THE TOON 1. THE ARSE 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 *Posted ‘high noon 🔔bells’ Sunday 3rd Novembaa 2024

FOR ONCE I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THE ARSEHOLES MANAGER, THAT THE BAALL WOZ DEFINATLY OOT OF PLAY WHEN GORDON CROSSED IT FOR ISAK’S GOAL!

“WHAT NOT! A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!”

“WE WILL REMEMBER THEM!”

Without doubt this woz wor best performance of the season az we matched wor visitors man for man!

For the 2nd time in 3 days we beat 1 of the so caalled ‘big 6 cartel’, havin knocked Chelseee oot of the Leegue Cup on Wedinzday at SJP!

A gutsy performance,where we fought for every baall and every one of the players who took part had a great game!

The anly goal of the game came in the 12th minute at The Gallowgate End when a pinpoint right footed cross from Anthony Gordon foond the heed of Alexander the Great (Isak) and he made nee misstayk az he sent a bullet heeder into the top corner of The Arse net, to send the crowd wild with delight!

Not lang after this Gordon sent a low cross across the box, but Joelinton couldn’t get on the end of it az he slid and stretched to try and make contact!

The Arse had chances az well, but couldn’t find the back of the net and we went in 1-0 up at the break!

Straight after the restart Gordon passed to Joe Willock but hiz shot woz saved by Rafa in the visitors goal at The Leazes End!—He then ‘skied’ a shot just after this az we tried to double the lead!

Isak aalso got in on the act in this period but his shot woz saved az well!

The Arse had a great chance to level things deep into stoppage time but he sent his heeder wide with the goal gapin’!

This woz a togetherness and spirited performance az the entire NUFC team were on the ‘same page’ once more!  

Two 1-0 wins ower Arteta’s side in 12 months!—BRILLIANT!-And nee whingin ‘baall oot’ controversy for wor goal, like last season from him!—-or woz there? (See very top photo!🤪👍🏁) 

Attendance: 52,249 (3,000 Arseholes)

THE TOON V THE ARSE *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 *Posted ‘7:00pm 🛎️ bells’ Friday 1st Novembaa 2024

We retorn to SJP 3 days after beatin’ Chelseee in the Leegue Cup and face The Arse in the 💩’12:30 🔔s’ slot for live telly!

Honestly I hate these orly kick offs az it completely fcuks up the pre match boozin session, with many drinkin dens open in’ at ‘9am 🛎️s’ for thorsty punters!🍺🍺🍺🍺

Anyway! After last seasons “woz it over the line” goal when we won 1-0 ,wor visitors from “norf Landan” will be oot for revenge for certain!

If we can play like we did against Chelseee, then we’ve got a great chance to beat them again!

Not sure wot the startin X1 will be, but hopefully they will aall be fit      (apart from Wilson, Botman and Targett of course!) and are raring to gan!

This iz wor last home game before Remembrance Sunday and another poppy display like last years (see above) will be displayed from The East Stand!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday!   “Watch this space!” (az per usual!)

THE TOON 2. THE CHELSEEE PENSIONERS 0 *** LEEGUE CUP 4th ROOND

 *Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ Thorzday 31st Octobaa 2024

“MUCH BETTER!”

NUFC put in wor best display since we drew with Man City to progress to the qwaataa finals of the competition!

Chelseee fielded a completely different line to the team that beat us 2-1 in the Premyaa Leegue just 3 days orlier—-and paid the price!

Joelinton rattled the post at The Leazes End orly on az we went on the attack—‘aall guns blazin’!

We finally took the lead in the 23rd minute when Sandro Tonali foond ‘Alexander the Great’ (Isak) who hit a sweet shot past Jorgesen in the visitors goal!

The lead woz doubled 3 minutes later when a free kick taken by Lewis Hall foond Isak who crossed the baall to Joe Willock, who heeded goalwards.  Anly for Chelseee’z Disali to slice the baall into his own net, with Kelly bearin’ doon on him!

HT 2-0 to us!

If aa remember correctly Joelinton hit the post again, this time at The Gallowgate End in the second period and we held on for a much needed victory!✌️az The Pensioners (their original nickname) tried in vain to break doon wor defence with The Pope in the Toon goal makin some excellent saves!

We have now just lost one home game since last January— not bad for a team that hazzint been playin’ well!

The draw for the next roond woz watched on by anxious fans after the game in the Leazes End boozer, in fear of gettin’ one of the ‘big boys’ away in the next roond!

But there were loud cheers when we drew The Brentfaad Beez at SJP—wor 3rd home tie in a row!—in other words ‘The 🐝 beez kneez’ az the Cockneys would say!

Attendance: 51,934 (4,883 very loud Pensioners at the start of the game—just half that number of very quiet Pensioners, who had stayed til the bitter end!)

THE TOON V THE CHELSEEE PENSIONERS *** LEEGUE CUP 4th ROOND •••TOONEET!

 *Posted ‘high noon bells 🔔’ Wedinzday 30th Octobaa 2024

The Leazes End Stand

NUFC gan into tooneet game at SJP lookin to boonce back from the 2-1 defeat to Chelseee on Sunday in the Premyaa Leegue to try and progress to the 5th roond of the Leegue Cup against the same opponents!

Az we arnt playin well it won’t be an easy game for certain!

Anthony Gordon should retorn after missing the game on Sunday with a groin injury!

The latest Toon stats divvint make good reason’ with not one goal from 50 corners so far this season!—A shockin stat for certain!

Anyway! the game iz a complete selloot, although we arnt sure just how many tickets Chelseee have sold from their 4,800 allocation!?

Hopefully can play a lot better than the last couple of games and that we WILL be in the draw for the next roond come ‘10:30🔔s’ tooneet!? (After the Sporz v Man C game which kicks off at ‘8:15 🛎️s’)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Thorzday! 

Az per usual—-“Watch this space!”

MANSFEEELD V NUFC U21s *** EFL TROPHY GROUP H

 *Posted ‘4:00pm bells 🔔’ Tuezday 29th Octobaa 2024   Updated from 7:15 🛎️s onwards

In exactleee 3 hours time NUFC U21s play Mansfeeeld in the EFL Trophy for a place in the last 32 of the competition!

If yoo are gannin then you’d better hurry up az it will take aboot 3 hours to get there via the A1 and MI!

Alternatively yoo can watch it on Sky Sports + at ‘7:00 🔔s’

The Group H table looks like this after 2 games each

Top 2 qualify for the knockout stage!

Rotherham points 6

Braadfaad points 4

NUFC U21s points 2

Mansfeeeld nee points

PS: I am not gannin az I have been there before to watch wor forst team in the Leegue Cup many many 🌙 🌙🌙s ago!—But there will be a few NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers there who have never been! (Will watch it on the telly!)

Footnote: The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers rules are that if we have never been to a groond to watch us, then we MUST gan to tick it off wor list!—Compulsary to gan back if it’s a forst team game, but not  for a reserve team game!            (Rule 37B!)

Watch this space for the result at aboot ‘9:15pm 🛎️s’! ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Updated*from 7:15 🛎️s onwards 

13th minute: goal to Mansfeeeld through Atkins-(shot) 1-0 to them!🥶

28th minute: goal to Mansfeeeld Quinn-(shot) 2-0 to them!🥶

HT 2-0 to them!

68th minute: goal to Mansfeeeld!

Nichols—(fine shot!—game ower!)

3-0 to them!

72nd minute: Attendance announced az 1,311 (72 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!)

*86th minute: Penalty to NUFC

Parkinson takes it but it’s easily saved by the Mansfeeeld keeper!

FT LOST 3-0! 💩  to gan to bottom place in the table!

Not wor day!—-And the result meenz that we cannit qualify for the knockoot stage!🥶

The Wembley dream iz ower! 💩

THE CHELSEEE PENSIONERS 2. THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 *Posted ‘2:22pm bells 🔔’ Munday 28th Octobaa 2024

“WOT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!”

This time last year we were flyin high in The Champions Leegue havin beaten PSG 4-1 at SJP and not lang before that, hammering Sheff United 8-0 at their place!

Fast forward 12 months and we are a shadow of that team, havin not won for 5 games in the Premyaa Leegue and have slipped from 3rd place in September to 12th place today!

In other words the clocks went back yesterday—-and so did we!

It anly took Chelseee 2 minutes to open the scorin az they attacked The Shed End where the 3,000 Toon fans were situated when Cole Palmer fired home! BUT! after a lengthy VAR check it woz (thankfully!) ruled offside!

Some of wor defendin woz woeful, but we had a great chance to equalise (or so we thought) when Bruno woz hacked doon by Colwill just ootside the box— but incredibly ref Hooper waved ‘play on’ when the Chelseee defender should have been red carded!🥶

Just one minute after this wor hosts DID take the lead in the 18th when Neto sent a low cross in to the unmarked Jackson who shot past The Pope in the Toon goal!

Almiron then missed a great chance for us to level things, but inexplicably shot wide!

We DID however equalise in the 32nd minute when Lewis Hall foond Isak and he had the simple task to fire home from close in! Another lang VAR check followed, but this time the goal woz given! HT 1-1

It didn’t take The pensioners (their old nickname) lang to retake the lead when just 2 minutes after the restart when Lavia sent Cole Palmer through and he shot past Pope on the nearside post for their 2nd goal!

The Toon had 2 great chances to level things again, through Isak.

First a heeder from a Willock cross which woz easily saved and then at ‘the death’ Isak woz clean through and we looked certain to score az Joelinton woz unmarked, but Isak decided to shoot instead from a tight angle az Joelinton looked on in frustration!🥶 and wor last chance woz gone!

Yet another defeat at Stamford Bridge—one more to add to wor bogey groond total (Anfeeeld, The Eitiad and The Emerites to name the other 3)

In the Premyaa Leegue era, we have played here 36 times and won anly twice!—Nee wonder we hate the fcukin’ place!🥶

Attendance: 39,526 (3,000 unhappy Toon fans!)

*Pub crawl report in London***7

PRESIDENT HOTEL BAR

“A BRIDGE TOO FAR!”

*Posted ‘high noon bells 🔔’ Friday 25th Octobaa 2024

 

IF YOU ARE WONDERIN’ WHY WE CAALL THEM ‘THE PENSIONERS’ THEN LOOK AT THIS CHELSEE V NUFC PROGRAMME FROM 110 YEARS AGO IN 1914. NUFC WON 3-0 IN FRONT OF A 20,000 CROWD!

On Sunday at anothaa 💩 kick off time (2 🛎️ bells) we are off to Stamford Bridge to take on The Pensioners of Chelseee in a live telly game! (Sky +)

This iz yet anothaa bogey groond, where we havvint won for 12 years and have anly won 2 ooot of 35 visits in the Premyaa Leegue era!

We hear that Callum Wilson still isnt fit enough to play (when will he ever be?) but are hopeful that Lewis Miley will play some part!

We are on the train 🚂 to King’s Cross on Saturday afternooon and are stayin’ in a hotel in Russell Square at £80 each for a triple room! (£240 aall told!)

The retorn train fare iz £120 WITH 33% off on a Senior rail card and £24:50 for the match ticket! (Senior) So that’s ower £224 each before the tube 🚎fares, ‘desperate dan’ 🥘 (scran) and ‘liquid lubrications’ 🍺 are added on!—It certainly ain’t cheap to gan to London any more!🥶

A full Geordie Times match and boozer report will appear here sometime on Munday!

Az per usual “Watch this space!”

“OH ANTHONY GORDON!”

 *Posted ‘5:50pm bells 🔔’ Tuezday 22nd Octobaa 2024

News reaches The Geordie Times that Anthony Gordon haz signed a new extended contract!

He hazzint been in the form he woz last season, but every player gans through a bad patch and we can anly hope that he regains his sharpness!

This iz great news for most Toon fans, although some have their doubts!

Let’s hope he proves the doubters wrang!

Hiz reaction to signin’ the new contract: “I LOVE IT HERE!”

THE TOON 0. NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-202

 *Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ Sunday 20th Octobaa 2024

“BLANKETY BLANK!”

A very frustratin’ day at SJP for certain az we completely dominated the forst 35 minutes az we attacked the Gallowgate End!

Chance after chance went a beggin’ az we pounded Brightin’z goal but we just couldn’t put the baall in the back of the net!

Alexander Isak woz the main culprit, havin missed the baall for ‘an air shot’ reet in front of goal and then had a one to one with their goalie, but instead of roondin’ the keeper he shot straight at him to huge groans from the capacity crowd!

Just after this we paid a heavy price for the miss, when, and with their first attack, Danny Welbeck woz put through and had a ‘one to one’ with ‘The Pope’ in the Toon goal and unlike Isak he made nee misstayk and planted the baall into the corner of the net to huge roars from the 2,000 Brighton fans who had made the 350 mile trek north! HT 0-1 to ‘them’!

Again NUFC came oot with aall guns blazin az we attacked the Leazes End, but 2 big misstaiks by Anthony Gordon who shot straight at their keeper and another chance when he scuffed the baall and the chances were gone!

Aaltogether we had 20 odd shots, with just 6 on target, at least 4 of them from Isak and Gordon, but couldn’t find the equaliser despite 10 minutes added time for a bad injury to goal scorer Welbeck, who woz stretchered off, late on!

Wor forst home defeat for 280 days,and more worringly nee goal in open play for 4 and a half hours!🥶

Attendance: 52,220 (2,000 Seagulls)(Fans that iz!)

We say ‘Nee where near Brightin’ az their groond iz miles away from Brightin in the middle of the nee where in the countryside and yoo have to leave the boozers at least one and a half hours before the game to queue and get a bloody packed train 🚂 to get to the match! (Nee pubs near their groond!)

PS: They didn’t blast ‘Hey Jude’ from the loudspeakers before kick off yesterday, which iz great news az far az we are concerned!  The Beatles are from Liverpoool—-so just why we have been playin it before games iz a complete mystery! 

Aa meeen, Liverpoool or Evaatin divvint blast The Animals ‘House of the Rising Sun’ or Lindisfarne’s ‘Fog on the Tyne’ before their their games!—do they!?

THE PRE MATCH FLAG DISPLAY DIDN’T QUITE GAN TO PLAN!?😵‍💫

THE TOON V NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN ***PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 *Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ Friday 18th Octobaa 2024

THE SHEAR SCALE OF THE MILBURN STAND CAN BE SEEN FROM THE BACK WINDOWS OF THE LEVEL 7 CONCOURSE, LOOKIN’ UP BARRACK ROAD TOWARDS THE BLACK AND WHITE BULL BOOZER AT THE TOP!

24 MILLION—AND COONTIN’!

After a fortneets rest after another International break, NUFC are back in action tomorrow afternooon v Brighton in an untelivised’3:00 🔔 bells’ kick off at SJP

Alexander Isak iz expected to retorn to the fray after suffering a toe injury, but there are yet again doubts ower Callum Wilson who haz still to feature this season!  Kieran Trippier iz definatleee oot, but there are hopes that Lewis Miley will finally make at least the bench after, like Wilson, missin since last season!

The Toon are seekin’ wor 13th home game withoot a defeat, stretching back to January 13th in a 3-2 defeat v Man City!

That’s 280 days undefeated at SJP come tomorrow. OR 6,720 hours. OR 403,200 minutes!  OR (aboot) 24,192,000 seconds! ⬅️The Geordie Times gives you the undisputed stats, unlike othaa Toon websites!