THE CHELSEEE CHARVERS 3-2 THE TOON *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted from '11:22amvbells' on the train back from London, Tuezday 12th March 2024

*”LONDON CULLING!”

For the 2nd time in less than a month we were beaten in the capital when we lost 3-2 to Chelseee last neet!

Worryingly Chelseee arnt even a good team theeeze days, so to concede 3 against them doesn’t bare well for wor trip to Man City on Saturday in the FA Cup qwaataa finals!

*With 4 goals conceded at The Arse last month, that’s 7 goals against us in London in 16 days and 2 goals ‘for’!

The goal sequences were az follows:

6th minute: A botched Botman clearance went straight to Palmer who hit a shot from the edge of the box which deflected off another Chelseee player (Jackson) and into the corner of the net beyond Dubravka’s outstretched arm!

*42nd minute: A Bruno through baall finds Isak who hits a fine shot into the net to level things at half time!

57th minute: Palmer latches onto a loose baall and fires past Dubravka to restore the hosts lead! 

77th minute: Substitute Mudryk rounds wor keeper to put Chelseee 3-1 up!

89th minute: Jacob Murphy reduces the deficit to one goal when he shoots at the near post from a Miley pass and his shot squeezes into net!

This woz too little too late and it ended 3-2 to the home side to complete wor misery!

To compound wor misery both Dan Burn and Anthony Gordon went off injured to add to the very lang list!

That’s 32 away goals conceded this season which iz joint worst with relegation certainties Sheff United —-and in the Premyaa Leegue era we have beaten Chelseee just once in 35 attempts! (inc cup games)—- SHOCKIN’!

Attendance: 38,752 — 3,000 below capacity.—- 3,000 Toon fans

LONDON PUB CRAWL (7 boozers visited)

THE CHELSEEE CHARVERS v THE TOON *** MUNDAY NEET

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 10th March 2024

WE WERE HERE JUST 4 MONTHS AGO IN THE LEEGUE CUP!

We heed for west London yet again for a ridiculous '8:00 bells Munday neet kick off for the benefit of the couch potatoes and pub plonkies!

Definatleee NOT for the benefit of The Toon Travellers who are forced yet again to have an owerneet stay in the capitol!

Keiron Trippier will be missin through the calf injury he picked up in the 3-0 win ower Wolves last Saturday, although Matt Targett iz in contention to retorn after injury, while Chelseee loanee Lewis Hall iz ineligable!

*We of course have played at Stamford Bridge orlier this season in The Leegue Cup when we drew 1-1 with a last gasp equalisin goal for the home side!----And agonizingleee we lost in the penalty shootout at the end!

We are on the train to King's Cross at '11:00 bells' in the mornin IF it tornz up?) and a Geordie Times match report of sorts will appear here az we travel back on the train on Tuezday mornin'!

Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

PS Congratulations to Gatesheed for reaching the semi finals of the FA Trophy by beatin Peterborough Sports 3-2 at Gatesheed Stadium yesterday .

The draw for the semis takes place on Munday afternooon!

The final iz at Wembley! 🏟️ 

🤪👍🏁

"SHIRK, REST AND PAY!"

 Posted '2:30pm bells' Friday 8th March 2024

"LIFE'S A BEACH!". 

“You too could have a body like me —-if  you’re not careful!”

Amanda Staveley woz speakin at an event in Saudi Arabia last neet and had some startlin and dammin things to say aboot wor former manager 'Broken Nose Bruce' when the takeower happened!

She said (and I quote) "We had a team that was ageing, A COACH THAT BASICALLY DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO COME TO WORK, a fanbase that was very angry and we had to take this incredible club and inject it with some life!" 

She aalso said that the club shop woz run like a jumble sale (or words to that effect!) and that commercially the revenue woz akin to a corner shop's, rather that Harrod's (or words to that effect!)

In other words, 'Brucey' wanted to gan and watch cricket in the caribbean, or lie like a beached whale in a sun kissed resort, rather than 'manage' NUFC, by givin' the players time off from trainin' when it suited him!---And of course pick up a big fat salary in the process!

A DAMMIN' INDICIMENT INDEED FROM AMANDA!  

SJP EXPANSION OR RELOCATION!?

 Posted '5:40pm bells' Wedinzday 6th March 2024

*

A MAP OF A POSSIBLE NEW STADIUM FOR NUFC REET NEXT TO SJP

*Much haz been written lately aboot the expansion or relocation of St. James' Park! But one thing wor owners must not dee iz build a stadium miles away from the city centre az this would be catastrophic for pubs, clubs and food outlets that surroond SJP

The last count there were 118 drinkin dems within walking distance of the groond!

For example take The Leazes End aka Companions Club on Leazes Park road within hocklin distance of The East Stand.

Last Saturday before and after the Wolves home game the bar and concert room were packed and they took ower £4,000 in beer sales!

In complete contrast on Sunday they had 5 customers including little old me and took the grand total of £25 in beer sales!

It’s closed from Munday to Thorzday az it’s not worth opening and if it wasn’t for NUFC fans on match days the boozer couldn’t survive and would have to close for good for the above reasons if we moved away from the city centre!

Many of the other 117 drinkin dens would aalso be forced out of business az well !

So it’s imperative <(we naa aall the big words!) that we stay in the city centre for the above reasons!

The East Stand on the left and Leazes Terrace on the right are the reasons for the non expansion of The East Stand.

Have heard that The Friends of Leazes Park are in agreement to move the facade of the grade one listed Leazes Terrace to a new site near the tennis courts in Leazes Park so we can expand The East Stand!

Wether this will actually happen iz anybody’s guess???

Meanwhile the rumours continue unabated!

More on aall this if we find anything oot!?

*PS we understand that a possible site next to The Redheugh Bride where the Arena stands haz been bought by a housing company

(The Arena iz to relocate to Gatesheed Quays near The Millennium Bridge and will be demolished)

*

THE TOON 3 WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ 0 ** PREMYA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 3rd March 2024

"BACK ON TRACK!"

Havin' not won at home this year and havin slipped to 10th place in the table, it woz vital that we put in a good performance against high flyin Wolves, who were 2 places above us in the table and unbeaten away from home this year az well!

Indeed NUFC did play much better than we did at Bleakburn in the FA Cup last Tuezday and certainly much better than at The Arse the week before!

The goal sequences were az follows:

14th minute: A Bruno shot iz deflected off a Wolves defender and loops nicely for Isak to heed into the net at The Gallowgate End

1-0 to 'us'! 

CROWD CELEBRATIONS AFTER ISAK'S GOAL!

33rd minute: After Dan Burn had missed a great chance to double wor lead, Jacob Murphy runs doon the wing and sends a pinpoint cross for Isak to shoot from close in---The Wolves goalie Jose Sa could anly parry it to the feet of Anthony Gordon and he makes nee misstayk to ---yes! =---DOUBLE wor lead! 

2-0 to 'us' at half time!

CROWD CELEBRATIONS AFTER GORDON'S GOAL!

52nd minute: Near the East Stand, Trippier pulls up sharply with wot looked like he pulled a leg mussil and woz replaced by Livramento---Yet another injury to add to the very lang list!

“WHERE DID YOO GET THAT HAT!?”

92nd minute: 'The Wanabeez' pressed in the 2nd half but couldnt get back into the game with a goal and it took til stoppage time to finish wor visitors off when Tino Livramento forced the baall ower the goal line from a Fabian Schar through baall and it sort of trickled ower the line to give us an infaticcc 3-0 victory!  

CROWD CELEBRATIONS AFTER TINO'S GOAL!

The win puts NUFC up to 8th in the table and a chance of European futbaall next season iz still within wor grasp! 

Attendance: 52,206 includin 3,100 Wolves followers!

*

THE TOON v WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 2nd March 2024

*1,333 REASONS TO KEEP THE FAITH WITH ‘STEADY EDDIE!”

Horrendous and unprecedented injuries have blighted wor season with 29 injuries at various stages!—-so far!

Yet we are still with a chance of European qualification and FA Cup glory—-albeit against the best team on the planet!

Wor leegue game against Wolves iz a tough one—- but every game seems to be tough az we battle on regardless!

We have won 5 oot of wor last 6 away games in 2024—-but in complete contrast we havvint won a home game so far this year, gannin into the 3rd month of 2024!

Wot will happen this afternooon at‘3:00 bells’ iz anybody’s guess???against an in form Wolves side!

It all depends on wot side Steady Eddie can put oot????

*

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday----Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

WILL WE BE SINGIN' THE BLUES AT THE BLUE MOONIES!?

 Posted '1:01pm bells' Thorzday 29th February 2024

After wor epic FA Cup win at Bleakburn on Tuezday neet, which finished at just before '11 bells'!, wor manager Steady Eddie said that he hoped the draw for the qwaataa finals would be kind to us!!!!

To draw the one team away from home that yoo didnt want woz written in the stars, az we must travel to The Blue Moonies of Man City, who are probably the best team in the world right now, --sometime in mid March!----Thats wor FIFTH succesive away cup tie this season includin' The Leegue Cup and wor FIFTH succesive away tie in the FA Cup alone!

On Radio 5 live after the draw the commentator said that Eddie must have thought he'd ran ower a black cat! (If only!)

IF we somehow manage to beat them, which iz a very lang shot indeeed, then with the semi finals and final both at Wembley, it would mean that NUFC will have played EVERY roond away from SJP!---How unlucky iz THAT!???

BLEAKBURN ROVERS 1 THE TOON 1 (AET) THE TOON WON 4-3 ON PENALTIES *** FA CUP 5th ROOND

 Posted '1:30pm bells' Wedizday 28th February 2024

"ANYONE FOR TENNIS!?"

Toon fans celebrate az Martin Dubravka saves to put NUFC into the qwaataa finals!

Lets get straight to the point!---this woz an aaful performance from NUFC az we struggled badly to even put 3 passes together and if it wasnt for Martin Debravka in wor goal defendin' The Darwen End where 7,000 plus screamin' Geordies were behind, we would have been 2-0 doon at the break az wor leaky defence went AWOL once again!----Bleakburn (No this isnt a sppellin mistayk, az Blackburn IZ a very 'bleak' place!) wornt much better than us, apart from their 2 chances when they reeely shud have taken the lead!

Indeed!-- if any team woz 'bleak' then it woz surely 'us'!

The game had kicked off 15minutes late at 8:00pm bells' because Toon fans were held up in the queues ootside due to too few tornstiles bein open and slow body searches!---We'd got there just after 7:00 bells' to avoid this, so by the time the game kicked off we'd been inside the groond for nearly an hour!----

Tennis baalls were hoyed onto the pitch by protestin home fans in protest at their Venkys Chicken owners in the 14th minute and the game woz held up to clear them from the pitch! (They've been in charge for 14 years!) 

This game had nil-nil written aall ower it, but it woz NUFC who eventually made the breakthrough in the 71st minute, after glarin misses from Almiron and Barnes, when Anthony Gordon broke the deadlock with a fine strike from inside the box, from a Miggy Almiron cross, to send the travellin faithful behind that goal into meltdoon!

Almiron's goal to send the Toon faithful into raptures!

However!---and to spoil the Toon party in The Darwen End, Lascelles made a hash of a pass to put the home side through on goal where an effort from Markanday woz brilliantly pushed onto the crossbar by Dubravka, but Szmodics woz on hand to slam the baall into the net at 'The Bleakburn End' just 8 minutes later! 1-1

We squandered forthaa chances after that and the inevertable extra time woz on the cards to keep us in wor seats for even langer!

It woz still 1-1 after extra time and several misses by NUFC to finish Blackburn off woz squandered! ----DREADED PENALTIES!

We won the toss and elected to take the kicks in front of the Geordie hoards!  The sequence of the penalties woz az follows:

Schar scores: 1-0 to NUFC

Szmodics shot saved by Dubravka: 1-0 to NUFC

Barnes shot saved by Pears: 1-0 to NUFC

Brittain scores: 1-1

Bruno scores: 2-1 to NUFC

Sigerson scores: 2-2

Anderson scores: 3-2 to NUFC

Ayari scores: 3-3

Gordon scores: 4-3 to NUFC

Hyam shot saved by Dubravka!: final score 4-3 to NUFC! to send the away end into Wembley dream land! (which iz just ONE more win away!)

By the time the penalties were taken it woz nearly '11:00 bells' meenin' that we had been inside the groond for nearly 4 hours!

Attendance: 22,730 (7,432 Toon fans in the upper and lower Darwen End!)

A predictable traffic jam followed az we attempted to get oot of Bleakburn which took ages--and then roadworks on the M6 at midneet (YES--midneet!) delayed us a forthaa 20 minutes and we eventually arrived back on Tyneside some 14 hours after we had left for the 300 miles roond trip!----An exaausitin expierience on the roads and on the pitch!

The draw for the qwaataa finals takes place at '7:00pm bells' tooneet (Alledgedleee!?) and can we pleeeeze have a home draw az wor last 5 cup ties have aall been away in the Leegue and FA cups!

Wor game at Palliss in sooth London will now be moved to a midweek slot, az it clashes with the FA Cup game!

Just one boozer woz visited this time aboot a 15 minute walk from Ewood Park!

BLEAKBURN ROVERS v THE TOON *** FA CUP 5th ROOND *** TOONEET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuezday 27th February 2024

"LAST THROW OF THE DICE!" 🎲 

Wor last and anly chance of silverware happens tooneet when we play Championship side Bleakburn Rovers (no this isnt a sppellin misstayk, coz Blackburn iz a very bleak place!) in the FA Cup 5th roond with a chance of reachin' the qwaataa finals next month!

Wor 'bleak' display (sic!) at The Arse on Saturday neet, must not be repeated in front of 7,200 screamin' Geordies at Ewood Park and we hear that some of wor lot have porchased tickets for the home end az well!

Both Isak and Willock are expected to play, but Wilson, Joelinton, Anderson, Targett and The Pope are still crocked!

We're not sure just who will be in goal though az Dubravka woz missin at The Arse and replaced by Karius in the 4-1 defeat on Saturday neet!

We are travellin' doon in mee 'canny tranny' 9 seater van this afternooon and nothin' more than a victory will be expected!

There are nee replays in this roond and extra time and the dreaded penalties at the end will confirm the victors! (NUFC hardly win any penalty shootouts!)

It could be a very lang neet az Bleakburn fans, who are very unhappy with their Venky chicken company owners, are reported to be hoyin tennis baalls onto the pitch at some point in the game in protest!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Wedinzday---Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

DEVIZTATIN’’ NEWS FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!

 Posted ‘8:39pm bells’ 🔔 Munday 26th February 2024

MAIDEN VOYAGE SCUPPERED!

The anly groond that ‘The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers’ have never been tee from teams left in the FA Cup iz Maidstone United’s!

They are losin 3-0 at half time at Coventry az we type and wor dream 😴 of a new groond that we were pray 🙏🏻 ing for iz now oot the window 🪟 😭