrings' (a pathetic tornoot from the Welsh!)
"I WIN THE DAY AGAIN, DR JYKELL!" ***HA! HA!" 


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