THE TOON 4 v THE WOLVES 1

Posted '21:10 PM bells' Saturday 2nd April

"Spiderman to the rescue!"

A fantastic 4-1 win in wor quest to stay in the 'top ten' was witness-ed at St James' this afternoon! (we are now '9th' and have climbed above 'the wearside jack X1'!)
Goals from Kevin Nolan and Shola 'The Plastic Mask' Ameobi secured a 2-0 half time lead for 'The Black 'n' Whites'

Peter Lovencrands made it 3-1 just after the restart anly for Wolves to pull one back in the 58th minute to send The Toon Faithful into 'convulsions' at the thought of a Wolves comeback as they came very close to makin' it 3-2 by 'shavin' the post a couple of minutes later! 

'Spiderman' then saved the day for us with a suburb goal in stoppage time to mek it 'fower-one'!, thus securin' a valuable 3 points for The Toon!

My prediction of  a crowd of 50,000 waz 'way off the mark' az 'anly' 49,939 'bothered' to torn up! (this meeenz that 'The Geordie Times' 'predicted crowd total' waz some '61' oot! (my 'grovingleee apologies' for this undermitagatin' error!)



"Quack!-quack!--fower-one to the Geordie boys!-Quack!-quack!"


Wor 14 match  'winless duck' in the 'Saturday 3 bells' time slot haz nuw been well and truely beeeen broken!
We are now 7 points above 'the abyss' and 3 points nearer 'to bliss'!

A special mention to loyal fan 'The Jarrow Crusader' who has been in 'doc'. 
We aall hope that this '4-1 tonic' haz helped him on a full road to recovery and that he will soon be back in 'The Newcastle Arms' on 'the hoy' once more! 

TOON RESORVES 2 v TOFFEE RESORVES 1



Posted '11 pm bells' Tuesday 29th March

"Anybody got a spare helicopter?"

Yet anotha 'behind closed doors' home game was played @ Benton this after-noon @ '2 bells' against Everton resorves--wor last home league game of the season.
We won 2-1 thanx to Ryan Donaldson who heeded in after 8 minutes and then Phil Airey doubled wor lead 6 mins later with a close range shot.
The Morseysiders pulled one back in the 27th minute but The Toon held on to tek the points



This 'Geordie Times' match report waz compiled by!  >>>>>>   

                       

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Unfortunately wor resorve game at West Brom's 'Great Barr Trainin' Groond' next Tuesday (5th April) is aalso behind closed doors---BUT! ---az it is a (potential?) new groond, aa will make every effort to be there and aa have a few 'irons in the fire' to somehow try and gain entry next week to add to mee 'mad-sad' groundhoppin' list!

"Az ever!---Watch this space!"



IT'S A LOCKOUT!



"NO ENTRY!"

 Posted '10:10 am bells' Monday 21st March
A worryin' trend is  develop-in' in wor resorve fixtures both home and away.
By the end of today a total of SEVEN oot of wor TEN home fixtures will have been played behind closed doors with NO public access!---a DISGRACEFUL! state of affairs when you consider that the three home games we have been allowed to attend have attracted nearly 7,000 spectators!

"NO ENTRY!"

As season ticket holders it was aalways  'wor right' to be able to watch the resorves as part of wor season ticket deal!---but NO MORE!---as in the smaall print it now states that anly 'designated games' will have public access!

Wor attractive resorve game against Man U  @
'3 bells' this afternoon is to be played behind closed doors in Benton---the question is---WHY????
Aa wouldn't be able to attend anyway as av got to gan to work, but that's not the point, as quite a few people that aa naa of would have went!

The next home game against Everton on the 29th of this month is aalso 'crowd free' as is wor away game against West Brom at their trainin' groond at the beginnin' of next month, denyin' any groundhoppers 'the right' to watch their team!

It' a sad state of affairs when yi cannit gan to watch your team play---ISNT IT JUST!???


"UNLESS YIV GOT ONE OF THEEEZE!!!"


Posted '10 am bells' Tuesday 22nd March
The Toon lost the above game 2-1 with Richardson gettin' wor solitary goal---Perch was sent off in the forst half
Attendance: Players relatives, the press and NUFC staff only! (no riff raff!---ie FANS!)



THE POTTERS 4 v THE TOON 0

Posted '10:10 pm bells' Saturday 19th March
"EMERGENCY 999!"

"ANY CHANCE OF THREE POINTS , OFFICER?"

A 'disaster day' performance from 'The Toon' at Stoke left us just fower points away from 'the abyss'.
Aa just knew that it wouldn't be wor day when aa looked at mee seat number on mee match ticket----999! (a bad omen or wot?)
The 5-3-2 formation just didn't work and this was definately 'a one to forget' (very quickly!) as we sucumbed to an average Stoke side, watched by the 2,750 'away sufferers' in the selloot *27,505 crowd

Dial the emergency number----QUICK!

(*This was Stoke's biggest attendance of the season, beatin' their crowds against Man U, Man C and Liverpool respectively!)


'HEED IN THEIR HANDS!'

THE HEED 0 (2) v DARLO 0 (3)
Gatesheed made it a 'double disaster day' for Tyneside when they drew 0-0 with Darlo in the FA Trophy semi final 2nd leg at The International Stadium, which meant that they lost the tie 3-2 on aggregate and so will not be gannin' to Wembley for the final. ("Boo-Hoo!")
A bumper crowd of 5,156 were there, includin'  2,000 plus delighted Darlo fans

THE COCKNEY BOYS RES 4 v THE GEORDIE BOYS RES 2

Posted '1:35 pm bells' Wed 16th March

DEFINATLEEE NOT! BISHOP STORTFORD! (see below!)

A fower -two defeat in 'Eeest Landan' for wor second string at The Boleyn  Groond yesterday afternoon was predictable as we had anly ONE player with ANY forst team expierience on the pitch, namely Phil Airey who scored the openin' goal of the game
The Cockney Boys on the otha hand had several players with forst team expierience in their resorves and this proved decisive as they put fower past Alnwick in The Toon goal.
(Greg McDermott added a second for us 10 mins from time)

Attendance: havvent got a clue!?

WEST HAM RESORVES STADIUM MOVE OUTRAGES NUFC GROUNDHOPPERS!



"NO NUFC GROUNDHOPPERS HERE!"


Posted
'high noon 
bells'  Tuesday 15th March





As mentioned previousleeee, West Ham's decision to move to a new stadium has caused 'outrage' amonst  the NUFC 'mad-sad groundhoppers!'--- 

NO!---a'm NOT! taalkin' aboot their decision to move from Upton Park to The Olympic Stadium!---A'm taalkin' aboot their decision to move their resorve game against Newcastle Resorves from Bishop Stortford to Upton Park today at '2 bells' this afternoon!

Thoosands upon thoosands of Newcastle fans were plannin' to 'groundhop' to this game had it taken place at Bishop Stortford's Hertfordshire base,  as it was a brand new groond for us! (whey!---at least TEN 'saddos' that aa naa of,  had planned to gan---anyway!)
But az it has nuw been switched to Upton Park---
(a groond we've been te a 'million-trillion times') , there's not much point in gannin---iz there!?----

This means that anly ONE! 'annonymous'< (hope av spelt that reet!?) NUFC 'saddo' that aa naa of, is plannin' to gan here today from the north east, as he attempts  to de EVERY! resorve league game this season, home and away!
Anybody from 'The London Branch' shud note that it's NOT! bein' played behind closed doors and they can get in!

'The Brady Bunch' however shud hang their heeds in shame for denyin' us a visit to a new groond!

ANOTHER! BLANK WEEKEND

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 13th March

Because Man U beat 'The Arse' 2-0 in the FA Cup yesterday, it means that we now have to find a new date for wor home league game against them, as the cup semi final is on the same weekend we were due to play them in April

DARLO 3 v THE HEED-'BANGERS'! 2

Posted  Saturday 12th March @ '11:30 pm bells'

Az we had a free Saturday because of ' non-FA Cup' commitments, aa went doon to Darlo alang with a few other Toon fans to cheer on the other black 'n' white Tyneside team (Gatesheed) in the FA Trophy semi final forst leg ----for a place at Wembley ne less!

'The Heed' were 2-0 up at the interval but blew it in the 2nd half  when Darlo replied with 3 devestatin' goals to gan into the 2nd leg with a one goal advantage----4,283 were there includin' 1,082 'Heed-Bangers'! -----Gatesheed's biggest away followin' for fower decades!

The 2nd leg iz next Saturday, but unfortunately 'The Toon' are away to Stoke the same day----so that game must take advantage (for me at least!)
Howay 'The Heed'---we'll be willin' you on at Stoke next week!

THE TOON Resorves 2 THE ARSE Resorves 1

Posted '11:20pm bells' Wednesday 9th March

St James' 
waz the settin' for a rare event toneet!-----The resorves were playin' their forst home league game in front of a crowd for SIX MONTH'S! v Arsenal's '2nd string'

Sadly, the club had previously deemed that we were not welcome for 'the most part' at wor normal resorve venue of Darsley Park in Benton and had played the last few games behind closed doors!

It waz FREE! to get in for the '7 bells' kick off and ower 2,000 took advantage as 'The Toon ran oot 2-1 winners on a freezin' caad neet!

Greg McDermott (son of Terry) opened the scorin' from 12 yards oot for Newcastle and we went in 1-0 to the good at 'half time bells'

The Londoners equalised in the 54th minute through Tosh Rees, but Phil Airey 'saved the day' with a powerful heeder in stoppage time to win it for us in spectacular fashion!.

In total, 2,462 'freebeez' were there, includin' 2 from 'The Arse', who were constantly ridiculed by the home fans throughoot the match!

THE TOON 1 THE TOFFEES 2

Posted '10:35 am bells' Sun 6th March

A 'bad day at the office' was put in by The Toon yesterday as we went doon 2-1 to Everton @ St James' Park.
We took the lead at The Gallowgate End in the 23rd minute when Leon Best heeded in from close range.

However!---another 'Leon' (Osman) levelled things for the visitors barely 7 minutes later in front of the 3,000 plus Evertonians in 'level 7' of The Leazes End with a shot that went straight through wor shambolic defence.

It got worse 5 minutes later when Phil Jagielka heeded into the roof of the net to put The Toffees 2-1 up after another defensive mix up!

In the second half Everton had numerous chances to gan furtha aheed but they couldn't get past Stevie Harper in the Newcastle goal.

Somehow we are still nineth in the table but anymore performances like this will sureleee see us drop doon the table!
The crowd was 50,128