MORE 'TWISTS' AND TURNS THAN AN AGATHA CHRISTIE NOVEL!

Posted '1:11pm bells' Wednesday 30th March 2016

More devastatin' news for NUFC! 
For wor Irish Republic 2nd choice goalie Rob Elliot haz twisted hiz knee in Dublin az he tried in vain to save a shot against Slovakia in a friendly last neet!
It happened in the 15th minute and we understand that Rob will be oot of action for the rest of the season---just like forst choice keeper Tim Krul who injured himself in exactly the same way playin' for Holland a while back!

This leaves Karl Darlow az wor only available keeper with Premyaa Leegue experience (ONE game!) for wor trip to 'The Canary Custards of Norwich' on Saturday, with wor Academy U18s Freddie Woodman the anly othaa fit keeper we have left!

Just wot we didn't want in wot iz a 'MUST'-'MUST'-'MUST' 'MUST'! win game @ Carrow Road in wor quest to stay in the Premyaa Leegue!
The result of this game will give us a very good idea of the destinations we will be heedin' for next season!
Liverpool or Burton?---West Brom or Waalsaall?----Arsenal or Gillingham?---Manchester or MK Dons?----Chelski or Millwaall?---we shall soon find oot!

It's just anothaa 'DISASTER DAY' in the never endin' 'novel' that iz NUFC

"FORTY SEVEN QUID?--- YI HAVIN' A LAFF!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 26th March 2016


"HELLO!-- NEWCASTLE UNITED FC?  WE ARE RIPPIN'
YOUR FANS OFF LIKE! AND CHARGING THEM £47
TO GET IN NEXT MONTH!"

News that 'The Liverbirds' are to charge us £47 to get in next month for wor visit there, makes the £30 max charge for Premyaa Leegue games next season laughable!

The most ironic thing aboot this, iz that we might not be gannin there next season anyway to get the 'discount'!

An onerous sign of wor current plight iz on Toon fan site nufc.com, which gives the start date for the Premyaa Leegue next season az Sat 13/08/2016 ---but aalso gives the start date for Championship games az Sat 06/08/2016!

"Yee of little faith!"  

319 broadfield stadium, crawley

Ground number 319
Date of First Visit: 23rd March 2016
Broadfield Stadium, Crawley

Brighton U21s 1
Newcastle United U21s 1 (Callum Roberts)

FA Premier U21s League

Unofficial attendance: 368 (Dave from York's estimate!) 
Actual attendance: 266!


"THE FOOLHARDY FIVE!"

THE TOON (in the dark blue strip)
ATTACK THE BRUCE WINFIELD END! (1st half)

Three of the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' travelled doon by train and stopped owerneet for this one---namely 'Dave from York', hiz 'sidekick' 'Alex of St George' and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer'
'Glennn from Ashington' opted for a torturous 'cheap' coach jorney via London, while yours truly decided (against my better judgement!) to drive aall the way there and back az aa had to gan to graft on the Thorsday afternoon

Aa set off (on mee todd!) in mee 9 seater van (come mini bus) at precisely '11:11am bells' and heeded for deepest Sussex!

Just to 'help me' on the 330 mile plus jorney, the London orbital M25 motorway waz shut at the junction aa needed from the M1 torn off!---Az the radio reported delays of FIVE HOURS aa panicked and torned off at Northampton and heeded doon the A43 towards Oxford where aa picked the M40 up which comes oot at a junction of the M25 not effected by the closure <(hope a'm not borin' the t*tts off yoo?)
It waz then a stop start crawl around the 'said' M25 and aa eventually arrived in 'Creepy Crawleyland' at qwaataa to six bells, some SIX and a half hours and 334 miles after leavin' my Tyneside abode!

Kick off waz at 7, so (after bumpin' into Glennn) we heeded for a pub caalled 'The Full Moon' where Dave and Co. were! (or waz it 'The Blue Moon'?)
After a fruitless 30 minutes tryin' to find it, we 'gave up' and heeded back to the groond az kick off time waz approachin'!
(It torned oot that the pub waz through an underpass-- but nebody telt us that!)

Anyway!---after a quick 'nosebag' inside the groond (a cheeseburger!) it waz soon kick off time and Dave, Blondie and Alex made up the five lang distance Toon travellers, az they staggered in from the boozer we couldn't find! (we have since renamed worsels az 'The Foolhardy Five!'!)

Ivan Toney waz playin' for us after a 2 month absence through injury but quite a few of The Toon team were from the lower junior ranks (U18s) and Brighton took advantage az they tried to make the breakthrough!
It came in the 17th minute after a defensive blunder by wor number 2 (Spooner) allowed Brighton's number 4 (Collar) the space to have a shot which beat Toon debutant keeper Nathan Harker az the shot went in off the post!


THE 'U' HAZ FALLEN OFF THE KRUL STAND!---
AZ THE TOON PRESS FOR THE WINNER 

Brighton had othaa chances to seal the win ---but didn't take them and in the 2nd half, az we attacked the 'Tim Krul End' (see photo of stand's name!) wor number 7 Callum Roberts hit an unstoppable left foot shot which flew into the back of the net, to loud 'cheers' and applause from the 'Foolhardy Five' and aboot 20 othaa Toon exiles dotted aboot the main stand!
Az the baall entered the net 'Dave from York' got a phone call from the widow of a recently bereaved Toon fan known az 'Gazza' <(no! not that one!) tellin' him of the funeral arrangements!
"I'm at a match at the minute---we've just scored!", Dave told hor, az he struggled to hear hor above the noise!---weird!

Anyway!---That's the way it ended az aa 'looked forward' <(NOT!) to the six hour drive back yem!---via the M1 roadworks--arrivin' back at precisely '3:02 am bells' and a roond trip of (precisely!) 663.7 miles!--which took iz ower half a day's travellin' time! (12 and a half hours drivin' time, there and back, aall told!) 

ie: It WAZ worth it though--az aa 'chalked' anothaa Leegue groond 'off the 92 list'-----A'm not caalled 'The mad-sad groundhopper' for nothin'! 
Of the 92 current leegue groonds, a'v visited 78 !---aall with 'The Toon'!
In total includin' former leegue groonds of current leegue teams, this total rises to 110 (ie 2 groonds for the likes of Man C, SMBs, Smoggies, Lestaa, Stoke, Bristol Rovers, etc etc)
That still leaves me with 14 current leegue groonds still to visit however!----it's a never endin' 'goal'!         

THE CRUMPLED TEAM SHEET PROVES THAT "WE WAZ THERE!"

NUFC MAD SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS *** "NEW GROOND! NEW GROOND!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 22nd March 2016

Tomorrow neet at '7 bells' wor U21s take on Brighton's equivalent @ Broadfield Stadium, Crawley--which iz new territory for the mad-sad groundhoppers!---AND a new leegue groond to add to the list!

Because of the distance involved (roond trip 666 miles!) there are very few 'saddos' gannin'! (FIVE aaltogether mee finx?)

More to follow on aall this later this week!--- plus match report!

THE TOON 1 THE SMBs 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '10:00am bells' Munday 21st March 2016


1st HALF ACTION AZ THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL


"THE ROT HAZ STOPPED AT LAST!"

Although we didn't win this 'relegation derby' a point waz better than nowt az at half time we aall thought that at 1-0 doon we were f****d!

The mackems had made more of the play in the forst half and 'that thorn in wor side' scored again within seconds of the forst half endin', and thoughts of 7 defeats in a row to the SMBs waz unfinkable!!

Aa took me six year old grandson Jamie to hiz forst ever derby game and if we'd lost he would have to live with that forevermore!
But Mitrovic saved wor (and hiz!) bacon with barely 10 minutes left on the clock with a fine heeded goal from a Wijnaldum cross to send me and 'lucky mascot' Jamie wild with delight alang with the othaa 49,000 Toon fans in this capacity crowd---az the 3,000 mackems looked on in despair!

ACTION AT THE GALLOWGATE END (2nd half)
(view from row 'T' in The Milburn Stand)

We'd stopped the rot but the anly 'winners' in aall this were Norwich City--3 points aheed of us in 2nd bottom place and 2 aheed of the SMBs!---and guess who we play away next with just 8 games left----"NORWICH!"

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat (Anita 71), Colback (De Jong 62), Shelvey, Mbemba, Lascelles, Wijnaldum, Sissoko, Mitrovic, Perez, Toonsend (Cisse 76)

Attendance: 52,311 (3,000 SMBs) *

THE TOON v THE SMBs *** "D DAY DECIDER!"

Updated '8:55am bells' Sunday 20th March 2016

THE TOON WON 3-1 (Keeble, Milburn, White) IN FRONT OF 61,000
("More of the same pleeeze on Sunday!")

The biggest derby game in livin' memory takes place @ SJP this afternoon and a victory for the black n whites haz never been needed more!

At stake of course iz survival in the Premyaa Leegue and shud we win we will climb above the mackems and hope that Norwich have lost on Saturday @ WBA az well! <(they WON!)

The adrenalin iz startin' to pump up aalready and several pints of 'liquid lubrication' will be needed before the match to steady mee norves!

We shall soon find oot if 'Rafa the Gaffa' can wave hiz magic wand and get a good performance oot of hiz charges!

With Norwich winnin' yesterday it meenz we MUST win or be cast adrift in the bottom 3---there iz now a 4 point gap between us and them!

A full match report will appear here sometime on Munday!

100,000 UK VIEWS! *** 33,000+ USA VIEWS!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 17th March 2016

CELEBRATIONS IN NEW YORK CITY!

Today The Geordie Times received it's 100,000 'hit' from the old UK!  The USA haz just 'hit the 'thord of a century mark' az well (nearly!) so there iz cause for double celebration!

Geordie Times top 10 aroond the world (and beyond!)

1 UK 100,005
2 USA 33,033
3 Ukraine 18,316
4 Jawmany 15,689
5 Israel 5,288
6 Rushaa 4,649
7 (Mee old) China 4,144
8 France 2,746
9 The Guinness Republic 1,577
10 Spain 1,221

SOMEWHERE ON MARS
"GEORDIE TIMES RULES OK!"
"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"  "WHEY AYE MAAN!"

ARMA IN FRAME?

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 16th March 2016

It haz been reported to us by wor 'secret agent' from the trainin' groond that Adam Armstrong haz been it talks with Rafa Benitez!
'Arma' iz currently on loan @ Coventry and haz scored 19 goals for them this season!
He could be recalled at any time and god knows we need somebody (anybody!) to stick the baall in the net!

Of course it iz easier to score in Leegue 1 than The Premyaa Leegue but we are so desperate for a goalscorer that hiz retorn to the fold iz a very real possibility!

Watch this space for more info from wor 'secret agent'! 

THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '1:25pm bells' Tuesday 15th March 2016


THE TOON (in white) ATTACK THE LESTAA GOAL DURIN' THE 2nd HALF

A much better display than the last away game at Stoke--but the same result!  A 1-0 defeat meenz that we have nuw lost EIGHT (8!) in a row on the road and wor inability to put the baall into the net waz wor downfall (yet again!) last neet in Lestaa!

Rafa Benitez took hiz forst game in charge and we matched the leegue leaders for most of the match but just couldn't find that killer touch!
We seemed more organised than of late and where McClaren didn't have a clue of formations, Rafa does! 

The anly goal of the game came in the 25th minute when a bicycle kick from Okazaki sealed wor fate---although Vardy looked offside!


1st HALF ACTION AZ THE TOON ATTACK THE FAR END

Sissoko, Mitrovic, Perez and De Jong aall missed chances and there in lies wor problems---goals meenz points--ne goals meenz nowt!

Anotha one goal defeat on the road (and there have been quite a few lately) have cost us dear az we gan into the must! must! must! win derby next Sunday @ SJP!

Lets hope 'Rafa the Gaffa' can work hiz magic there! 

Toon team: Elliot, Colback, Lascelles, Taylor, Janmaat, Sissoko, Anita (Toonsend 56), Shelvey (Doumbia 87), Perez (De Jong 71), Wijnaldum, Mitrovic

Attendance: 31,824 (less than 2,000 Toon fans) *

THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE v THE TOON *** TOMORROW NEET!

Posted '11:25am bells' Sunday 13th March 2016




"AALL OF A SUDDEN THE LESTAA AWAY TICKETS
HAVE SOLD OOT!---I WONDER WHY???"



For a change we heed to an away game with 'a spring in wor step!' and NOT 'with wor heed in wor hands!' az we set the sat nav for deepest Leicestershire and 'The Bag of Crisps Stadium' <(Walkers) < (originally!)

Of course wor opponents tomorrow are flyin' high at "the top o the leegue", while we sit in 2nd bottom place and if you'd asked any Toon fan at '5 bells' last Saturday afternoon (after we'd lost 3-1 to Bournemoooth!) aboot wor next game, they would have said the scoreline would be 4,5 or 6 nil to Lestaa!---at least!

However!---with a new and proven manager in charge (and we say 'manager' az apposed to 'heed coach'!) things can anly 'look up' and who knows wot he can get oot of the players that McClaren couldn't?

And do WE feel sorry for 'The Wally with(oot) the Brolly'???---yoo bet we DON'T!--- az hiz continual denials of even the worst results--- 6-1 at Man City--("We played well---in the first half!") and the 2 defeats to Wotfad in the FA Cup and leegue ---("we matched them and didn't deserve to lose!") <(oh yes we did!) amongst many many othaa 'undesorved'? defeats----had me and the rest of The Toon fans tearin' wor hair oot from the roots and bangin' wor heeds off brick waalls! "AAARRRGGGHHH!"

Playin' Riviere up front against Bournemoooth waz the final straw (he haz scored ONE goal in the last TWO seasons) az this disjointed performance finally sealed hiz fate and gave US some hope with Rafa's amazin' appointment! (The great Real Madrid waz hiz last team, remember!)

And hears anothaa indictment of McClaren's tenure: 
'The Sunday Sun': "The former Liverpool and Real Madrid boss was delighted to learn that some of his new squad members shrugged off injuries and knocks in a bid to impress him on day one of his stint in charge!"

In othaa words, some of them didn't want to play for McClaren and so had feigned injury!

Like we say!---things can anly get better!----it surely can't get any worse than just 7 wins oot of 31--can it?

We must back 'Rafa The Gaffa' to the hilt!---"Howay The Toon!"