THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB 1 THE TOON 4 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted from '1:55pm bells' onwards Munday 7th Novembaa 2022

"JUST CHAMPION!"

Coz of the train strike (which woz caalled off at the last minute!) it woz too late to change wor arrangements to drive to Sooothampton and so it woz a 700 mile plus roond road trip to the south coast in mee 'canny tranny' 9 seater van (Mee alone to Reading and 3 passengers from there!---its a lang story!)

Anyway!---a'd left wor hoose at '1:00pm bells' on Saturday and eventually arrived at wor Sooothampton hotel at '9:30pm bells'!

After hoyin wor bags into wor hotel rooms it woz time to 'hoy' some drink doon wor necks after the exhausting road trip!

Aftter several 'liquid lubrications' we retried to wor rooms for a good neets kip! "ZZZZzzzz!!!"

Next day woz match day and we managed 2 'liquid lubrication locations' before the '2 bells' kick off at St. Mary's.

And wot a day it torned oot to be!----

The game kicked off in brilliant sunshine and pourin rain, then sunshine again az we put Sooothampton 'to the sword'!

"HERE COMES THE SUN!"

The goal sequences were az follows:

35th minute: Miggy Almiron jinks through the home defence to fire home a glorious shot into the corner on the goal, to send the 3,200 Toon fans behind it into raptures!

"HERE COMES THE RAIN!"

58th minute: Chris Wood takes advantage of a loose baall to torn and fire home to double wor lead!

62nd minute: A fantastic through baall from Kieron Trippier finds Joe Willock who cooly places a precision shot into the corner of the net!

 

89th minute: A late consulation goal for 'The Simon Tempar Mob' through Perraud woz witnessed by just 10,000 home fans---the rest had left by then! ('The Simon Templar Mob'---an explanation: The 1960s cult TV series 'The Saint' starred Roger Moore az the detective Simon Templar. Sooothampton's nickname iz of course 'The Saints'---get it???) 

91st minute: Bruno completes the rout by hittin a belter from the corner of the box az topless Toon fans showed of their MAGnificent physiques to the world, az they danced in the sun and rain! (It woz that kind of day!)

"BEER WE GO!--BEER WE GO!--BEER WE GO!" 🍻

(GREAT PHOTO OF THE LITTLE GIRL WITH HOR EAR MUFFS ON!)

"YOO TOO CUD HAVE A BODY LIKE MINE!"🍺X 1,000!

The win lifts us up to 3rd in the table and meeenz that whatever happens against Chelsea next Saturday, we will still be in a Champions Leegue place by Xmas Day!

"JUST CHAMPION!"

Attendance: 30,402 (3,200 very happy Toon fans!)

*After the match we heeded back to pick mee canny tranny up from the car park next to wor hotel at '4:30 bells'---It took nearly an hour to get oot of Sooothampton and then anothaa hour to get to Reading where aa dropped 'Sarnie Steve' off (he woz workin doon there)  then onward to 'Donny' (Doncaster) to drop 'Mal the Inglish Skool Teachaa' off (he lives there!) and then to Durham sorvices to drop 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' off (he lives nearby!) and then finally to drop 'Big Al' off near hiz home near Newcasil racecourse! (NOT the sheet metal workers son!) before finally gettin to mee Tyneside abode at '1:00am bells' on Munday mornin and 707.6 miles after leavin there at '1:00pm bells on Saturday!---totally knackered by this time of course!

Or 1,138.772 kilometres for yoo metric gurus! (Aye aa took mee socks and shoes off and used mee fingers and toes to work it oot!---honest!)

Woz it worth it????----"YOO BET IT WOZ!"

🎵UP THE PREMYAA LEEGUE WE GO!🎵

5 Liquid Lubrication Locations visited 

(All in Sooothampton)

Runnin total for away games so far this season: 

83 Liquid Lubrication Locations visited (so far!)

Tour of Austria 41

Brightin 8

Tranny Rovers 2

Wolverhampton Wanabeez 4

Livaapool 4

Fulim 8

Moan U Muppeteers 1

Sporz 12

Sooothampton 5

*

THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB V THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON

 Posted 'high noon 🔔 bells' Saturday 5th November (bonfire day) 2022

THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE!---MARCH 2022--- A 2-1 WIN! 

(TOON ARE IN LIGHT BLUE)

We travel the 350 miles to Sooothampton by road today at '1:00pm bells' coz of the train strike, which woz caalled off at the last minute last neet! (too late to change arrangements---and in any case we hear that there are nee trains from The Toon to King's Cross at aall?)

Anyway!---we shud be there by '7 bells' tooneet and will dump wor bags in the hotel and gan 'on the hoy'!

Then tomorrow we heed for St. Mary's Stadium for the '2:00 bells' kick off where aall 3,200 away tickets have been sold!---We hear that Toon fans have aalso bought tickets in the home sections az Sooothampton cannit sell them!

Joelinton iz suspended due to the accumulation <(we naa aall the big words!) of yellow cards!  We hear that Callum Wilson haz picked up a flu bug, but hopefully wor number 9 will feature tomorrow!

A full Geordie Times match and drinkin dens report will appear here on Munday sometime!  (We shud be back on Tyneside in the late evenin' on Sunday!

Az per usual: "Watch this space!"

Explanation: We caall Sooothampton, 'The Simon Templar Mob', coz this woz a character in the cult 1960s TV series 'The Saint', played by Roger Moore.  Sooothampton are known az 'The Saints' of course-----get it??? 

359 arrowmark home improvements stadium, birtley (v leeds u u15s)

 Ground number 359 

Date of First Visit: 2nd November 2022

Arrowmark Home Improvements Stadium, Birtley

Newcastle United U15s  0

Leeds United U15s  5

Under 15s Flooit Cup

Attendance: 222 (estimated)

We foond oot aboot this game at short notice through a twitter post from Birtley Town FC who said that they were hosting this game at their groond!

Az a'd never seen a Toon team play there, aa booked a days holiday from work so aa could gan

On the day of the game there woz torrential rain and there were fears that the pitch would be waaterlogged and the game caalled off!

However, the rain finally stopped and so aa heeded south to Bortley for the '6:30 bells' kick off in mee 'canny tranny' van!

Fellow NUFC mad-sad groundhopper Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer woz there, but Glennn from Ashington wasn't!--He couldn't wangle a day off work at such short notice, unlike me! (He woz devastated!)

Anyway! The game kicked off 5 minutes orly (?) and both teams went for the forst goal! We hit the bar orly on and Leeedz had 3 chances thwarted by the Toon goalie! (Az this woz an under 15 game, the rules are that nee names are published or team sheets available!)  The groond iz reet next to the East Coast Main Line and passenger and goods trains hurtled passed az the game progressed!

It woz nil-nil at half time, which woz a fair reflection of the forst half!

However! The 2nd half woz completely different az Leeedz youngins ran riot!

A penalty woz given to them after one of their strikers woz felled in the box by wor keeper!

Their number 9 hit it straight doon the middle to open the scorin!

It woz soon 2-0 to them when their lanky number 6 rose above wor defence to double Leeedz lead!

The floodgates then opened (even though it wasn't raining!) when their number 10 fired home!

Leeedz number 9 then got hiz 2nd goal with a brilliant lob ower wor keeper!

The rout woz completed at the death az we were makin wor way to the exit gate, to complete the 0-5 scoreline (divvint naa who got their 5th az we couldn't see az we were a canny distance from the action by this time!)

Great that a new groond had been added to the seemingly never ending list--but the result wasn't so great!---woz it!

More groond pix

ONE OF MANY INTER CITY TRAINS FLEW PAST THE CASA ROSA STAND. IT'S IRONIC TO SAY THE LEAST, THAT WE CANNIT GET TO SOOOTHAMPTON ON SATURDAY BY TRAIN FOR WOR 1st TEAM GAME, AZ THEY ARE ON STRIKE AGAIN! (THE GAME IZ ON SUNDAY, BUT BECAUSE OF THE '2:00 BELLS' KICK OFF TIME, WE WOULD MISS THE 1st HALF IF WE WENT BY TRAIN ON SUNDAY!)   SO!----A 700 MILE ROAD TRIP IZ WOR ANLY OPTION NOW!

NEE BEER HERE! 🠝

WADGEY'S BAR WHERE ANLY SOFT DRINKS WERE ON SALE!---THEY ARNT ALLOWED TO SELL ALCOHOL AT U15s GAMES!---SO A COFFEE IT WOZ!

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS *** NEW GROOND! *** NEW GROOND!

 Posted '12:47pm 🔔 bells' Tuesday 2nd Novembaa 2022

The 'hoppers' have a new groond to tick off the list, az wor U15s are in action at Northern Leegue Bortley Toon's, Arrowmark Home Improvements Stadium ----v Leeedz tooneet, in a U15s floodlit cup game!

Get alang if yoo can and support the kids!---Kick off iz at '6:30bells'   ENTRY IZ FREE!

From the north the groond entrance iz off the main Durham Road and through the Toon centre on the right opposite A1 Commercials!

A Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime later!

Az per usual:  "Watch this space!"

THE TOON U21s 1 THE SMB U21s 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2 DIVISION 2

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 1st Novembaa 2022

"TRICK OR CHEAT!?"

Last neet at SJP in the Tyne/wear resorve derby NUFC drew 1-1 with wor mackem counterparts, but the mackems equaliser in the 4th minute of stoppage time woz dubious to say the least!

It shud be noted that The SMBs actually fielded 4 forst team players in this game!

It started off well when Joe White scored with a fine shot at the Leazes End in the 33rd minute after a '1-2' with Dylan Stephenson from a short corner to send the vast majority of the 2,511 crowd in  the East Stand into raptures!

We held on til the dyin' moments with 10 men after Turner-Cooke woz shown a 2nd yellow card in the 79th minute!

Deep into stoppage time the SMB goalie Alex Bass ran up when a corner for them woz taken at The Leazes End.  He got a heed to the baall but put the baall into the net via hiz HAND!

The ref and linesmen missed it and the goal woz given, much to the annoyance of the Toon players and fans alike!

Aa naa goalie are allowed to handle the baall in their own box---but didn't realize that they were allowed to dee it in the OPPOSITION'S box????  A HALLOWEEN 'TRICK OR CHEAT' for certain!

THE TOON 4 THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 30th Octobaa 2022

HALLOWEEN PARTY TIME!

This woz a game of 2 halfs az NUFC huffed and puffed durin the forst 45 minute + 10 mins stoppage time due to a bad injury to Villa's goalie Martinez, who woz kneed by one of hiz own players in the 35th minute and had to be replaced by Olsen! haloween 

We'd had a couple of good chances through Wilson and Longstaff who both shot wide orly on, but we just couldnt get oot of 2nd gear!

The breakthrough came 6 minutes into stoppage time when Villa defender Ashley Young controlled the baall with hiz upper arm in the box and the ref pointed straight to the spot!

Callum Wilson took it and slammed the baall doon the middle with Olsen divin' to hiz right at The Leazes End!  He then scored again, but the goal woz ruled oot for offside by VAR   HT 1-0 up!

The 2nd half woz SO different with NUFC dominatin from start to finish. 11minutes after the restart Wilson double wor lead when a 'one-two' between Almiron and Trippier from a corner woz crossed by Trippier who crossed the baall for Wilson to nod in from close in!

3 minutes later and it woz 3-0 when a Wilson shot woz parried by their sub keeper to Joelinton and he said, "thank you very much!" az he fired the baall into the back of the net!

Then the goal of the game in the 67th minutre when Almiron send a brilliant 20 yard bender into the corner of the Gallowgate End net, with their goalie well beaten, to send the crowd wild!

It woz aall 'one way traffic' az we peppered their goal with numerous shots---too many to mention and hit the woodwork twice through Wilson (bar) and Murphy (post)!

It could easily been 7 or 8, but we had to settle for the 4-0 win to consolidate wor 4th place in the table!

Like we said in wor previous match report THE TOON ARE BACK AND YOU'D BETTER BELEEEEVE IT!

Attendance: 52,233

*Before the match the Villa fans sang the: "Cheer up Alan Shearer, sad Geordie b*stard---and a shit football team!" song

The reality iz that THEY are the sad b*stards with a shit futbaall team for certain! (They havint won in their last 15 visits!)

THIS PHOTO OF THE EMPTY SEATS IN THE VILLA END WOZ TAKEN 20 MINUTES BEFORE FULL TIME

*

HAPPY TOON FANS OOTSIDE 'THE STRAWBERRY' AFTER THE MATCH

*

THE TOON V THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS **** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 29th Octobaa 2022

THE MILBURN STAND FROM BARRACK ROAD

Unbeaten at SJP for months NUFC take on a Villa side who have a new manager in Unal Emery ---who of course torned us doon a year ago!

He cannit take charge til November because of work permit issues so caretaker manager Aaron Danks will be in the away dugoot!

Elliot Anderson haz been declared fit to play, while Saint Max iz likely to feature after bein' oot through injury!

NUFC are unbeaten in wor last 7 Premyaa Leegue home games stretchin' back 6 months, while Villa havint won away in 6 attempts this season---with anly 3 away goals scored!

Indeed under 'Steady Eddie' we have anly lost twice at SJP in the Premyaa Leegue, since he took ower nearly a year ago!

And if results gan wor way this weekend we could actually move up to 3rd place in the table!----UNREAL!---considerin' where we were a year ago----ROCK BOTTOM!

Its a '3 bells' untelevised start and a full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime tomorrow!  Az per usual "Watch this space!"

SPORZ PUB CRAWL!----RUNNIN' TOTAL FOR AALL GAMES THIS SEASON SO FAR!----78

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 28th Octobaa 2022

  THE GIANT BISCUIT TIN STADIUM, TOTTENHAM!

*Aa naa its a bit late to put wor pub crawl list online from last weekend--but this IZ The Geordie Times after aall! 

 Because wor game v Sporz woz moved twice we kept the same '9am bells' train doon last Saturday (when the match woz supposed to be played!) 

Because the game wasnt played til Sunday we had plenty of time to dee an extended pub crawl aroond King's Cross, Euston and Holborn in Central London on arrival at 'high noon 🔔 bells'

SATURDAY, 10 'liquid lubrication locations' visited! ("Hic!")

SUNDAY, (just!) 2 'liquid lubrication locations' visited

    Before the match

   After the match

*RUNNIN' TOTAL FOR AWAY GAMES WE HAVE BEEN TEE SO FAR! 

78 'LIQUID LUBRICATION LOCATIONS' 

TOUR OF AUSTRIA: 41

BRIGHTIN: 8   

TRANNY ROVERS: 2  

WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ: 4

LIVAAPOOOL: 4

FULIM: 6

VILLA U21s: 0

MOAN U MUPPETEERS: 1

SPORZ: 12

NUFC REARANGED FIXTURES AND TELLY TIMES FOR DECEMBER AND JANUARY!

 Posted '12:32pm bells' Wedinzday 26th Octobaa 2022

The telly times for the festive period have been released TWO WEEKS later than advertised!

Boxin' Day Munday 26th December 

The Basil Brush Brigade of Lestaa at The King Power at '3:00 bells' (PRIME)

New Years Eve Saturday 31st December

Leeedz at SJP at '3:00 bells' (Nee telly)

Tuesday 3rd January 2023

The Arse at The Emirates at '8:00 pm bells' (SKY)

Saturday 7th January (FA Cup 3rd roond---venue and opponents to be decided)

Saturday 14th January

Fulim at SJP (Could change)

Saturday 21st January 

Cristil Palliss at Selhurst (Could change)

*The anly one that "f**ks us up" so far iz The Arse away midweek at '8:00pm bells', which meeenz we have nee choice but to stop owerneet somewhere near King's Cross in London (Again!)

We still divvint naa when we will play Fulim and Palliss, despite theeze roond of fixtures due oot with the rest of the above two weeks ago???