DUNSTON BAD BLUE BOYS 4 THE BRIGHOOSE BRASS BAND BRIGADE 1 *** FA TROPHY 1st QUALIFYING ROOND

With nee Toon games coz of an orly International break and to get ‘wor Saturday fix’ we heeded for UTS Stadium in Dunston to watch an FA Trophy 1st qualifying roond game!

Date of Visit: 6th Septembaa 2025

UTS Stadium, Dunston on Tyne (Visited many times!)

Dunston 4

Brighouse 1

FA Trophy 1st Qualifying Round

Attendance: 376 (Nee band!)

THE BRIGHOUSE & RASTRICK BRASS BAND IN 1977

“WHERE’Z YIH BIG ⬆️ BRASS BAND?”

For those of yoo of a certain vintage age, Brighouse became famous in 1977 when The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band reached number 2 in the UK charts with a crap tune aboot a ‘Floral Dance’ which woz even featured on ‘Top of the Pops’!

Well! sadly! the anly ‘band’ that torned up at the UTS Stadium, were The Dunston Ultraz, who banged on a big drum and sounded an air horn az the match kicked off! (Aboot 20 or so young fans aged between aboot 9 and 16)

DUNSTON PLAYERS CELEBRATE THE ORLY GOAL AZ FANS CRACK OPEN THE CANS!

It didn’t take lang for them to make a bigger racket when Dunston took the lead in the 4th minute through Tom Devitt who flicked the baall into the net at 'The Hot Food End'! 1-0 to 'The Bad Blue Boys'

FOOD FOR THOUGHT!

I opened mee Goalden Goals ticket and it said 99 minutes??? ------"It's a FIX!"⬇️

Thought Golden Goals tickets anly went up to 90 minutes!?🥶

The Brass Band Brigade then blew their imaginary trumpets (sic!) when they equalised on the half hour mark through Booth, who had the simple task of tappin the baall into the net from close range! 1-1

The hosts regained their lead in the 42nd minute when Neary crossed for Josh Donaldson for a ‘vice versa’ tap in at The Hot 🔥 Food End! 2-1

THE HAND 🤚 OF GOD! 🧌

It woz soon 3-1 bang on half time, when Donaldson went on a hazy dribble before cuttin' inside, to plant the baall into the corner of the net! HT 3-1

It woz 'even stevens' for much of the 2nd period, but Dunston put the final nail in Brighooses 'trumpets' in the 73rd minute, when Wil Shaw unselfishly passed the baall across the box to Donaldson and he said "thank you very much!" az he fired home from close in AT (wait for it!) ‘The Dunston Rocket-less End’to complete hiz hat-trick! (There used to be a huge tower block in Dunston nicknamed 'The Dunston Rocket' 🚀 az it resembled a space rocket!---It woz demolished many moons 🌙 ago!---Hence ‘The Dunston Rocket-less End!’) 4-1 to The Bad Blue Boys! FT

THE DUNSTON ROCKET—DEMOLISHED 2012

After the game it woz off to the clubhoose for some celebratory 'liquid lubrications', before heedin to The Royal and The Tudor Rose in Dunston, for the rest of the neet!

“WE WOZ THERE!—-THE PROOF!”⬇️

*Dunston Bad Blue Boys—an explanation!

Many moons🌙 ago NUFC played Dinamo Zagreb away in a Champions Leegue game!

Their notorious hooligan Ultraz are caalled The Bad Blue Boys coz they play in aall blue! (‘Bad’ az in ‘nasty’). Dunston play in aall blue az well and when we got back we gave them that nickname and it stuck! 🇸🇴

GOSSY BOHEMIANS 6. SEATON DEVILS 1 *** NORTHERN ALLIANCE PREMYAA DIVISION

Forst of aall, apologeeez for the late posting of this match report,which iz 2 weeks after the game woz played!—But wot did yoo expect? This IZ The Geordie Times after aall!

Wor motto: We’ll bring yoo aall the latest news forst hand, second—and second hand, forst!”

Date of First Visit: 23rd August 2025

Benson Park, Gosforth, Newcastle

Gosforth Bohemians 6

Seaton Delaval 1

Northern Alliance Premier Division 

Attendance: Aboot 27 (includin 4 bairns in pushchairs and 1 little doggy)

“BOHEMIANS RAP-IT-UP-SY!”

BOHEMIAN’S NUMBER 12 SCORES FROM THE PENALTY SPOT TO PUT THEM 5-1 UP!

With nee Toon game til Munday neet and non of mee fave non leegue teams at home, as decided to pay a visit to north Gossy (Gosforth) to take in a new Tyneside groond!

Aa got the Metro to The Regent Centre (Gossy) and walked to the groond from there! 0.7 miles it said on mee ‘telling bone’ 📞 and aa used ‘Google Maps’ for directions!

After a 15 minute walk it told me to torn left into a private road, az the groond woz at the bottom!

The hooses were massive and dead posh, like the size of large boozers, with room for several Bentleys on the driveways!—-

However! at the end of the road woz a metal gate! I could see the groond on the other side, but the gate woz locked! 🔒 

So aa had to double back to the main drag and find another route through a maze of streets— I eventually foond a smaall gap in between some hooses doon a windin side street leading to the pitch, after mee half an hour trek from the Metro station! (Would never have foond the entrance withoot ‘Google Maps’)

NAMED AND SHAMED!***THE BOHS CLUBHOOSE WOZ CLOSED!?🥶

It woz 10 to 2 🔔s by this time and aa asked a gadgie next to the clubhoose if it woz open, az the game didn’t kick off til 2.30 🛎️s!

“NO!” he said az the teams ran oot!

“Thought the kick off woz ‘2.30 bells’ aa said curiously!

“They aalways kick of at 2 in this league!”, he replied!

So the Northern Alliance website woz WRANG az it gave AALL the kick off times half an hour later!?

NOTE THE KICK OFF TIME GIVEN AZ 14.30

It woz good in a way, az with the clubhoose bein shut aa wouldn’t have to hang aroond and kick mee heels for 30 minutes!

“Are Gossy in the red strip?”  I asked!

“NO! they are in the green strip!”

⬆️

A bit confusing az both Gosforth’s badge and corner flags were RED and a photo a’d seen on the internet had them in a red and white hooped HOME shirts!?⬇️

The groond, like most Northern Alliance groonds, iz simply a field with a metal fence aroond it and nee cover! (Luckily, it woz a dry day!)

Anyway! The game kicked off and straight away Gossy went on the attacked at the ‘Closed Clubhoose End! (It had to be!)

It didn’t take The Bohemians lang to take the lead when their number 9 fired home after just 3 minutes on the clock! 1-0

They doubled their lead in the 10th minute, when their number 10 shot home! 2-0   That the way it stayed til half time!

The home side forther increased their lead when their number 7 scored, az the Delaval goalie fell backwards into the net, pulling some of it doon! 3-0

The match woz delayed for 5 minutes az one of the Bohs players climbed onto the shoulders of a team mate to fix the net back on the hooks behind the crossbar!⬇️

Bohs number 7 then scored again 4 minutes later with a tap in, from a byline cross, to the despair of a Delaval fan, who then lay flat on the groond near to me with hiz hand on hiz heed! ⬇️ 4-0 

There woz then a ‘pitch invasion’ by 2 toddlers near the halfway line, who had broke free from their mammys (It woz aall happening!)

Their woz a little ‘cheer’ from wor man on the groond, when their number 4 hit a shot which woz deflected into the net by a Bohs defender!  “Well done Connor!”, he shouted! (So usin’ my ‘half a sheep’s brain’, I worked it oot that Delaval’s number 4 woz called Connor!) 4-1

Hiz ‘joy’ woz shot lived however, when Gossy Bohs went 5-1 up through number 12 from the penalty spot in the 64th minute, after a foul in the box! 5-1

The final nail in The Delaval coffin came in the 71st minute when again Bohs number 12 scored from a pass near the penalty spot! 6-1

You could say The Bohemians Rapped-it-up-sy! (sic!)🫣

Wor man who woz still lying on the groond shouted “Gettin stuffed 5-1!” He’d obviously lost count by this time!?

After the game aa heeded for the nearest drinkin den on the way back to the Metro, which woz The 3 Mile Inn on the Great North Road!

So caalled, coz it’s 3 miles from Newcasil city centre! (Would yoo beleeeve!?)

The futbaall scores were on the telly in the bar—-and the great news woz that the mackems were gettin beat 1-0 at The Bornley HillBillies’!

And even greater news 10 minutes later when The HillBillies got a second goal near the end!

It woz then back to The Toon for some more’liquid lubrications!’

Another grassroots Tyneside groond off the list!

‘HOPPY’ HOPS ON ‘BOARD’

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Friday 5th Septembaa 2025

NUFC have a new CEO on board caalled David ‘Hoppy’ Hopkinson, a Canadian and ex Real Madrid CEO, who replaces Darren Eales, who iz steppin’ doon due to ill health!

‘HOPPY’ HOPKINSON, WOR NEW CEO!

He takes up hiz position today and we can anly hope that hiz appointment iz az ‘tasty’ az the ‘Hop on Board’ ale that they sorve on the LNER East Coast Main Line 🚂 and that he can sort oot the mess we foond worselz in, after the calamitous departure of a certain player who used to be idolised, but haz went from ‘hero to zero’ in the eyes of aall Toon fans, includin’ us at The Geordie Times’! (I ‘Fink’ yoo naa who I mean!)

WISSA FACTS V ISAK FACT OR FICTION

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Thorzday 4th Septembaa 2025

YOANE WISSA STATEMENT!

⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

Wissa says he haz written proof that Brentfaad said he could leave if a reasonable offaa came in from a big club!— When they renaiged on this he down tools!

Isak says he had a VERBAL agreement with NUFC to leave the club and he laid doon tools!

NUFC deny this and say there woz nee such agreement in place!

One of them iz tellin porkies! 🐽 

The fact that Isak’s dodgy agent didn’t get anything doon in writing iz entirely self inflicted!

We at The Geordie Times naa who WE believe!—And it isn’t yee naa who!➡️🐍🐀💩

So Wissa’s case for gannin on strike iz completely different to Isak’s!

This iz the last time this publication will mention him by name until we play Livaapoool again!

GOOD RIDDANCE! 🐍🐀💩

374 wast hills performance centre, birmingham (v birmingham u21s)

 Ground number 374 (375 includin Motspur Park from ootside!)

Wast Hills (Knighthead) Performance Centre, Wast Hills, Birmingham (Pitch A)

Date of First Visit: 29th August 2025

Birmingham City U21s 2

Newcastle United U21s 2 (McArthur, Neave)

Premier League 2

Attendance: 300 (Estimated) (5 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!)

"A GAME OF THREE VENUES!"

It woz forst annoonced that this game would be played at Stratford Town FC in Stratford on Avon---But then aa hord that it had been moved to Bormingham's Performance Centre in Henley in Arden!

THEN, the day before the match, news that it had been moved to Bormingham's Performance Centre in Wast Hills, Bormingham!?

(Venue changes are common at these games--but not TWO changes!)

So aa had to dee yet another 'route map', az aa woz drivin doon on the Friday in mee '9 seater canny tranny', before wor forst team played Leeedz away at Elland Road the next day at '5.30 bells'!

The U21s game kick off time had aalso been moved from '7.00pm bells' to '2.00pm bells' at Wast Hills, which woz much better az we would be yem at a reasonable time, rather than the orly hours of Saturday mornin'----(The train to Leeedz woz at 11.45am bells')

I say 'we' meenin 'me' and Glennn from Ashington!

We left at 8.40am bells' and arrived at wor destination some 4 hours and 15 minutes later!---Just ower an hour before kick off time!

It woz free entry and we made wor way to one of the two smaall stands on the touchline between the halfway line!---The rest of the groond woz fenced off with nee entry for spectators and there were 2 home and away dugoots on the far side of the pitch. And there looked to be aboot 300 'or so' at the game!

3 more NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers then torned up, namely Phil (who lives in Coventry), Barry and 'Biffa the Beer'! (The 'Unfathomable Five', perhaps?)

The game kicked off 2 minutes late with NUFC attackin the left hand goal to us, in the green away strip (Bormingham were in aall blue) 

To be honest the forst half woz 'nothin' to write home aboot' and the teams went in 0-0 at the interval!

It livened up in the 2nd period and we took the lead in the 49th minute when Charle McArthur heeded home from a Alfie Harrison corner! 1-0 to 'us'

Wor hosts equalised 9 minutes later when 2 shots were blocked by The Toon defence, anly for Bateman to fire home their thord effort to beat Harrison in wor goal! 1-1

The Brummies got a penalty in the 79th minute when Toon defender Dylan Charlton fouled Gurnier in the box! Gurnier took it himself and fired past Harrison to put them 2-1 up!

Just when it looked az though we would lose the game and in the 90th minute, Sean Neave woz put through and he calmly roonded their keeper to put the baall into the empty net to muted applause from 'The Unfathomable Five Toon Travellers'!

9 minutes stoppage time woz added (for 2 injuries in normal time) and Neave thought he'd won it 'at the death', but hiz shot woz ruled offside by the 5 foot linesman on wor side of the pitch!

So 2-2 it finished and the drive home included 2 bad traffic jams and we arrived back on Tyneside at '10.30pm bells' with 428.4 miles on the clock! (Glennn from Ashinghton then had to get the train yem to "er!" Ashington, beleeeve it or not?) (An extra 15 miles travel for him!)

Just enough time to get some 'shut-eye' before travellin south again, to Yorkshire for wor Premyaa Leegue game in Leeedz the next day! (By train this time!)

PS: Glennn actually went to wor U18s game at Thorpe Arch, Wetherby against Leedz U18s at dinnaatime next day az well, before heedin for Elland Road 12 miles away!---We are not caalled 'mad-sad groundhoppers' for nothin'!

AALSO KNOWN AZ ⬆️WAST HILLS PERFORMANCE CENTRE

WE WOZ THERE! *** THE PROOF ⬆️

FOOTNOTE: Sorry for the late publishin’ of this groond report, (which iz nearly a week late!) but with the NUFC forst team game at Leeedz the day after, ‘The Geordie Times’ had to give priority to that report on Sunday—And then of course transfor deadline day woz on Munday—and yoo divvint need me to tell yoo aboot that!

PS: Wor U21s were in action again last neet in Huddersfield (main groond) so az we had been there a few times before, we didn’t gan! (Apart from the maddest NUFC groundhopper of them aall, ‘Glennn from Ashington’!)

NUFC lost 6-2!

HUDDERSFEEELD TOON (1st team) v THE TOON U21s *** EFL CUP *** TOONEET!

 Posted '7.00pm bells' Tuezday 2nd Septembaa 2025

ACTION AT THE McALPINE STADIUM IN 2016--2017  NUFCs 1st TEAM WON 3-1

NUFC U21s on on the road this evenin' when we play Huddersfeeeld at their main stadium in west Yorkshire!

The game iz live on SKY SPORTS + and starts at '7,45 bells'

Az The Geordie Times haz been to The McAlpine Stadium a few times before (now caalled sommik else? for sponsorship porposes) we will be 'Tellyhoppin' for this one at Geordie Times HQ!  

We were at Bormingham City's Wast Hill Performance centre last Friday to watch wor U21s play their U21s which ended in a 2-2 draw!----A groond that The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers had never previously visited, hence wor attendance at that one!

A match report on that game will belatedly appear here at 'high noon bells' tomorrow! (5 days late!---but wot did yoo expect?---this IZ The Geordie Times!) 

For the game tooneet we will watch on the telly and bring yoo the final score before ‘10.00 pm bells'! APR "Watch this space!"⬇️

FT ‘Huddersfeeeld 6 

The Toon U21s 2 (Sean Neave, Dylan Charlton)

Attendance: 1,280 (90 Tormented Toon Travellers!)

Pass accuracy 

HTFC 88%

NUFC 13%

Abysmal!😱

“WE’LL LET YOU DRAW YOUR OWN CONCLUSIONS!?”

 Posted 5.11pm 🛎️ bells’ Tuezday 2nd Septembaa 2025

🐊😭***🛠️🪚⬇️🐍🐀💩

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!?🤔

AND NOW FOR SOME MUCH BETTER NEWS!

 Posted 5.15pm 🔔 bells’Munday 1st Septembaa 2025

Updated ‘midneet 🛎️ bells’

🤪👍🏁🏆🥇

*

*

It’s not aall doom and gloom on Tyneside!

*

A terse 37 word statement aboot Isak’s transfor from NUFCs official website! 🐍 

*

And this from former Toon goalie Shay Given!  Unbelievable!

*

BLACK SEPTEMBER!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells’ 🔔 Munday 1st Septembaa 2025

It’s the forst day in Septembaa and iz a black one indeed, az the transfor of Isak(unt) to Livaapoool iz aall but conformed!

We hear £125 million haz been agreed between the clubs, which meenz that Isak(unt), hiz dodgy agent, Sky Sports News etc and Livaapoool have won and we have lost wor soul!

The saying HERO to ZERO haz never been more appropriate!

Good fcukin’ riddance!

Nothin more to say!

LEEEDZ 0. THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Sunday 31st August 2025

“THE UN-TERTAINERS!”

There’s one thing for certain, this ‘bore draw’ 😴 would be certain to be last on MOTD last neet!

Wor new £69 million striker Nick Waltemade woz registered too late to be included in the squad! Aalso missin woz Anthony Gordon who woz sent off last week against Livaapoool and Joelinton, who iz carrying an injury, from a bad behind tackle from last weeks game!

And of course wor number 14 woz absent yet again in hiz quest to leave NUFC!

Add those 3 key players to the equation and it woz aalways gannih be a tough afternooon against newly promoted Leeedz, played in heavy rain!

Osalu, who led the line had a chance orly on az we attacked The Geldherd End in the forst half!

Jacob Murphy had an effort saved late in the half and just after this ‘Fab’ Schar had a shot which just went ower the bar, while the home side failed to muster a single shot on target! 

Angry Toon fans frustration boiled ower, with loud chants of “Isak iz a cnut!”, which woz applauded by the Leeedz fans, who joined in the chant! HT 0-0

The game woz live on the telly, but if yoo were a neutral watchin from home, yoo would be reaching for the remote control ‘off button’ for certain!

The second half wasn’t much better with Murphy havin a distance shot which woz pushed away by in the Leedz goal, az we attacked the Sooth Stand End!

Lewis Haall aalso had a shot which narrowly sailed ower the bar, while Leeedz forst shot didn’t materialise til the final minute of the game by Calvert Lewin, who’s shot woz saved by The Pope in the Toon goal!

FT 0-0 Wor 2nd away game of the season with a blank scoresheet!😱

An aaful game to watch, but the question iz?—- will Isak 🐍 be sold by the Munday ‘7pm 🛎️s’ transfor deadline!?— Anly the PIF naa the answer to that one!?

Attendance: 36,727 (2,900 very angry Toon fans!)

Pub crawl report! 3 in Leedz and the last one in York station. (3 visited in previous seasons)

Runnin total for season: 14

FRIENDS OF HAM, LEEEDZ

THE BREWERY TAP, LEEEDZ

HOWARDS BAR, INSIDE LEEEDZ GROOND

THE LINE WHISTLE, YORK STATION

FOOTNOTE:

A match report on wor U21s game in Birmingham on Friday afternooon will appear here sometime durin the week!

And very belatedly, there will be a match report on Gosforth Bohemians v Seaton Delavil in the Northern Alliance, which woz played a week gone Saturday!

(Simply had nee time to dee them!)