SPORZ PUB CRAWL!----RUNNIN' TOTAL FOR AALL GAMES THIS SEASON SO FAR!----78

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 28th Octobaa 2022

  THE GIANT BISCUIT TIN STADIUM, TOTTENHAM!

*Aa naa its a bit late to put wor pub crawl list online from last weekend--but this IZ The Geordie Times after aall! 

 Because wor game v Sporz woz moved twice we kept the same '9am bells' train doon last Saturday (when the match woz supposed to be played!) 

Because the game wasnt played til Sunday we had plenty of time to dee an extended pub crawl aroond King's Cross, Euston and Holborn in Central London on arrival at 'high noon 🔔 bells'

SATURDAY, 10 'liquid lubrication locations' visited! ("Hic!")

SUNDAY, (just!) 2 'liquid lubrication locations' visited

    Before the match

   After the match

*RUNNIN' TOTAL FOR AWAY GAMES WE HAVE BEEN TEE SO FAR! 

78 'LIQUID LUBRICATION LOCATIONS' 

TOUR OF AUSTRIA: 41

BRIGHTIN: 8   

TRANNY ROVERS: 2  

WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ: 4

LIVAAPOOOL: 4

FULIM: 6

VILLA U21s: 0

MOAN U MUPPETEERS: 1

SPORZ: 12

NUFC REARANGED FIXTURES AND TELLY TIMES FOR DECEMBER AND JANUARY!

 Posted '12:32pm bells' Wedinzday 26th Octobaa 2022

The telly times for the festive period have been released TWO WEEKS later than advertised!

Boxin' Day Munday 26th December 

The Basil Brush Brigade of Lestaa at The King Power at '3:00 bells' (PRIME)

New Years Eve Saturday 31st December

Leeedz at SJP at '3:00 bells' (Nee telly)

Tuesday 3rd January 2023

The Arse at The Emirates at '8:00 pm bells' (SKY)

Saturday 7th January (FA Cup 3rd roond---venue and opponents to be decided)

Saturday 14th January

Fulim at SJP (Could change)

Saturday 21st January 

Cristil Palliss at Selhurst (Could change)

*The anly one that "f**ks us up" so far iz The Arse away midweek at '8:00pm bells', which meeenz we have nee choice but to stop owerneet somewhere near King's Cross in London (Again!)

We still divvint naa when we will play Fulim and Palliss, despite theeze roond of fixtures due oot with the rest of the above two weeks ago???

  

SPORZ 1 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted on the '10:00pm bells' train back from London, Sunday 23rd Octobaa 2022 on mee mobile 'telling bone' and updated on Munday and Tuesday on mee laptop

"DANCIN' AND SINGIN' IN THE RAIN!"

This iz a great day for everybody connected with NUFC az this iz the day that we have cemented wor place back in the upper reaches of The Premyaa Leegue after many years in the wilderness at the wrang end of the table in relegation scraps!

Callum Wilson opened the scorin in the 31st minute when he clashed with Sporz goalie Lloris ootside the box and he lobbed the baall into the net with the keeper lyin poleaxed on the groond!  VAR conformed the goal woz OK after protests from Sporz players!

Miggy Almiron doubled wor lead 9 minutes later when he took a pass from Longstaff and roond a home defender to double wor lead and we went in 2-0 UP at the break!

Durin the half time interval the sky torned grey and black and thunder and lightning lit up the heavens!

Aall of a sudden it started to pelt doon with torrential rain of biblical propotions, az the wind blew it into the stands!

Within seconds we were drenched to the bone and aall of a sudden 100s made for the shelter of the concourses! (Put it this way! If a'd jumped into the river Tyne fully clothed aa couldn't have been any wetter and aa half expected Noah's Ark appear on the pitch at any time!) 🠜Slight exaggeration!  

Mee so caalled waterproof jacket woz soaked through az woz mee jeans and boxer shorts!  I woz in row 15 and made mee way to the very back row of the away section to try a keep dry!  A billion pound stadium where at least 30,000 of the 60,000 plus crowd got a good drenching! (The worst and heaviest downpour at a match av ever known!)

The fear woz that if the rain kept falling so heavily that the pitch wud become waterlogged and the match abandoned!

Thankfully the rain eased off and the 2nd half started!

Harry Kane pulled one back in the 54th minute, but instead of defendin' we stayed on the attack to try and score another, rather than 'parkin the bus'!

The 'new' Newcasil have come a lang way in the last 12 months!

The win lifts us up to a Champions Leegue position in 4th place az soaken fans and players danced and celebrated wildly at the end of the match!

"Dancin' and singin' in the rain!"

Just one undeserved defeat at Livaapoool oot of 13 played (12 Premyaa Leegue, 1 Leegue Cup) make very impressive reading for the new regime! 

We won't single any particular player oot for praise---they were aall outstandin'!

*Attendance:61,726 (30,000 rather wet fans!)

THE TOON ARE BACK! YOU'D BETTER BELEEEVE IT!

   WOT THE PAPERS SAY

SPORZ v THE TOON *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '9:30 am 🔔 bells' on train to King's Cross, Saturday 22nd Octobaa 2022

LAST TIME WE WERE HERE LAST SEASON--A SHATTERIN' 5-1 DEFEAT!

"SKY TELLY AND RAIL WORKERS COULD'NT GIVE A SHIT ABOOT FUTBAALL FANS!"

We are off on wor travels a day orly for the game at Sporz az we booked the 9am bells train to King's Cross for the 5:30 bells kick off today, which had been changed for live telly from the '3bells kick off!

After we booked trains and an hotel for the Saturday neet---guess wot?  The b*stards changed it again to a 4:30 bells kick off on the SUNDAY!

SO!---instead of watchin the match on Saturday and stayin owerneet to travel back at 2pm bells' on Sunday, we are now gannin doon today and stoppin owerneet for the game TOMORROW! (wot a carry on!)

We've had to change the train back coz it left BEFORE the new kick off time, and are now catchin the '10bells' train back on Sundat neet!

On top of THAT we foond oot orlier this week that there iz anothaa train strike on the weekend we play Sooothampton away, makin the train 'no go', so we have to travel by road there and back!!! (700miles roond trip!)

The THORD time a train strike haz effected us this season in lang distance games! (Brightin away (700 miles roond trip), Fulim away (600 miles roond trip) and now Sooothampton away!) (No one likes us---they don't care!)

PS: We are due to arrive at King's Cross at 'high noon bells' today ---TWENTY EIGHT AND A HALF HOURS BEFORE KICK OFF!  (Looks like a very lang 'pub crawl' today and tomorrow!!!)

Will dee match report on Munday sometime!  Az per usual!-------

 "Watch this space!"

*

THE TOON 1 THE TOFFEE NOSES 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted 'just after high noon bells' Thorzday 20th Octobaa 2022

Not the best game yill evaa see, but the goal that won it WOZ one of the best yoo WILL evaa see! 

MIGGY'S GOAL, 'LITTLE ARMS' CANNIT REACH THE BAALL!

Miggy Almiron scored it in the 30th minute, when 2 passes across the park from Brazilians Joelinton and Bruno foond the Paraguayan and he hit a sweet left footer from 25 yards oot, ower the heed of 'little arms' Pickford the mackem we love to hate, to score the anly goal of the game at The Leazes End!

It shud have been many more az we pounded the Evaatin goal in the forst half, but had to settle for the one goal lead at the break!

Evaatin to be honest were p*ss poor and in total had just ONE shot in the entire game, compared to 16 from The Toon!

The 2nd half woznt az good, but the 3 points are aall that matters az we gan from strength to strength!

The win keeps us in 6th place in the table with just one (undesorved) defeat in the 12 games we have played so far this season! (11 Leegue, 1 Leegue Cup)

It shud be noted that on this day one year ago a certain failed manager woz sacked by NUFC, when we were rock bottom of the table with nee wins and just 5 points, to be replaced by Steady Eddie who haz done a MAGnificent job since last November when he took the reigns! (NUFC have 18 points under Eddie so far!)

Attendance: 52,204  (3,000 Toffee Noses at the start of the game and 1,500 at the end of the game!)

🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖

CAN YOO SPOT THE DINOSAUR IN 

THE GALLOWGATE END?

   WOT THE PAPERS SAY!

THE TOON V THE TOFFEE NOSES*** TOONEET

 Posted just after 'high noon 🔔 bells' Wedinzday 19th Octobaa 2022

TOON FANS SHOW THEIR LOYALTY TO THE CROWN OOTSIDE THE STRAWBERRY CORNER

Tooneet at '7:30 bells' we face Evaatin at SJP in wor forst midweek Premyaa Leegue game of the season!

Saint Max and Alexander are both oot, but the rest shud be fit and rearing to gan!

A full Geordie Times match report will be forthcomin tomorrow! Az per usual

"Watch this space!"

MOAN U MUPPETEERS 0 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted  from 'high noon bells' onwards, Munday 17th Octobaa 2022

THE TOON ARE IN WOR WHITE AND GREEN CHANGE STRIP

"A GAME THAT WE SHUD HAVE WON, WHICH WE NEARLY LOST!"

*For the forst time in many a long year we had faith that we could grap aall 3 points at 'The Theatre of Muppets'!

Indeed we started off on the front foot az we attacked the East Stand (formerly The Scoreboard End) where the 3,000 Toon fans were housed.

VIEW FROM EAST STAND TIER 1 UPPER, ROW 3

The best chance came in the 25th minute when a free kick from Trippier near the edge of the box rebounded to him and he sent a lob into the box and Joelinton heeded it onto the bar!---It rebounded to him and hiz second heeder smashed off the post and into touch! 

Callum Wilson woz then squashed by 2 of their defenders in the box for a clear penalty, but the ref waved 'play on' and it didn't even gan to VAR (an absolute disgrace!) Hiz shirt woz aalso tugged on anothaa occasion in the box, but again nowt woz given???

HT 0-0

The second half woz more Moan U az they attacked 'wor end' and at the death they had 2 chances to score when Fred missed an open goal and an unmarked Rashford somehow missed the goal with a heeder from close in! (thank the Lord!)

Before that, Ronaldo woz booked for moanin' after he took the baall off Nick Pope before a free kick to us woz taken!---Schar had rolled the baall back to Pope to take the kick---Ronaldo claimed that because Schar had rolled the baall back to Pope that the kick had actually been taken, when it woz not!  He waved hiz arms aboot like a 5 year old and woz rightly shown the yellow card by the ref for protestin'! (He's 37!)

He aalso moaned and shook hiz heed in disbelief when he woz substituted by Rashford late on! (Moanaldo perhaps?) 

Fernandes aalso constantly moaned at the ref for the full 90 minutes!

That iz the reason we caall them Moan United!

FT 0-0

Attendance: 73,726 (3,000 Toon fans--70,736 muppets!)

For the forst time ever the Moan U fans never sang the, "Cheer up Alan Shearer, sad Geordie b*****d", song!

It woz aalso the quietest av ever known since mee forst Toon game here in the orly 1970s! 

The Toon fans az per usual were in 'full voice'! 

THE VIEW OF A VETERAN MOAN U FAN ON THE BBC MESSAGE BOARD!

The pre match gargels took place here in Salford Quays near both the BBC and ITV studios! (Moan U aalso play in Salford which iz a 20 minute walk from there)

And an hour before kick off, some Toon fan are aalready in their seats! (Or shud we say 'standin' places'?)

THE THEATRE OF MUPPETEERS V THE TOON *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 16th Octobaa 2022

                     "WELCOME TO OLD TRAFFORD!"

At the time of writin this in the back of Sarnie Steve's 'jam jar  we have arrived in Manchester for wor game against Moan U at The Theatre of Muppets!

The Bad news iz that Saint Max iz injured again and will miss the game az will record signin Alexander the Great who iz still recoverin' from a bad knock!

The good news iz the rest of the team are fit and rearing to gan!  For once we can gan here and expect a good result (hopefully!)

A full Geordie Times match (and booze!) report will appear here sometime tomorrow! Az per usual, "Watch this space!"

358 bodymoor heath (v villa u21s)

Ground number 358

Date of First Visit: 14th October 2022

Bodymoor Heath, near Tamworth

Aston Villa U21s  1

Newcastle United U21s  2 (Joe White, Josh Scott)

Premier League 2 Division 2

Attendance: (Estimated) 300 'bodies' at Bodymoor! (sic!) (3 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers) *(Us 2 plus Niall from nufc.com)

*

 "E' TICKET ECSTACY!"

*The trouble aa had to get an 'E' ticket for this game woz unbelievable!

It woz an aall ticket game and the anly way to get any woz to phone up or gan on line!  On-line woz a nightmare and aa tried unsuccessfully for half an hour to purchase one! (I won't gan into details az yoo might faall asleep---"ZZZZzzzz!!!!")

SO!--a phone caall to the Aston Villa ticket office woz the anly othaa way!  Aa phoned up and a voice message told me the ticket office woz closed and to phone back between '10am bells' and '1:30pm bells'

Aa'd made the phone caall at '11:15am bells'!  Az far az I'm aware 11:15am iz between 10am and 1:30pm?   After several more attempts with the same outcome aa phoned 'Glennn from Ashington' up and he told me to phone the main switch board, which aa did!

After a 5 minute wait a lassie finally answered and aa told hor mee problems tryin' to get through to the ticket office. She put me through and guess wot???-----A voice message told me to phone between 10am and 1:30pm!   "AAAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHH!" 

Anothaa 'desperate' phone caall to Glennn then followed and he tried for ages to get me a ticket on line---and BINGO!----after half an hour he eventually succeeded and got me one! "HHORRRAYYY!" (Hope yoo havvint faallen asleep yet?)

Honestly yoo wud have thought aa woz tryin to buy an FA Cup final ticket and not a ticket for a daft resorve game! 

ANYWAY!---- It woz match day and off we set from Tyneside in mee 'Canny Tranny' and arrived at Bodymoor Heath trainin' groond some 3 and a half hours later! (That's me and Glennn)

We parked up and went into the groond which had a smaall main stand and a snack bar beside it!  

*A cup of tea at £2.80, hot dogs at £6.50 and pie and chips at £8.30 made this extortionately priced snack bar 'a no go area' for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers'! (Aall 2 of us!)

The game kicked off in torrential rain and Villa went on the attack straight away!----However we eventually got into wor stride and Jay Turner Cooke rattled the Villa bar to send the home side a warnin sign in the 18th minute! 

 And so it 'came to pass' when NUFC who took the lead 5 minutes later, when a pinpoint cross from Matty Bondswell foond Joe White and he fired the baall into the net from 20 yards oot for a glorious effort, to muted applause from us! (We couldnt see any othaa Toon fans, which iz hardly suprizin' considerin the hassle it woz to get tickets--but we knew that Naill from NUFC.com woz there az well, even though we couldnt see him anywhere?) 

Villa equalised deep into forst half stoppage time through Shakpoke with a scrambled effort---and so it woz aall square at the break!

We retook the lead on the hour mark through Josh Scott who hit a shot from close in----Despite massive Villa pressure and time wastin from us (2 Toon players booked for this) we held on for the 3 points and a 2-1 victory!   

After a fower hour drive back, via the M42, M1, A1 and the Tyne Tunnel, aa dropped Glennn from Ashington off in Ashington (where else?) before heedin back to mee Tyneside abode at 1:00am bells' and 410 miles on the trip meter!

The diesel 'used' came to an eye waaterin £100, which meant that it cost us fifty quid each to gan to this game! (Plus the £5 E tickets!)

Woz it worth it?   AYE!--an away win and anothaa new groond to add to the list!

"WE WOZ THERE!" (The proof!)

*

A 'PRIZED' 'E' TICKET!

*

*FINK (The mad-sad groundhopper!--358 and coontin'!)