THE TAFFY NOSES v THE TOON *** SATURDAY DINNAATIME!

Posted '10:45am bells' Friday 17th August 2018

THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE---

ATSU (IN WHITE WITH ARM RAISED) SCORES WOR

1st GOAL FROM A FREE KICK IN A 2-0 WIN 

DURIN' WOR LAST PROMOTION SEASON! (2016-17)

WE are off on wor travels for the forst Premyaa Leegue away game of the season tomorrow when we heed for the Welsh capital city!

A dinnaatime kick off (for live telly of course!) meenz that we must travel today to be sure of makin the kick off!

Cardiff are favourites for a retorn back to The Championship and reeely we must get sommik oot of this game, az there are a canny few hard games on the horizon (Chelski, Man C, Man U and The Arse!)
With several players due to make their dubuts for us, it will be a good test to see just how good we are in the battle to avoid the drop!

A full match report will appear here sometime on Sunday---alang with a pub crawl report from Newport (where we are stayin) and of course from Cardiff, in wor quest to de 100 away pubs/clubs this season
(scroll doon this page for an article on that!)----
'THE 100 AWAY PUB CRAWL CHALLENGE!'

IT'S THE FRIAR TUCK MOB!----AGAIN!

Posted '9:40pm bells' Thorsday 16th August 2018

         Somewhere in Sherwood forest near                                          Nottingham.
      "HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEWS ROBIN?--
    FOREST PLAY THE GEORDIES AT THE CITY                 GROUND IN THE CARABAO CUP!"

The draw for the 2nd roond of The Leegue Cup (Carabao Cup) haz been made and for the 2nd season in a row we face The Friar Tuck Mob of Nottingham in the 2nd roond!

Last year we played them at home and lost 3-2!
This time its away at their place at the end of this month!

Updated on Friday at '4:30pm bells', on the train to sooth Wales from Manchester, where we had to change on wor way to sooth Wales for the Cardiff game!😨


Wor game at Forest haz been picked for live telly on Wednesday 29th August at '7:45 bells'!

"I HAVE A DREAM!----AND A NIGHTMARE!"

Posted '12:45pm bells' Thorsday 16th August 2018

The draw for the 2nd roond of The Leegue Cup (Carabao Cup) takes place tooneet at '7:00 bells' and 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be dreamin' that its  an away game on a groond we haven't been te before! 
The draw could pair us with a lower leegue team in the northern section draw and so the possibility of a dream away tie at Rochdale, Fleetwood or Macclesfield iz a possibility! (Groonds we have nevaa been te!)

The nightmare scenario iz an away tie at some sh*thole we have been te before, like Stoke, Blackborn, The Smoggies or (god forbid!) The SMBs (shud they get through!)
PS: This roond isnt seeded like last season, so we could aalso get a northern/midland based Premyaa Leegue team who are not in Europe. (They come in at the 3rd roond stage!)

NUFC are ball number 17 in the draw!

Fingers (and toes!) crossed!

JOYOUS NEWS FOR AALL TOON FANS!

Posted '1:20pm bells' Tuesday 14th August 2018 😅

"LET THE CELEBRATIONS BEGIN!"

Joyous news reaches 'The Geordie Times' that Rickity George, who scored 'that FA Cup goal' in 1972, haz been jailed for 2 years for money laundering, after defrauding hiz victim oot of qwaataa of a million quid in a sham hoose sale! (Hiz victim subsequently had a heart attack!)

Hiz miscreant son woz aalso jailed for hiz part in the fraud!

This will teach him for makin' wor lives a misery everytime the FA Cup 3rd roond draw iz made!---Will Motson and the BBC never let us forget???

AT LAST!---JUSTICE FOR THE TOON FANS WHO WERE AT THAT FATEFUL GAME 46 YEARS AGO! (I woz there!😨)

GET THE BUBBLY OOT!  (Broon ale of course!)

"LET THE PARTY BEGIN!"😅

PS: Wish 'I' woz the judge!
He would have got 46 years hard labour!
The time we have suffered!😨

ON THIS DAY FORTY YEARS AGO!

Posted 4:00pm bells' Sunday 12th August 2018

On this day in 1978 we played Berwick Ramgers in a pre season friendly!

THE BATTLE OF  BERWICK 1978!
(Match report below   ground number 44)

044 shielfield park berwick

(GROUND NUMBER 44)
Date of First Visit: 12th AUGUST 1978
SHIELFIELD PARK, BERWICK UPON TWEED

BERWICK RANGERS 0
NEWCASTLE UNITED XI- 1 (Blackhall)


FRIENDLY? FIXTURE
ATTENDANCE: 1,780 (1,000 Toon fans) (inc. 100 radgies!)






"THE BATTLE OF BERWICK 1978!"

Somewhere near  'The Brown Bear'  boozer--Berwick 

'The Waterloo Wobblers' met up at the 'Central' tih catch the orly train tih Berwick for this pre-season 'friendly'.

'The Wobblers' az we were affectionately known in them days, (coz wih often foond it hard tih waalk in a straight line after an 'aall day bender'!) used tih drink in the aad Waterloo bar on the corner of Westgate Road and Bath lane, not far from St. James', and a good torn oot was expected for the short trip north tih Tweedmooth.
(The Waterloo was opposite 'Tilly's Bar' and has lang since been demolished!)

Amongst the assembled crew that day were such weird and wonderfully named characters like, 'Windy' Wind, 'Jimmy The Mask', 'Santy' Sant, (nee relation tih that white bearded fella!) 'Dylan' (Paulus the Woodgnome) Younger, 'Bob The Bag', 'Mad Mac', 'Lang haired Mac', 'Fawlty Dowaz', Marty 'Eggs 'n' Bacon' Faichen, Johnny 'The Streaker' Burns and of course meesel, aka: 'Fink', the writer of this 'piece'!. (Aalthough, 'Fink' iz 'hardly a 'wierd name'---iz it!?)

A reet 'mottley crew' of 'twenty somethings', aalthough not aall would retorn from the Scottish borders that day.
(read on!)

Aaltogether, Berwick has changed hands between the English and Scots nee fewer than *14 times, in the centuries of bloody conflict between the two warin' nations with the forst 'Battle of Berwick' takin' place in 1296
(*or was it 17 times?---history wasn't one of mee favourite subjects at skool!)

The last time it changed hands was in the 1300's (mee thinks?) when the English retook the border toon and it haz remained in England ever since.

HOWEVER!--for one brief period on 12th August 1978 it changed hands once again!, this time tih the GEORDIE INVADERS!, who had come there en-mass for the 'friendly'? match between Berwick and a Newcastle XI.

The waaterin' holes in the centre of Berwick were packed with Toon fans who had completely took ower the place!, and by the time kick off approached ower the bridge in Tweedmooth there were a canny few 'wheelbarrow jobs' amongst the Geordie 'foot-soldiers'!. (Meesel includeed!)
This game was played at the height of futbaall aggro, when, wherever yih went there was likely tih be trouble, and this match proved tih be nee exception.
Ootside 'The Brown Bear' boozer in the toon centre there was a standoff between 'The Geordies Invaders' and 'The Berwickshire Dibbles' and before lang aall hell broke loose as truncheons were drawn and bricks were thrown as a pitched battle, not unlike that of seven hundred years ago then ensued (slight exaggeration!) before everybody realised that it was in fact 'match time' and aall of a sudden the fightin' stopped as 'The Geordie Invaders' staggered ower 'The Tweed' towards Shielfield Park!


"FANCY DRIBBLE RULED OFFSIDE!"


Aaltogether, play was stopped three times az the Toon fans invaded the pitch.
On one occasion a 'Dibble' was kicked in the heed az a hundred fans (a tenth of the Toons travellin' support) climbed ower the wire fence and aall hell broke loose.

One of the 'Wobblers', namely, 'Marty', who was 'canny sorved' decided tih join in the game when an injury to a Toon player in the second half stopped the game for several minutes.

He vaulted ower the low perimeter fence and took the baall off a startled Berwick defender who was standin' near the touchline.

He then procceeded tih bamboozle the opposition with a mazzy run az he made off doon the pitch towards the Rangers goal!.

After some breathtakingly daft dribblin' (that's reet---DAFT dribblin'---NOT!---deft!) he beat a forther three players who attempted tih stop him (one, with a 'failed' rugby tackle!) before roondin' their keeper and cooly slottin' the baall intih the empty net!. (Which iz sommik that the Toon players had'nt managed aall afternoon!)

This brought thunderous applause and laughter from the Toon fans, BUT!, the local 'Dibble' did'nt see the 'funny side' and he was 'sent off', alang with 'Fawlty Dowaz' and several other members of the 'Waterloo Wobblers' who had joined him on the pitch!. ('Sent off' tih the nearest 'meat wagon', that iz!)

And aall they got for their troubles was a neet in the Berwick 'COP'thorne Hotel, plus a 100 quid fine intih the bargain! (With inflation, that's 700 'smackaroonies' in todayz money!)

Oh! yes!---ah nearly forgot aboot the MATCH!---up until Marty's intervention, it had been a typical pre-season 'run-aboot' and it did'nt 'liven up' again till ten minutes before time, when Ray Blackhall rose magnificently ower the Rangers defence tih heed home a Ralph Callachan corner, which sealed the victory for the 'Black 'n' Whites'.

('Er'!---that meenz that wih actually won TWO-nil---does'nt it???) (Memo: 'Must cut doon on the alcohol intake')

After the match there was more fightin' in the streets, az wih made wor way back tih Berwick toon centre and total mayhem in the train station az wih waited for the 'Cannon Baall Express' tih tek wih back tih Tyneside, with quite a few more Toon fans gettin' their 'collars felt before they made the train'!.

(It was later said that this was the worst trouble that the border toon had seen since Berwick had famously beaten Glasgow giants Rangers 11 years previously in a Scottish Cup tie)

Infact!---this game had been a prelude for wor forst league game of the season at Millwall the followin' week---a 'practice' run yih could say?, for wor visit tih 'The DEN of iniquity!'-----(We would not be disappointed!) (see ground number 45!)



The local papers said it aall aboot 'Marty's' 'wonder goal':

''FANCY DRIBBLE RULED OFFSIDE!'-"--the Jawnil's heedline screamed!, az it went on tih describe his dribblin' 'technique'!
So?---the final score WAS anly ONE-NIL after AALL!
'-----BUT!----Hang on a minute!---he couldn't! have been offside!---He was in his AAN! half of the pitch when he got the baall!.!
---TWO-NIL! TIH THE TOON!
"---(I REST MY CASE!)
FINAL REVISED SCORE:


BEWICK RANGERS 0
NEWCASTLE UNITED XI- 2 (Faitchen, Blackhall)



EPITATH:
Marty sadly passed away suddenly just before Christmas 2002, but he will not be forgotten.

For he will gan doon in the annals of Newcastle United's folklore az the anly fan in the clubs lang history tih come on az a 'sub' and score a goal for them in open play!.


"R.I.P. MARTY!"




©Fink ™(the mad-sad gr☺undh☺pper!)

THE TOON 1 SPORZ 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '10:36am bells' Sunday 12th August 2018

A TOON FAN HOLDS HIZ HEED IN FRUSTRATION 

AZ A CHANCE GANS 'A BEGGIN' AT THE GALLOWGATE END!

"WOOD' YOO BELEEEEVE IT!"

Non of wor new recruits started this game with Joselu and Perez leadin the line!

It didnt take lang for the forst goal when Sporz took the lead in the 8th minute, when Vertonghen heeded against the bar and onto the goal line at The Gallowgate End!
The ref looked at hiz watch and confirmed that the baall HAD crossed the line and the goal woz given!

It didnt tek lang to find an equaliser thought, when Joselu met a Matt Richie right wing cross and glanced a heeder home at The Leazes End, to send the Toon fans wild, just 3 minutes later!

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

The buzz aroond the groond didnt last lang though az Sporz retook the lead in the 18th minute when an unmarked Deli Alli had a free heeder from close in to give Debravka in The Toon goal nee chance!

We had chances in the 2nd half to equalise again, but the woodwork at The Gallowgate End denied us, when, forst, Diame rattled the left hand post with a pile-driver and thenwor new number 9 Rondon (who had come on midway throught the 2nd half) smashed a shot against the crossbar, but the baall boonced off it in the 85th minute!
In between this Kenedy, who woz clean through unexplicably ' fluffed hiz lines' and woz denied by Lloris in the Sporz goal!
(Muto made hiz debut in the 80th minute, comin' on for Perez)

The same outcome az last season's opener (0-2) but at least we scored this time!

A disappointin' result, but we were very unlucky with the 2 efforts that hit the woodwork! ( but didnt gan in!)

MORE FRUSTRATION AZ WOR NEW NUMBER 9 HAMMERS THE TURF 

JUST AFTER HIZ STUNNIN' SHOT HITS THE BAR! 
RAFA, MEEENWHILE, TELLS US TO FOCUS ON FUTBAALL!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Clark, Lascelles, Diame, Shelvey, Ritchie (Atsu 69), Joselu (Rondon 69), Perez (Muto 80), Kenedy

Attendance: 51,749 (NOT includin' 'The Fat Controller', who haz been missin' from the directors box for 461 days! 
(3,000 Sporz fans)

*PS: Chants against wor absent owner, to, "Get out of our club!" were in vain yet again!---he woz probably in Barbados or somewhere like that!

THE TOON v SPORZ *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '10:15pmbells' Friday 10th August 2018

We played Sporz on the 1st day of last season az well--NUFC lost 2-0!

Tomorrow dinnaatime we take on a Sporz side who we 'fink' will be depleated by the absence of their players retornin' from The World Cup!

NUFC have 7 new additions to the side and we can anly hope that Rondon and Co. can 'de the business' for us!

It could be much much better if we had spent some serious money, but we MUST get behind Rafa and the team once again and NOT concentrate on slaggin' off wor very unpopular owner----who wont be there anyway----(although he IZ a Sporz fan!)

It wont be an easy season--for sure (once again!) but lets hope that the signings we HAVE made can help us to a mid table position by the end of the season!  (We reckon that we ARE in anothaa relegation battle, BUT can finish between 10th and 15th---the best we can hope for under the circumstances!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here on Sunday

"BROKEN PROMISES!---BROKEN DREAMS!"---BROKEN HEARTS!"

Posted '2:00pm bells' Friday 10th August 2018

So wor total spend in the transfor window woz £20 MILLION LESS than outgannin transfors!

Promises that Rafa would be given "every penny generated" rings very hollow!
Wor dreams of competin' with the best are broken yet again!
Promises made that wor absent owner wont leave til we win a major trophy are laughable, az we havvint got past January in any Leegue Cup or FA Cup competition in the 11 years he haz been here!
And az for winnin the Premyaa Leegue?---we 750 to 1 to win it this season! (Get your bets on now!)

Lesser clubs like Bournemoooth, Cristil Palis, Fulim, 'uddersfeeeld, Sooothampton, and Wotfaad have aall now got transfor records that are higher than NUFC's!

We gan into the new season tomorrow v Sporz, with Rafa and the fans yet again 'deflated' by the penny pinchin attitude that haz prevailed since 'The Fat Controller' took control in 2007

Rafa looks less than happy

on SKY SPORTS NEWS!

11 years of virtual misery, includin' 7 relegation battles and 2 relegations---and we STILL can't compete with 'the elite' because of wor skinflint transfor policy! ( Yi would have thought that lessons would had been learned after aall that?--'Obviously NOT!)

Anothaa relegation battle looms!
IT'S HEARTBREAKIN'!  Isn't it just!, that one man who hasn't been to a game at St James' Park for 15 months, can ruin the lives of 50,000 people who gan to every home game!--- and there's nothin' we can do about it!

TRANSFOR DEADLINE DAY DILIBIRATIONS??

Posted '1:00pm bells' Thorsday 9th August 2018
4 HOURS TO GAN!

Posted '2:00pm bells
3 HOURS TO GAN!---'BREAKIN' NEWS'!---Fernandez on hiz way!

Posted '3:00pm bells----ne more news yet!
2 HOURS TO GAN!

Posted '4:00pm bells'----
1 HOUR TO GAN!----Fernandez at NUFC trainin groond!

Posted 5:00'pm bells'----TRANSFOR DEADLINE REACHED!
We understand that Fernandez haz signed!----Ne one else though!----It will be a lang hard season YET again!

Its transfor deadline day folks and we understand that NUFC are after 2 possible signings before the '5:00pm bells' deadline to bolster wor weak squad!

TARGET 1:
Barcelona'z 22 year old central defender Marlon Santos iz a loan target!----Transfor aborted because of work pormit problems!😲 

TARGET 2:
Swanzee'z 29 year old centre half Federico Fernandez for an undisclosed bid!---On Tyneside az we speeek!

So that's it folks!----we await with baited breath to see if eethaa player will be wearin the black n white stripes this comin season!

UPDATES EVERY HOUR TIL THE '5:00 BELLS' DEADLINE---AZ IT HAPPENS! (or NOT az the case maybe??)