THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB V THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ Friday 24th January 2025

ST. MARY’S ‘MACCANO’ STADIUM, SOOOTHAMPTON

We heed with great difficulty to the sooth coast via Bormingham az King’s Cross station in London iz shut again for the 2nd time this season for maintenance!🥶

The dreaded replacement busses are from Peterborough to Bedford (which will take ages!) and then a train to St Pancras (next to King’s Cross) and then onward to Sooothampton via tube and Waterloo station!

So “fcuk that”, it’s via Bormingham instead to avoid the bus jorney!

Storm Enoch (or whatever it’s caalled?) haz caused havoc today and disrupted LNER trains southbound, with many cancelled, so it’s by a stroke of luck that we are travelling by car instead later today, on the forst part of wor 350 miles jorney to deepest Hampshire!

On paper it shud be an eazy 3 points az Sooothamton have won just 1 solitary game this season and have just 6 points in total!—while The Toon are gannin for wor 5th away win in a row and 10th win in 11 games oweraall!

BUT! hang on a minute!— this iz NUFC and anything can happen, az we sadly foond oot last week in wor shock 4-1 defeat by Bournemoooth at SJP!

We have slipped from 4th to 6th in the Premyaa Leegue table after last weeks defeat, but a good win would propel us up at least 1 place! (A Champions Leegue place, no less, az Inglish clubs are deein well in this season competition and 5th place will probably be ‘up for grabs’ next season!)

Aall 3,000 away tickets were snapped up ages ago and it shud be noted that the away end haz moved to the opposite end of the groond since we were last here, to the Chapel/Kingsland Corner!

Nee news of the team line up, but we expect ‘nee change’ from last week!

A full GeordieTimes match (and booze!🍺) report will appear here sometime on Sunday!

APU “Watch this space!”

Explanation: Simon Templar woz a cult hero in the 1960s TV series’The Saint’, which of course iz Sooothampton’s nickname!—-‘The Simon Templar Mob’—-get it?🤔

THE HEEDBANGERS 2 THE TOON U21s 4 *** NATIONAL LEEGUE CUP GROUP 'C'

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 22nd January 2025

TOON IN MAROON AND BLUE SHIRTS—-HEED IN WHITE SHIRTS

"MY GARDEN SHED IZ LOUDER THAN THIS!" (???)

The Toon U21s had to win this to have any chance of progressin to the knockoot stage of the competition and az expected there woz a very low crowd to witness the forst ever competitive Tyne Bridge derby!

Before the game aa heeded to Gatesheed toon centre to sample the delights of 'The Tilley Stone', 'The Met' and 'The Nags Heed' boozers!

Not one Gatesheed (or Toon) fan woz in any of them? which gave me a very good indication of the likely tornoot at The Gatesheed International Stadium!

Aa got there in good time and met up with 'Glennn from Ashington' and 'Biffa the Beer'----Aa tried to get into the Gatesheed clubhoose underneath the main stand but a lassie securuty guard stopped me and asked if aa had a wristband!  Aa didn't and woz refused admission!!!!---aa tried to buy a pint on the concourse but woz told it woz a 'non alcoholic game'!!! (Memo: Won't be back here again for a very!—very! lang time!)

Anyway!-- the game kicked off in front of my estimated 300 to 400 fans and the centre section of the stand woz resorved for 'guests' and the rest of us 'plebs' were forced to sit in one smaall section of the stand to the far right of the pitch, with the rest of the groond’s 11,000 red seats completly empty!

One brain-dead teenage Gatesheed fan behind me started singin at the top of hiz voice, "My garden shed iz louder than this!"---which made absolutleee nee sense at aall!???? (I then decided to move to a seat az far away from him az possible at the back of the stand, az I couldn't put up with that kind of 'crap 💩 nonsense' ringin in mee right lug, for 90 minutes!)🥶 (Nee wonder we caall them 'The Heedbangers'!)

The Toon U21s took the lead through Alfie Harrison who fired home after 8 minutes!  That woz soon cancelled oot by The Heedbangers who equalised 6 minutes later through Jovan Malcolm who raced through wor defence to hit a fine shot into the net!

"A VIEW TO DIE FOR!"

We regained the lead 6 minutes later through Josh Donaldson who hit a sweet shot home from a Johnny Emerson cross!

Things were level again just 5 minutes later when an error from Toon keeper James Taylor let in Callum Trip to score! 2-2 at Half Time!

KUOL ABOOT TO TAKE THE PENALTY!

There woz nee more scorin til the 75th minute when Garang Kuol woz fouled in the box!---Penalty!--Kuol took it himself and easily beat the Heedbangers keeper!  3-2 to NUFC👇

To make absolutleee sure of the 3 points Kuol crossed to Darren Palmer, who heeded past The Heed keeper with 7 minutes left on the clock!

That result meant wor U21s finished top of the group aheed of Boston (who drew) and Leeedz (who lost) to qualify for the knockoot stage of the competition! 

PS: THE BBC WEBSITE SAYS BOSTON FINISHED WITH 9 POINTS FOLLOWING THEIR PENALTY SHOOTOUT WIN V BORO AND GAVE THEM 3 POINTS INSTEAD OF 2.  1 POINT FOR THE DRAW AND 1 POINT FOR THE PENALTY WIN = 2 !

Attendance: 470 (Heed and Toon fans mixed in, probably 150 Toon fans!

This (believe it or not!) woz the HIGHEST attendance in wor 4 away games in the competition! 

292 v Halifax (a record low crowd for them!), 387 v Tamworth and 386 v Boston, a total of just 1,535 for the 4 games, givin an average of 383 per game!---National Leegue fans said they would boycott this competition and they have been true to their word!

The pre match pub crawl took place in Gatesheed toon centre!👇

AT 99 pence A PINT, THE CHEAPEST BY FAR THIS SEASON!

THE TYNE BRIDGE DERBY! *** TOONEET!

 Posted ‘high noon bells’ 🔔 Tuezday 21st January 2025

👈GATESHEED SIDE OF THE RIVER TYNE** **THE TOON SIDE OF THE RIVER TYNE👉

Weather permitting the forst EVER competitive game between ‘The Heedbangers of Gatesheed’ and ‘The Toon’ takes place at The International Stadium in east Gatesheed at ‘7:45 🛎️s tooneet in The National Leegue Cup group stage! (Although it iz anly wor U21s reserve side playin’ Gatesheed’s forst team)                                             And there have been numerous ‘friendlies’ between us ower the years, of course!

Put simply wor U21s have to win to have any chance of reaching’ the knockoot stage—and hope other results gan wor way! (ie: That Boston lose to The Smoggies of Boro!—-or draw and lose the penalty shootout)

(Top 2 qualify for knockoot stage)

Followin other attendances in the competition, it it sure to be a low crowd in the mid 100’s az the National Leegue sides fans are not happy aboot Premyaa Leegue resorve sides ‘hijackin’ their ‘Cup’!

‘The Geordie Times’ will publish a match (and boozer!) report sometime on Wedinzday!

APU “Watch this space!”

THE TOON 1 THE BOURNEMOOOTH CHERRY PICKERS 4 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 19th January 2025

"BACK TO ORTH WITH A VERY LOUD BANG!"

We knew this game wouldnt be eazy against an in form Bournemoooth side, unbeaten in 10 games---but even we couldnt have invisaged a 4-1 defeat after WOR run of 9 succesive wins!

From the word 'go' wor visitors went for the jugular az they kicked towards the Gallowgate End and within 4 minutes they came very close to scorin when Semenyo hit a shot which just went ower the bar!

2 minutes later and they were 1-0 when Semenyo set up Justin Kluivert to fire home! (The son of Patrick)

NUFC were at sixes and sevens az wor oot of form team kept losin possesion and passin to the opposition!?

Bruno then levelled things in the 25th minute at The Leazes End, when Lewis Hall's corner kick foond Bruno's heed and their keeper woz unable to stop the baall from crossin the goal line-- BUT! he then lost possesion near the half way line just before the break and Kluivert raced through unmarked to plant the baall past Dubravka in The Toon goal to give them the advantage at half time!

Bournemoooth got a 3rd on the hour mark, through Outtara, but it woz ruled oot after a lang VAR check az the baall had went oot of play just before the goal!

Anthony Gordon then had a rocket shot blocked at The Gallowgate End, but thats az good az it got from us!

And 'The Cherry Pickers' wornt finished az we huffed and puffed, unable to contain them and their 3rd (indisputable) goal eventually came in stoppage time through Kluivert again, to complete hiz hat-trick (just like hiz daddy had done to us many moons ago!)---and then very deep into stoppage time they rubbed salt into wor wounds with a 4th goal through Kirkez who fired home a tremendous shot to the delight of the 1,700 Cherry Pickers fans high up in The Leazes End! (We were told that they would anly have 300 followers coz of the graveyard kick off time, but in fact they had 400 more fans than Wolves had brought in mid-week!)

By this time half the crowd had departed, with thoosands of empty seats by the time the ref blew for full time!

The 'Cherries' (their nickname) had definatly 'picked' us off!!!

The record 10 wins in a row woz not to be and we must now lick wor wounds for the trip to Sooothampton next Saturday!---An eazy 3 points against the rock bottom club with just 1 win and 6 points aall season?----Yi never naaa with wor lot??? 

Attendance: 52,227. Add on the 51,975 v Wolves and 52088 v Bromley meeenz that a total of 156,290 have passed through the SJP tornstiles in the last 6 days! Unbeleeevable support!

*GUESS WHICH TEAM HE SUPPORTS?👇

 

THE TOON V THE CHERRY PICKERS *** TOMORROW DINNAATIME!

 Posted 'high noon bells'🕭 Friday 17th January 2025

THE LEAZES END BOOZER (aka COMPANIONS CLUB) ON LEAZES PARK ROAD IZ OPEN AT ‘9:30 🛎️S’ IN THE MORNIN’          🤪👍🏁🍺

The Toon gan into this game at SJP lookin to break the club record of winnin 10 consecutive games in Leegue and Cups, while The Cherry Pickers of Bournemoooth (Their nickname's 'The Cherries'--get it?) are lookin to stay undefeated for the 11th time in a row!

So if anybody thought that it would be an eazy game against 'little Bournemoooth' then Fink again!

We are at (near) full strengh for this game again (apart from 'Fab' Schar and 'The Pope') and a win would propel us up to 3rd place in the Premyaa Leegue table, for the time bein' at least and within 6 points of The Liverbirds at the top of the tree---although they will have 2 games in hand az they play after us! (Az dee the rest of the chasin pack!)

Lets 'gan for it' and hope that we can dee it and that 'Alexander the Great' (Isak) can score in hiz 9th sucessive game to extent hiz club record of 8, which he achieved on Wedinzday v Wolves!

We hear that 'The Cherry Pickers' will have a very smaall followin coz of the 'graveyard' '12:30 bells'🕭kick off slot for live telly! (just 300 we hear, will make the 750 mile roond trip, leavin at midneet, we beleeeve!) (The curse of live TV!)

To compensate for the ridiculous KO time, many bars and clubs will oen orlier before the match and 'The Leazes End' (stroke) 'Companions Club' which iz within 'hocklin distance' of The East Stand, will open at '9:30 🕭bells' in the mornin'! (For 'Dry January' drink 'Dry Cider'!)🍻🍻🍻🍻

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday!-----Lets hope its a 'good'in'!?

THE TOON 3 WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

Posted just after 'high noon bells'🔔 Thorzday 16th January 2025

"119 YEARS OF HURT BANISHED TO THE BIN!"

NUFC were gannin for wor 9th win in a row in aall compititions to equal the club record and Alexander the Great (Alexander Isak) woz gannin for A club record of scornin' in hiz 8th succesive game!---On top of that---and amazingly, we hadnt done the double ower Wolves since the 1905-1906 season!----119 years ago!

And aall of the above woz achieved in 90 minutes (plus 10) at SJP last neet in wor 3-0 victory, which sends us to 4th place in the Premyaa Leegue table and just 9 points behind leaders Livaapoool! (Iz the impossible dream on?)

The Toon were well on top from the kick off and eventually took the lead in the 34th minute at The Leazes End with (guess who?) scorin a wicked deflected shot off a Wolves defender, to break Alan Shearer and Joe Willock's 7 goal record of scorin in 8 succesive games to claim a club record in The Premyaa Leegue era!

Just to make sure that this didnt register az an own goal, he scored again in the 57th minute at The Gallowgate End when Jacob Murphy foond Bruno just ootside the box and he expertly slid the baall to Isak who stabbed the baall into the net from near the penalty spot to double wor lead! 

The Wanabeez had their chances but the nearest they came woz to shave the post and shoot narrowly wide, when they should of scored!---One reason why they now find themselz in a relegation place!

To make absolutly shure of the 3 points and victory, Anthony Gordon scored from a Isak assist inside the box and after a very lenghty VAR check for offside, the goal woz given to put the final nail in Wolves coffin!

The Wanabeez then had a goal chalked off for hand baall when a VAR check ruled it oot, after another lang wait!---And then near the end Martin Dubravka made a stupendous save, deflectin' the baall off the bar to keep a clean sheet!---It just wasnt Wolves day az they dropped into the 3rd relegation place on goal difference!

The win meenz we equal the club record of 9 consecutive wins in aall compititions acheived in 1994 and 2016

The next record attempt comes on Saturday in the '12:30 bells' graveyard slot, when we take on Bournemoooth at SJP, lookin for wor 10th win in a row to BREAK the above record!

It wont be eazy of course az Bournemoooth are nee mugs who we havvint beaten in the last 5 attempts AND are on a 10 game unbeaten run az well!—-So sommik must give!

Attendance: 51,975 (Just 1,300 very quiet Wolves fans)

*

THE TOON V WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ *** TOONEET!

 Posted ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ Wedinzday 15th January 2025

THE ‘NEW’CASTLE (BUILT IN 1080) WITH THE NUFC FLAG FLYIN’ HIGH!

We gan into this Premyaa Leegue game at ‘7:30 🔔s’ lookin’ for wor 9th win in a row against a struggling’ Wolves 🐺 side, just ootside the relegation zone! IF? we dee it, it would equal the club record set in 1994 and equaled in 2016!

(The game iz live on TNT 🧨)

Alexander Isak iz lookin’ to score in hiz 8th successive Premyaa Leegue game, which would BE a club record!

A win would us lift us to 4th place az 6 of the teams aroond us dropped 2 points each last neet, az they aall drew with each other! (if Inglish teams dee well in Europe this season, 5th could be enough to claim an extra Champions Leegue place next season!)

Records are there to be broken!—-It’s aall to play for!

And then on Saturday at the graveyard 🪦 time of ‘12:30 bells’ we take on Bournemoooth, again at SJP, for wor 3rd home game in 6 days! (We hear that Bournemoooth have hardly sold any tickets coz of the KO time!)

A Geordie Times match report on the Wolves 🐺 game will appear here sometime on Thorzday!

Az per usual “Watch this space!”

THE TOON 3. THE BROMLEEE RAVENS 🐦‍⬛ 1 *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND

 Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ Munday 13th January 2025

“MARTIN DUBRAVKA-WE WANT YOU TO STAY!”

Bromleee’z nickname iz The Ravens, a close relative to The Magpies, but they’re a million miles apart in futbaall terms!

Steady Eddie made 9 changes to the startin line up at The Arse last Tuezday

To be fair they gave us an orly fright, when, after sustained pressure from The Toon who were attacking the Gallowgate goal, they broke away in the 8th minute az Cameron Congreve raced away and hit a great shot passed Dubravka in wor goal to huge roars from the 3,000 Ravens who had travelled up from ‘sarf Landan’! 1-0 to them

And then unbelievableee they nearly made it 2-0 with a shot across the box which just went past the far post! (Panic stations!)

The lead didn’t last lang however, (thankfully) when Matt Targett passed to Lewis Miley and he hit an unstoppable shot from the edge of the box and beyond the Bromleee keeper, to level the scores after 16 minutes at The Gallowgate End! 1-1

We tried in vain to take the lead and they held oot despite a seige on their goal! HT 1-1

We attacked the Leazes goal in the 2nd period and within 5 minutes we had a chance to take the lead when Matt Targett woz brought doon in the box and the ref pointed straight to the spot, despite protests from Bromleee players! (Nee VAR til the 5th roond?)👇

Anthony Gordon took the penalty and stroked the baall confidently into the back of the net to finally take the lead! 2-1 to us!👇

The baall from this point woz virtually in their half az they buckled under the pressure!— And sure enough, bang on the hour mark Osalu hit a fabulous left footed shot into the far corner of the net to the relief of the home crowd and to put the game to bed! 🛌 

There woz nee way back for the galent Leegue 2 side (who were non leegue last season!) and we ran oot 3-1 winners!—-This woz wor 8th win in a row!—The draw for the 4th roond after the game paired us with 3rd tier Bormingham City at St Andrews next month! ty

Durin’ the 2nd half Toon fans started singin’ to wor goalie: “Martin Dubravka we want you to stay!”, which he emotionally acknowledged! (this followed speculation that he woz to sign for a Saudi club!)

Amazingleee this woz the 13th (THIRTEENTH) time this season that we have faced a London club in Leegue and cup’s so far! (with a minimum of 7 more before the end of the season!)

Attendance: 52,088 (Slighty more than the 15,000 who attended the mackems game on Saturday!)

And 40 years ago it woz nee 👆different!

Footnote:

The local rag the Chronical  sorry! the ‘Wrongical’ said Botman had a decent game 

—-and he wasn’t even playin’!???🤔

Some player, that Sven Botman!

THE TOON V BROMLEEE*** FA CUP 3rd ROOND THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ Sunday12th January 2025

The forst ever meetin’ between The Toon and Bromley takes place this afternooon and it’s Leegue 2 Bromley’s biggest game in their entire 133 year history, az they have never played a top fight team before  in a competitive game—AND it’s their forst ever time in the 3rd roond of the FA Cup!

Their average gate iz 3,000 and they will bring at least that many to SJP this afternooon from ‘sarf Landan’, where a selloot 52,000 plus crowd will watch on!

Thats in total contrast to FA Cup games played from Thorzday onwards, where Sheff U for example, got a pathetic 6,000 ‘crowd’ v Cardiff, with stands shut doon, includin' their 'Kop'? (And just 150 from Cardiff!)

There are connections between NUFC and Bromley, az ex Toon goalkeepin' coach Andy Woodman, just happens to be their manager!

Amazingly Bromley will be the NINTH different London club we have faced so far this season! (And the 3rd in a row in 8 days!--Sporz, The Arse and 'them'!)

'Steady Eddie' confirms that 'Alexander the Great' (Isak) will be rested for the game, az will Martin Dubravka in goal, az we try and persuade him to stay for the rest of the season, az he haz done a great job coverin' for injured Nick 'The Pope'!  Dubravka haz conceded just 2 goals in the last 7 games---which of course we have won!

'Fab' Schar and Bruno will be available to play after missin The Arse game through suspension!---Emil Krafth iz aalso expected to take part at some point!

The draw for the 4th roond takes place aroond aboot '5:15 bells'🔔? on Sunday (BBC 1)----Lets hope we are in it!?---We take nothin' for granted! (Remember the 1-0 defeat by Leegue 2 Cambridge 3 years ago at SJP?)

THE ARSE NIL. THE TOON 2 ***LEEGUE CUP SEMI FINAL 1st LEG

 PPosted from ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ onwards on the way back from London on the train 🚂 Wedinzday 8th January 2025

“WE’RE HAVIN A ‘BALL’!”

Before the game aall Toon fans including me would have been very happy with a draw, so a 2-0 win sent us into extaseeee!

The warning 🔔 bells’ were ringing orly on when The Arse hit the post through  Martinelli at the end where the 6,000 noisy Toon fans were situated! Luckily it rebounded to safety and not into the goal!

The game had been too and fro at this stage, with NUFC matching the home side in chances created!

10 minutes later the breakthrough came when Jacob Murphy sent a pass across the box and Alexander the Great (Isak) woz on hand to hit a sweet shot that went in off the crossbar to send the Toon faithful into delirium at the opposite end!

HT 1-0 to ‘us’!

We sensationally doubled wor lead in the 52nd minute when a Murphy/ Isak combination resulted in  in The Arse goalie deflectin’ the baall to Anthony Gordon inside the penalty area and he hit a great shot into the roof of the net in front of The Toon faithful to send the away end into meltdoon!—So much so, that the kid next to me fell ower the seat in front and ended up upside doon with hiz feet in the air!

Heroic Toon defending then ensured az The Arse tried in vain to score!

And they had several chances to do so, but wor defendin woz ‘spot on’!

We held on to claim a famous victory with a place in the Wembley final within touching distance now!

This woz wor 20th visit to The Emirates and anly wor 2nd win here!  The victory will live in wor memories for a very lang time!

Az per usual, the perennial excuses came from The Arse manager Arteta who claimed that the baall used woz different to The Premyaa Leegue baall and the flight of it contributed to their defeat!???  The same baall used in previous rounds which they of course won to get to the semis!

Hiz best and most pathetic ‘excuse’ EVER!

WE’RE HAVING A BALL!”

🤪👍🏁

Attendance 59,125 (6,000 Toon)

Pub crawl pix—Just 2 this time in London

AND FINALLY!