TELLY TIMES FOR APRIL DUE OOT THIS FRIDAY (ALLEDGEDLY!)

Posted '1:25pm bells' Wedinzday 19th February 2020
Updated Saturday 21st February

The telly times for April have now been published 

Saturday 4th April---Bornmoooth, away at '3:00 bells'

Saturday 11th April---The Jellied Eels Mob of West Ham, home
Now Good Friday 10th April (allegedly) nee ko time yet?

Saturday 18th April---The Blue Moonies of Manchester, away at '3:00 bells' 
(Will be moved if eethaa of us progress to the semi-final stage of the FA Cup)

Saturday 25th April---Wotfaad away at '3:00 bells'

Aalso! should we beat West Brom in the 5th roond of the FA Cup, then wor game at home to 'The Hazbeenz and Villians' on Saturday 21st March will be moved az well, az this iz qwaataa finals day!

THE ARSE 4 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '1:30pm bells' Munday 17th February 2020

"QWACK!, QWACK!---CAN YOU LET US IN PLEASE!---
IT'S P*SSING DOWN!--QWACK!"

"WE MUST BE QWACKERS!"

THE TOON ATTACK THE AWAY END (1st half)

Storm Dennis woz supposed to reek havoc with wor travel plans, but thankfully we got off lightly with anly a slight delay on wor train to King's Cross (London).
The delay woz near York where the floodwater had reached the tracks and damaged the signalin' equipment!

THE LINE IZ FLOODED!

Az we past York yoo would have thought that we were in the lake district and not north Yorkshire and we wondered just how many homes had been flooded!

"ARE WE IN THE LAKE DISTRICT?"

On the train were grandson's Jamie(10) and Zac(8) with Zac's daddy and this woz not anly their forst trip to Arsenal, but aalso their forst ever trip to London and they were dead excited to say the least!

ZAC AND JAMIE 'SHARE' HEADPHONES!

We arrived at KX just 10 minutes late to torrential rain and high winds!---We caught a bus to Islington (where The Arse play) and heeded for a child friendly bar on the banks of the Union canal caalled (appropriately!) The Narrow Boat.

We were soaked to the skin in the rain and settled doon for some real ale and a 'nose-bag' (food!)
Az we sat near the window owerlookin some canal boats, two ducks suddenly made an appearence and climbed onto the towpath!

They made their way to the bar's main door and it looked az though they were askin us in 'duck speak' ("qwack, qwack!") to let them in from the pourin' rain! -----Even the ducks needed shelter from Storm Dennis, we thought!!!!----it woz rainin that hard! (see top photo!) 
Anyway!---it woz soon time to gan to the match and we hopped on anothaa bus to take us to the stadium. 

JAMIE AND ZAC OOTSIDE 'THE EMIRATES'

The sold oot away section were in good voice az the game kicked off and we held wor own in the forst period, creatin' chances for Joelinton, who fired wide from a Saint- Maximin through baall.
New boy Lazaro aalso had a chance, but woz denied by a late tackle in the box!----HT 0-0---so far so good!

2nd HALF ACTION AZ NUFC ATTACK THE FAR GOAL!

By this time the rain had stopped, but the wind woz still a problem!
And then the 'collapse' az The Arse attacked the end that we were in!----It took them just 9 minute of the half to break through wor defence when an unmarked Aubameyang (hope a'v speltt that reet?) sent in a powerful heeder across goal to beat Debravka 'aall ends up'!
It woz 2-0 to 'them' just 3 mins later when Pepe doubled the lead with a side footed effort!
We had chances to fight back and Saint-Maximin hit the post at the far end from us, but hiz shot rebounded back into play!

Just when it looked az though that would be the final score, in the last minute of the 90, Ozil made it 3-0 and then deep into stoppage time Lacazette put the final nail in wor coffin with a scrambled shot!
Not a good day in more than one respect, but Jamie and Zac were happy enough to get their forst taste of the capital city!

JAMIE TAKES 'THE TUBE' FOR THE FORST TIME EVER!

It woz then 'onward' from Arsenal tube station back to KX with Jamie (Zac went somewhere else with hiz daddy!) and finally the train yem at '7:56 bells'----nee disruption this time and we finally arrived back on Tyneside at '11:20 bells'!

The defeat drops us to 13th in the table and 7 points above the drop zone! 

Toon team: Dubravka, Lazaro (Hayden74), Fernandez (Ritchie75), Lascelles, Clark (Schar83), Rose, Almiron, S. Longstaff, Bentaleb, Saint-Maximin, Joelinton

Attendance: 60,188 (3,500 Toon fans)  There were loads of empty seats because of the bad weather and wor estimate iz that anly 50,000 were present in total!

*

THE ARSE V THE TOON **** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted '11:00am bells' Sunday 16th February 2020

No this isnt the lake district
It's a suburb of York!

View from train window!

We are on train to London and have been delayed by floods near York!

Match report to follow much later!

THE HEEDBANGERS 0 THE KIDDYS 0 *** CONFERENCE NORTH

Posted '9:30am bells' Sunday 16th February 2020

THE WIND WINS IT!

Coz The Toon wornt playin til today--and Dunston's game woz off---we heeded for The Nags Heed on Gatesheed High Street and then onwards to Gatesheed stadium to see Gatesheed play Kiddy Harriers az this game woz still on!

It woz played in a force 10 gale and az the ref woz useless the game ended nil-nil, which woz probably a fair result!

The ref woz a stickler for the rules and az the Kiddy goalie placed the baall for a goal kick it kept rolling in the strong wind!
After 3 attempts he decided to kick the rolling baall anyway, but the ref would have non of it and made him take it again when the wind died doon---much to the annoyance of the 1,000 plus crowd which included 63 Kiddiminster fans! (See top photo and far corner flag!)

It wiz back to The Nags after the game, as storm Dennis came in with torrential rain!
We'd got wor Saturday 'fix', but it woz just a pity that the wind and ref spoiled it!

ST. VALENTINE'S DAY MASSACRE! (WELL!---NOT QUITE!)

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 15th February 2020

Last neet wor U23s beat The SMB U23s 2-0 at SJP in a Premyaa Leegue 2 game!

Wor goals were scored by Tom Allan in the forst half with a toe poke in, in the 2nd minute from a Longelo cross----and the 2nd woz scored by Toure in the 71st minute, with a heeder from a Longelo cross!

A 'crowd' of 1,644 were present in The East Stand, with aboot 90 away saddos in The lower tier of The Leazes End!

Not exactly a 'massacre', but we did the double ower them to send the Toon fans home happy!

In other news, the Dunston game aa woz plannin to gan tee, iz OFF!
Az I write the Gatesheed game v Kiddy Harriers iz still ON----so I will heed to 'The Heed' to get mee 'fix' instead! (But not before gannin to The Nags HEED boozer on Gatesheed High Street for a few 'gargels' beforehand!)🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

THE ARSE v THE TOON **** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted '12:36pm bells' Friday 14th February 2020

"DENNIS THE MENACE!"

On Sunday we heed to The Smoke (London) for wor annual visit to The Emirates Stadium and we are hopin (against hope!) that we can stop a run of SEVEN consecutive defeats at this venue!
We sold aall available tickets weeks ago!

The NUFC team news iz that Danny Rose and Valentino Lazaro are expected to play, but strikers Andy Carroll and Dwight Gayle are both still 'crocked' and will miss oot!
Joelinton and Muto are in contention to start though!

The bad news iz that 'Storm Dennis' iz expected to reek havoc throughoot the weekend, following in the footpath of 'Storm Ciara' orlier this week! (and don't we know aboot 'Storm Ciara'---(see groond 347(NOT) match report from Munday!)
Wor train iz due to leave at 8:56 from 'The Central' (station) and we have been told that it could take up to 6 hours to get to KX (King's Cross, London)----Lets hope not, or will will have to gan straight to the groond---and miss oot on the pre match 'gargels'!!!

Both Grandson's Jamie (10) and Zac (9) will be gannin to London for the forst ever time, and az coincidence will have it, Arsenal woz aalso my forst ever visit to the capital 52 years ago, when we got a 0-0 draw at their old Highbury home---which iz half a mile from The Emirates Stadium
(An archive match report on that game in 1968 iz printed below)

In othaa news, wor U23s are in action at SJP tooneet when we take on the SMBs U23s in Premyaa Leegue 2 derby----The East Stand will be open for the '7:00 bells' start!

And then tomorrow, it's a trip to Dunston once again, for wor Saturday 'fix', where 'The Bad Blue Boys' are in action against Prescott Cables from Liverpoool in a North West Coonties fixture! (Provided 'Dennis the Menace' doesn't blow the game into touch!)

Match reports on aall the above games will appear here in due course----Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

347 (NOT!) WBA TRAININ' GROOND, GREAT BARR, near WAALSAALL

Ground number 277 revisited (unintentionally)
Date of unplanned Visit: 10th February 2020
WBA trainin groond, Great Barr near Waalsaall

West Brom U23s 0
NUFC U23s 1 (Allan)

FA Premyaa Leegue cup

Attendance: 46 hardy souls includin 9 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!🌞⛄☂

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE---1st HALF

2nd HALF!

"20-20 VISION!" (Heavy snow and hail the 1st half----Bright sunshine the 2nd half!)

The day started off at '8:30 bells' when 'Sarnie Steve' picked me up from wor hoose and off we set for HEDNESFORD where wor U23s were taking on West Brom U23s in a Premyaa Leegue Cup tie!

It woz a brand new groond for the 'hoppers' and then the 'bombshell' hit half way to wor destination in Staffordshire!

'Glennn from Ashington' phoned and said, "Have yoo hord the news?"   Now several things went through mee heed, like, game iz off OR kick off time haz been put back to a neet time start!
"Howway then!", aa said in trepidation, "whats the news?"

"The game's been moved to the West Brom trainin groond!", he replied, az aa nearly dropped the phone on the car mat!

Az the weathaa doon those parts woz bad with gale force winds, heavy rain and snow----and az we'd been to their trainin groond many years before and knew that it had NEE cover at aall---plus games there were normally 'behind closed doors'--we would have done a 'U' torn back up the M1 and put it doon to 'a bad day at the office'!

However!---and to put a massive spanner into the works, 'Sarnie Steve' couldnt gan back az he woz on hiz way to Reading in Berkshire after the game for work, plus wor train tickets back from Bormingham New Street station woz at '6:30 bells'. (ie: we had nee choice but to carry on!)
And--it woz a waste of time getting dropped off at a nearby station anyway, az we would have had to wait for hours to catch wor designated train yem ('We' bein' me and 'Biffa the Beer'!) 

Anyway, we 'phoned a friend' at NUFC to see if they would let us into the trainin groond---and the reply back woz "YES!", provided we supplied the names of those who would be there!

A 'BEACON' OF LIGHT!----'LIGHT ALE', THAT IZ!

We arrived some 2 hours before kick off and heeded for 'The Beacon' boozer, just alang the road from the groond, for a much neeeded 3 pints of John Smiths ale, before heedin to the entrance!

A steward woz stoppin people from gannin in, includin a few of 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' and we showed him the phone with a list of 7 names on it!  He coonted 8 of us but let us aall in anyway! (1 more managed to 'sneak in', meenin that there were 9 mad-sad groundhoppers in attendance!

"WISH A'D BROUGHT MEE BROLLY!"

The weathaa had been 'kind' to us up til this stage, but then hit us with a vengeance az heavy rain enveloped the trainin complex!There were some trees at the back and we tried to shelter underneath them, az the game kicked off with wor U23s wearin their 'orangemen' change strip!

DAVE FROM YORK TRIES TO SHELTER UNDERNEATH A TREE!

NO!--HE HAZN'T GOT QUADRUPLE DANDRUFF!
(How the hell could he see, az hiz specs are covered in 'white stuff'!)

However the tree shelter woz anything but, az the rain soaked us---but much worse woz to follow az hailstones movin' sideways hit us and the players in the face and we had to torn wor backs to stop the hail gannin into wor eyes!
Anyway!---The Toon took the lead in the 16th minute through Tom Allan who had a simple tap in from a Ross Longelo through baall across the box to muted applause from 'the faithful 9'!

And then after the hail, heavy snow came doon and before lang mee trainers were soaken through and thick of clarts (mud) off the grass bank which ran alang the length of the pitch---and aa woz drenched to the skin az well!, despite wearin a waaterproof jacket! (It woz obviously not 'hail or snow proof'!

The hail started again and for a moment aa thought that the ref woz gannin to abandon the game, but he decided to carry on and we got to half time one-nil to the good-and a good soakin' az well of course!

The 2nd half woz in complete contrast to the 1st, az the snow and hail stopped to be replaced by bright sunshine where we had to shelter wor eyes from the glaze of the sun this time, and not the hail of the forst half! ('20-20 vision for certain!) (see photos!)

The game ended with a one-nil victory (and a penalty miss by Tom Allan) to put us up to 2nd in the group table!---With the POSSIBILITY of playin West Brom again in the next stage---at HEDNESFORD this time! (hopefully) 
After the game 'Sarnie Steve' dropped us off at Waalsaall station, where we caught a train to Bormingham for a few liquid lubrications before catchin the '6:30 bells' Cross Country train back to Tyneside!

'THE WELLY' near BORMINGHAM STATION

Woz it worth it? YES! for the victory, but NO for a trainin ground with nee cover!

A RATHER WET TEAMSHEET!

WHICH WOZ IN MEE INSIDE COAT POCKET!

A USELESS TRAIN TICKET!

*PS: Foond oot next day why game woz moved from Hednesford to WBA trainin ground!-----Storm Ciara threatened the game at Hednesford, so it woz moved at the last minute to make sure game woz played! 
"BLOODY WOMEN!"
("A message to wor lass---anly jokin' pet!---Anly jokin'!")

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS NEWS*** NEW GROOND!***NEW GROOND!

Posted '8:00am bells' Munday 10th February 2020

KEYS PARK, HEDNESFORD

We are off on wor travels again this mornin' at '8:30 bells', az we heed to Hednesford in Staffordshire, where NUFC U23s are takin on West Brom U23s in a Premyaa Leegue Cup tie at '2:00 bells' this afternoon at Keys Park---the home of non leegue Hednesford Toon FC and West Brom's resorves groond

The bad news when aa got up woz a message on mee 'telling bone' that said wor train from Hednesford to Bormingham New Street station haz been cancelled because of severe weathaa conditions in the area from Storm Ciara!

Up til now the game iz still ON, but the above news haz put us on the 'backfoot' and we will check on the way doon IF it's to be played? ('U' turns at the ready!)

We're gannin doon in Sarnie Steve's car and then he haz got to gan to Reading for work after the game, so we (Me, Biffa the Beer and Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer) must get 2 trains back (hopefully!)

The Geordie Times will keep yoo informed of forthaa developments az they happen----meeenwhile keep 'tuned' for a match report back on the train(s) (If they are runnin!)

BAD BLUE BOYS 1 MOSSLEY 1 *** NORTHERN PREMYAA, NORTH WEST DIVISION

Posted '11:15am bells' Sunday 9th February 2020

THE BAD BLUE BOYS ATTACK THE GOAL AT

'THE TEAHUT END'!

With nee NUFC game this weekend because of the so called 'Winter Break', we heeded for wor Saturday 'fix' at Dunston, where 'The Bad Blue Boys' were takin on Mossley F.C. who hail from Greater Manchester (near Oldham) 
Az usual we heeded for the Dunston clubhoose before the game, and it woz packed with both sets of fans!

The game kicked off and straight away Mossley 'went for goal' az they attacked 'The Teahut End' and they took the lead in the 13th minute through Halfacre who had 'acres' of space to fire in a raspin' shot to send their 40 or so travellin fans wild with delight!

BY AMAZING COINCIDENCE BOTH HOME AND AWAY FANS

DISPLAYED 'POPPY BANNERS'

Dunston did have chances themsels, but couldn't break doon a resilient defence and we heeded back to the clubhoose for the 'customary' half time 'gargels' one goal doon!

The noisy Mossley fans sang songs az the Bad Blue Boys fans told them to "Shut up!"---they didn't, although it woz good natured fun and not hostile!

LOOKIN TOWARDS THE TOMMY COONEY STAND

The 2nd half woz a bit better for Dunston and the eventually they equalised through  Craig Scott with a great heeder, after a pinpoint cross from ?? in the 79th minute! (Can't remember who crossed the baall!??)
There woz nee more scorin and in the end 1-1 woz a fair result!
We heeded for 'The Royal' and 'Tudor Rose' just doon the road after the game for some more 'garglin' practice! (az yih dee!)

WE WOZ THERE!

TEAMSHEET AND RIPPED MATCH TICKET!

Attendance: 302 (40 noisy Mossley fans!)

THE BAD BLUE BOYS v MOSSLEY *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

Posted '1:27pm bells' Saturday 8th February 2020

Az NUFC are off on their 'winter break' this week, we need to get wor 'Saturday 'fix' and are heedin' to Dunston (2 miles from The Toon), where 'The Bad Blue Boys' (Dunston) are takin on Mossley in a North West Coonties Leegue fixture!

It iz a very windy day on Tyneside, which invariably spoils the game, but we will take 'shelter' in the cluhoose, before, at half time and full time, for the customary 'liquid lubrications'!🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

A Geordie Times match report on the game will appear here, eethaa tooneet or tomorrow mornin'!

Az per usual---"Watch this space!"