Friday, 4 September 2026

THE TOON V THE CHERRY 🍒 PICKERS*** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2026-2027

  ‘Posted high noon 🛎️ bells’ Friday 4th Septembaa 2026



“A NEW BEGINNING!”⬆️

A month ago we were aall in dispair with aall the key players abandoning the club!—The pre season friendlies were painful!—-And now—just a month later we are full of optimism for the new season with 8 new players and of course a new heed coach to oversee things!

If the first 3 competitive games are anything to gan by, then we are in for roller coaster season!

Of course Bournemoooth will be a tough test—they always are!— Let’s see how it pans oot in the next few weeks! (They are bringing less than 1,200 Cherry Pickers with them!) Kick off at the ridiculous time of ‘12:30 🛎️s’ for live telly (TNT)

We have another brand new signing and a quality striker at last, who will make hiz debut tomorrow and we cannot wait to see Matias Fernandez Pardo in action!

Aall the doom and gloom haz gone and a new era begins!

“HOWAY THE TOON!” ðŸĪŠðŸ‘ðŸ

SOME GREAT NEWS! THE LEAZES END COMPANIONS BAR ON LEAZES PARK ROAD NEAR SJP HAZ REOPENED AFTER BEING CLOSED FOR OVER A YEAR DUE TO DAMAGE TO THE ROOF!⬇️





For the Bournemoooth game tomorrow the bar iz open at ‘9:30am bells’ 🔔 and upstairs consert room will be open from 10:30am 🛎️s⬇️



Support your local boozer!


 

Thursday, 3 September 2026

Wednesday, 2 September 2026

099 home park, coldstream, scotland

 






HOME PARK, COLDSTREAM, SCOTLAND




DOUBLE HEEDER MUNDAY!

 Posted ‘2:33pm bells Wedinzday 2nd Septembaa 2026 (2 days late!)

DUNSTON




The Geordie Times did a double heeder on bank holiday Munday, when we went to see Dunston v West Auckland at ‘3:00 🛎️s and then onward to Benton to watch NUFC U 21s take on Fulham U21s

Forst up woz Dunston where the home side beat the former World Cup winners West Auckland 4-0 ⬇️



and then we crossed the sacred river Tyne to watch wor U21s get beaten by the same score!

BENTON


NUFC U21s HEED COACH⬇️

But guess which game drew the highest attendance?  You would Fink iz woz at Whitley Park, Benton, but the UTS Stadium in Dunston had the higher crowd!

There were 545 at Dunston and 441 at Benton!—104 less!



The pre match and half time drinkin dens were az follows!

Dunston clubhoose

Benton



A PASSPORT TO GAN TO BENTON????ðŸĪ”
Whitley Park clubhoose

Tuesday, 1 September 2026

103 benwell training ground, newcastle

 


THE FORMER NUFC TRAINING GROUND IN BENWELL 


THE GREEN TREE BOOZER.  LONG SINCE DEMOLISHED! RIP ðŸŠĶ 

“AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!”

Posted ‘2:29pm 🛎️ bells’ Tuezday 1st Septembaa 2026



“COME IN NUMBER 20!”⬆️



News reaches The Geordie Times that we have signed an out an out striker at last, with fantastic pace! (He can aalso fly doon the wing!)
21 year old Matias Fernandez-Padro iz a Belgian 🇧🇊 International and haz signed for a reported £51 million from French club Lille!
He flew into Toon airport last neet and completed hiz medical at wor trainin groond in Benton, next door to where wor U21s were losin 4-0 to Fulham U21s! (Match report later!)
This iz a fantastic transfer for NUFC and with 7 other major signings durin the summer transfer window, wor team will look completely different from last season!

                                             ðŸĪŠðŸ‘ðŸ
“I’VE AALWAYS SAID THAT I WON’T BELIEVE THAT A PLAYER HAZ SIGNED FOR US, UNTIL HE IZ STANDING INSIDE SJP WITH A TOON SHIRT OR SCARF IN FRONT OF THE EAST STAND SIGN!”

*In other transfer news, Nick Waltemade haz joined Juventus on a season long loan for £3.5 million! (He cost us a record £64 million!)
He tried hiz best, but hiz style of play doesn’t suite the Premyaa Leegue and he woz a very expensive panic buy in the last summer transfer window, after the rat 🐀 deserted the ship! (And 3 other targets were highjacked by cartel clubs!)
We wish him well az he seems a canny lad and hopefully he will be a success in the Italian ‘Serie A’ Leegue!

Sunday, 30 August 2026

SPURZY 0. THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2026-2027

 Posted ‘3:03pm 🛎️ bells’ Sunday 30th August 2026

TOON PLAYERS CELEBRATE WITH THE FANS AFTER WISSA’S GOAL!

“ITS HAPPENIN' ⬆️AGAIN!”

Tottenham Hotspur Stadium iz a great hunting groond for NUFC, for in wor 8 visits here since wor 1st one in 2019 we have won 5 drawn 2 and lost 2 games!

Aalso this woz 3rd win in a row here! Happy days!

And it woz the torn of new manager Matt Jaissle to clam the win this time, with 2nd half goals from Anthony Elanga and Yoane Wissa to seal the 3 points and climb to 3rd top (for the time being, at least!)



We started off well and within the forst minute of the game Elanga went close, with a loopin effort that just went wide at the far end from us!

New goalie ‘Horny’ Hornicek made some excellent saves orly on the deny the home side!

It woz level at the break, but if we had had an out and out striker in the side, we surely would have been in the lead by then, az we attacked relentlessly, but with nee shots on target, you dont score goals!---do you?



The 2nd half torned oot to be a great half for us, and we took the lead in the 63rd minute when a fantastic lang range pass from new boy Nico 'Speedy' Gonzalez foond another new boy, Amar Dedic who heeded the baall doon in the box for Anthony Elanga to turn and shoot---His shot hit the far post and seemed to trickle ower the line, to send the 3,000 plus Toon faithful in the corner section into meltdown---and one kid hurled himself ower the row behind me and nearly knocked mee phone oot of me hand az aa tried to take a picture of the players celebrations! 1-0 to us!

THe 2nd goal wozzint lang in comin, when in the 72nd minute a Lewis Hall corner woz nodded doon by Nick Waltemade and Yoane Wissa acrobatically did an owerheed flick to double wor lead!



Thats the way it stayed az the stands emptied quickly, with fed up Sporz fans heedin for the exits!

Its NOT wot they expected after spendin ower £300 million on new players, includin, of course £100 million on Sandro Tonali, who woz bood by Toon fans everytime he touched the baall and woz jeered off when he woz substituted halfway though the 2nd half!

A great result, which dispels some of the doom and gloom that enveloped Tyneside just one month ago!



Attendance: 61,025 (3,038 very happy Toon fans!)




*There woz anly one boozer ⬆️on wor pub crawl this time, coz we went to London and back in a day!  By the time match finished at aroond aboot ‘7:30pm 🛎️s we anly had 90 minutes to get back to King’s Cross to catch the last train back yem at 9:03 🛎️s’

A near 2 mile walk to Tottenham Hale tube station and join a lang queue of mainly dejected Sporz fans!  We got back to KX at 8:25 bells 🔔’ which meant we had to heed straight for the train 🚂 and abandon any booze stops!



2 vodka and cokes ⬆️in first class woz the order of the day,  to while the 3 hour jorney back to Tyneside!

               “We woz there!—⬆️—-The prooof!”


Saturday, 29 August 2026

SPURSY V THE TOON *** TEATIME

 PPosted ‘high noon 🕛 🛎️ bells’ Saturday 29th August 2026 on the train to King’s Cross from The Toon!

VIEW FROM THE AWAY SECTION AT SPURS

Wor forst of many trips to London begins today at ‘5:30 bells 🔔’ at The Tottenham Hotspur Stadium (Sky 📚)

The forst 2 competitive games have been very encouraging, scorin 5 goals in the process, but giving away daft free kicks and ppenalties, iz something we must sort oot!

Anyway! NUFC have sold wor allocation of 3,038 tickets in the usual away section! (See top photo)

A full Geordie Time match and boozer report will appear here later!

MEEENWHILE!

Dates for wor aaway games at Leedz haz been confirmed az Munday Septembaa 14th at ‘8:00 🔔s and wor Leegue Cup tie at Millwaall will be at Tuezday 8th Septembaa— the same day az the Palace v Smogmonster game which iz just 5 miles south of The Den— shud be an interesting jorney doon with the riot capital squad of Middlesbrough ðŸ”Ĩ joining us at Darlo and beyond!

(Don’t forget your stab proof vests—for BOTH fan bases!)

PS: The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers have been to the New Den before, to watch wor U18s v Millwaall U 18s in the FA Youth Cup (Wor 1st team have never played there before)

Wednesday, 26 August 2026

THE TOON V THE BAGGEEZ *** LEEGUE CUP 2nd ROOND

 Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells Wedinzday 226th August 2026

Quite a lot to get through today!

FROM SKY SPORTS NEWS YESTERDAY

Firstly we welcome 24 year old Spaniard Nico ‘Speedy’ Gonzalez from Man City for a reported £47 million plus £3 million add ons!

He will be wor 7th signing of the summer transfor window and one of the very best midfielders in The Premyaa Leegue!

Welcome to The Toon ‘Speedy’ (az we will no doubt caall him!)⬇️



Movin on to tooneet when we play Championship side West Brom in the Leegue Cup at SJP

We hear that they have sold just 2,000 of their allocation and so there will be quite a few empty seats in the away section!

Havvint got a clue just wot wor lineup will be come the ‘7:45bells kick off! (Sky)

Hopefully we can overcome them and be in the draw for the 3rd roond, which (like last season) will be fixed , so that the teams in Europe cannit play each other! (NUFC were one of the teams last season)

NUFC could draw anybody, but the anly teams left in the competition who we’ve never played away from home are Fleetwood and AFC Wimbledon!

FLEETWOOD BEAT SHREWSBURY 4-0 AT HOME

If we cannit get eethaa of them away, then a home draw would be preferable!

The draw takes place on Sky after the Preston v Evaaton game!

A full match report to follow tomorrow!

ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST