THE TIGER LILLYS 1 THE TOON 1 (3-1 to HULL on penalties) *** EFL CUP QWAATAA FINAL 2016 2017

Updated '1:35pm bells' Thorsday 1st December 2016

ACTION AT 'THE FAR END' (TOON IN WHITE)

"REEEALITY CHECK!"

NUFC put in wor most inept performance of the season in this qwaataa final Leegue Cup tie in Hull!

It waz obvious from the word 'go' that this waz a game likely to gan to extra time and penalties az both team put in abysmal performances!

Misplaced passes, shots way ower the bar and off target were the norm for this game az we froze to death on the terraces of 'The KC' for 2 and a half hours, wishin' we were actually at work!

ACTION AT 'WOR END'

Even when Hull had a player sent off late in normal time we couldn't find a way through until extra time waz played!
In the 8th minute of et we eventually made the breakthrough when Diame poked the baall home from close range to send the near 3,000 Toon fans wild with delight az the players celebrated in front of us!
THIS!---waz short lived to say the least az the home side equalised less than a minute later az the dreaded penalty shoot out loomed!

Shelvey took the forst one, but he'd played badly and az he ran up to take it I just knew that he would miss!---and he DID az their keeper dived to the right to save it!
Hull scored their forst one and then Gayle hit the bar for us!
Wor aanly successful kick came from Atsu, but Hull scored again--meanin' that if Gouffran missed then we were oot!
Their goalie saved hiz spot kick az well az the home fans celebrated!
Ne silverware in this competition for us (again!), but this waz definateleee a 'reality check' and if this team waz in the top flight we would surely struggle!

Forest away on Friday neet iz next up for us, but PLEEEZE can we try a bit harder or else the wheels of the bandwagon will faall off!

Toon team: Sels, Anita (Yedlin 109), Lascelles, Clark, Laazar, Hayden (Murphy 105), Shelvey, Richie (Atsu 80), Gouffran, Diame, Gayle

Attendance: 16,243 (2,500 Toon fans) <(they wouldn't give us any more tickets and the groond waz 8,000 below capacity!

SOME OF THE TOON FANS WHO WERE LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET A TICKET!

THE PRE MATCH 'GARGELS' TOOK PLACE HERE!

PS: Thanx for readin' mee new blog!

THE TOON 0 BLACKBORN (Venky Chicken ) ROVAAZ 1 *** EFL 2016 2017

Posted '11:16am bells' Sunday 27th November 2016

"BLACK Saturday follows BLACK Friday against-----BLACKborn!!!"

A BLACK day indeed for the 50,000 plus Toon Army who had assembled @ HQ to witness wor 10th win in a row!
BUT!--this IZ! NUFC and we have said many many times before that we are the most likely team in futbaall to shoot worsels in the foot when a certain win looks on the cards!

From the start wor visitors attacked the Gallowgate goal az we defended frantically---it waz gannin to be 'one of those days' aa thought az me and grandson Jamie froze in the stands!

Rafa the Gaffa had made several changes from the Leeedz game and this time it backfired on him!
And we went in at the break thankful that we were still on level torms!

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

The 2nd half waz a bit better for us az we tried in vain to get the aall important forst goal and several good chances were missed!

And then 'disaster'!---with just 15 minutes left on the clock Rovaaz got the 'breakthrough when Mulgrew volleyed home from a corner to put the visitors in front.

Despite a few good chances after this from us and great saves from their keeper, 'it wasn't to be' and it waz the smaall contingent of Blackborn fans in level 7 of The Leazes End who were celebratin' and not us!

Anothaa BLACK weekend for aall Tynesiders!

Toon team: Darlow, Yedlin, Mbemba (Gayle 84), Clark, Gamez (Dummett 54), Richie, Shelvey, Atsu, Hayden, Perez, Mitrovic

Attendance: 52, 092 (just 1,600 Rovaaz fans!)

* 

LEEEEDZ 0 THE TOON 2 *** EFL 2016-2017

Posted '2:30pm bells' Munday 21st October 2016

Forst of aall apologeeez for not updatin' on a more regular basis---this iz because my 'geordietimes.com' website went doon and up til now aa still cant get it back online, despite tryin' for the last 3 weeks! (The Google helpline iz NE help by the way!)

"THE TALE OF CHRISTOPHER COLAMITOUS!" 

"IT'S MUCH QUICKER CIRCUMNAVIGATIN' THE WORLD, THAN LEEEDZ!"

The 3 carriage Trans-Pennine train wasn't big enough to take aall the Toon fans and regular customers and this resulted in some people havin' to stand in the allyways for the entire jorney (memo to Trans-Pennine----put more carriages on the next time, yoo idiots!)
Aa waz lucky and managed to grab a seat before they were aall taken--and didn't dare move an inch in case someone nicked it!

On arrival 2 hours later in central Leeedz, we heeded for a couple of boozers just doon the road from the station for some much needed 'liquid lubrication'

Amongst wor party waz 'Colonel Gadaffi' (the one from Bracknell in Berkshire, NOT Tripoli!), 'Faulty Towers' (who didn't have a ticket!) and hiz bruvvaa 'Norman the Cowboy Plumber'!
It waz soon time to heed for the match (1:15 ko) and 2 taxis were hailed to take us to Elland Road which iz on the outskirts of Leeedz. Wor taxi cost £12 (plus a £2 tip) and the othaa one cost £6!  (theres a 'rabbit off' somewhere mee finx!)
We were allocated less than 3,000 tickets but there waz still chaos at the tornstiles az my ticket wouldn't scan! (amongst othaa fans!)----A ticket office waz just roond the corner and the gadgie gave me a new one---with a different seat number on it to the one aa had!?

After pushin' mee way up the stairs aa just saw the kick off and sat in a seat near the exit! (NOT mee new seat!)  Aall the alleyways were full with fans unable to get to their propaa seats az it waz total chaos here az well!

1st HALF ACTION AZ THE TOON (IN WOR 'BUMBLE BEE' KIT)
ATTACK THE ELLAND ROAD END

The Toon were on the 'front foot' from the start and were by far and away the better side' az we attacked the Elland Road End.
In the 11th minute there waz loud applause for the late Gary Speed who played number 11 for both clubs
The forst goal came in the 23rd minute when the Leeedz goalie parmed a baall ott---straight to Gayle whod had some teeth knocked oot a few days orlier in a fight--and he 'knocked' the baall into the net to the delight of the travellin' faithful who were situated on the side of the pitch near to that goal line!

The 2nd came from Gayle again in the 2nd half when an Anita cross in the 54th minute foond Gayle who slammed the baall home to claim the 3 points and 9th league a cup victory in a row, which equalled wor all time record set in 1994 in the Kevin Keegan era!

IT'S NEARLY FULL TIME!----LET THE CELEBRATIONS BEGIN!!!

After the match we called into 'The Bull' which iz on Pleasant Terrace!---(see pix) for a quick gargle on wor waalk back to the city centre. A'm not sayin' the boozer waz rough but it had ne windows (which had ne doubt been put in by some local plonkies!)--and the hooses in 'Pleasant Terrace'? had bars on the windows and doors to keep oot the local burglars!

PLEASANT TERRACE?---YI HAVIN' A LAFF!

'Norman the Cowboy Plumber' had worked in Leeedz for 12 weeks in the past and knew the quickest way back to the train station (NOT!) The 25 minute walk torned into a one which waz an hour plus az we heeded for the large tower block which dominates the skyline---despite waalkin for 30 mins we were ne closer az we circumnavigated every postcode in Leeedz!--- eventually arrivin' back at wor forst 'port o call' near the station at 5 to 5 bells-- with blisters on wor blisters! (the match ended at 3:15!)

"WE'RE GETTIN' CLOSER!---OH NOT WE'RE NOT!!!"

'Colonel Gadaffi' commented that Christopher Columbus would have got us there quicker---(the gadgie that circumnavigated the world a few hundred years ago----'Norman the Cowboy Plumber' waz then renamed 'Christopher Colamitous' on hiz 'circumnavigation of Leeedz!

* Toon team line up: Darlow, Anita, Lascelles, Clark, Dummett, Richie, Colback (Hayden 83), Shelvey, Gouffran (Diame 76), Perez, Gayle (Mitro 79)

Attendance: 36,002 (2,764 Toon fans) Leedz largest crowd for 6 years!)
     

THE TOON 2 WARNOCKS WELSH WHINGERS 1 (CARDIFF!)

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 6th November 2016

ATSU (foot raised) SCORES THE FORST GOAL

It took barely 2 minutes to open the scorin' when Christian Atsu fired in @ The Leazes End az we pounded the Welshmens goal lokin' to icrease wor lead!
This came bang on half time when 'Goofy' Gouffran doubled wor advantage and aall looked good.

HOWEVER!---we didn't get oot of the blocks in the 2nd period az Warnocks Wanabeez looked to get back into the game.
This happened in the 77th minute when Whittinham scored after a blatant hand baall waz missed by the officials (see photo!) 

Cardiff then went for the equaliser in a game we shud have won at a canter and when Mitrovic tumbled in the box with one of their forwards it looked az though wor luck waz oot! ---BUT! the linesman on the far side ruled it waz Mitro who had been fouled and WE won the free kick!

After the game Cardiff manager Neil Warnock moaned and whinged that it shud have been a penalty--but totally missed that 'hand baall' which gave hiz side a way back into the game <(funny that like---isn't it!?)

"HAND BAALL!" BUT THE REF (AND WARNOCK!) DIDNT SEE IT

An EIGHTH win on the spin waz well desorved in the end though az we gan into yet anothaa international break next weekend!

Toon team: Darlow, Yedlin, Lascelles, Clark, Dummett, Atsu (Diame 89), Shelvey, Hayden, Gouffran (Anita 72), Perez ,Mitrovic

Attendance: 51, 257 (approx. 700 Cardiff fans)

*

"TO BE OR NOT TO BE!---THAT IZ THE QUESTION?" *** MORE FIXTURE CHANGES --- "OR NOT AZ THE CASE MAY BE!?"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 4th November 2016

Sky and the FA have been reeeely helpful in wor fixtures for January!
Wor away game at Brentfaad on Saturday January 16th haz been moved to the followin' Munday neet, PROVIDIN'! that both of us arnt involved in FA Cup 3rd roond replays??---If one of us IZ!--- then the game will be moved back to the original time and date at very short notice, givin' us very little time to book trains/hotels at premium prices!

Wor away game at ("ne where near") Brighton iz due to take place on Saturday 28th January, PROVIDIN'! that both of us arnt involved in the FA Cup 4th roond??---(ie: we BOTH get knocked oot in the 3rd roond!?)   If one of us IZ!--then the game will be moved to an unknown midweek date,  again, givin' us very little time to book trains/hotels at premium prices! <(sorry for repeatin' myself!)

"HELP!"

"IT'S 'BATH TIME' FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 3rd November 2016

News that wor U23 cup game away to Bristol City will not now be played on their trainin' groond OR the nearby athletics stadium haz reached 'The Geordie Times'!

The game waz due to be played at 1 of the above 2 groonds tomorrow neet, but haz nuw been switched to Twerton Park, Bath next Munday afternoon @ 2 bells!

Az we have been to Twerton Park before in the 1990's when Bristol Rovers were the tenants, I myself will not be there, but this IZ great news for any 'hoppers' who have nevaa been there before!

In a way, I am glad it's bein' played at Bath, az it would have been ny on impossible for me to make it tomorrow due to work commitments!

'Glennn from Ashington' (it shud be noted), took a days holiday from work tomorrow to visit what would have been a new groond!!!
But iz now left 'kickin hiz heels'!!!

Life's nevaa easy when your a NUFC mad-sad groundhopper!

Aalso---wor U23s have been drawn away to Morpeth Toon in 'The Northumberland Senior Cup' later this month---anothaa groond we have previousleee visited in the past! 

THE TOON U23s v THE SMOGGIES U23s *** TOONEET @ SJP

Posted 1:00 pm bells Munday 31st October 2016

The resorves make a rare appearance at HQ tooneet when we take on The Smoggies @ '7 bells'

If yoo are gannin anly The East Stand iz open and iz free to season ticket holders and members (£3 if yoo are not!)

PS: az yoo can see--website iz still up and runnin' (scroll doon to see article on that!)

Update|: The Toon won 2-0 with Sean Longstaff and El-Mhanni scorin' wor goals in the forst half--the 2nd from the penalty spot, in front of a 508 'crowd'!

PRESTON DEAD END 1 THE TOON 2 *** EFL 2016-2017

Posted '11:25am bells' Sunday 30th October 2016

'MITRO'S ON FIRE! (1st goal)
('GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE!)

"SEVEN HEAVEN!"

On the day the SMBs went 10 games in a row withoot a win from the start of a season, to create a new aall time top flight record, we won wor SEVENTH on the bounce!
Aa cant help wonderin' if the mackem(s) who hired that plane with the relegation banner, which flew ower SJP on the last day of last season, waz there to witness this disaster!---I sincerely hope he/she WAZ!---divvint forget yoo sad bustard(s)--"Wot gans aroond--comes aroond!"

Anyway!---enough of that!--- The jorney doon waz slow and torturous with numerous traffic jams on the way!
We'd started off by train from The Central to Durham where 'Jimmy the Riddle' picked us up in hiz 'jam jar' to complete the trip!

A massive traffic jam in Kirkby Stephen waz followed by one on the M6 and we didn't arrive at wor designated boozer in the centre of Preston til half 12!!!

YE OLDE BLUE BELLE

 

There waz still time (of course!) to 'shovel' several pints of the local brew doon mee 'Gregory' =(Gregory Peck=neck!) at less than £2 a pint!, before waalkin' to the groond some 20 minutes away in the 'north end' of Preston <(would yoo believe!)

THE TOON (in black) KICK THE GAME OFF!

And just like several away games which we have won this season, we didn't 'get oot of the blocks' and stuttered through the forst half!

VIEW FROM THE BILL SHANKLY KOP (2nd half) 

But again we 'came good' in the 2nd period with Mitrovic providin' the 2 goals to secure the 3 points!

Hiz forst in the 59th minute waz a superb right foot effort across the box and got doon on hiz honkers to celebrate in front of the 5,600 Toon faithful behind that goal.

Hiz 2nd 12 mins later waz after hiz heeder waz saved by the Preston keeper, but the baall fell nicely to hiz feet and he toe poked the baall ower the line to send 'The Bill Shankly Kop End' into raptures! (The 'end' we were 'in', which waz named after the ex Liverpool manager az he once played for Preston)

2nd GOAL--- 'MITRO' SCRAMBLES THE BAALL INTO THE NET!

Preston hit back with a goal bang on full time and 6 minutes of stoppage time waz added for some unknown reason? This stretched to NINE minutes before the ref (eventually!)blew for time, but not before a penalty appeal and a 'post hit' from the home side had us bitin' for fingernails doon to the bone at the end!

JUST IN CASE YI DIVVINT NAA WHERE YOO ARE!

A fortuitous win perhaps in the (north) end!--- but lady luck waz on wor side once again az we took the 3 points back to Tyneside!
Heavy defeats for promotion rivals 'uddersfield and 'The Canary Custards of Norwich' meenz that we have opened up a 3 point gap at the top of the table with Brighton (who beat Norwich 5-0) now in 2nd place behind us!

The jorney back waz torturous az well (it took an HOUR to get oot of Preston!) but who cares az we won wor 7th game on the spin!

Toon team: Darlow, Yedlin (Hanley 95!), Lascelles, Clark, Dummett, Hayden, Shelvey, Richie (Atsu 92), Gouffran, Diame, Mitrovic (Perez 86)

Attendance: 20, 724 (5,600 very happy (and releeeved Toon fans!)  This waz Preston's biggest crowd for 7 years!

* Footnote: The Toon startin' X1 cost £63million + £22million on bench:
PNE total cost of their 11 starters and 7 subs = £850,000!

GEORDIE TIMES FLASH-BACK *** HALLOWEEN 2 YEARS AGO! *** "WHO'S BEEN SLEEPIN' IN MY BED!?"

IT'S HALLOWEEN FOLKS! and 'The Geordie Times' makes ne apologeee for diggin' this little 'gem' up from 2 seasons ago! (see below!)

PRESTON DEAD END v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 28th October 2016

The nevaa endin' fixture list gans on (and on!) in deepest Lancashire tomorrow, when we take on Preston for the 2nd time in a few days! (wor 18th leegue or cup game of the season so far!---and we havvent even had Halloween yet! )
They wont relish the prospect after wor 6-0 demolition of them on Tuesday neet @ SJP
We can anly hope for a similar result doon there, but this IZ NUFC and anything can happen???? (a 1-0 win will de me!)

We will have the backin' of 5,600 on The Bill Shankly Kop (the ex Liverpool manager played for them!) az we gan for SEVEN wins in a row!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here on Sunday provided mee domain provider 'GoDaddy' hasn't 'pulled the plug' on this blog by then!? (see article below!)