THE TOON v LEEEDZ ** TOONEET!

Posted 'high noon bells' Good Friday 14th April 2017


TOON FANS CELEBRATE A 2-0 VICTORY AT ELLAND ROAD
ORLIER THIS SEASON! (SAME AGAIN PLEEEEZE!)


Toooneet we 'welcome'? Leeedz to SJP, az the final coontdoon begins!
Aall the othaa teams aroond us play before us (again!), so we will naa wot we have to de by kick off time at '7:45 bells'---WIN!

Not surprisingly the game iz a selloot with Leeedz takin' up their full allocation of 3,200 tickets, in wot shud be a 'white hot atmosphere'!

Dwight Gayle looks az though he will be oot for the rest of the season and 'Mitro' will undoubtedly 'fill in' for him?
However both Yedlin and Clark could retorn after an absence of 4 games!

Wor millionth spectator came through the tornstiles at the Burton game and with 52,000 guaranteed for tooneet and the last match v Barnsleee, anly wor home game v Preston Dead End iz not a selloot (so far!)
This meeenz that wor average leegue gates will exceed 51,000--a record for a club ootside the top flight this century.

We aalso hold the record for the 20th century az well, az ower 56,000 came through the tornstiles in 1948 az a 2nd Division club!---a 'world record' for a club ootside the top flight!
(Man U are 'next best' when they averaged 48,000 in the old 2nd Division in 1975)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime tomorrow---lets hope that this IZ a 'good Friday' and that we are still at least 10 points above thord place by '10 bells' tooneet?  

"VIRGIN ON THE RIDICULOUS!"

Posted '1:00pm bells' Thorsday 13th April 2017



"OH NO!--THE CREW ARE ON STRIKE AGAIN!"


Virgin Trains have annoonced that there will be a train strike on the 28th and 29th April!---The VERY DAYS we are travellin' to Cardiff and back by train!!!
They could have picked any days they liked, but it just HAD to be the days we are gannin'!
Like we've said in the past---
"NO ONE LIKES US!---THEY DONT CARE!"

IT'S A SELLOOOT!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 12th April 2017

THE BANDSTAND IN LEAZES PARK
WITH THE LEAZES END IN THE BACKGROOND

Wor forthcomin' home games v Leeedz on Good Friday and Barnsley (on the last day of the season) are now sold oot--az iz wor away game at 'Bent Nose McCarthy's Ipswich on Easter Munday

Tickets are still on sale for wor home game v Preston Dead End and the away game v 'The Taffy's of Cardiff'  

THE HILLSBOUROUGH HILLBILLIES 2 THE TOON 1 *** EFL 2016-2017

Posted '11:45am bells' Sunday 9th April 2017
Updated '11:45am bells' Munday (with pix)

SHELVEY FREE KICK (2nd half)

"WE ANLY NEED 8 POINTS!"

After 'uddersfield's defeat at Forest (2-0) and Readins humiliation at Norwich (7-1!) before wor game woz played, a victory at Sheff Wed would have aalmost guaranteed promotion back to the top flight 'gravy train'---BUT!---this IZ NUFC 'after aall' and we shot worsels in the foot with anly wor 2nd away leegue defeat this year, by puttin' in a dreadful performance!

It woz 0-0 at halftime but 'The Hillbillies' did have 3 good chances to score but blew it, while we were aaful!--apart from one effort by Jonjo Shelvey, when he lobbed a lang range shot from the halfway line which hit the bar!

We wornt so lucky in the 2nd period though and goals from Lees and fletcher in the 59th and 68th minutes of the game sealed wor fate
Jonjo Shelvey did pull a goal back in the 88th minute but it woz too little toooo late and the chance to gan 13 points clear of thord place woz gone!

On a brighter note, 'uddersfield can anly get a maximum of 18 points should they win aall of their remain' 6 games--which meeenz---that with a far superior goal difference to them, we need EIGHT points oot of the last 15 from 5 games to win promotion!---"WE SHALL SEE!"

Toon team: Darlow, Anita, Dummett, Diame (Atsu 72), Lascelles, Mbemba, Shelvey, Perez, Gayle (Murphy 29), Richie (Mitrovic 79), Gouffran

Attendance 28,883 (3,100 Toon fans)  Sorves them right for givin' us a paltry allocation and tryin' to sell £42 tickets to their own fans, when the game woz live on the telly!  
When they played Leeedz the crowd woz ower 35,000 and they gave them ower 4,000 away tickets!---and!---charged them less than us to get in! <(No one likes us--do they?)
The capacity of Hillsborough iz just under 40,000!
(ie: 11,000 empty seats!)

*The pre match 'gargels' took place here!

THE HILLSBOROUGH HILLBILLIES v THE TOON ***TOMORROW TEATIME

Posted '1:20pm bells' Friday 7th April 2017

"42 quid---your havin' a laff!"

We heed for the hills of northern Sheffield tomorrow in anothaa 'must win' game and will have the backin' of 3,100 fans in 'The Upper Leppings Lane End' (that's aall the tickets they would give us!) (Leedz and Villa got 4,000!)

At an extortionate £42 to get in, which iz the highest price this season, we 'dearly' (sic!) hope that we can 'stuff them'---If any reason needs to be given to get oot of this division, then surely this iz it! (Mebeez Sheff Wed shud gan on the 'Rip Off Britain' TV series)

We are gannin by road this time az there iz a replacement bus sorvce back from York for 'line work' on the trains---so 'jam jar' it iz!

With Brighton playin' toneet and the othaa 'chasin' pack playin' before us tomorrow, we will naa by kick off time ('5:30 bells') just wot we have to de!---"WIN!"

A full match report will appear here sometime on Sunday!   

"QWAATAA OF A MILLION REASONS TO BELIEVE!!!!!!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 7th April 2017


"LET THE CELEBRATIONS BEGIN!"


Between 'high noon bells' yesterday and 'high noon bells' today 'The Geordie Times' passed the 250,000 mark for pageviews!!!!

This woz mainly due to a load of 'hits' from the UK and Israel and we thank each and every one of yoo for viewin' this fan site, which iz sometimes days behind on match reports etc, due to the fact that aa got to gan to work to orn money to watch The Toon etc!

The top 10 aalltime pageviews are az follows:

1 UK (Ing-er-land, Jockoland, Walez and Northin Ireland) 118,281
2 USA ******************************************35,461
3 Ukraine ****************************************19,771
4 Jawmany ***************************************16,958
5 Israel ******************************************11,374
6 Rushaa ******************************************7,293
7 (Lost in) France ***********************************4,625
8 (Mee old) China **********************************4,187
9 The Guinness Republic ****************************2,004
10 Spain ******************************************1,533

155 countries and territories have now visited this site--the last new one bein' Czechia (wherevaa that iz?) (156 if yoo include the planet MARS!)

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"

THE TOON 1 BORTIN ALBION 0 *** EFL 2016-2017

Posted '12:53pm bells' Thorsday 6th April 2017

"WHO'S THE DUCK-EGG IN THE BLACK!?"

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE
JAMIE'S PENALTY (NOTE THE 2 PLAYERS ENCROACHING)
GOAL ALLOWED!!!

MATT RICHIE'S PENALTY (NOTE GAYLE ENCROACING)
GOAL DISALLOWED!!!

On Sunday aa watched mee 7 year old grandson Jamie play at Swalwell for 'Redheugh Blacks' in front of 22 spectators and 2 ducks, which had wandered onto the pitch!
Last neet aa 'watched on' az Jamie (who woz one of the Toon mascots) run oot with the players in front of 48,814 spectators and 1 'duck-egg'! (The 'duck-egg in question torned oot to be the referee!---read on!)
In the warm up Jamie scored a 'penalty' against Karl Darlow at The Gallowgate End (see above) to huge roars from ME!, Zac (anothaa grandson) and wor lass, who woz in attendance to see mascot Jamie
 

ZAC ENJOYS A BLACKCURRENT 'BEER' BEFORE THE MATCH!

On the half hour mark of the game and amid the most extraordinary scenes ever witnessed at St James' Park the referee Keith Stroud awarded a penalty after Matt Richie had been fouled in the box at The Gallowgate End.
He took it himself and scored sendin' the keeper the wrang way--anly for the goal to be disallowed for encroachment by Dwight Gayle!
This meant that the penalty MUST BE RETAKEN!---But NO! the ref gives an indirect free kick to Bortin and waves the protests away az the crowd gans mad!
Frantic discussions with the 3 othaa official then followed but the SAME decision woz given, which sent Rafa and the players into a rage!
I honestleee have neva seen anythin' like it!!!!!

Anyway!--the 'duck-egg' ref woz roundly booooed for the rest of the half and just 3 minutes were added despite the penalty protests gannin on for at least twice az lang???

Justice woz done however in the 68th minute when Matt Richie hit an unstoppable shot into the roof of the net at The Leazes End to win the game for us!

The question iz this: How come aall FOWER (4) match officials divvint naa the rules of the game????

Match summary: Jamie scores a penalty at The Gallowgate End and the goal woz allowed!
Matt Richie scores a penalty at The Gallowgate End and the goal woz DISALLOWED!!!!

Toon team: Darlow, Anita, Lascelles, Mbemba, Dummett, Richie, Shelvey, Diame, Atsu (Ameobi 89), Gayle (Murphy 91), Perez

Attendance: 48,814 (700 Bortin fans huddled in the corner of The Leazes End!)

*

2 DUCKS AT SWALWELL!

   

1 'DUCK-EGG' AT ST JAMES' PARK!

THE TOON v BORTIN ALBION *** TOONEET!

Posted '1:27pm bells' Wednesday 5th April 2017

ACTION FROM BORTIN ORLIER THIS SEASON
NUFC WON 2-1 (in white)

Tooneet 'The Toon' will pass the MILLION MARK in Leegue attendances @ SJP, when we face Bortin Albion here for the forst ever time! (currently 971,000 +)
Bortin will anly have 700 fans present, which iz suprisin' az aa expected that the whole of Bortin would want to visit 'The Cathedral on the Hill', considerin' that they've nevaa been here before? (max away allocation 3,200)

With Brighton winnin' last neet we are back in 2nd place with the lead changin' hands some 16 or 17 times now, so a win would propel us back to top spot!
Readin' are now in 3rd place, some 8 points behind, havin' played a game more, so 3 points are vital tooneet!
We expect 'The Nigel Clough Mob' to put 11 men behind the baall and hope for a point in their battle against relegation, so it wont be an easy game!
Az mentioned below, grandson Jame aged 7 iz one of the mascots tooneet and we desperately need a win for hiz sake at least!

A full match report will appear here sometime tomorrow!
Az per usual 'watch this space'!

JAMIE'S LIVING THE DREAM!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 4th April 2017

JAMIE 'ON THE BALL' @ SWALWELL ON SUNDAY
PLAYIN FOR 'REDHEUGH BLACKS' V SWALWELL U7s
TO AVOID ANY CONFUSION 'REDHEUGH BLACKS'
ARE THE TEAM IN THE WHITE SHIRTS!
 

Tomorrow neet we play Bortin Albion at SJP for the forst time ever and this (I have to tell yoo!) iz a very special day for grandson Jamie who will be one of the team mascots!

The guy who lives ower the road from Jamie won a bid in some competition and asked Jamie if he would like to be a mascot!
Needless to say that he 'bit hiz hand off' at the kind offer and will run oot with the team in front of 50,000 before the game!


"LIVE THE DREAM!"
A Coventry mascot from 2005 'lived hiz dream' yesterday at Wembley and helped The Sky Blues win The Checkatrade Trophy 2-1 against Oxfaad!

THE TOON 2 THE BLUE WIGS 1 *** EFL 2016-2017

Posted '8:18am bells' Sunday 2nd April 2017
Updated Munday

"IT'S LOOKIN' GOOD--- BUT!---
DIVVINT COONT YI CHICKENS YET!"

Again we struggled at home against 'easy meat' but somehow managed to pull sommik 'oot of the hat' to win by a very narrow margin!

1st HALF ACTION AZ WE ATTACK THE LEAZES END GOAL

Both Dwight Gayle and Lascelles came close in the orly periods with heeders and shots respectively, but the big breaktrough came in the 36th minute when a cross from Diame foond Gayle for an easy tap-in @ The Leazes End!
That's the way it stayed til half time despite 'The Blue Wigs' comin' close on a couple of occasions!

VIEW OF CITY CENTRE AND BEYOND!

And then an 'April Fools 'disaster'!---- Jacobs woz allowed to gan past Lascelles and hit a shot past Karl Darlow in The Toon's goal to level things in the 50th minute!
A purple patch ten followed from wor visitors and they went close with a free heeder and a shot across the box which shud have seen them take the lead---but thankfully their finishin' woz poor and the score stayed the same!-----UNTIL! a Paul Dummett cross foond Gouffran who made a hash of hiz effort---the baall fell to Matt Richie's feet and he volleyed a shot which hit the ground forst, before bouncin' back to him off the post--for him to nod into the net @ The Gallowgate End to send the 50,000 plus Geordies into raptures!

2nd HALF ACTION AT THE GALLOWGATE END

Wigan were dispondant and a blatent penalty woz torned doon when Richie woz tripped in the box, but the ref waved 'play on' WHY???---it woz a stone waall penalty????

After a norvy end to the game the ref finally blew the full time whistle, much to the relief of the crowd!
More 'good news' woz to follow on 'April Fools Day' with the defeats of both 'uddersfield (who unexpectedly lost at home to Bortin) and Leeedz (who lost to Readin') who sat in 3rd and 4th places behind us!

We are nuw TEN POINTS clear of 'uddersfield, and the anly disappointment woz Brighton's win against Blackborn who sit one point behind us in 2nd place!

With just 7 games to gan nuw---we just need to 'plod on'!!!!

Toon team: Darlow, Anita, Hanley, Lascelles, Dummett,Richie, Shelvey, Colback, Gouffran (Hayden 70), Diame (Atsu 63), Gayle (Perez 80)

Attendance: 51,849 (1,150 Blue Wigs)
*