93 YEARS AND COONTIN'!

 Posted '3:28pm bells' Munday 28th December 2020

My old mate aalways buys a new car when 'The Toon' win the leegue!

At the moment he iz drivin' this beauty!

THE SAME OLD, SAME OLD----!

 Posted '3:33pm bells' Sunday 27th December 2020

NUFC

SMB

VILLA

*SPOT THE DIFFERENCE?

                       And here's sommik from nufc.com

THE BLUE MOONIES V THE TOON *** LIVE UPDATES!

 Posted from '7:22pm bells' onwards, Boxin' Day 2020

Just as we thought!---No Callum Wilson in the startin' line up, (wor top scorer) he isnt injured so wor 'plan' looks like we will 'park the bus' with 11 men behind the baall and hope for a 0-0 draw--- which WON'T work!

There is NO Plan B of course!

Geordie Times prediction

Man City 90% possession to wor 10%!

Karl Darlow takes a goal kick orly on

*Goal updates here!

goal   1-0 to man city 14th minute! Gundogan shot

Commentator, near the end of the forst half: "Every single Newcasil player is in their own 18 yard box and Steve Bruce wishes he could join them!"

HT 1-0 doon   25% possession

Nee shots on target    

 1 corner👏      Commentator: "Bruce will be happy!"

Official attendance in wor hoose: 3 (Me, a Toon beer glass and a can of cider!)

51st minute  1st shot on target for NUFC from Murphy!

A rare Toon attack durin the 2nd half

goal 54th minute Man City 2-0---Torres tap in!

We may az well gan yem! 

(Oh I forgot?---we ARE!)

Commentator "Man City have 88% possession this half so far (57th minute)

FT 2-0   How we got away with just a 2-0 defeat iz anybody's guess!

Final possession 81.5% to 18.5%  for 90 minutes (Wor prediction woz 90% to 10 %) but we nearly got it reet in the 2nd half az they had 88% and we anly had 12%

Nee shots on target in the forst half

2 shots on target in the second half, both weak efforts from Murphy

FROM SKY SPORTS

At the start of the season Broken Nose Bruce said that his target woz a top 10 finish---After the match Broken Nose Bruce said this!

      There's an old Red Indian sayin': 

       "He speaks with forked tongue!"🐍

THE BLUE MOONIES v THE TOON *** TOONEET !

 Posted from '12:54pm bells' onwards, Boxin' Day 2020

"LAMBS TO THE SLAUGHTER!?" (Part one!)

🠜ETIHAD STADIUM🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑

At odds of 25/1 for NUFC to win in Manchester today, the bookies have more than likely got it right! (we are 66/1 to win 1-0!)

The Geordie Times will be watchin the game via a laptop (and hopefully not hidin' behind the settee!) on a pirate channel 🕱(alledgedleee!) kick off '8:00 bells' (BT---and ☠)

But look on the bright side!----we have anly lost at 'The Etihad' 11 times in a row, in the Premyaa Leegue! 

In total we have played there in the leegue 15 times since it opened in 2003-2004, drawin twice and losin 13 times! Man City have scored 42 times to wor 8  (Wor one and anly success woz a 2-0 win in the Leegue Cup in 2014-2015)

Aalso! NUFC have lost wor last 5 games played on Boxin' Day!---So nothin' to worry aboot, then!?

And lets hope if we DEE get beat that wor manager 'Broken Nose Bruce' doesn't come oot with one of the followin ridiculous statements, which he haz trotted oot many times before, after a defeat!

"We've got to dust ourselves down and carry on!"    "I'm not everybody's cup of tea!"  "I'm not making excuses---BUT!"       "We've got to roll our sleeves up!"    "It iz wot it iz!" 🠜(whatever THAT'S supposed to mean???)

Bookies odds on him sayin' one of the above are 2/1 !

Footnote: "BELLA TO THE RESCUE?"    'Storm Bella' iz due to hit the north west of England tooneet,  bringin' torrential rain and storm force gales!

Therefore a possible postponement becoz of a waaterlogged pitch could save Brucey's bacon! (NOT hiz bacon sarnies by the way!--he'll definitely scoff them!)🐽🐽

A Geordie Times 'laptop' match report to follow!

PS: We will publish the team line up in a new post when it comes through at aroond aboot '7:00 bells', plus any goals az they happen from the '8:00 bells' kick off! (Hope we're not tooo busy!)

 

THE QUEEN'S XMAS MESSAGE TO THE TOON ARMY! (GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!)

 Posted '3:00pm bells' Xmas Day 2020

 "As an avid member of The Toon Army can I wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy new year!

It has been an anus horriblus year for all of us and we can only hope that the NUFC takeover finally happens in 2021!

Us royal families must stick together and we hope that this finally happens in the not to distant future and that we can get rid of 'The Fat Controller' once and for all!

Once again I wish you all a very happy Christmas and fingers crossed for the new year!

HOWAY THE LADS!"

X CERTIFICATE GAMES @ XMAS!

 Posted '1:50pm bells' Xmas Eve 2020

     NEAR THE MOUTH OF THE RIVER TYNE!

Steve Bruce---the tactical genius that he iz, has said that he will rest wor top goalscorer Callum Wilson ower the Xmas period!

In layman's terms this meeenz that we will hoy on another defender and play 11 men behind the baall against Maan City, Liverpoool and Lestaa in wor next 3 games, in a desperate bid to try and keep the scores doon to single figures!

1364/1 FOR NUFC TO WIN AALL 3!---MUST BE SOME KIND OF RECORD!?

BRENTFAAD 1 THE TOON 0 *** LEEGUE CUP QWAATAA FINAL 2020-2021

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 23rd December 2020

RADIO "GAA GAA!"

"HOW LUCKY AM I?" (Diary of an NUFC fan/trucker)

'High noon bells' Munday 21st: I'm off work on Tuesday so that I can watch the Toon on mee laptop v Brentfaad (Me normal hours clash with the kick off time of '5:30 bells')

I get a phone caall from work at 'high noon bells': Gaffer: "Agency havvint got any drivers to cover your shift tomorrow!" Can you do shift and we will give yoo an extra 2 days holiday?"

"OK, but can I leave earlier than normal, so that I can watch the match on mee phone at Redditch?", I asked

"YES!" came the reply----so I said that I would 'do it'!

Tuesday 22nd: Got to Redditch just before '5pm bells' and opened the wagon curtains so that the fork truck driver could tip and load it!

He did and I woz ready to watch the match at '5:30 bells'--- but disaster!---I couldnt get a picture on mee phone's screen!

In desperation aa put the truck's radio on to listen on Radio 5 live!

Not good news az Brentfaad were 'aall ower us' and had hit the bar!

After repeated attempts to get a picture, the screen burst to life and I could now watch the remainder of the forst half!----But then disaster struck again, just before half time, when the bloody picture froze!

I decided to 'give up' and listen to the commentary of the 2nd half on the radio, az I drove back up the M42 motorway!

We wornt playin well and when az aa passed the Tamworth services exit, Brentfaad scored! (Another 'disaster'!)

We were now playin reely badly and Brentfaad were by far the better team! By the time I reached the M1 north, we had a total of FOUR strikers on the pitch at the same time to try and get a goal back (Wilson, Gayle, Joelinton and Carroll) and the commentator said, "Newcasil have got 2 five a side teams on the pitch in opposite ends!"? 

It didnt work (of course!) and az aa passed East Midlands Airport the ref blew for full time and wor 'dream' of a Wembley final woz ower yet again! (A 'dream' of watchin' it online!)

One of the most damnin' things woz that we had put oot a virtually full strength team, while Brentfaad had made 5 changes from their previous Championship game!

After the match wor beleagered manager 'Broken Nose Bruce' woz interviewed! 

"Progress was there for everyone to see!---We got to a quarter final!" ("WOW!")--This certainly IZ 'a work in progress!?")

 One of Bruce's excuses: "It would help if I had another centre half and could put Issac (Hayden) into midfield!"

"I won't make excuses!" (????????)

(* We have one on wor books Steve, he's caalled Florian Lejeune and iz on loan to Spanish club Alaves!)

And another 'famous' Bruce quote, "We'll just have to dust ourselves down and carry on!" (ie: "What a 'Carry On'!")

A LORRY LOAD OF THESE WERE DELIVERED TO 

THE BENTON TRAININ' GROOND TODAY!

So there we have it!---another dreadful and abysmal performance and I missed watchin' most of it!

"HOW LUCKY AM I ???"

SOME WHERE NEAR NUFCs TRAININ' GROOND LAST NEET!

BRENTFAAD V THE TOON *** LEEGUE CUP QWAATAA FINAL @ '5:30 BELLS' TOONEET@

 Posted '6:00am bells' Tuesday 22nd December 2020

'NO GO' FOR 'THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS'!

For the 2nd competitive game in a row on a new groond, 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be missin, az will any Brentfaad fans, as we make wor debut at The Brentfaad Community Stadium in west London! (Newport woz missed az well!)

And so it is with a heavy heart that we must watch on from afar on wor tellys, laptops and mobile 'telling bones'! (in my case, mee mobile phone on an extended break in mee truck at Redditch in deepest Worcestershire!)

It haz been conformed that Jamaal Lascelles and Allan Saint-Maximin are the 2 NUFC players sufferin from 'long covid' (az though we hadnt worked it oot, coz they were missin from previous squads)

The Geordie Times wishes them a speedy recovery and hope that they will be back in the side soon!

The prize of victory iz a place in the semi finals of the Leegue Cup, which will be a one legged affair this season! (At the beginnin' of January)

The winners will be at Wembley at the end of February, where it will more than likely played behind closed doors in the 90,000 seat arena! (How sad!)

A full Geordie Times match report on the game will be published sometime on Wedinzday!---Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

INCONSISTANTLY INCONSISTANT!

 Posted from '1:26pm bells' Sunday 20th December 2020

In the aftermath of yet another boring depressin and negative performance from NUFC the 'keyboard warriors', the press and TV pundits give their verdicts! 

Less possession than the 10 men of Fulim and just 4 shots on target (includin the penalty!) tells it's own sorry tale!

We will update anything we find throughout the day!

I must have been watchin a different game on mee laptop last neet!?🤔

THE TOON V FULIM *** TOONEET AT '8 BELLS'

 Posted from '7:00pm bells' onwards Saturday 19th December 2020

ST. JAMES' PARK (top right) FROM THE BANKS OF THE RIVER TYNE

Updates on goals and major incidents az they happen on mee laptop!

'7:13pm bells'

*Just before kick off   The bright lights of SJP shine brightly in the night sky beside the Elswick tower blocks (View from Geordie Times HQ)

*22nd minute

Halfway through the first half and its still stalemate between the sides

Possession 

36% to NUFC---64% to Fulim

Not good enough!

goal   0-1  own goal by Matt Ritchie in the 41st minute at The Gallowgate End!---

HT 0-1 against a team in the relegation zone

Simply 2nd best

Two thirds possession to the Londoners!

*GOAL! CALLUM WILSON PENALTY 62ND MINUTE

FULIM DOON TO 10 MEN!

WILSON PENALTY!

Full time 1-1 despite playin against 10 men from a team in the relegation zone who had 56% possession to wor 44%

Simply not very good, but that's wor level now!

I cannit beleeve that I am happy to take a point from this game---but I am