THE ARSE 4-1THE TOON *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted from '10:00am bells' onwards, on the train back from London, Sunday 25th February 2024 (Expect several sppellin mistayks az a'm deein' this on mee mobile 'telling bone'!)

*JUST LIKE THE BAD OLD DAYS!

EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY!—-IT’S 3-0 TO THE ARSE AND THIS FAN DECIDES TO GET A ‘FLOODLIGHT TAN ON THE EMPTY SEATS VACATED BY ORLY LEAVERS!

*A totally one sided game in favour of the home side who dominated from start to finish az The Toon put in one of wor worst performances of the season!

In fact it woz just like the bad old days before the Saudis arrived and Broken Nose Bruce woz wor manager and The Fat Controller woz in ‘control’!

The goal sequences were az follows:

18th minute: An attempted clearance by Livramento from an Arse corner deflected off Botman and into the Toon goal az 3rd choice keeper Karius flicked the baall oot, but the goal line tecknolegeee said it had crossed the goal line!

1-0 to The Arse

24th minute: Havertz doubled The Arses lead with a shot from inside the box with wor defence at sixes and sevens! It woz aall one sided with us hardly venturing into their half az we ‘attacked’? the far goal!

Somehow we managed to gan in at the break at anly 2-0 doon!

One of the lads (Russ) told me that the lass in front of him in a pink woolly hat asked him which team Newcastle were????

‘EDDIE HOWE’S RED N WHITE ARMY!”

We wore wor normal black n white stripes and she didn’t naa that????

UNBELIEVABLE!

How the hell 'she' and 6 or 7 of hor mates got tickets who were  obviously not Toon fans, woz a mystery???—-Until a curious Russ asked one of them the ‘deadly question’!    It turned oot that they knew wor Saudi owners!!!!(ie NEE loyalty points needed for them!)

A TOON FAN WEARIN’ A RED HAT!?—-WOTZ THE WORLD COMIN’ TEE????

65th minute: A Saka shot iz diverted into wor goal by Schar!

3-0 to The Arse and game ower az 100s of Toon fans streamed towards the exits—-including the ‘Friends of the Saudis’

*69th minute: It woz soon 4-0 from a Kiweo heeder which deflected off Miley and past Karius!

84th minute: Joe Willock who had come on az a sub, replacing Bruno heeded ower the Arse defence to score a consolation goal for The Toon!—This goal woz missed by aboot 1,000 Toon fans who had long departed by this point!???

It should have been a much heavier defeated, az we were totally ootclassed!

3 teams in particular are miles ahead of the rest—-Man City, Livaapool and The Arse!

We have certainly a very lang way to gan to get anywhere near them!

Attendance: 60,298 (3,000 Toons fans—-just 2,000 at the ‘death’!)

*PUB CRAWL PIX! (5 boozers this time)

THE VIADUCT TAVERN, FARRINGDON, LONDON

THE HOPE (NEAR SMITHFIELD MARKET)

ISLINGTON, LONDON (NEAR ANGEL TUBE STATION)

HISTORY LESSON ON THIS BOOZER BELOW!

THE HERCULES, ISLINGTON, LONDON

ISLINGTON, LONDON

*AND HERE'S ANOTHER HISTORY LESSON FROM FARRINGDON! 

(Thanx to Toon Traveller Tex Taylor, for bein' wor tour guide!)

THE HENRY VIII GATES

THE ARSE v THE TOON **** SATURDAY NEET!?

Posted 'highnoon bells' Friday 23rd February 2024

ACTION FROM LAST SEASON *** A 0-0 DRAW!

We are off once again to 'the smoke' (London) tomorrow for a ridiculous '8:00pm bells' Saturday start, for the benefit of the couch potatoes and pub plonkies! (TNT Sports TV this time!)

This (of course!) meeenz yet anothaa owerneet stay in the capital where we are seriously 'fink'in aboot buyin' a second home az we are here SO often! (IF anly we could afford one at a million quid plus!)

This will be wor 13th owerneet stay for a leegue or cup tie and 19th includin the 3 Champions Leegue away games played so far! (With yet more hotel stays to follow!)

Pope, Joelinton, Targett and Wilson are still knackered, while there iz hope that Isak, Anderson, Schar and Willock will play some part in the game!

The Arse lost 1-0 to Porto in The Champions Leegue on Wedinzday to an agonisin' goal in the 4th minute of stoppage time!---and we can anly hope that this will put a spanner in the works and affect them!

NUFC drew 0-0 at The Emirates last season and we have won just once in wor previous 16 visits to their stadium, since it woz built in the orly 2000's---a 1-0 success in 2010-2011 when Andy Carroll got the anly goal of the game---since then we lost 11 in a row plus last seasons goalless draw to stop the rot!

Havin won 4 in a row away from home, we are tryin' for the 5th against a team gannin for the title! (Unlikely but not impossible!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday on the train back from King's Cross!

Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

GARDENING LEAVE FOR 'DEVIL'GATE DAN!

 Posted '1:00pm bells' Wedinzday 21st February 2024

'DEVIL'GATE DAN THE FLOWERPOT MAN!

For those of yoo (like me!) who are old enough to remember the 'Bill and Ben the flowerpot men' kids programme from the 1960s, we can tell yoo that NUFC Sportin' Director Dan Ashworth haz been put on 'gardening leave' in the old man's garden! (Az the storyline gans!)

NUFC are demandin' between 10 and 20 million quid from The Red Devils of Manchester to release him from hiz 3 year contract!

Or else he'll be tendin' to the old man's cabbage patch and diggin' the weeds for a very lang time to come!

“HOE! HOE! HOE!”

Much more to follow on aall this in due course! 

THE TOON 2 THE CHERRIE PICKERS 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 18th February 2024

"IT ONLY TAKES A MINUTE TO SCORE A GOAL!"

The difference between wor home form and away form iz puzzlin' az we havvint won at SJP for 4 games, yet we have won 4 oot of 4 on wor away travels!?

Bournemoooth, just like Lutin in wor last home game fought tooth and nail for a victory, but both games ended in draws which produced 12 goals in total!

From the start wor visitors with 1,000 fans high up in the Leazes gods, went for it az they attacked The Gallowgate goal!

BOURNEMOOOTH FANS HUDDLED IN THE TOP RIGHT HAND CORNER!

Dubravka pulled off 2 excellent saves to keep the score at nil-nil az we struggled withoot a main striker at the other end! (Wor midfield woz aalso in disaray!)

Half time came and then just 6 minutes into the 2nd half disaster struck az Dubravka slipped while tryin to control the baall, with Bournemooth's Solanke on hand to slot the baall into the empty net!

0-1 to stun the 52,000 plus crowd!

Lady luck woz on wor side just 7 mins later when Schar's shirt woz pulled in the box and a penalty woz awarded!---However! VAR got involved for a possible offside before the incident and after a 4 minute check with the ref gannin ower to the moniter the pen woz finally given!

Anthony Gordon took it and fired the baall into the right hand corner of the net to level things! (see video above)

Gordon then had a great chance to put us 2-1 up when he woz put through, but failed to round their keeper, who saved the baall!

We were punished for that miss just one minute later when Semenyo raced doon the wing and cut in to send a curlin shot into the top corner of the net with Dubravka unable to reach the baall!

1-2 to Bournemoooth!

And then super sub Matt Richie woz brought on in the 91st minute and within ONE MINUTE of comin' on he bundled the baall into the net with hiz forst touch, to once again level the scores at 2-2!

10 minutes of extra time were added, but we couldnt find the winner, with Bournemoooth tryin to dee the same!

Az Brian Clough used to say! "It only takes a second to score a goal!"-----(Or in this case a minute!) Good old Matt Richie who scored hiz forst goal for us in 4 years!

Injury depleted and withoot a proper striker iz costin us dear---especially at SJP!

Attendance: 52,224 (1,000 Cherrie Pickers)

*

THE TOON V THE CHERRIE PICKERS *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘4:50pm  bell🔔s Friday 16th February 2024

BLUE SKIES OWER THE GALLOWGATE END TODAY!

News that Callum Wilson will probably miss the rest of the season iz yet more devastatin news for Toon fans! 

With both Alexander Isak and Joelinton crocked az well we mayaswell put wor number 5 Fabian Schar up front az he haz scored 3 times in wor last 2 away games! ( So he must be due at least one ‘home’ goal tomorrow!?)

Joe Willock, Matt Targett, Nick Pope,, Jacob Murphy and of course Sandro Tonali are aalso still crocked or suspended!

Honestly I for one will be glad when we reach the 40 point safety mark which iz just 4 away!

3 points against Bournemoooth and we are nearly there!

“MY KIND OF TOWN—CHICAGO IS!”

 Toon fans from Chicargo and Australia are in The Strawberry 🍓 now! ('4:50pm bells', Friday)

DESPERATE DAN!

 Posted ‘5:31pm bells 🔔 Thorzday 15th February 2024

This iz NOT a big deal that Dan Ashworth iz desperate to jump ship ship ⛴️ again and gan to Moan U!

NUFC signed Botman, Isak and Bruno etc BEFORE Ashworth arrived!

THE FRIAR TUCK MOB 2. THE TOON 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ Sunday 11th February 2024 on the train back from Newark!

“BRUNO’S MAGIC FOOT!” 🦶 

This woz a see-saw game if ever there woz one!

The goal sequences and incidents were az follows:

TOON FANS CELEBRATE BRUNO’S 1st GOAL!

10th minute: Bruno opens the scoring at the opposite Trent End with a fantastic right footed volley from a pinpoint Trippier pass, which beat former Toon keeper Matz Sels!   0-1 to The Toon

26th minute: Forest equalise through Elanga when he iz put through the middle and he fires past the advancin Dubravka in The Toon goal! 1-1

43rd minute: ‘Fab’ Schar restored wor lead with a shot from a Trippier set piece!  1-2 to us

45+6th minute: Forest pull level again when a wicked deflection off Lewis Miley wrangfoots Dubravka in the 6th minute of stoppage time!

50th minute: The Friar Tuck mob ‘fink’ they have taken the lead through Taiwo, but the linesman puts his flag up for offside!

55th minute: Penalty appeal when Dubravka woz alleged to have pulled doon Taiwo,who actually dived!

VAR decision  nee foul!

66th minute: Bruno gets his 2nd goal with a right footed shot into the corner of the net, from a loose baall to send the 2,950 Toon fans behind that goal ‘mental’!

There were a few close calls, but we hung on to win wor 4th away game in row!

Attendance 29,451 (2,950 jubilant Toon fans!)

🤪👍🏁

PLAYES AND FANS CELEBRATE AT THE FINAL WHISTLE!

PUB CRAWL PIX FROM NEWARK AND NOTTINGHAM BEFORE AND AFTER THE GAME! (6 BOOZERS VISITED!)

Nee sign of the Monty Python crew though! in Newark

"AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!"

THE FLYING CIRCUS

SWAN AND SALMON NEWARK

VAT AND FIDDLE NOTTINGHAM

NEWARK

LOOSE CANNON NEWARK

THE QUEENS HEAD NEWARK